Why do the " Bad Boys" get so many women?

[PatriceA]

You know what I mean.:yup:

The jerks, bullies, rowdy, smooth talkin’ ones never want for women hanging all over them.

While the nice guys are sitting there thinking “what the heck, I thought girls wanted nice guys.” :doh2:

C’mon guys, let em hear it, vent a little.:sad_yes:

C’mon girls, why do you go for them?
:flowers:

Why aren’t you going after the “nice, quiet” girl that isn’t interested in the bad boy type? I lost track of the crushes I had in high school and college on the “nice” boy that was too wrapped in in his crush on the “nice” girl that had the crush on the “bad” boy. There are/were plenty of “nice” girls that have no patience for “bad” boys but “nice” boys like you complain about those bad boy-loving girls and seem oblivious to the other options. If the girl you like wants a “bad boy”, instead of placing the blame on the girl, think about WHY you are attracted to a girl that likes that type of boy. Maybe you are ignoring the other “nice” girls that have no attraction to the bad boy and are just waiting for someone like you to ask them out.

I don’t think its based on “female lust” or anything, its about thinking a woman can “change” the bad boy. Its about wanting to be the “saving angel”, the savior for all the bad boy’s bad behavior. Its about thinking the girl is so good that the boy will give up and change just to be with her, her love is that important.

 

[mellowcalico]

Why aren’t you going after the “nice, quiet” girl that isn’t interested in the bad boy type? I lost track of the crushes I had in high school and college on the “nice” boy that was too wrapped in in his crush on the “nice” girl that had the crush on the “bad” boy. There are/were plenty of “nice” girls that have no patience for “bad” boys but “nice” boys like you complain about those bad boy-loving girls and seem oblivious to the other options. If the girl you like wants a “bad boy”, instead of placing the blame on the girl, think about WHY you are attracted to a girl that likes that type of boy. Maybe you are ignoring the other “nice” girls that have no attraction to the bad boy and are just waiting for someone like you to ask them out.

I don’t think its based on “female lust” or anything, its about thinking a woman can “change” the bad boy. Its about wanting to be the “saving angel”, the savior for all the bad boy’s bad behavior. Its about thinking the girl is so good that the boy will give up and change just to be with her, her love is that important.

I once got into a heated discussion with a man who insisted that ALL women like the bad boy type and I just didn’t know or understand that (and I, of course, am a woman). It was kind of comical. But he seriously though all women were attracted to one type of man, no exceptions.

But I’ve wondered this too. I was pretty much a “good girl” in high school and college and hung out with other “good girls.” We didn’t party, do drugs, we studied, didn’t dress immodestly (we weren’t wearing burlap sacks or anything, just normal clothes)… and we were routinely ignored by nice guys who had crushes on girls involved with “bad boys” (and usually those girls were party girls, very stylish, etc).

It’s like I said before, I have this pet theory that some men get wrapped up in wanting the girls already with “bad boys” that they don’t notice the available women near them.

 

[bmaj]

I don’t think the bad boys really “get” so many women in the sense that you are looking for. Sounds like you would be a wonderful catch for a good woman, and it would likely be better for everyone if you just sought someone like yourself in areas where those types of “good” women hang out - Church functions, at work, supermarkets, libraries, with friends of “good” friends, etc.! Just my thought, but most “good” women would not be hanging out at places like bars or such looking for a “good” guy.

Just for the record, I never sought out a bad boy - to date or otherwise - and never would. Have been married now for many decades to a good one - probably a lot like yourself! Keep going to and looking in the right places and just be yourself - good things will happen!

God bless you always - and please stay “good”! The world needs lots more of your type!

 

[KostyaJMJ]

Why do bad boys get lots of women? It’s called low standards.

 

[Debora123]

You know what I mean.:yup:

The jerks, bullies, rowdy, smooth talkin’ ones never want for women hanging all over them.

While the nice guys are sitting there thinking “what the heck, I thought girls wanted nice guys.” :doh2:

C’mon guys, let em hear it, vent a little.:sad_yes:

C’mon girls, why do you go for them?
:flowers:

No offense meant at all to the OP, but this rant right here has been one of my greatest pet peeves… especially in high school.

The truth of the matter is, for every girl who wants to date the good looking bad boy, there’s a boy who wants to date the good looking materialistic b_tchy girl.

It goes both ways gentleman, and yet you don’t see us “good girls” complaining about it nearly as much as the “good guys” complain about it. Man up!

The most hypocritical thing about all this is that all the “good guys” who came to me whining about this have had perfectly nice girls interested in them… they just didn’t happen to be pretty enough to be worth it I guess. Too chubby or too plain.

It goes both ways. Man up.

 

[Debora123]

I also have this personal pet theory (if you will) that a lot of men mainly notice when the really good looking women are “hanging on” men who are jerks. They don’t notice the quite, nice girls around them. I know a lot of nice girls who don’t give jerks the time of day–and are often overlooked themselves (as plain janes/unexciting, etc).

Exactly.

 

[Crescentinus]

No offense meant at all to the OP, but this rant right here has been one of my greatest pet peeves… especially in high school.

The truth of the matter is, for every girl who wants to date the good looking bad boy, there’s a boy who wants to date the good looking materialistic b_tchy girl.

It goes both ways gentleman, and yet you don’t see us “good girls” complaining about it nearly as much as the “good guys” complain about it. Man up!

The most hypocritical thing about all this is that all the “good guys” who came to me whining about this have had perfectly nice girls interested in them… they just didn’t happen to be pretty enough to be worth it I guess. Too chubby or too plain.

It goes both ways. Man up.

To you, it is a pet peeve. With guys like me and the OP, it is a problem and a serious one.
There are many a lady who complain about not getting a gentleman. Hence, telling us to “man up” is pointless since it is not exclusively a male issue!

 

[The_Bucket]

I hate that “man up” phrase. With a vengeance. Mostly because many of our ills today were caused by insane feminism that demanded not equality, but sameness between men and women. So now you’ve got unhappy women wondering why all the men they desire are cads and no place for decent men who aren’t flashy and can’t break through the absolutely absurd standards set by today’s society.

None of those blame, by the way, are directed at the poster who used that phrase. I doubt very much that she’d approve of the messages of today’s society to both young men and women.

Look the truth is that both men and women are looking for the same thing in many regards. They’re looking for what their evolutionary cues and personal beliefs/background/whatever tell them is desirable in a mate. Since men are visual creatures they will not generally give those “plain Janes” the time of day because we’re being told over and over again subconsciously that their genes are not worth it. Just like the quiet guy who fades into the background of conversation is not going to catch the eye of a woman.

Ladies who may be less physically attractive… find a way to be more attractive. That’s a harsh thing to say, but find a way without being cheap and immodest. Then find a way to get attention without resorting to something like dropping a pencil and reaching down to pick up. You ladies are good at finding ways to generate positive attention. Do it!

Gentlemen, find a way to be bold and assertive without being a cad or heartless jerk. Dress like you’re successful. Act like you’re successful and have it all together even if you don’t. Women are well aware that you’re putting your best foot forward when approaching them for the first time, so don’t think that doing so is “lying” to them.

 

[MotherAtHeart]

Tell you why.
Girls are more conservative and have got more good behavior.
So, they are attracted to the opposite: the bad boys.

I’m sorry, but in my opinion, this is completely missing the mark - well at least for most women. This trend of women going for “bad boys” that we’ve seen all through many many generations goes a lot deeper than opposites attract. When “opposites attract” works, it means you agree fundamentally but they make your weaknesses stronger by being different than you.

 

[Crescentinus]

Gentlemen, find a way to be bold and assertive without being a cad or heartless jerk. Dress like you’re successful. Act like you’re successful and have it all together even if you don’t. Women are well aware that you’re putting your best foot forward when approaching them for the first time, so don’t think that doing so is “lying” to them.

Question. Does having a sword or gun at the belt look more bold and assertive?

 

[Debora123]

To you, it is a pet peeve. With guys like me and the OP, it is a problem and a serious one.
There are many a lady who complain about not getting a gentleman. Hence, telling us to “man up” is pointless since it is not exclusively a male issue!

Like I said, men whine about it waaayyy more than the women do. So man up.

And perhaps try paying some attention to the less attractive girls who are good girls but who no guy wants to date because they are not pretty enough.

 

[bluerose]

I blame it on the lack of cave bears.

Badboy caveman- “I’m going to go hang out in the forbidden cave.”
Goodboy caveman- “The elders told us not to go there.”
Badboy caveman- “Elders? Pfft. They’re just trying to hold us down. No one can tell me what to do.”
Badboy caveman goes off to the cave.
Cavegirl- “He’s so cool!”
Screams coming from cave.
Goodboy caveman- “He’ll be cold in a few hours. Or at least the little pieces left of him will be.”
…
Cavegirl looks a goodboy caveman- “So, want to go hang out?”

I think you hit the nail on the head, Armyvet!

 

[Debora123]

I hate that “man up” phrase. With a vengeance. Mostly because many of our ills today were caused by insane feminism that demanded not equality, but sameness between men and women. So now you’ve got unhappy women wondering why all the men they desire are cads and no place for decent men who aren’t flashy and can’t break through the absolutely absurd standards set by today’s society.

None of those blame, by the way, are directed at the poster who used that phrase. I doubt very much that she’d approve of the messages of today’s society to both young men and women.

Look the truth is that both men and women are looking for the same thing in many regards. They’re looking for what their evolutionary cues and personal beliefs/background/whatever tell them is desirable in a mate. Since men are visual creatures they will not generally give those “plain Janes” the time of day because we’re being told over and over again subconsciously that their genes are not worth it. Just like the quiet guy who fades into the background of conversation is not going to catch the eye of a woman.

Ladies who may be less physically attractive… find a way to be more attractive. That’s a harsh thing to say, but find a way without being cheap and immodest. Then find a way to get attention without resorting to something like dropping a pencil and reaching down to pick up. You ladies are good at finding ways to generate positive attention. Do it!

Gentlemen, find a way to be bold and assertive without being a cad or heartless jerk. Dress like you’re successful. Act like you’re successful and have it all together even if you don’t. Women are well aware that you’re putting your best foot forward when approaching them for the first time, so don’t think that doing so is “lying” to them.

Yes.

 

[Crescentinus]

Like I said, men whine about it waaayyy more than the women do. So man up.

And perhaps try paying some attention to the less attractive girls who are good girls but who no guy wants to date because they are not pretty enough.

To which I respond, you have no idea that a lot of women are whining about it as well. In some places, they whine about it more than the men!

I generally don’t go for appearances but for personality. I’ve seen a lot of less attractive girls, and most of them are lacking in good sense and personality when it comes to choosing a man. In fact, some of them are just as bad as their more attractive sisters!
Also, I want a good Catholic woman especially one with strong moral values!

 

[Debora123]

To which I respond, you have no idea that a lot of women are whining about it as well. In some places, they whine about it more than the men!

I have NO idea?? Interesting.

I generally don’t go for appearances but for personality. I’ve seen a lot of less attractive girls, and most of them are lacking in good sense and personality when it comes to choosing a man. In fact, some of them are just as bad as their more attractive sisters!
Also, I want a good Catholic woman especially one with strong moral values!

Well then I hope you find a GOOD girl. The girls that hang around “bad boys” generally aren’t good, Catholic, wholesome, intelligent women. So why complain about it?? Start taking some steps to find yourself a nice woman.

Unfortunately, mopping about it and feeling victimized won’t help. As a female myself I can tell you that is very unattractive.

 

[Crescentinus]

I have no idea? Interesting.

Well then I hope you find a GOOD girl. The girls that hang around “bad boys” generally aren’t good, Catholic, wholesome, intelligent women. So why complain about it?? Start taking some steps to find yourself a nice woman.

Unfortunately, mopping about it and feeling victimized won’t help. As a female myself I can tell you that is very unattractive.

I’ve seen plenty of women whine about the lack of a gentleman. And yes, my first post in this thread tells that but in more simpler terms.

Sadly, good, Catholic, wholesome and intelligent women are fast becoming a rarity here in Manila as I’ve seen many young women here lose their sense of self and their sanity. For instance, I’ve seen many young women love gay pairings. As a matter of fact, some of them even wanted to date gay men as opposed to heterosexual men. To make matters worse, some of them are following their radical Western sisters’ stances on heterophobia. That is a massive turn-off no matter how you argue for it or even slice it! I’ve also seen many young women here in Manila follow their sisters from other parts of the Far East join the damned sexual revolution, with disastrous results no less.
Looking for good, Catholic, wholesome and intelligent women here in Manila is one grand challenge in of itself. Do not try to underestimate the situation! However, things are starting to somewhat improve with all these Catholic youth ministries and apostolates popping up. But, it will take time to reverse the tide of the problems that I mentioned.

 

[Crescentinus]

Yes.

I thought that you’ll react more to what he said.

 

[EasterJoy]

I have wondered about this myself. When I was in college, there was this jerk who serially used women. What I couldn’t get was that a) he’d be able to interest anyone who’d seen how he’d treated his previous girlfriends and b) that these women got mad not at him, but at each other!! They actually had fights over this guy. The phrases that come to mind to describe him are not charitable, let’s say that. I thought the women were just brainless.

The only thing I can think of is that people equate difficulty with rarity and rarity with value. If you can snag and tame the worst, you must be the best. Those are faulty equations, but I think there is some prideful “if he chooses me as a girlfriend,* I* will be able to hold on to him and he won’t treat me like that. *I *will command more respect than that.” Then the guy proceeds to totally undermine his victim’s sense of her self, and she blames her inevitable failure to change him on some defect in herself. It’s very sad, it really is, but I don’t expect the men who try to make the lives of women they are interested in better instead of more difficult to feel too sorry for them!

Still, I think there is a foolish belief that there is nothing to be proud of when you are treated well by a guy who treats everyone well. The other very unfortunate belief is that “I don’t deserve to be treated that well.” Women who grew up around jerks don’t believe that they deserve to be treated the way that really good men treat women.

Hidden pride and hidden shame, I think that is why women pick jerks.

As for the “nice” guys, sometimes they try too hard. It is as if they have “Please, Please, Please! Please Would Somebody Date Me?” stamped on their forehead. When someone tries too hard, it sets off a “if something seems too good to be true, it probably is” wariness. It’s only natural.

People also like reciprical relationships, and so they aren’t comfortable with someone who puts forth far more effort than they are inclined to put out. This goes for both men and women. They look for someone who is a little lower maintenance, instead, or for those who withholds the heavy artillery until there has been some counter interest shown. Besides, if someone puts themself out for everyone else too much, it means you’re going to be following them around as they put themselves out for the whole world, beyond what the world needs or wants. That can be a wearying prospect.

To some extent, then, I think the two issues aren’t entirely related. Jerks have success and nice guys suffer failure for somewhat different reasons. There are guys (and women) in-between, and they usually do quite nicely. They have the best prospects for long marriages, high on good will and mutual care, but low on drama.

 

[blueadept]

Looking for good, Catholic, wholesome and intelligent women here in Manila is one grand challenge in of itself. Do not try to underestimate the situation! However, things are starting to somewhat improve with all these Catholic youth ministries and apostolates popping up. But, it will take time to reverse the tide of the problems that I mentioned.

It doesn’t sound like the culture of Manilla has changed much in the last 40 years and I don’t believe the reversal of the tide will necessarily happen. You’ll find the wholesome, good Catholics in the smaller town country type of places. It’s possible to find them in Manilla but it would be more of a challenge IMHO.

 

[Crescentinus]

It doesn’t sound like the culture of Manilla has changed much in the last 40 years and I don’t believe the reversal of the tide will necessarily happen. You’ll find the wholesome, good Catholics in the smaller town country type of places. It’s possible to find them in Manilla but it would be more of a challenge IMHO.

Hence what I said about it being a grand challenge. However, the actions of the Catholic youth ministries and youth apostolates are not in vain. I’m happy that something’s opposing the rot that trying to destroy my generation and subsequent generations.
I’m just hoping that the woman I’m looking for is not in a convent since I do not want to break her vow to God.