I think we’re using different definitions here. When I first responded to that statement, my definition of control was synonymous with authority. That did not mean I would force people. Heck, I will not appreciate a woman like that. I want someone who would serve me willingly and happily. That’s what makes it so hard.
Not all women want to be the servants either and I don’t blame them! However, that doesn’t mean people should drive those who do into a near-extinct species! (Neither should they squash the hopes of the men who dream about them.)
I still think you’re focusing too much on someone serving you. Remember that Our Lord served us when He was on earth. He actually washed the feet of his Apostles. He didn’t come here to collect praise, veneration, homage etc.
Again, I think we’re having a semantic misunderstanding. Dominance for me is simply being the big guy watching out for the little person who in turn has her own way of caring for the big guy.
I’m not sure I’m buying that, honestly. Dominance has a clear negative connotation to me (tyrannical power, basically, the power to break the other’s will, to own him or her) and I’m very much inclined to wonder about the reasons why you want it and focus so much on it. I fear for you, honestly speaking. From my perspective, you’re in danger of going down the dark path.
You want me to be honest? A bit of both actually. I mean, I always thought that the general purpose of a ruler was, you know, tied to the rules. I certainly would like to care for my people but in order to do that, there has to be some rules. If the consequences of violation frighten the people, then so be it.
That’s true but then the purpose of ruling is not that you get an ego boost when people behave subserviently.
Translating that into a relationship, I would want to love and care for a woman but that woman in turn must have the humility and sensitivity to know what rubs me the wrong way while I in turn can use the resulting security and peace of mind to focus on providing for her.
The bolded part sounds scary. You need to be a grown man and responsible for your emotions. Hold the reins of them, reign yourself in. You don’t need a woman walking on eggshells around you and speaking to your children in a hushed voice to avoid doing this or that, ‘or else dad will get angry.’ Is that what you want? It can be ego-stroking in the short run but ultimately, it’s evil. And it doesn’t signify strength in a man but his weakness rather.
As for humility and sensitivity, you need some too and you may need to lead by example.
I’m all for mutuality. It’s when the other party (and I’m not just talking about romantic relationships anymore here but also other types now) declares the infamous, “I don’t need you anymore.” speech that I start doubting my own willingness.
You may be needed, and continually needed even, without mechanics of fear or dependence. People, especially your family, including especially your wife and children, may grow to need you because they love you, not because they can’t do anything without you. As I said, don’t limit them so they can be small enough to be needing you. Rather help them grow. They’ll love you for that.
I don’t want to be against strengthening other people but if strengthening someone only leads to that kind of that attitude, I’ll only regret it.
Think of others, not only yourself. Your desires may be legitimate, at least to the extent you don’t make them obsessive or otherwise unproportional, but that doesn’t justify using harsh or even cruel methods, such as imposing a fear of yourself on your immediate family. You will be an unhappy man if fear is what makes your family want to please you.
I don’t want to invest in any kind of relationship where I lose my worth, where I’m discarded once I gave everything I had to offer.
But would you like your future wife to be in a relationship (with you) where she loses her worth?
Instead, you need to learn how to avoid being exploited. But not how to dominate others.
In fact, that’s exactly what narcs do with all the people in their lives.
You mean narcissists? They enjoy the fear and powerlessness of others relative to their own perceived strength and power. Don’t go that route just because you need some affirmation. Don’t do to others what you wouldn’t like to be done to. In other words, don’t treat other like a narcissist just to avoid being treated like that yourself.
By the way:
www.escapeabuse.com/npd.pdf
But I suggest you don’t skip the ones that don’t appear particularly assertive (the right man can make a woman very shy anyway and vice versa) or even highly intelligent (intelligence isn’t always obvious and people can sometimes be very sensible and interesting persons without a high IQ). As in I’m not saying you should drop your standards but rather open your horizons a bit and examine more possibilities without skipping potentially interesting people unnecessarily on superficial grounds. 
