Why do women do this thread

[excaliber]

I get angry when I hear about the
drew peterson case. 5 wives 3 end
up dead. He is a suspect to murder.

So why is it that there are women who will be wife number 6?!?!

I don’t like when people take advantage of someone phisicaly weaker then them. It makes me so upset I have thought of making it my main ministry to support any organization that helps abused women or children.

But I get discouraged when I see
a woman dating a street thug.
Dating people that are in prison.
I used to study the bible with a drug adict, he was so bad he could
hardly keep his eyes open…but sure enuf he was introducing me to his girlfriend and Im like what is her problem.

what is the deal with strip clubs, and playboy models? These women are obviously attractive and intelligent, and they are aware
that they are putting themselves in
danger.

If I was injured in a car reck, would you feel sorry for me if I told you I was driving drunk?

How can I make it my main ministry to help women, if there are an army of them that are doing everything in there power to
put themselves in danger?

Is there any logical explanation that I am not aware of?
Because now I am thinking of focusing on helping children because I feel they need me. And
deserve a fair shot at life.

 

[whatevergirl]

*A number of reasons, really.

1. They don’t love themselves, hard to find true love, when you don’t know the real thing
2. Grew up in chaos and drama, so they seek it out, sounds unusual, but it’s really not
3. The men who do this (for those who are not so obviously in the news) are very charming at first, then they turn on their women
4. Fear
5. Low self esteem
6. Feel desperate, maybe have nowhere to go, no money, no resources*

 

[NoxSineStellae]

Because now I am thinking of focusing on helping children because I feel they need me. And
deserve a fair shot at life.

Those of us who are “lost causes” used to be children deserving of a fair shot at life.

And then we were beaten, molested, raped, maligned, emotionally tortured, and mentally broken. And when you don’t feel as though there is anything good in you, or when you are desperate because you don’t see any other way…it is very very easy to fall into the habit of punishing yourself further. When the world thinks you’re trash, maybe you are. When you feel black and unloveable inside because of something some man has done to you against your will, you can’t even feel God’s love. If you’re lucky enough to find it and feel it someday, it’s all too fleeting and intangible and feels almost laughably imaginary.

So you strip and pose naked and feel drawn to men who will treat you horribly - maybe even kill you if you’re lucky - because you don’t deserve better. You deserve to be punished. You can do it with a smile on your face, you can swear up and down it’s your choice, but it’s not. It’s a choice that was made for you at 3 or 6 or 9 or 12 or however old you were when your fragile soul was dealt the first blow.

Look up the stats on how many women (and men) in the sex industry were sexually or otherwise abused as children. This doesn’t happen in a vaccuum. You can’t pretend there are no extenuating circumstances to their choices. Being messed with at a young age does strange and terrible things to the soul and the psyche.

So yes, it’s probably best to write off those of us who are grown now, and focus on trying to save the next generation from the same fate.

 

[Tosk]

There are as many reasons as there are women. My wife used to date this real og gangsta type guy before, me and I think it was just because she wanted a project to work on. Some women just seem to like a real fixer upper when it comes to men. Makes them feel like they are at least needed by someone.

 

[JimG]

I can’t answer the question, but when I see Drew Peterson on TV I can’t help but think “why would any woman date him, let alone having five women marry him, most of whom have ended up dead?”

Some women write to prisoners who have committed multiple murders and fall in love with them.

Some women marry men who were verbally, emotionally, or physically abusive before marriage and become more so after marriage. To me, it’s a mystery.

I knew a woman once whose list of potential dates could often be found on the county’s “most wanted” list. Not only did she go after the bad guys, she actually had an aversion to the good guys!

Does any of this have to do with the increasing prevalence of fatherless families?

 

[excaliber]

*A number of reasons, really.

1. They don’t love themselves, hard to find true love, when you don’t know the real thing
2. Grew up in chaos and drama, so they seek it out, sounds unusual, but it’s really not
3. The men who do this (for those who are not so obviously in the news) are very charming at first, then they turn on their women
4. Fear
5. Low self esteem
6. Feel desperate, maybe have nowhere to go, no money, no resources*

Not logical, you say they have low self esteem…plaboy models know they are beautiful, which is why they get into modeling.

Growing up in chaos is the exact reason some must know better.
Because they have already been down that road.

You say some of the men are charming,I guess you mean they trick them. This is not the case many times. Because as we all know lots of these men are obvious thugs and can’t stay out of jail let alone trick someone.

Here is my problem with the situation. I see some young men do foolish things go to prison and struggle to get a job, then end up
back in jail because it was hard to
get opportunity.

That’s not the case with relationships and beautiful women.
There are plenty of opportunity to
find someone who is not in jail.
They probably have men giving them attention every day for most
of there lives.

They could pick anyone. And if that
one acted slightly shady, they could have a new one the next day.

I see no excuse for this behavior.
There is not one person that poses
for playboy that could not just settle down and have a family if they wanted.
The same with stipers…etc…etc…

It makes no sence.

 

[excaliber]

Those of us who are “lost causes” used to be children deserving of a fair shot at life.

And then we were beaten, molested, raped, maligned, emotionally tortured, and mentally broken. And when you don’t feel as though there is anything good in you, or when you are desperate because you don’t see any other way…it is very very easy to fall into the habit of punishing yourself further. When the world thinks you’re trash, maybe you are. When you feel black and unloveable inside because of something some man has done to you against your will, you can’t even feel God’s love. If you’re lucky enough to find it and feel it someday, it’s all too fleeting and intangible and feels almost laughably imaginary.

So you strip and pose naked and feel drawn to men who will treat you horribly - maybe even kill you if you’re lucky - because you don’t deserve better. You deserve to be punished. You can do it with a smile on your face, you can swear up and down it’s your choice, but it’s not. It’s a choice that was made for you at 3 or 6 or 9 or 12 or however old you were when your fragile soul was dealt the first blow.

Look up the stats on how many women (and men) in the sex industry were sexually or otherwise abused as children. This doesn’t happen in a vaccuum. You can’t pretend there are no extenuating circumstances to their choices. Being messed with at a young age does strange and terrible things to the soul and the psyche.

So yes, it’s probably best to write off those of us who are grown now, and focus on trying to save the next generation from the same fate.

There are many people that were
neglected or abused as children,
that are not stripers.

If a man steals food to feed his family, after looking for work for months. He falls under the category of not having a choice,and doing what he has to do.
An attractive woman walking past
with 10 men trying to get her number, Knows very well that she
has 10 choices. She knows very well that she is beautifull. She knows very well that drug dealers
don’t make the best husbands, She chooses the drug dealer anyway with full knowledge she could have any of the 10 men calling her.

you could drop a piano on my head. And I would not choose a known femal drug dealer If I had
10 other girls phone numbers.

 

[Lerin]

Not logical, you say they have low self esteem…plaboy models know they are beautiful, which is why they get into modeling.

Growing up in chaos is the exact reason some must know better.
Because they have already been down that road.

You say some of the men are charming,I guess you mean they trick them. This is not the case many times. Because as we all know lots of these men are obvious thugs and can’t stay out of jail let alone trick someone.

Here is my problem with the situation. I see some young men do foolish things go to prison and struggle to get a job, then end up
back in jail because it was hard to
get opportunity.

That’s not the case with relationships and beautiful women.
There are plenty of opportunity to
find someone who is not in jail.
They probably have men giving them attention every day for most
of there lives.

They could pick anyone. And if that
one acted slightly shady, they could have a new one the next day.

I see no excuse for this behavior.
There is not one person that poses
for playboy that could not just settle down and have a family if they wanted.
The same with stipers…etc…etc…

It makes no sence.

So… you weren’t looking for an explanantion. Only a place to vent.

I’ve noticed some other threads you begin by asking a question, of “Why does so-and-so do this?” and then rant about how it makes no sense.

I think it is best to stay humble, and realize you are blessed that you do not struggle with some of these issues. You come across as very judgemental about people’s life choices and motivations. Only God knows our souls, and our moral culpability for what choices we make.

Be careful, my friend in Christ.

 

[Cajun_Girl]

An attractive woman walking past
with 10 men trying to get her number, Knows very well that she
has 10 choices. She knows very well that she is beautifull. She knows very well that drug dealers
don’t make the best husbands, She chooses the drug dealer anyway with full knowledge she could have any of the 10 men calling her.

Is this thread only about beautiful women? Because ugly women kind of fall into this trap too. . .

 

[excaliber]

So… you weren’t looking for an explanantion. Only a place to vent.

I’ve noticed some other threads you begin by asking a question, of “Why does so-and-so do this?” and then rant about how it makes no sense.

I think it is best to stay humble, and realize you are blessed that you do not struggle with some of these issues. You come across as very judgemental about people’s life choices and motivations. Only God knows our souls, and our moral culpability for what choices we make.

Be careful, my friend in Christ.

There is no reason why I can’t ask a simple question without someone questioning my motives for asking.

Not very many people in realy bad situations. Have plenty of opportunity not to be in that situation.

Any of you guys loose your job?
If employers were asking you to work for them every time they see
my resume, And I choose the lowest paying job. People would wounder why.

Same with me.

Drew peterson is on trial for murder. But if he got bail, I bet he would find a nice young woman that CHOOSES a posible murderer
over plenty of other men.

I simply was asking if there was a
LOGICAL explanation for this.

 

[EricDavis73]

You come across as very judgemental about people’s life choices and motivations. Only God knows our souls, and our moral culpability for what choices we make.

Be careful, my friend in Christ.

Best post in thread.

I simply was asking if there was a
LOGICAL explanation for this.

No. See above.

/thread

 

[Lerin]

Not very many people in realy bad situations. Have plenty of opportunity not to be in that situation.

My point is, you don’t know this. You think you understand a situation looking from the outside in, but you do not. Only God knows.

And no, there is no logical explanation for a lot of human behavior. We are creatures of both logic and complex emotion… sometimes healthy, sometimes dysfunctional.

Rather than judge those in less fortunate situations as to how they got there or why they remain there, we should pray for them.

You are lucky that you do not understand, that this doesn’t make sense to you.

 

[Pro-Life_Teen]

Not logical, you say they have low self esteem…plaboy models know they are beautiful, which is why they get into modeling.

What’s not logical? And knowing you are attractive does not equal high self esteem. It might be the only self esteem you can grasp though- somehow I don’t think playboy models are a happy bunch of young women who are either fulfilling their vocation to married life or singlehood. Last I checked, dating Hugh Hefer wasn’t a vocation.

Growing up in chaos is the exact reason some must know better.
Because they have already been down that road.

See, here’s the point- they don’t know better. You grow up in chaos, you need chaos, and you look for it. Because all you’re used to is pain.

You say some of the men are charming,I guess you mean they trick them. This is not the case many times. Because as we all know lots of these men are obvious thugs and can’t stay out of jail let alone trick someone.

Have you seen the posts on this forum from distraught wives whose husbands show signs of having NPD? One can be very charming and manipulative until you’re too close.

That’s not the case with relationships and beautiful women.
There are plenty of opportunity to
find someone who is not in jail.
They probably have men giving them attention every day for most
of there lives.

And random strangers staring at you is a self-esteem booster?

They could pick anyone. And if that
one acted slightly shady, they could have a new one the next day.

That isn’t the best way to find a husband, really…

I see no excuse for this behavior.
There is not one person that poses
for playboy that could not just settle down and have a family if they wanted.
The same with stipers…etc…etc…

Really? It’s that easy to wipe away all bad memories, experiences and just smile while finding a perfect husband. Who was one of the guys staring at her on a daily basis?

It makes no sence.

Obviously you’ve never been in a situation that leaves deep emotional scars.

There are many people that were
neglected or abused as children,
that are not stripers.

Well, yes, but that’s like saying there are many people who drive around drunk and have never killed anyone, so it must be alright.

If a man steals food to feed his family, after looking for work for months. He falls under the category of not having a choice,and doing what he has to do.

Technically he could ask for help from family, neighbors. Collect unemployment, or make a deal with the neighbor that he’ll do their yardwork in exchange for meals.

An attractive woman walking past
with 10 men trying to get her number, Knows very well that she
has 10 choices. She knows very well that she is beautifull. She knows very well that drug dealers
don’t make the best husbands, She chooses the drug dealer anyway with full knowledge she could have any of the 10 men calling her.

Random guys lustfully asking for an attractive women’s number are probably less than ideal choices. It might very well be how many choose the suave looking man that hits them-- only sometimes, though.

you could drop a piano on my head. And I would not choose a known femal drug dealer If I had
10 other girls phone numbers.

I don’t think people introduce themselves with “Hello, I’m a drug dealer. Can I have your number?”

There is no reason why I can’t ask a simple question without someone questioning my motives for asking.

Well, your question and following statements are such that you decide women who have probably never felt lower in their lives don’t deserve help and should be the equivalent of kicked while they’re down. Because they didn’t suck it up and stop stripping, the only job that pays them, or leave the abusive husband who threatens to kill her.

Not very many people in realy bad situations. Have plenty of opportunity not to be in that situation.

You don’t always see how everything is going to work out right off the bat. Drug dealer might be lying, you know. If they deal, I don’t think they’re above lying.

Drew peterson is on trial for murder. But if he got bail, I bet he would find a nice young woman that CHOOSES a posible murderer
over plenty of other men.

Yes, he’s a scumbag and yes some people are attracted to that. It’s taking the like of the alpha male personality to an extreme, and no doubt a hidden thought that “he would never hurt me” while going into it. These women aren’t any more capable of saying no to these kinds of guys than apparently Peterson is unable to keep them. But surely they don’t deserve to die! They need help.

I simply was asking if there was a
LOGICAL explanation for this.

You want logic for deep emotional troubles- not gonna happen.

 

[purplesunshine]

All these “things” that happen to a person…this chaos…can cause changes in the brain.

Prenatal neglect can cause brain damage, mental retardation, Fetal alchol syndrome and drug withdrawl.

In the first three years of life neglect and abuse almost always causes some variety of attachment disorder, culminating in RAD (reactive attacment disorder). The brain literally rewires and forms differently. This rewiring can occure outside of parental neglect, say, when an infant or small child requires a painful surgery and a parent is unable to be with them.

In the years 3-7 other problems of ADD, ADHD, psycosis, Bi-polar, oppositinal defiant disorder can start to come into play. Neglect and abuse create either internal or external anger and hormone changes which can tip off brain chemicals, literally destroying the brain’s wiring. Things like ADD and Bi-polar are things that a child would have to have a genetic pre-disopsition for, but a child in a completely healthy situation would likely not have developed those problems, or let them turn into such huge unbearable objects in their lives.

Abuse, neglect or signifigant death, occurring in the years 6-12 affects asteem and decision making ability. Typically, they won’t change the structure or wiring of the brain but the lasting impact of an event affects the person’s identity in a negitive way. It can also affect their sexuality depending on what is going on. For instance, a death of an younger sister may trap a 10 year old in a stage wanting to be much younger and fearing her womanhood. The death of a father can do much the same…while the death of a mother or older sister at age 10 can make a young girl seek puberty and womanhood with a fervor that creates alot of unhelthy behavior.

Lastly, the reason that not all people who are neglected and abused become crazy is a mix of genetics and life experiences. But in many respects the damage done to children comes in the first 3 years, and its ALOT of work to almost literally rewire the damage done to the brain.

(if you don’t believe me, there are brain scans to prove that parts of the brain in neglected, RAD children literally turn off)

So why are women this way? This is why. But remember on the other side you should be asking why are men this way? Why do men exploit, abuse and seduce?

 

[LongingForLight]

There is an excellent report from the APA on the effects of sexualization of girls. This can give a lot of insight.

For example:

While alone in a dressing room, college students
were asked to try on and evaluate either a swimsuit or a
sweater.While they waited for 10 minutes wearing the
garment, they completed a math test.The results revealed
that young women in swimsuits performed significantly
worse on the math problems than did those wearing
sweaters. No differences were found for young men.

Even just dressing in sexy clothing can impair a woman’s ability to think. Imagine what being sexually abused and mistreated could do? Not to mention the thousand other minor nicks and wounds women endure every day, just by looking at a magazine spreading poison about sexuality and what a woman “ought” to be (and look like).

Here is an excellent paragraph from the report on how this leads to some of the behaviors you were mentioning:

If, as the self-objectification literature suggests,
girls’ preoccupation with appearance ties up cognitive
resources, girls will have less time and mental energy for
other pursuits. Girls may be learning to prioritize certain
rewards (male attention) over other rewards (academic
accomplishment), thus limiting their future educational and
occupational opportunities. If they perceive occupations
relating to science, technology, engineering, and math
(STEM) as less consistent with a sexy self-image, they may
be induced to want to be a model, fashion designer, or pop
star in order to embody the sexualized look that they
know is valued for women rather than choose to be a
chemist, computer programmer, or engineer. If girls
perceive what research shows—that women who
choose male-identified professions are least preferred
(in college samples) as romantic partners
(Yoder & Schleicher, 1996)—then
they will perceive some social costs to
choosing careers that are not consistent
with a “sexy” image.

Read pages 21 to 35 for more information.

Disclaimer: While I think this report does an excellent job of raising real concerns for girls in a secular fashion and addresses some of the concerns of the OP, I don’t agree with all of their conclusions - specifically, saying that comprehensive sex education is a solution. I have anecdotal evidence that comprehensive sex education adds to objectifying attitudes like those mentioned in this report, and increases cultural pressure for girls to be sexy.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Beautiful women may “know” they’re beautiful, but it doesn’t mean they have any self esteem, self worth, or love themselves enough to hold themselves to a better and higher standard.

Another idea, to tag on to the “they want a project” thought: many women erroneously believe that they’re so different that “he’ll” change. bwuahahahahaha… I always laugh at that.

Anyway …

 

[rayne89]

You don’t understand and you won’t because you are trying to find logic where there isn’t any… Women who are sexually abused often develope the idea that their body is all they are worth, all they are good for. Even if they know they are physically beautiful on the surface, the inside feels ugly, dirty, shameful and/or useless. Some people have stronger coping abilities than others, and it shows up in different ways because people are unique. So not all sexually abused women turn into strippers or marry serial murderers. Some develope eating disorders, some become alcoholics or any number of distructive behaviors.

Forcing sex on a child is so far from logical why on earth would think any reaction that the victim has would be logical? Degrading physical and verbal abuse is not logical. How does a developing brain process the people that are supposed to love them the most are causing them the most harm?

Some have mental health issues, or developemental problems. Some have better support systems, strong family ties or good friendships so they are less likely to fall prey to such men as adults or sell their bodies. The variables are endless.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I get angry when I hear about the
drew peterson case. 5 wives 3 end
up dead. He is a suspect to murder.

So why is it that there are women who will be wife number 6?!?!

I don’t like when people take advantage of someone phisicaly weaker then them. It makes me so upset I have thought of making it my main ministry to support any organization that helps abused women or children.

But I get discouraged when I see
a woman dating a street thug.
Dating people that are in prison.
I used to study the bible with a drug adict, he was so bad he could
hardly keep his eyes open…but sure enuf he was introducing me to his girlfriend and Im like what is her problem.

what is the deal with strip clubs, and playboy models? These women are obviously attractive and intelligent, and they are aware
that they are putting themselves in
danger.

If I was injured in a car reck, would you feel sorry for me if I told you I was driving drunk?

How can I make it my main ministry to help women, if there are an army of them that are doing everything in there power to
put themselves in danger?

Is there any logical explanation that I am not aware of?
Because now I am thinking of focusing on helping children because I feel they need me. And
deserve a fair shot at life.

if you are going to go into a ministry for women or anyone else, you are going to have to meet people where they are at, not at where you would like them to be. You are going to have to learn that people do not live their lives soley by logic–human beings are not robots or computers, they are flawed beings who react in various ways to life situations, and use coping mechanisms to deal with painful situations that are not always the best mechanisms to use, but they haven’t learned any other. They often do not even understand themselves why they do certain things, or sometimes they cannot even recognize that there is a problem.

You cannot impose your standards on them, and you cannot be judgmental of them, or you will alienate them. You can only work with what they have, and help them to find better alternatives. They have to do the work of recognizing their problems and learning better behavioral patterns and coping mechanisms, and they have to want to change.

You also need training and education and some experience in dealing with people. And you need compassion and empathy, an ability to try to step into their shoes and see where they are coming from. From your post, I think you are going to have to do an about-switch on how you view these women, or you are not going to be able to help them.

God has put the desire to help others into your heart, and that is most admirable to want to follow that. So ask Him for the ability to do this, and to guide you into developing the necessary skills in the area He wishes you to work.

 

[JimG]

Women who are sexually abused often develope the idea that their body is all they are worth, all they are good for.

I’m wondering if because we live in such a highly sexualized society–even for children–this might be a factor even for women who aren’t abused.

And I still wonder about the influence–good or bad–of fathers–good or bad, absent or present.

 

[GodIsGracious]

Because now I am thinking of focusing on helping children because I feel they need me. And
deserve a fair shot at life.

I just noticed this.

So. You’re going to give up on people just because you don’t like what they’re doing or how they live their lives? Helping people is not about making them live life the way you think they should live.

What happens when you run into a bunch of children who decide they’re going to continue eating dirt and glue despite you telling them no?

If you’re going to run away from this, you’ll run away from children, then you may try animals, and run away from animals, then plants…

I think you need some training in working with people. I think it’s admirable that you’re working to help people. It’s not something I could do, or even do. So I’m not one to judge. But I do know that you don’t just give up because it gets tough.