Why does it seem like even Catholic and Christian girls are shallow?

[Groo]

No.

Decent, intelligent woman do not care for “bad boys” or “cranky, arrogant bastards.”

Yeah, they do.

 

[Groo]

It doesn’t matter if YOU’RE interesting. What matters is how interesting you find women. Be interested in the women you meet. Ask them questions about themselves and be a good listener. Many women love to talk, talk, talk, and when they find a man who not only listens, but is truly interested in their talk (even if it is trivial and rambling!), they will hang onto him!

Good advice if you want to be her girlfriend.

Women don’t know what they want in a man until they see it. They think they do, but they don’t.

You don’t need to be cranky and arrogant. Those are my personal character defects. But do be yourself, warts and all.

Oh, and get a truck. Women love guys with trucks.

 

[chevalier]

Yeah, I can see that. If you’re a woman used to lots of male attention - to the point you expect it and know its coming - you’re going to walk around with a lot more confidence especially when interacting with men, even men of high caliber that slay dragons and stuff like that. A woman like Halle Berry, Jennifer Lopez, or John McCain’s wife I’m pretty sure have little fear around men. At least in terms of rejection. I’m not talking potential rape or something.

Should still watch their footsteps sometimes. One of the pitfalls of confident women is being unduly attracted to someone who simply… is not attracted to or interested in them. Probably an intuitive estimate of social position or potential of it.

Kind of reminds me of watching a biography episode on women that date or marry American La Cosa Nostra mobsters. In this one episode this young woman was smitten by New York Italian mobsters and being wined and dined by her capo boyfriend, until at dinner one evening his mobster friend told the woman he was with to “Shut her ******* mouth” unless told to speak or he was going to throw her down the flight of stairs in the restaurant. She immediately responded, “I was only trying to say…” and he grabbed by the hair, took her to the door with the stairs leading to the basement, and threw her down it. The woman was mortified, especially when she ran to the door to find the woman laying at the bottom of the stairs crying and all busted up, not able to get up.

Now she says… she wants a kind man. A lot of women that dealt with mob men eventually came to feel that way after they discover their mob boyfriends or husbands will break their necks in a second or bury them in someone’s lawn. You don’t leave them and you don’t embarrass them.

Of course, some mafia men have been gentlemen around women and even with men out in the public not involved in crime. Some are more savage and ungentlemanly than others.

Lure of the dangerous, the mysterious. Perhaps dark and handsome but just guessing about the last one. Sometimes I wonder, maybe they do manage a true good side in someone and fall in love with it, vaguely hinting at unconditional love, even if misplaced due to a certain naivete that exposes them to danger. At other times I have a less idealistic view of the situation. Might be somewhere in the middle.

 

[Irishmom2]

Stop thinking about yourself. Get the big chip off your shoulder. You are acting like a little boy who didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas.

You don’t deserve anything. None of us do. A man does not “deserve” a woman. One of the first things that a truly good man will say to his beloved spouse is, “I don’t deserve you.”

You say you have a temper. That will be a gigantic glaring “red flag” for any decent, intelligent woman, because often men with tempers turn out to be abusive. Women talk among themselves about their dating life, and if a woman shares that the man she is dating has a temper, most of the rest of us women will tell her to get out of the relationship fast. It’s not worth a woman taking the risk.

You might try some anger management classes or counselling. I sense a lot of rage and anger in all of your posts, and a lot of resentment towards women. Women may be picking up on this and avoiding you.

Decent women aren’t looking for “excitement,” they’re looking for steadiness and security. The Number One Need of all women is security.

It doesn’t matter if YOU’RE interesting. What matters is how interesting you find women. Be interested in the women you meet. Ask them questions about themselves and be a good listener. Many women love to talk, talk, talk, and when they find a man who not only listens, but is truly interested in their talk (even if it is trivial and rambling!), they will hang onto him!

Was going to say this, but Cat already did.

You do seem to have a bad attitude and I believe women are picking up on it. Stop calling yourself ugly. Appearances are not everything. Plenty of not great looking people end up married because they have it in the personality department. Perhaps you are projecting an ugly personality, not an ugly face.

 

[BeeRod]

OP: you haven’t found the right person yet. Plus looks come and go, it’s the person inside is what makes them beautiful.

Be patient, pray, and let love come to you.

 

[CesarAugustus]

Benjamin, people here has said good advice.

A couple of things:

Don’t feel entitled to having a girlfriend.

Don’t harbor resentment towards women.

I’m in a similar situation (23yo, never had a girlfriend, shy). But, I have learned something. Don’t waste time having a brooding mindset. Instead, work on your habilities. If you have a hobby, like painting, work in it, and strive for being among the best. I think people would notice that you are passionate about your talents, and that could improve your personality.

Blessings!

 

[Luvz2travel]

Thats what I mean though, I go to church and don’t even get noticed. I go to catholic events, people think of me as a nice guy, but thats it. Trust me, I hate bars and that. Thats the whole point. Even girls who arre “faithful catholics” pick only the good looking ones. Sometimes it works out and in those cases i’m happy, but a lot of times they pick guys who only want one thing. Of course they don’t even look at me even though i’d never cheat or lie or do anything bad to them, but do they care? No! It’s like they want to be treated like ****, which I know isn’t true or right.

Are you approaching girls at all? Most devout girls will expect the guy to pursue them. I find a lot of devout guys don’t pursue ladies then complain when ladies don’t fall into their line of view or company. I don’t know if this is because of society telling women to pursue and guys have gotten lazy or just because maybe devout guys tend to be on the shy side maybe? In any case if you want something you badly enough you have to work to obtain it or go after if and keep trying to you find what your looking for.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Being a “nice” guy is the kiss of death with women. That’s why you’re not having any luck. I doubt your looks have much to do with it.

I wonder if you are trying too hard to get women to like you. By trying too hard, I mean that you are presenting yourself in a way that you think women should like, but isn’t really you.

Don’t be afraid to show a bit of an edge to your character. Let people see not only what you think are the good parts of your personality, but also the rough spots. For example, if you are a cranky, arrogant bastard like I am, let women see that. Makes you more interesting.

That’s just not true. Most women are looking for a nice guy…a lot of times the not so nice guys come off as nice as long as they are trying to hook you and then as soon as they think they have the no so nice behavior appears.

 

[The_Bucket]

Benjamin, people here has said good advice.

A couple of things:

Don’t feel entitled to having a girlfriend.

Don’t harbor resentment towards women.

I’m in a similar situation (23yo, never had a girlfriend, shy). But, I have learned something. Don’t waste time having a brooding mindset. Instead, work on your habilities. If you have a hobby, like painting, work in it, and strive for being among the best. I think people would notice that you are passionate about your talents, and that could improve your personality.

Blessings!

And get outside your comfort zone. Take some risks. You’re a man so act like one! Take control of your situation. Don’t accept being just labeled as a “nice guy” who sits in the background. Take some initiative.

While some are suggesting anger management, I’d suggest building some skills. Take Caesar’s advice here and work on something; learn a constructive trade or hit the gym and learn some skills there. Maybe take up martial arts if you need to burn off some of that anger. And then work on building up your inner peace. Discipline your mind, body and spirit.

When you’ve got yourself into good fighting shape, so to speak, then get out there and engage in the battle. Remain confident in yourself and in the peace that God gives you. Do not take any rejections personally be they from women or men. The only thing you need to remember is that God loves you and everyone else equally.

Sure, women need security. But you need to demonstrate that you can provide that security. Having a bad temperament scares women off. Trust me, I’ve been there. I had plenty of edge in college, but it came off as too mean for even non-devout girls. I used that “edge” as a cover for not having a lot of self-confidence. Once I figured a way to dial that edge back and replace it with even a little bit of true self-confidence, I ended up with a fantastic lady.

So work on yourself for awhile. Develop a good relationship with God. I don’t mean just not committing mortal sins and going to Mass. I mean a real relationship with God where you recognize him as not just Father but “Daddy.” Someone who is there to provide unconditional love. Someone who provides the only validation you need. Then you will be better prepared to be a reflection of His love and that will naturally attract devout women… provided of course you take the initiative to carry Christ’s light to them!

 

[The_Bucket]

That’s just not true. Most women are looking for a nice guy…a lot of times the not so nice guys come off as nice as long as they are trying to hook you and then as soon as they think they have the no so nice behavior appears.

Come on now, we all know that women are not looking for some boring guy. But there’s a difference between being a nice guy and THE nice guy. Women of course want the men they choose to be of good character. But they also want him to be interesting. They don’t pick men who blend into the background and lack courage to step up to the plate. And why should they?!

They want him to demonstrate that he has high value. And the way men demonstrate that is by having money, having demonstrable talent, being strong, having physical skills that could be used to protect them (a marksman, someone with good hand-to-hand combat skills, etc). Men also can demonstrate it by having inner peace and total self-confidence… provided that the self-confidence is more than bluster.

The OP clearly doesn’t have that. You can pique a girl’s curiosity by being rich or edgy. Or you could could pique her curiosity by having total inner peace. Just letting the world bounce off of you. That radiates security more than millions of dollars. That lets a woman know that despite storm, she can always cling to you because you cling to God.

 

[Crescentinus]

Just be careful of “male-to-female transgenders”.

 

[Irishmom2]

Just be careful of “male-to-female transgenders”.

I’m sorry, but this does not have anything to do with the subject of this thread…

 

[Crescentinus]

I’m sorry, but this does not have anything to do with the subject of this thread…

My points are:

1. The OP should never date a woman who hates conflict resolution because he will never have any peace under such a relationship.
2. The OP should be careful now that a lot of post-operation “MtF transgenders” look more like women.

 

[Paddy1989]

Yeah, they do.

I disagree, good women do not go for bad men. You can tell alot about someone based on what value’s they are attracted to so if women are attracted to the bad characteristic’s of these men then that also say’s alot about these women therefore no good man should find such a woman desirable.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

But i’m not. I’m a nice guy who gets angry when he doesn’t get what he thinks he deserves. I think I deserve at least a girlfriend when some of my drunk women abusing classmates from school can get freaking married. I’ll admit i have a temper, but I don’t want to show that side to a girl. I want to be loving and caring and treat her right. I’m sure there are girls who like that, granted only from good looking men. I guess us ugly guys have to either have exciting personality or be left alone, and since i’m not too exciting i guess its my lot in life. I can’t really make myself more exciting

I think I just figured out why you’re single.

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with a friend a few years ago in college. He was going on and on about how he’s such a “nice” guy but the girl he had been wanting for years kept going for jerks. He continued on about how “nice” he had been to her and he “deserves” her more than those jerks do. Finally he said that he was so sick of being a nice guy because it didn’t get him anywhere because not only did that girl like jerks, almost every girl that he wanted turned him down for men that he deemed to be, well, jerks.

I explained to him that he wasn’t a nice guy at all. A nice guy understands the value of being kind to others without the expectation that they will be rewarded, or that they will get something good in return. He wasn’t being genuinely nice, he was being nice in hopes of having a relationship with her. His “niceness” gave him an excuse to feel superior to others. A truly nice guy would have treated her with kindness and wanted her to find happiness with or without him. He may have been upset that she ended up with someone who didn’t treat her right, but out of concern for her, not because he “deserves” her more.

Despite being good friends he wouldn’t speak to me after that. 4 years later he’s still single.

 

[The_Bucket]

I think I just figured out why you’re single.

This reminds me of a conversation that I had with a friend a few years ago in college. He was going on and on about how he’s such a “nice” guy but the girl he had been wanting for years kept going for jerks. He continued on about how “nice” he had been to her and he “deserves” her more than those jerks do. Finally he said that he was so sick of being a nice guy because it didn’t get him anywhere because not only did that girl like jerks, almost every girl that he wanted turned him down for men that he deemed to be, well, jerks.

I explained to him that he wasn’t a nice guy at all. A nice guy understands the value of being kind to others without the expectation that they will be rewarded, or that they will get something good in return. He wasn’t being genuinely nice, he was being nice in hopes of having a relationship with her. His “niceness” gave him an excuse to feel superior to others. A truly nice guy would have treated her with kindness and wanted her to find happiness with or without him. He may have been upset that she ended up with someone who didn’t treat her right, but out of concern for her, not because he “deserves” her more.

Despite being good friends he wouldn’t speak to me after that. 4 years later he’s still single.

Tons of insight here. The kindness of which the OP is speaking is not the same kindness that Christ taught us about.

Luke 6:35: But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High…

Matthew 5:44-48: But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

The bottom line: If you want to call yourself a “nice guy” then you need to be good to those who hate you. You must bring the peace of Christ to all. You must love your enemies and have no resentments towards anyone. You must give of yourself and expect nothing in return. In fact, you can’t even expect God to reward you for it! If you do good simply to receive an eternal reward then your actions are still selfish. You must simply do it because that is His will.

I assure you that someone who acts like that will catch the eye of any and all desirable women. Being selfless is quite the counter-cultural thing. It draws people to you. You need only to look at the example Christ set. He drew massive crowds not just because of what He said but because who He is.

 

[erine]

Being a not very attractive man, why is this. I’ve heard many girls say they want a godly man in their life, but look the other way at a guy like me in favor of the better looking guy. Now i’m not saying their aren’t good looking guys who are godly, but lets just say those of us who got beaten with the ugly stick are at a disadvantage. Why is it that even devout girls (and yes girls devout guys ) are so shallow?

Well when I fell in love other really attractive men were gross to me suddenly and only one man became really attractive. Keep praying for the right person. Also, I am deep but I felt like men preferred shallow girls. Which is fine because I only need one who likes me.

 

[TimeEntrance]

To be fair, it’s a phenomenon more easily seen with Western women. That said, it is best to avoid women who hate conflict resolution because any advice which even hints of conflict resolution is the real kiss of death.

I don’t think I could deal with a woman that loved “drama” all the time. I like to stay as “drama free” as I can.

Benjammin, as a rule of thumb men and women come to the white knight rescue to women online complaining of being dateless. No amount of accolades can be given. If she weighs 400 lbs the number one response will be,* “Find a man that loves you for you, and if he can’t see past your weight he’s not worth it.”* Et cetera.

As a rule of thumb women will blame every male complaining about being dateless. And it’s common you’ll find men blaming you too.

Actually, it was from taking biology classes where we had to look at life under a microscope that I really began to see certain things differently. Mind you, competition within the species for food and sex is still apart of the evolutionary reality of life for us complex species. However, I began to see that life is revealed far more beautiful under the microscope than what we might usually assume (or not even think of). That life - that essence - I believe is far more objective but it does not produce a written or verbal language.

What I’m suggesting here is that you are in fact as good and worthy as any other man. At the cellular level I think the life of humans is more objective and egalitarian. Even further scaled down to molecules and atoms (not viewable under microscopes but only inferable through evidence) this may be true. Therefore, in this light you and the fat woman are as objectively worthy as Halle Berry or Denzel Washington.

Unfortunately, that won’t change the realities of competition and life among us social animals that are humans. And we are wired - perhaps slightly conditioned as well - to prefer certain aesthetic looks. And there are other social and cultural things that impact our decisions too about mates. For example, there is a primitive culture in Asia that for some strange (to me strange) reason likes women with long necks with rings around them. Or… Brazilian culture thinks a woman looks best from behind whereas Anglo-American culture prefers female breasts.

But you’ll notice no woman took exception to a woman generalizing about women all preferring security. Dogs prefer security too. So do men, not just women, so what is that generalization supposed to mean or intend to justify?

I can easily make the generalization: The number one thing women want is to be taken care of by a man financially.

There would be scores of women objecting. But people love and embrace generalizations when it appears to justify them and whatever group they identify with or sympathize (which is different than empathize) with. You see this symmetrically with liberals in the Democratic Party that sympathize with Islam and Muslims but not with Christianity and Christians.

To be honest I do not sympathize with women but I empathize with them. I empathize with you as well all though I’m not sure I know you well enough or connect with your story and experience enough to sympathize with you.

I’m of the mind not everyone is going to transform themselves into a person with a golden personality. Some will just lose. And if you listen to some Christians talk you’d think Eve was never present in the garden with the so-called apple, and it was all Adam’s fault. But I’m of the mind whatever the state of the world for good or ill it is equally the cause of women as it is that of men.

I also do not subscribe to many archaic notions of being a “real man.” For example, I see nothing essentially wrong with a woman with a strong personality being the more dominate personality in a marriage to a man who is a more gentle, quiet, and reserved person. I think many of our views are subjective and not necessarily universally objective.

But one thing I would never do in the famous war for love is listen to the advice of women on how to get a woman. I remember a friend of mine in the Corps told me I was nuts for reading all those magazines with articles authored by women on what women want in a man. If you want to learn how to gain lots of muscle mass listen to the advice of a big muscular guy and not a skinny twig. Likewise, listen to the advice of men successful with women, especially womanizers (like Bill Clinton). That might sound unChristian but bear in mind few men have been as negatively critical of women (and men) as Jesus Christ. Jesus threatened humanity with eternal damnation in hell more than any prophet in the bible I know of. So, womanizers reflect evolutionary competition within the species for sex. Irrespective if it is morally wrong or not. In evolutionary terms they are the male winners. So, in war and competition seek advice from the winners.

But that’s just my view.

 

[joshvanrad]

How old are you?

Joshua C.

 

[TimeEntrance]

Well when I fell in love other really attractive men were gross to me suddenly and only one man became really attractive. Keep praying for the right person. Also, I am deep but I felt like men preferred shallow girls. Which is fine because I only need one who likes me.

Equally true when a woman has a body that makes a guy metaphorically drool. He’s going to go with the beautiful, curvy, bimbo before the nerdy, stick-thin, girl that is a brilliant graduate student in physics.

This is how humans are.

Also, an average looking woman can appeal to a man more than a much more physically beautiful woman if she has a certain personality that is really appealing, and knows how to seductively talk to the guy.

But it’s few women of average or below average looks you can expect that will develop the inner-confidence to successfully transform their personalities into that “cool” girl or outgoing girl that all the guys like to hang around with.

You’re not going to teach most homeless people to become millionaires either.

But a few people might successfully make the change. But they’ll be the exceptions and not the rule.