Why does Mom always forgive, but girlfriends/ wives don't?

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BoomChickaWaWa said:
I think it is because we women feel that is what you men owe us. You are supposed to be the rock and protect us and we feel betrayed when you don’t give us what we are entitled to. We don’t get hitched so you can hurt us and when you do you ruin our ideas of marriage.
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I am a woman. I do not understand this post. To what exactly are we, as women, entitled? What do men “owe” us?

Did I miss something? :confused:
 
EasterJoy said:
Life is really hard on people who are always right. I do not envy them.

We were all asked at a bridal shower to write down a rule for a happy marriage. My rule was, “If you’re wrong, apologize, even if you’re not the most wrong.” It works really well, because the one who is the most wrong sometimes has the most trouble admitting it. If you don’t have to be the most wrong in order to apologize, at least somebody is free to get the ball rolling. And yes, in our marriage we’ve had times when we were both wrong at the same time.

We got married a bit later in life, so maybe by the time we got married, all the perfect people had been snapped up. :rolleyes:
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All I have to do is remember rule #1.
 
brb3 said:
MAINLY for the men, but maybe you ladies can give us real reason !!
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Well… my first though is maybe you treat your mom better than your girlfriend/wive. If you don’t tell us what your mom has forgiven and what your girlfriend/wife has to forgive, we really can’t help
 
miguel said:
All I have to do is remember rule #1.
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Sometimes it is best to just keep things simple and go with what works.
(And hey, if things get confusing, you always have Rule #2 to fall back on.)
 
Armor_of_Light said:
You and your husband (man…father…) brought them into the world.
Husbands / boyfriends forgive more easily than wives / girlfriends. We cut you guys way more slack for human frailty than typically we get in return.
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Ummm whoa, that’s not true at all and a very unfair, generalized statement.

I don’t think there is any gender who is by nature more forgiving than the other (and if there was, it’d probably be women honestly). It really all depends on the relationship and the men/women involved.
 
Debora123 said:
:eek:
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Yeah, he is getting really tense. I am full term right now and will be having our 4th child any day. He always gets wound super tight around delivery time. He fears it more than me! 😃
But he never deals with frustration well, and it gets exacerbated by stress. I feel bad for him, actually, especially since our young son is showing signs of being just like daddy. Except 5yo cry and grown men would rather act mad than cry. :o
 
Debora123 said:
Ummm whoa, that’s not true at all and a very unfair, generalized statement.

I don’t think there is any gender who is by nature more forgiving than the other (and if there was, it’d probably be women honestly). It really all depends on the relationship and the men/women involved.
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Yes…correct. It was too generalized. It does depend on the people involved.

The post I was responding to contained the sentiment that grinds my gears to no end.
 
mommamaree said:
Yeah, he is getting really tense. I am full term right now and will be having our 4th child any day. He always gets wound super tight around delivery time. He fears it more than me! 😃
But he never deals with frustration well, and it gets exacerbated by stress. I feel bad for him, actually, especially since our young son is showing signs of being just like daddy. Except 5yo cry and grown men would rather act mad than cry. :o
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Its not ‘rather’…like it’s a choice we make. The same events trigger different responses between men & women. And, I’m not saying men don’t cry.
 
mommamaree said:
Yeah, he is getting really tense. I am full term right now and will be having our 4th child any day. He always gets wound super tight around delivery time. He fears it more than me! 😃
But he never deals with frustration well, and it gets exacerbated by stress. I feel bad for him, actually, especially since our young son is showing signs of being just like daddy. Except 5yo cry and grown men would rather act mad than cry. :o
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Well congrats on your new baby! Hopefully hubby will grow to find a better way to deal with stress.
 
Armor_of_Light said:
Its not ‘rather’…like it’s a choice we make. The same events trigger different responses between men & women. And, I’m not saying men don’t cry.
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I am not saying it is a wrong reaction, Armor of Light. Grown men do not find it productive or helpful to resort to tears. Men of action are admired for a reason. They have a built-in need to respond productively to a crisis. However, some times no productive path forward exists. That is what trips up men of action like my husband, who is normally so steady. Crying about it won’t help. He can’t fix the problem. So he gets mad. Of course, getting super mad isn’t productive either, which frustrates him/men further.

And I do know that men do cry. But usually it is a result of grief, anguish, loss, etc. These are times when tears ARE productive and healing.

While I am obviously a woman and not a man, this is the pattern I have observed in the good men that I know (I unfortunately do know some who choose not to be good, but that is neither here nor there).
 
Debora123 said:
Well congrats on your new baby! Hopefully hubby will grow to find a better way to deal with stress.
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We are all a work in progress! 🙂
He is an awesome husband, and it is easy to forgive him, and it is very very easy to see many of the ways in which he must forgive me and overlook my faults. :o

And thanks for the congrats. We are getting really excited. But it is always an anxious time, because I am a SAHM, and my husband works 35 minutes away. :eek:
 
cmscms said:
Well… my first though is maybe you treat your mom better than your girlfriend/wive. If you don’t tell us what your mom has forgiven and what your girlfriend/wife has to forgive, we really can’t help
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+1 🍿
 
mommamaree said:
I am not saying it is a wrong reaction, Armor of Light. Grown men do not find it productive or helpful to resort to tears. Men of action are admired for a reason. They have a built-in need to respond productively to a crisis. However, some times no productive path forward exists. That is what trips up men of action like my husband, who is normally so steady. Crying about it won’t help. He can’t fix the problem. So he gets mad. Of course, getting super mad isn’t productive either, which frustrates him/men further.

And I do know that men do cry. But usually it is a result of grief, anguish, loss, etc. These are times when tears ARE productive and healing.

While I am obviously a woman and not a man, this is the pattern I have observed in the good men that I know (I unfortunately do know some who choose not to be good, but that is neither here nor there).
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Good post.

My husband must be the exception to the rule. I’m the more aggressive one between the 2 of us. I’m way more likely to throw and break something when I’m mad than he is. Though that’s not something I’ve done… yet.
 
Debora123 said:
Good post.

My husband must be the exception to the rule. I’m the more aggressive one between the 2 of us. I’m way more likely to throw and break something when I’m mad than he is. Though that’s not something I’ve done… yet.
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Me too! And nothing gets my temper going more than standing up for him. If someone is mean, rude, or tries to take advantage of him I’m the one who flips out (I’m Irish).

He keeps reminding me that if he had wanted a pit bull he would have gone to the animal shelter.😛
 
EasterJoy said:
When you marry, you’re each going to be wrong some of the time. While I always advise that married people apologize whenever they are wrong, even if they are not the MOST wrong of the two, I would never ever say that the wife is always right. May you, dear Chevalier, forever be preserved from marrying someone who is convinced that she is!
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Thank you! Proving her wrong every single time could become a little onerous!
 
chevalier said:
Thank you! Proving her wrong every single time could become a little onerous!
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Life is too short, Chev. Life is too short.

Of course, if you really are always right, you have the problem of finding someone who enjoys that about you, or at least has a sense of humor about it. If there is anything more difficult than someone who thinks he is always right, it is someone who actually is always right. It is not easy to take, it really isn’t.
 
EasterJoy said:
Life is too short, Chev. Life is too short.
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Dunno about life (I’m only about to start balding, remember?) but the day cycle could certainly use more hours!
Of course, if you really are always right, you have the problem of finding someone who enjoys that about you, or at least has a sense of humor about it. If there is anything more difficult than someone who thinks he is always right, it is someone who actually is always right. It is not easy to take, it really isn’t.
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Yeah, that’s why I made the joke. I tend to be ever so slightly peeved by people who are always right but I have that masochistic streak in me which makes me want to argue with them. Perhaps because my specialisation as a young rookie lawyer was lost case management.
 
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