Doglover, one cannot actually marry in the Catholic Church while precluding children. No one has to be enthusiastic or even positively want them, but the vows include accepting whatever offspring is conceived (while contraception is immoral). I’m sorry if this sounds cold or unsympathetic, but I have no wish to obfuscate the message by making it so nice it won’t feel serious. It is serious. And yes, taking care of children may be a scary task to some people, either because of the responsibility for their fate or because of the free time lost.
Now, I need to disagree with Sheep. I’m not a woman, I’m a man, and suffice to say definitely not asexual (nor one that has no experience with porn, unfortunately). While a man can’t help being attracted to women, perhaps he can’t help the first glance, he can help how long he allows his eyes to dwell. Or whether he allows his brain to process fantasy. It is awfully hard at times, naturally, possibly results in frustration (when you know it’s the right thing to do and are determined to do the right thing but not holy enough to enjoy the arduous path), but it’s doable. The key is working on it. Willpower and awareness can probably be trained to some degree using purely natural means, but according to our Catholic belief we do get supernatural aid in defeating our sins when we confess them. Nor do prayers go unanswered. And this certainly is a matter worth praying about.
As for porn, it usually takes some effort to find. It’s not exactly a non-decision, even though some people may perhaps suffer from a paralysis of the will that railroads them into looking at it so they think it’s an unconscious reflex and uncontrollable. But it isn’t. Uncontrollable is like turning your head after a very attractive woman when one isn’t focusing on self-control, yeah. But not stuff like looking at porn (though it may get to a point where the individual concerned feels it’s uncontrollable).
Plus, not just wanting to have sex but basically also wanting, enjoying, accepting the sexual pleasure from immodestly looking at somebody is sinful. Looking at e.g. nude art doesn’t necessarily need to be sinful but basically because it doesn’t necessarily need to immodest. Porn usually comes with something more than aesthetic appreciation of form.
Now as for how the OP feels about men going for porn or perhaps looking at real-life women that way. I understand that, and I agree with it. Nor am I pleased to hear about married or engaged people’s dreams of dating or kissing (forget bedding) a celebrity.
Regarding romance novels, they are sometimes referred to as porn for women. Depending on how modest or raunchy the novel is, that can be an exaggeration (or a flat out falsehood) but it can also be spot on.
Basically, fantasies are not okay. Matt 5:28 comes to mind. Strictly speaking, even fantasies about a spouse who is not currently present are not okay. In short, sexual fantasies are never okay (no matter what persons are imagined as actors; fictional characters aren’t free game, either), only real-life sex with lawful spouse is okay.
The absence of specific partner in the fantasy, notably a person existing in real life, or depersonalisation of a real-life person, doesn’t make it okay. Absent a partner, sexual activity is masturbation. Masturbation is always wrong (i.e. materially), regardless what form it takes and there are more forms than the simplest.
Basically, not specific moves representing the physical side of having sex are what makes things wrong but the seeking of sexual gratification where it’s not due. (This apart from the ‘cheating’ at boyfriend-girlfriend stage, which is more of a matter of broken promises and disappointed legitimate expectations, given as boyfriends and girlfriends don’t have the rights spouses do.)
There is surely a lot of room for compassion for human nature, such as not holding the purely physical momentary attraction against people, or even a lack of control leading to some actual transgression, but this doesn’t go as far as tolerating porn in marriage. Having mercy on the poor sod, especially if he apologises – yeah. Saying it’s normal… nope.
The modern age does seem to accept some forms or expressions or degrees of polyamory, but that’s wrong. (Not that it wasn’t a problem in the past centuries too.)
Personally, I tend to be understanding of what seems to come down to a bodily reaction or emotional attachment (as opposed to just indulging), though it doesn’t please me to see another man evoke it, especially when it looks like I’m not getting the kind of attention or appreciation he’s capable of extracting from the special woman in my life. It never feels good to feel ignored while your special person is being oh so responsive to a person of your sex right beside you as if you didn’t exist, either. Talking sexy about celebs (or other people anyway) would also fall outside my comfort zone. So, yeah, I’m looking for a woman who does not do that (without meaning to point fingers, though).
happy belated valentine’s day!! Ah I’m over Lukasz now and don’t spend time thinking about him generally, the sad thing is that after he now changed his lifestyle recently and began living the straight path he thinks he’s better than everyone else and is rather arrogant so we aren’t friends any more. But I still am planning to stay single because I can’t wrap my head around this.
), even guys with a flashing sense humour can’t keep increasing the dose as your tolerance increases, so they may start to feel boring for you some days into it.
But the excitement of being with guys for me wasn’t in the guys’ actions but just the whole experience you know? Like when you see someone you like that you have been away from for a few hours, deciding what makeup to wear, deciding what dress to buy with them in mind