Hitetlen:
Well, the only way to really “seek out” God is through suicide, which is a rather unpalatable option for me.

If God wishes to pay a visit to me, he does not have to do anything even remotely like that. Just snap his imaginary fingers, and voila, it would happen. No big deal for him.
Suicide? Not at all. I seek out God in life, and often, I find Him. But this is not because I am some unreasoning religious fanatic, it is because He has accepted my acceptance of Him and has therefore given me, as well as others who believe in Him, an innate ability to recognize the creator in the reflections of His creations; empirical evidence notwithstanding.
The converse may also be true. If God has accepted my acceptance of Him, through which He is pleased to reveal Himself to me, then He may also have accepted your rejection of Him, through which He is pleased to hide himself from you. Lets say that you wrote a letter to the Queen of England and told her that you do not believe she is the true Queen of England. Only if she personally visited you, in full royal regallia, with documentation and personal witnesses would you accept her identity. What would be the chances that she would make that trip for your benefit? She might not mind that you do not accept her queenship, since you are not one of her subjects anyway. But for you to make such a request would be an affront to her dignity. Would she go out of her way to prove herself to one who has insulted her?
While it is true that God’s love and mercy are perfect, so are His justice and dignity. For you to suggest that God should humble Himself by honoring your request is the height of sin and arrogance; not to mention absurdity - for why would He so bless someone who has only rejected him so far. And what would be the profit of such a visit? His appearence in your presence would only prove to you that He exists. From what I have read from you, you would probably then expect God to “demonstrate” His godlike qualities before you decided whether or not to serve Him.
I have tried to avoid Scripture thus far, but it is too relevant to the issue now to avoid it.
Satan
“And the tempter came to Him and said: If thou art the Son of God, command that these stones become loaves of bread…” Matt 4:3
Jesus
“It is written further, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.” Matt 4:7
I hate to break it to you, Hitetlen, but you are playing the part of the devil. (i.e. If God will do what I command Him to do, I will believe.)
“Now when He was at Jerusalem for the feast of the Passover,
many believed in His name, seeing the signs that He was working. But Jesus did not trust Himself to them, in that He knew all men, and because He had no need that anyone should bear witness concerning man, for He himself knew what was in man.” John 2:23
The children of Israel saw God manifest Himself in many ways as He lead them out of Egypt, yet even with this miraculous proof, they still found it possible to sin against Him and worship a golden calf. In the New Testament, many are believing in His name because they have physically seen with their eyes His power. (Something that you would like to do.) But He does not entrust Himself to them, or to you, because He knows that even if you were to accept the physical proof as they did, you have no love in your heart for him.
Love is a two-way street. I like to put it this way. Reach out your hand upward to Him, and He will reach down to you. Grasp His hand and He will grasp yours. Hold tightly to Him and He will hold tightly to you. But, release your grasp and He will release His. Draw your hand away from Him and He will draw his away from you. Certainly as a man of logic, Hitetlen, you understand the precept that one only receives from something in accord to that which they put into it. You have put nothing into Him, He has given you nothing in return. Is this His fault? Is it logical that the greater should condescend to the lesser, rather than the lesser first aspiring to the greater?
“This is why I have said to you, No one can come to me unless he is enabled to do so by my Father.” John 6:66
I truly regret, Hitetlen, that He has not yet enabled you.
Thal59