Why my priest ignores me?

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Alicia2705

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Hello, I am new in this forum. I feel extremely sad because my priest is ignoring me in a bad way that it makes me cry. I am always trying to be friendly and I think to have a friendiship with a priest it would be very nice.

I asked twice for his guidance in two different family matters and he has guided me and I feel so grateful for that, however, after I saw him a couple of times after those appointments I feel like he is ignoring me completely at some point that I am considering to leave the parish, other days, I think I should ask him if my presence bothers him or what happened.

Sometimes I go to pray to the blessed sacrament and if he is there I feel embarrassed to go in and I just pray from outside the chappel. The other day I noticed that he left like a bit upset.

During mass we have some.eye contact and I know sometimes I have weird thoughts with him, I feel bad but I have never tell or flirt with him.

Please any advise!
 
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Hmmm… some aspect of your relationship with him seems to have set off his radar. Are you like a totally insecure person? A little clingy? Scrupulous to any degree? Have an innocent “crush” on him?

The words you use to describe your difficulties do not strike me as typical priest-parishioner interchange. One way to find your answer is to go straight to the horse and ask.

You may not like the answer, but you will know why things seem to have changed. Priests must toe the line, particularly with the young and members of the opposite sex.

Who knows, he may have had a problem with someone infatuated with him, or even a stalker! This really happens! I had to jump up out of a mass once, chase down a person and arrest them, Miranda rights and all, because they had been stalking Father and had violated a court order he was forced to obtain.

So, gather up your courage and ask.
 
I’m new to this as well. I feel the same way. There’s a priest I feel very comfortable with from Nigeria in my original parish. I try to always confess with him. I’ve been part of the Legion of Mary and taught religious education for some years. I liked all the priests at my parish, but I feel that sometimes in general, they too are not crazy for me. I try hard to keep up my faith being a cradle catholic and it seems that when I try to just do the right things, my attempts seems to have people shun me and avoid me.
I have switched to another parish and it’s the same effect. I had someone tell me (an ex nun friend) that if you look at everyone around us, the majority don’t practice a faith and it’s just a spirituality going around. (What is that…?).
I give out rosaries, scapulars, miraculous medals, mantillas, (I wear one to mass), and even the small blue pieta prayer books.
I have everything blessed and they know I give them out if anyone wants one or mentions something. I think we do and everywhere you’ll have slackers.
The enemy also tried to knock us down too making us feel inferior or unworthy. We have to keep strong.
Continue going to the Blessed sacrament and do not ever let anyone come between you and Our Lord no matter who or what they try to make you feel like. Think if Jesus did this for me, I can do this for him. Remember, even in the church, there’s much hypocrisy. (It’s unfortunate).
I’m sorry for this being so long. I hope it helped.
God Bless you.
 
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Sounds as though you may be infatuated with him.Which is not a good thing and he probably can see that.
 
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Hi, thank you for your comment. Yes, maybe I am a bit clingy, but it is most because the priest i am talking about is new at the parish and also he become a priest last year, the one that was before him was the sweetest, kind and best friend anyone can have. All the parishioners were happy to bring sweets and meals to him and he was always happy. This one looks like is not used to get things from the parishioners.

I forgot to mention that he knows I am married, I have a son and I am 10 years older than him. My husband never go to mass, my son goes to the catholic school because I decided that, I went to catholic school all.my life and I was him to do the same to grow in the faith.

I sent him a request to be friends on facebook and after a week since he did not accepted me, I decline the invitation, I have the priest. That was before him, but, looks like a friendship between a women and a priest is impossible.

I am to coward to ask him.

Thank you again for your comment. I appreciate it
 
Many, many priests have strict personal (or maybe Diocesean) policies about being “friends” on social media with parishioners. Respect that there is a line, in this world of accusations, priests cannot give even the slightest appearance of something scandalous.

He may be uncomfortable with “sweets and meals”, he may have dietary restrictions, he may just have so much food that he is unable to eat it all. Ask his secretary if he wants to have meals or sweets.

Pray for your priest, be kind but never clingy.
 
Give him space.
He is not looking for female friendship. Pray for him and be kind. Don’t make it weird. Why is this making you cry? He’s not your best friend. He’s not even your friend. He’s a priest who has to take care of a parish, and often he’s needed when people are going through the worst events of their lives.

Let’s switch this around. Let’s say I came on here and said that there is this guy at work, who’s married with a young child, keeps being friendly with me. I get a sense of maybe he’s a bit clingy. He wants to chat about stuff that has nothing to do with work. He wants private conversations. And I have to be there every day. I would probably start to make some space and keep my distance. Maybe I wouldn’t like this kind of attention from a married man. Maybe I don’t want other people in the work place to start to notice either.
 
Yes, you are right, maybe because I don’t have almost any friend that’s why I want to be his friend. Stupid me! Maybe it is a cultural thing, since I am not Canadian like you , I belong to this country just because an immigration paper that says that.

Thank you for your comment.
 
Seems to me that this is more of a problem in your own mind. Pray and focus more on yourself and less on the priest.
 
Culturally, it’s not encouraged these days for priests in Western society to be very friendly with their parishioners, especially women (married or not) and young people. The only time I’ve seen some friendships that work is maybe when the parishioner is very elderly and kind of regards the priest as a favorite son or nephew or that kind of relationship. There have been cases reported in the news of younger people and even whole families who made friends with a priest and then accused him of inappropriate behavior so they could sue the Church and get a lot of money.

Also, some priests, like some people, are just naturally more friendly and outgoing. One of my parishes has 2 priests and it’s pretty clear that one of them is really good at administration and business, but maybe not such a “people person”. The other is very friendly and is known to parishioners as the “people person” if you are looking for that kind of interaction with a priest.

it may be that your priest is struggling with temptations or problems of his own and he just does not have the resources to handle a lot of friendship interaction. I have to say that a couple of these posts also sound like, by Western cultural standards, you’re overly attached to this priest. Usually when we don’t have friends, we wouldn’t go running to a very busy priest who’s in charge of hundreds of parishioners - we’d realize he does not have the time to be our special buddy. He would probably try to discourage anyone trying to be his special buddy because it’s not healthy. Maybe it’s different in other countries.
 
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Look to join various groups in your parish. The Ladies Guild, Altar Society, a Bible Study, join the Choir, become a Lector or an Usher. Volunteer to help with Religious Education or cleaning the Church.

You like to cook meals? There are groups who cook bereavement meals or for parish events. Expand your circle of friends in the parish.
 
Yes, I am helping with collections at the mas and now they want me to to help at the altar and help with the eucaristic adoration once a month, I am not sure if I will be able to do that. I think is better for me to move to a different parish. I am thinking about that for the last couple of days. Thank you for your comment : )
 
If they’re asking you to help, why change parishes? Is it possible you are projecting onto your pastor behavior that just isn’t there?
 
Maybe because they are giving her too much respinsabilities that maybe she can’t do? And it’s worse if you don’t feel welcomed as a friend.
 
Because of him. If your priest is like that, would you do it? There is a lady that it is chasing me every Sunday at mass saying ne that I should no forget to sign up and give my phone number because the priest has to give us a training.
 
Alicia2705 said:
also he become a priest last year
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I’ve been told by a priest that during the first few years of his ordained ministry, he had to learn how to set boundaries with the opposite sex, what was safe and what was not.

Your priest has just made a huge commitment with his whole life and is probably still trying to figure out how to live it out, and where are the limits of what he feels is safe. And if he’s anything like the priest who told me about his first years in ministry, he’s probably erring on the side of caution.
 
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No, I would not leave a parish because the priest will not accept my facebook request or foster a close friendship with me.

Let your priest be your priest, find others to be your pals.
 
Alicia2705 said:
During mass we have some.eye contact and I know sometimes I have weird thoughts with him, I feel bad but I have never tell or flirt with him.
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Do you have a small crush on him that he may be sensing? I rarely look for eye contact from the priest during his homily. A priest is speaking to everyone in the parish at that moment.
Alicia2705 said:
the priest i am talking about is new at the parish and also he become a priest last year, the one that was before him was the sweetest, kind and best friend anyone can have.
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All priests are different and have their own ways. Being new he may trying to be extra cautious. He may be just concentrating on being sure he does the Mass and all that is new to him as they should be.
Alicia2705 said:
I sent him a request to be friends on facebook and after a week since he did not accepted me, I decline the invitation, I have the priest. That was before him, but, looks like a friendship between a women and a priest is impossible.
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I would probably back off and not push it. A friendship is something that grows and can’t be pushed.
 
It could be that he thinks you have a crush on him and he is avoiding you for his own protection. It could be that he simply does not want to develop close individual friendships with individual parishioners and he senses that you want to be his friend.

Look at it from the priest’s point if view. I think it must be quite annoying as a priest having parishioners swarming around you, having parishioners always wanting to do things for you, and parishioners wanting to be your special friend. If he wasn’t a priest and just some regular guy, would he be getting all this attention? Perhaps he just wants to form his own friendships, with his own friends who are not necessarily his parishioners?
 
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