at peace, I’ll start off by saying I respect your decision, as it is indeed pointless to be a part of something you don’t believe in.
As a new Catholic (baptized this past March) I agree with what you call the bureaucracy as being daunting. And, it is factual that the iron law of oligarchy sets into any human organization. Even the most ardent socialist society eventually faces this dilemma. (It is a primary failure of every socialist endeavor.)
What I find rather incredible in all that, in regards to the Roman Catholic Church, is that God prevails. There were times where it seems that He has not, I don’t think anyone would deny this. But, if you’ll forgive the analogy, it is like looking at a graph of how the stock market is doing. Ups and downs but over time, if you stick it out, the general trend is up. If you pull out in a down time, you’ll see that later on, you should have stuck it out. Regrets ensue.
The RCC teaches that the Church is both human, and divine, I can see this and agree with it. The human aspect can be described in many failures, but also astounding successes, the divine aspect is God. If I didn’t believe this were the case I would not be Catholic. I look for perfection not in humans, as I know for a fact I will never find it there (including myself), but in God. I agree 100% that your focus should be God!
The thing is, as a former atheist, and someone who thought very much as you do, that organized religion is, at the best, the pits,there is something more than what I or you can come up with. I mean, what parts of RC are you going to throw away and which parts are you going to keep and why? Are you now the arbitrary one person organized religion of yourself? How are you going to know when you err…and I can tell you from many experiences…to err is our tendency and seldom do we see that we are while it is happening.
To the point of following Jesus: A friend once told me that there is only one reason to be a Christian, and that is Jesus Christ. And there is only one reason to be a Catholic, and that is the Sacraments, as Christ instituted them. And a huge bonus is the Communion of Saints.
That is simplified, no doubt, compared to the organizational aspect of the RC, but in the essence of what it means to be a RC, I believe that is about as precise and simple as it comes.
So my approach has been, I am a Christian, I need the Sacraments of the Catholic Church, and I keep myself focused on that. I couldn’t tell you what in the world it means to “be Catholic”, other than that.
To the point of parish level politics: I see the same aspects you are describing. People sort of horde the comfortable spot they have found and can be reluctant to change, even when you can see quite clearly that there can be changes made for the better. “This is how we have always done it” are the sacred cows of any organization, religious or not.
This is human nature, and though it is a frustrating aspect of any organization (no matter how large or small), it isn’t something that you should be defeated by. Recognize it for what it is, there is no need to pretend that it isn’t there, and either work to charitably change it, or find something else within the structure of the Church that satisfies what you are looking for. The Church is HUGE in its need.
As for your statement that this is what the Catholic Church has “become”, I would say it is something that has been fought since St. Paul was writing the Corinthians and admonishing them to listen to their bishops and stop fighting among themselves. It was, in essence, the exact same thing you are finding as your reason for leaving.
That turned out much longer than I intended, and I hope you take it as I meant it, as understanding where you are and giving you a few alternatives to your thoughts.
Rebecca