Wife asked why I didn't receive Communion

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TheLittleLady said:
When you hear hoofbeats, think horses not zebras.

Either of us refraining from the Eucharist does not trigger a “SWEET HEAVENS THEY ARE CHEATING ON ME” reaction. Most of us sin in very boring ways.
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I have not said anything about cheating. That’s just one form of infidelity which a spouse deserves to know about.

“Boring ways” ? That’s how you describe mortal sin? Not receiving Eucharist is much more serious than you realize. There was a rejection of God, and a failure of fidelity to Jesus. And possibly continued…

You may not want to know about adultery, or even have a mutual approach with your spouse about this matter, but it doesn’t dictate the way others are free to expect their spouse to be open.
 
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rcwitness said:
it doesn’t dictate the way others are free to expect their spouse to be open.
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It also does not mean that married people are required to do public confession in front of their spouse.

You are really hyperfocused on this, I’m finished.

Realize that it is possible to have a marriage built on trust and fidelity.
 
rcwitness said:
Boring ways” ? That’s how you describe mortal sin? Not receiving Eucharist is much more serious than you realize. There way a rejection of God, and a failure of fidelity to Jesus.
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But you could also not receive because you’re not properly disposed to receive it. I’ve refrained because I’ve been irritable. Not mortally sinful, but still recognizing my soul’s not where it should be.

And yeah, actually, most sin is mind numbingly mundane. It’s kind of amazing it still has the hold on us that it does.
 
TheLittleLady said:
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rcwitness:
it doesn’t dictate the way others are free to expect their spouse to be open.
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It also does not mean that married people are required to do public confession in front of their spouse.

You are really hyperfocused on this, I’m finished.

Realize that it is possible to have a marriage built on trust and fidelity.
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A spouse is not public, but the person with the Sacrament of marriage surrounding each other. And you fail to realize that some sins (maybe not you and your spouse who are above reproach, I’m speaking about those of us who struggle with serious sins) have harmful affects on the family. Some sins are apparent, yet the perpetrator cannot bring themselves to apologize! And it’s a perpetual hurt.
 
And why would that be so wrong to simply explain? Why accuse your spouse of being out of line, intrusive, and lacking trust?
 
And I believe that is no justified reason to refrain from what you described. That’s self debasement and thinking you need to be more worthy to receive.

Has a priest suggested you refrain because of something like this?
 
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rcwitness said:
Lack of trust? That makes no sense. Obviously the brother is at variance with Jesus through sin, yet he would demand to assign these sinister descriptions toward an act of charity and mercy?
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Yes, it’s obvious one’s spouse understand he did wrong, since he is not receiving. He is therefore, susequently behaving correctly and obviously plans on confessing it. Therrfore fraternal correction is not needed. He/she did not ask for help in ivercoming any sin or bring it up themselves. Taking all of this into account, and then considering your multiple replies which suggested the spouse who is asking had to be who was sinned against, it seems likely the person asking simply does not quite trust the person who did not receive.
 
rcwitness said:
It’s definitely not the same thing, since one is in two different states.
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It is asking : what sin did you commit. Same thing in my mind. But I will accept your argument in the spirit of charity and change my assertion:

It is the same as asking a spouse, perhaps on the way to confession, what sins are you going to confess? Do you think that is appropriate?
 
No. If the spouse is receiving Communion, then there is not necessarily any evident sin which may be causing harm.

On the other hand the spouse asking, may know about some harmful behavior to the family, and yet sees the sinner receiving Communion when nothing has been done to make amends!!
 
And that would call for fraternal correction, but it is most certainly not the scenario we are discussing.
 
rcwitness said:
Why accuse your spouse of being out of line, intrusive, and lacking trust?
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I wouldn’t accuse them of such.

And yes, to refrain if I am not properly disposed to receive is advice I have been given.
 
Not sure I understand what “not properly disposed to receive” means?
 
Objectively means always. I would might agree with this in some extreme situations. Perhaps if a one inew their spouse was struggling with habitual behavior AND they were already engaged in helping the spouse overcome the behavior, I might understand in that limited scenario.
 
“Honey, I noticed that you didn’t go up for communion. Why was that?”

Some possible answers:

“Well, I masturbated last night and need to go to confession first.”

“After dinner I was sitting on the couch quietly fantasizing about how your hot friend Rachel would look naked. Need to go to confession first.”

“On the way to church I was thinking about how fiercely I hate my boss, and didn’t feel properly disposed.”

“On the computer last night I lingered over some semi-porn sites. Better go to confession first.”

Or:

“For my own spiritual growth I decided to refrain from communion every other week.”

“I’ve been taking communion too much for granted lately, a little spiritual discernment while abstaining will be good for me.”

I suppose any of these replies could be followed by a lengthy discussion which may or may not be beneficial to one’s spiritual life or to the marriage. Or they could be resolved by a simple trip to the confessional.

I’m wondering though, if those who feel they have a right to inquisition of a spouse also feel a similar right to inquisition of a teenage son or daughter, who might be less inclined to discuss personal faults with a parent?
 
Some people say you shouldn’t tell her and should have gently rebuffed her.

Some say you should have just told her straight up.

I think you were in a tough situation because you’re trying to be a good example to her, you’re feeling slightly judged by her and thinking she views your faith as somehow ‘lesser’ because you cannot receive in certain circumstances…

Don’t compare your faith to hers. She MAY look down on your church but I suggest you just follow the prompting and guidance of the Spirit. If something like this happens again speak if the Spirit prompts you to speak, or don’t if it prompts you not to.

Only God knows what she needs to hear and how she needs to hear it and I’d wager as you are closer to her than anyone else that you also know what would turn her away and what wouldn’t.

I encourage you to continue being a witness to her but also not to stress it too much. Stay in prayer and God will guide you.
 
“JimG said:
“Well, I masturbated last night and need to go to confession first.”
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A spouse should know about this. It’s infidelity. It’s taking what belongs to the other spouse.

“After dinner I was sitting on the couch quietly fantasizing about how your hot friend Rachel would look naked. Need to go to confession first.”
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This could be something left out, or if became a constant problem, let your spouse know of the temptation.

“On the way to church I was thinking about how fiercely I hate my boss, and didn’t feel properly disposed.”
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Fiercely hating someone can certainly be mortal!

“On the computer last night I lingered over some semi-porn sites. Better go to confession first.”
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All of these things should not have shame attached to them if intending to ask Christ for forgiveness.

“For my own spiritual growth I decided to refrain from communion every other week.”
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Is this for real? Refraining from Eucharist for spiritual grace? I hear something silly from Catholics all the time here at CAF!

“I’ve been taking communion too much for granted lately, a little spiritual discernment while abstaining will be good for me.”
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Another silly notion…
I’m wondering though, if those who feel they have a right to inquisition of a spouse also feel a similar right to inquisition of a teenage son or daughter, who might be less inclined to discuss personal faults with a parent?
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Asking can be an act of kindness and mercy. And depending on the sin for refraining, it could be owed the family member!
 
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