Dear Tom,
Do I ever understand where you are coming from. I am a mother to two married sons. I have experienced wrath from both my daughter in laws. What’s even more interesting is that the two daughter in laws don’t get along with each other either. Probably because they are both controlling women and get away with it with their husbands. For several years, I tried putting out the fires and only got myself in deeper. When my husband died suddenly, I spent even the first night alone even though it was only a few hours after his death. My sons nor their wives gave their time or support to be with me. I was widowed for several years and in the beginning, I would receive a phone call maybe once a week from my sons. Now, I never hear from them unless they want something. I took all of this to the foot of the cross and prayed, prayed, and continue to pray to forgive all of them for their behavior.
Just ONE example: I was hospitalized about six months after my husband’s death. I was very near death. I had septicemia and the infection affected my heart and kidneys. I prayed constantly the prayer to the Divine Mercy and miraculously I pulled through. One son did visit me a couple of times and phoned almost every day while I was in the hospital. When I was to be released, I called the other son to come and take me home. It was on Thanksgiving Day and the hospital staff was operating on a skeleton crew, therefore, discharge took a couple of hours. His wife called me at the hospital demanding to talk to her husband and read him the riot act as to why he wasn’t coming home because they were having dinner at her parent’s & they were waiting on dinner. She called me the next day and yelled some more.
There are many, many more instances of this type of painful behavior. I did come to the realization that I cannot tell either one of the girls what wonderful sons they were to raise. The truth is, they were. They were outstanding students in school, never involved with alcohol or drugs, attended Mass regularly, very respectful of my husband and me. Instead of their wives being proud of their husband’s growth and responsibilities, they seemed to resent hearing it from me. Now, I say nothing. I avoid, at all costs, discussing any part of their husband’s life before their marriages.
What it all comes down to and what I suggest to your mother, Tom, is to tell her to let it go. She needs to ask herself, “What does this have to do with eternity?” This is very hard to do but it can be done. I still find myself, in the privacy of my home, crying tears of loneliness for the absence of my sons in my life. We are responsible for our OWN actions and not of others, even if it is our kids.
I think it’s wonderful, Tom, that you love your mother so very much. I think my sons love me also. It’s just unfortunate that their wives are so insecure and jealous that they can’t share a part of their life with a mother who gave them life.
Someday, your wife will be a mother in law and she will then reflect on how she treated your mother. The old saying of what goes around, comes around is sometimes true. The sad part is that it will be too late for her to make ammends with your mother and ask for forgiveness since the chances of your mother being still on this earth are slim.
