Wife doesn't want me to attend daily Mass

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nevadairenaeus,

Knowing now that you are in Iowa, I don’t think there are any Catholic radio stations in Eastern Iowa that you can listen to at work or in your car. There is Catholic radio here in Des Moines, www.kwky.com. If you can stream audio on your PC at work or if you have a smart phone and can tap into a WiFi connection so you don’t use up your phone’s data, you can listen on your phone at work as well.

Download the TuneIn App for your smart phone, do a search for KWKY & EWTN and you are set. Your wife will never know and it well help you stay connected to our Faith.

Edit: You might even be able to get KWKY on your car radio, it’s on the AM dial at 1150.
 
PatriceA said:
Second this advice. The issues here seem to go much deeper than the OP going to daily mass and being a practicing Catholic.
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We don’t have a perfect marriage. I am no saint (yet!). We probably could use a counselor. Agreeing on one would be difficult though.

But even a very strong marriage may not survive one spouse leaving the Mormon church. Unfortunately there are many cases in which the marriage falls apart. Mormonism is a very intense faith. They view themselves as being the only true church. To leave the Mormon church is to abandon one’s salvation. There are few things worse in Mormonism than apostasizing from the faith, especially those who have made covenants in Mormon temples to give everything to the LDS church. We apostates most likely have a special place in the next life with the devil and his angels (they call it outer darkness). So from my wife’s point of view I have already done one of the worst things imaginable.

It’s also important to understand how Mormons view marriage. For them marriage in the temple is for all eternity. A lot of the LDS church’s teachings revolves around the importance of eternal families. To become like God, we all need to be married in a temple and remain faithful to the Mormon church (and yes, they do believe that God the Father is married). In many ways temple marriage is the summit of the LDS faith, the most sacred of sacraments (like how the Eucharist is for Catholics). It is the ultimate goal for young LDS men and women. So when I left the LDS faith and became Catholic I was in my wife’s eyes rejecting our eternal family. I broke our family apart for all eternity. Unless I become a faithful Mormon again, she believes that we will be separated in the next life and she will be given to another more worthy LDS man (preferably to Mitt Romney, she’s a big Romney supporter :D)
 
garn9173 said:
Reassure them that most of the time, the weather geeks are crying wolf with warnings (that doesn’t say it doesn’t get rough it does, look at the SW Iowa storms 10 days ago, but most times a tornado warning doesn’t result in an actual tornado).

After a short time, you’ll be doing what any true Iowan does during a severe weather event and that’s grab an adult beverage and go outside to “have a look around” 😛
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lol

No adult beverages for me though. To keep peace in the family I still adhere to the Mormon prohibition against alcohol and coffee.
 
For what it is worth…the same tension can happen in any home. But I am on the receiving end of my Catholic Faith not being appreciated, I took the kids with me and have had much passive aggressive abuse because of this same kind of disagreement. Not about being active in church but becaust it is Catholic and he is not…but is still Christian.

It sounds just as heartbreaking. I agree with the counselling suggestion. If there is any hope at all in you two coming to some kind of agreement, she needs some conversion too, but not necessarily to become Catholic, but a change of heart in her beliefs.

Your Faith IS acceptable. It’s not your fault you answered the call from God. but before you suffer from depression, or she does, and a total disconnect happens, get some help.

On the positive side, she is concerned for your soul. You are concerned for hers.
 
I’m really coming to hate the divisions that exist between believers. Would that we were all one!

“He shall also judge those who give rise to schisms, who are destitute of the love of God, and who look to their own special advantage rather than to the unity of the Church; and who for trifling reasons, or any kind of reason which occurs to them, cut in pieces and divide the great and glorious body of Christ, and so far as in them lies, destroy it; men who prate of peace while they give rise to war, and do in truth strain out a gnat, but swallow a camel. For no reformation of so great importance can be effected by them as will compensate for the mischief arising from their schism.” - St. Irenaeus, Against Heresies
 
L_piperatus said:
I swear I have been thinking of the Knights of Columbus all the time while reading about the OP’s plight, I was just afraid to bring it up. :eek:

Anyone remember this thread? 😃

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=662188
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I don’t think I would ever join the Knights of Columbus. The secrecy oaths would remind me too much of my Mormon temple experience. Let the Mormons and Masons have their secret societies. I’ve already had my fill of that kind of thing.
 
nevadairenaeus said:
I don’t think I would ever join the Knights of Columbus. The secrecy oaths would remind me too much of my Mormon temple experience. Let the Mormons and Masons have their secret societies. I’ve already had my fill of that kind of thing.
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The only thing secret about is that you won’t reveal to anyone, not a brother Knight, any of the initiation proceedings. It’s not a big deal, all fraternal orginzations are like this.
 
nevadairenaeus said:
I don’t think I would ever join the Knights of Columbus. The secrecy oaths would remind me too much of my Mormon temple experience. Let the Mormons and Masons have their secret societies. I’ve already had my fill of that kind of thing.
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Have you found the ex-Mormon group here on CAF? They usually post on threads that have LDS references but you didn’t mention it in your title. They will give you a lot of help and support. Some really sold Catholics are ex-LDS.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
Have you found the ex-Mormon group here on CAF? They usually post on threads that have LDS references but you didn’t mention it in your title. They will give you a lot of help and support. Some really sold Catholics are ex-LDS.
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I’ve participated in some of the Mormon themed threads already. Its nice to know that I am not alone.
 
nevadairenaeus said:
We don’t have a perfect marriage. I am no saint (yet!). We probably could use a counselor. Agreeing on one would be difficult though.

But even a very strong marriage may not survive one spouse leaving the Mormon church. Unfortunately there are many cases in which the marriage falls apart. Mormonism is a very intense faith. They view themselves as being the only true church. To leave the Mormon church is to abandon one’s salvation. There are few things worse in Mormonism than apostasizing from the faith, especially those who have made covenants in Mormon temples to give everything to the LDS church. We apostates most likely have a special place in the next life with the devil and his angels (they call it outer darkness). So from my wife’s point of view I have already done one of the worst things imaginable.

It’s also important to understand how Mormons view marriage. For them marriage in the temple is for all eternity. A lot of the LDS church’s teachings revolves around the importance of eternal families. To become like God, we all need to be married in a temple and remain faithful to the Mormon church (and yes, they do believe that God the Father is married). In many ways temple marriage is the summit of the LDS faith, the most sacred of sacraments (like how the Eucharist is for Catholics). It is the ultimate goal for young LDS men and women. So when I left the LDS faith and became Catholic I was in my wife’s eyes rejecting our eternal family. I broke our family apart for all eternity. Unless I become a faithful Mormon again, she believes that we will be separated in the next life and she will be given to another more worthy LDS man (preferably to Mitt Romney, she’s a big Romney supporter :D)
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I didn’t know it was that extreme in the religion. It would be very hard for you to break off from it. I wish we all had an answer of what’s the best for you to do. Well, at least some here have some ideas of what you can do, I have none 😦 I left the catholic church to attend my husbands protestant one when we where dating. Until about 2007 when we both left and stayed church less for a few years. Then I just started going to the catholic mass on my own lastyear and last sunday we all went as a family. I am hoping to convert my husband, it’s been difficult because I don’t have answers to many things he asks. And if he decided not to convert, we will end up different faiths and going to different churchs on sundays, which will leave the children confused. But mormon seems much more difficult then protestant.

I do agree that I don’t want you to stop going to mass, but at the same time I don’t want you to lie to your wife either. Everything will be ok, it’s tough right now but it will all be ok. Praying for you,

Many Blessings,
-Nicki
 
nevadairenaeus said:
I’ve participated in some of the Mormon themed threads already. Its nice to know that I am not alone.
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Good. I am in awe of people who leave the LDS church - most people have no idea how difficult that is.

I know you are treading carefully, but if it were me, and I had it to do over again, I would do whatever I felt called to do in my parish and let the chips fall where they may. I have tiptoed around for the last 20 years so I wouldn’t be “too Catholic” for my husband. I’m tired of it. I’m going to get involved in my new parish and he can deal with it, or not. If that’s what ends up being the impetus for a split, so be it. What’s happened is that I’ve stayed cut off from a supportive community and I’ve done nothing to help with the Great Commission.

I also feel guilty because my husband is faking his participation and I feel like I am lying to my sons about that…Of course now they are older and they see that Dad skips Mass fairly often, never goes to confession, never prays except at meals, etc. They may not consciously grasp that he’s not practicing but they see the reality and they wouldn’t be surprised to hear that he doesn’t really believe what we do. It would make sense to them. I wouldn’t tell them, and if they asked, I would refer them to their father to have him explain. He can’t lie so the cat would be out of the bag at that point.

I guess what I am saying is that I feel I have had my toe in the water with the Church for 20 years, and I want to dive in. No matter what, all I have is me, I have no spouse to pray for me or help me get to Heaven, so if I am a lukewarm Catholic, it’s up to me to warm myself up! I don’t recommend that you make all these concessions to your wife. I just don’t.
 
nevadairenaeus said:
lol

No adult beverages for me though. To keep peace in the family I still adhere to the Mormon prohibition against alcohol and coffee.
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Something to ponder, even though as a Catholic, you are under no obligation to abstain from alcohol and coffee, what are you going to do when Ash Wednesday rolls around next year and you are required to fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday as well as no meat on Friday during Lent and Good Friday? Your kids are going to quickly pick up that Dad is doing something that Mom and I aren’t doing.

You’re wife aint going to like what i’m going to suggest, hopefully she will have come around and accept your new religion, but if you are doing something for her faith that you no longer are required to participate in, it’s only right she observes with you the Lenten & Good Friday fasting and abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent as well as Good Friday.
 
Thanks to everyone for their advice. I’ve decided that I am going to continue attending Mass a few times during the week if possible. I will also try to take my wife out to lunch more regularly on the days I am not at Mass, maybe once or twice a week when our schedules permit.

Right now in my spiritual life I need the peace and grace of the Mass more than once a week. I know for a fact that it helps me be a better husband and father, more kind and patient. Maybe over time my wife will come to realize that as well and will get upset if I **miss **Mass :tsktsk:.
 
TheRealJuliane said:
I guess what I am saying is that I feel I have had my toe in the water with the Church for 20 years, and** I want to dive in**. No matter what, all I have is me, I have no spouse to pray for me or help me get to Heaven, so if I am a lukewarm Catholic, it’s up to me to warm myself up! I don’t recommend that you make all these concessions to your wife. I just don’t.
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I totally understand that feeling.
 
garn9173 said:
Something to ponder, even though as a Catholic, you are under no obligation to abstain from alcohol and coffee, what are you going to do when Ash Wednesday rolls around next year and you are required to fast on Ash Wednesday and Good Friday as well as no meat on Friday during Lent and Good Friday? Your kids are going to quickly pick up that Dad is doing something that Mom and I aren’t doing.

You’re wife aint going to like what i’m going to suggest, hopefully she will have come around and accept your new religion, but if you are doing something for her faith that you no longer are required to participate in, it’s only right she observes with you the Lenten & Good Friday fasting and abstaining from meat on Fridays during Lent as well as Good Friday.
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That’s already happened during this past Lent. Why isn’t Dad eating any of the pepperoni pizza? For now the answer is, ‘don’t worry about it’.
 
nevadairenaeus said:
That’s already happened during this past Lent. Why isn’t Dad eating any of the pepperoni pizza? For now the answer is, ‘don’t worry about it’.
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I’d give them a better answer than that! Too much of that will make them think they aren’t asking good questions.
 
Well, being so entrenched in the LDS church it’s a bona fide miracle that God brought you into the Church. You are a walking miracle my friend, and I have hope for your wife to become Christian too.
 
constantconvert said:
Well, being so entrenched in the LDS church it’s a bona fide miracle that God brought you into the Church. You are a walking miracle my friend, and I have hope for your wife to become Christian too.
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It is indeed a miracle and it happened by the grace of God. I was actually employed by LDS church when I decided to leave Mormonism. That meant I had to find a new job and move. Worries about possible divorce, ruptured family relations, unemployment, financial ruin, and the loss of my home - I don’t want to go through that again! Becoming Catholic was the hardest thing that I have ever done.
 
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