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agnes_therese
Guest
My first nomination for the Understatement of the Year, 2013.
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aicirt
Guest
I’ve never fully understood this unconditional love thing. For example, I have a friend who is much loved by her family. They’ve tried everything to get her to stop smoking but to no avail. Within minutes after attending a quit-smoking class, she lights up. It becomes very disheartening to watch someone you love destroy herself, and there does come a point where you pull back your involvement. If a person cares for someone more than he/she cares for himself, the caretaker has to wonder why he’s involved when she isn’t. With my smoking friend, the dynamics have changed. I think they now see her smoking as showing them, " I’ll do what I want to because what I want is more important than you." Is that love? Don’t think so. They still love her but they started to shield themselves emotionally from her in expectation of losing her.
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DadfromMN
Guest
good call, he be trolling.You sir are going to get flamed. Just wait until RealJuliane shows up here.
Im positive you are a troll though, so you wont be around for long anyways.
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Candescent
Guest
You may be in good shape on the outside but you have a pretty hideous thing going on inside, where it really matters. Pray to the Holy Spirit to enter you and cleanse these selfish and pathetic longings- really more appropriate to a 19 year old boy. Thank Christ for your wife who is staying in this loveless marriage with a man so absolutely hideous,and not even aware enough to be ashamed of it.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
You sir are going to get flamed. Just wait until RealJuliane shows up here.
Im positive you are a troll though, so you wont be around for long anyways.
Guess I’ve got a reputation for being …A REAL beast! LOL You two just about made me spit my 1st cup of coffee all over my keyboard!
I am late to the party, unfortunately, and everyone else has already responded to what sure looks like trolling to me. I’ve seen quite a few of these sorts of posts and the same two sides always line up.
Side 1: The OP is a jerk, a pig, and his wife should actually leave him, he doesn’t deserve her.
Side 2: The OP has a right to a healthy, slender wife because that’s what he signed up for. What is wrong with wanting his wife to be healthy? He may not have expressed it very well but he does have a right to his repulsion at his wife’s weight gain.
And then, the fight goes on for pages.
:slapfight::blackeye::stretcher::crutches:I’m just gonna stand back and wait for the body count (if you’ll pardon the expression).
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Sillara
Guest
Thank you for the link!
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Kit15
Guest
A reproductive endocrinologist at a fertility clinic was the one who diagnosed me. It involved a blood test and an ultrasound. Your gyno should be able to refer you to one if he feels unable to do it himself. Just knowing you have a name for your condition lifts a considerable burden off your shoulders rather than just sitting and wondering what the heck is wrong with you.
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Sillara
Guest
Thanks so much for taking the time!
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Cat
Guest
Even if the OP is trolling, the subject is still good. There’s a story on TODAY this morning about what happens when one spouse gains weight, so it’s an issue that happens all the time.
I was thin and fit when my husband and I married. Within five years, I gained over 50 pounds, and by the time we had been married 25 years, I was at least a hundred pounds heavier than I was when we were first married.
Thankfully, my husband never stopped seeing me as attractive, and I think this helped me eventually get to a place where I was ready to start working on the weight issue. I’ve lost about 80 pounds over three years, and sadly have gained about 20 of it back since November when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (I’ve gained it back due o a combination of turning to food for comfort, of being too busy driving out to see and help my dad to be home to shop, cook, and clean up “healthy” foods, and no longer having the early morning or any after-work hours available for exercise. I’m not worrying about it at this time–I’m just trying to hold on and not gain any more, and eat healthily at least 50% or more of the time.)
What I can tell the OP is that his wife will only lose weight when SHE is ready, and this is a complex process that may take years, so dig in for the long haul and do not expect overnight miracles or successes. It’s a battle, a very hard battle.
I urge the OP and anyone else interested in this issue to watch The Biggest Loser on TV and carefully observe the following: even when EVERYTHING is arranged to facilitate weight loss–the person is not working at a job, is not at home with family, is not expected to “do” anything except exercise and eat right, is given ALL the healthy food free of charge, is taught by expert chefs how to prepare that healthy food into appealing and tasty meals, is given 24 hour a day access to a state of the art gym and has some of the best fitness trainers in the world, has access to 24 hour a day medical care, plus has the prize of a quarter of a million dollars possible–
–even given ALL these wonderful amenities–there are still contestants who DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
It’s sobering, and should tell the medical professionals as well as all the rest of us that WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT NOT NOT EASY!!!
There was a thread a few months ago in which a CAF member argued that conditions like alcoholism, overeating, etc. are not diseases. Well, maybe so and maybe not. All I know is that SOMETHING is wrong when a human being gets so heavy that their legs swell and turn red and start leaking fluid, and when their thighs rub together and bleed, and when they can’t walk across a room without wheezing. This is not just “being a beast.” Something, something is wrong up in the brain. We don’t know what that something is yet. All too often, the ones who are insisting that nothing is wrong and that the fattie just has to “do it” are the ones who have never been seriously overweight and have no idea what the overweight person is experiencing.
Also, there was a thread in which a CAF member had no idea of the extent to which many Americans eat sweets and salts. This member thought of these foods as occasional treats. They didn’t realize that many of us would and do eat sweets and salts at every meal, in between meals, and all evening long. Again, there is something wrong, and it’s not just “being a beast.”
Sorry that I can’t be more uplifting. It’s a tough, tough issue.
I was thin and fit when my husband and I married. Within five years, I gained over 50 pounds, and by the time we had been married 25 years, I was at least a hundred pounds heavier than I was when we were first married.
Thankfully, my husband never stopped seeing me as attractive, and I think this helped me eventually get to a place where I was ready to start working on the weight issue. I’ve lost about 80 pounds over three years, and sadly have gained about 20 of it back since November when my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer. (I’ve gained it back due o a combination of turning to food for comfort, of being too busy driving out to see and help my dad to be home to shop, cook, and clean up “healthy” foods, and no longer having the early morning or any after-work hours available for exercise. I’m not worrying about it at this time–I’m just trying to hold on and not gain any more, and eat healthily at least 50% or more of the time.)
What I can tell the OP is that his wife will only lose weight when SHE is ready, and this is a complex process that may take years, so dig in for the long haul and do not expect overnight miracles or successes. It’s a battle, a very hard battle.
I urge the OP and anyone else interested in this issue to watch The Biggest Loser on TV and carefully observe the following: even when EVERYTHING is arranged to facilitate weight loss–the person is not working at a job, is not at home with family, is not expected to “do” anything except exercise and eat right, is given ALL the healthy food free of charge, is taught by expert chefs how to prepare that healthy food into appealing and tasty meals, is given 24 hour a day access to a state of the art gym and has some of the best fitness trainers in the world, has access to 24 hour a day medical care, plus has the prize of a quarter of a million dollars possible–
–even given ALL these wonderful amenities–there are still contestants who DO NOT LOSE WEIGHT.
It’s sobering, and should tell the medical professionals as well as all the rest of us that WEIGHT LOSS IS NOT NOT NOT EASY!!!
There was a thread a few months ago in which a CAF member argued that conditions like alcoholism, overeating, etc. are not diseases. Well, maybe so and maybe not. All I know is that SOMETHING is wrong when a human being gets so heavy that their legs swell and turn red and start leaking fluid, and when their thighs rub together and bleed, and when they can’t walk across a room without wheezing. This is not just “being a beast.” Something, something is wrong up in the brain. We don’t know what that something is yet. All too often, the ones who are insisting that nothing is wrong and that the fattie just has to “do it” are the ones who have never been seriously overweight and have no idea what the overweight person is experiencing.
Also, there was a thread in which a CAF member had no idea of the extent to which many Americans eat sweets and salts. This member thought of these foods as occasional treats. They didn’t realize that many of us would and do eat sweets and salts at every meal, in between meals, and all evening long. Again, there is something wrong, and it’s not just “being a beast.”
Sorry that I can’t be more uplifting. It’s a tough, tough issue.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Cat, a very thoughtful and thought-provoking response; thank you!
Personally, I have my own theory about why there is so much obesity nowdays (the spell check doesn’t like that word, but tough!). Part of it is the fast food phenomenon, but there’s this little ingredient that’s been in a lot of our food since 1975, called HFCS - High fructose corn syrup. Back when I was growing up, there was ONE obese person during all my years in school, K-12. ONE! There were some “chubby” people, but nothing to the extent of the problem now. You had to work at it to be obese!
The corn industry will tell you differently, but there is research that shows that little artificial molecule does things in our brains - it turns off the natural appetite suppressant leptin so that no matter how many calories we eat, we don’t feel satisfied. That mechanism alone is enough to cause people to eat far more calories than they can ever burn off in a day. Personally, I believe that some people are very susceptible to the effects of HFCS and these are the ones who gain ENORMOUS amounts of weight, somewhat like what happened to Native Americans when the settlers gave them alcohol (meaning they had bad effects, not that they gained weight!).
Yes, our lives are somewhat more sedentary, but we also have more leisure time available for all sorts of activities and sports. I just don’t see that as being the cause for this epidemic of obesity. I think we’ve been playing with our brain chemistry to make foods so sweet and the high intake of this particular molecule has been VERY destructive. I can tell you that in our household, I’ve seen my husband’s use of ketchup go down a LOT since I stopped buying the stuff with HFCS in it. We used to drink soda, back in the day, but it was made from cane sugar, not HFCS. And we stopped when we had one! Not 32 oz. per serving! Natural foods just work in our brains. Artificial stuff tricks your brain.
Well, that’s TRJ’s nutritional and food science lesson for the day, kids. Get rid of HFCS and I would be willing to bet my car (which I love a lot) that the obesity rate will start to go down on its own.
Personally, I have my own theory about why there is so much obesity nowdays (the spell check doesn’t like that word, but tough!). Part of it is the fast food phenomenon, but there’s this little ingredient that’s been in a lot of our food since 1975, called HFCS - High fructose corn syrup. Back when I was growing up, there was ONE obese person during all my years in school, K-12. ONE! There were some “chubby” people, but nothing to the extent of the problem now. You had to work at it to be obese!
The corn industry will tell you differently, but there is research that shows that little artificial molecule does things in our brains - it turns off the natural appetite suppressant leptin so that no matter how many calories we eat, we don’t feel satisfied. That mechanism alone is enough to cause people to eat far more calories than they can ever burn off in a day. Personally, I believe that some people are very susceptible to the effects of HFCS and these are the ones who gain ENORMOUS amounts of weight, somewhat like what happened to Native Americans when the settlers gave them alcohol (meaning they had bad effects, not that they gained weight!).
Yes, our lives are somewhat more sedentary, but we also have more leisure time available for all sorts of activities and sports. I just don’t see that as being the cause for this epidemic of obesity. I think we’ve been playing with our brain chemistry to make foods so sweet and the high intake of this particular molecule has been VERY destructive. I can tell you that in our household, I’ve seen my husband’s use of ketchup go down a LOT since I stopped buying the stuff with HFCS in it. We used to drink soda, back in the day, but it was made from cane sugar, not HFCS. And we stopped when we had one! Not 32 oz. per serving! Natural foods just work in our brains. Artificial stuff tricks your brain.
Well, that’s TRJ’s nutritional and food science lesson for the day, kids. Get rid of HFCS and I would be willing to bet my car (which I love a lot) that the obesity rate will start to go down on its own.
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Armor_of_Light
Guest
Yeah! The ‘corn industry’…what a joke.
They try to spin it as ‘corn sugar’ and tell us our bodies can’t tell the difference! What a joke…
Almost makes me want to go vegan. I’m going to the gym.
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TheWarriorMonk
Guest
It’s not just fast food or corn syrup; it’s simply the processed modern diet and the modern low-exercise lifestyle. One of my favorite demonstrations of this is Dr. John McDougall’s observations during his residency at the University of Hawaii. Basically he observed three generations of people, and their differences in generations between diseases, diet, and exercise. The younger generation with low exercise and modern diets had the typical modern diseases, yet the older generation, which ate a simpler, natural diet and worked hard, didn’t have these diseases. What is also interesting about the study is that they are of similar genetic makeup, which threw the whole “it’s in the genes” argument out the window.
The current “Paleo” diet works off of this concept; natural foods only (note: Dr. McDougall prefers a vegetarian diet; Paleo diets are high animal protein). Many parts of the world eat simple, natural diets and don’t have the weight and disease problems we have in the western world.
If one wants to lose weight, stick with simplicity. Do not eat processed foods, which includes food with additives, or foods that have had natural elements stripped from them (white flour, etc.).
The current “Paleo” diet works off of this concept; natural foods only (note: Dr. McDougall prefers a vegetarian diet; Paleo diets are high animal protein). Many parts of the world eat simple, natural diets and don’t have the weight and disease problems we have in the western world.
If one wants to lose weight, stick with simplicity. Do not eat processed foods, which includes food with additives, or foods that have had natural elements stripped from them (white flour, etc.).
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St_Francis
Guest
News of a study recently came out that a high percentage of overweight children tested had a virus… I forget all the details.
I remeber when everyone said ulcers were caused by eating the wrong foods and stress. Then someone said it was a bacteria and no one listened. He had to give it to himself to show that his theory was right. Now everyone treats ulcers with antibiotics and you hardly hear about people having them.
The corn syrup issue also has merit.
I remeber when everyone said ulcers were caused by eating the wrong foods and stress. Then someone said it was a bacteria and no one listened. He had to give it to himself to show that his theory was right. Now everyone treats ulcers with antibiotics and you hardly hear about people having them.
The corn syrup issue also has merit.
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SouthCatholic
Guest
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SouthCatholic
Guest
THIS THIS THIS THIS…
At my heaviest I weighed 365 pounds (there are a multitude of reasons for that)… I am 5’4"… I did not begin to really drop weight until I transitioned to a Raw Vegan eating plan. Raw Vegan sort of forces clean eating because it removes anything that is processed and cannot be eaten in what is close to its natural state. I lost 145 pounds the first year and I am still losing. HFCS is killing us. I just shake my head every time I see one of those “corn sugar” commercials!
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Eleanor61
Guest
I hope this guy is a troll…he is really mean and should divorce his wife as a charitable act, no one should have to live with someone who thinks of them in such terms but did anyone notice that he says he isn’t sure how old she was when they married “maybe 21”? Like he doesn’t know how old his wife is? That stretches credulity.
Also, my sister weighed 195 at 5’1",and while she wasn’t svelte, you would hardly have used words like “beast” or “elephant” to describe her. It is possible to be well groomed and certainly not repulsive at that weight.
Also, my sister weighed 195 at 5’1",and while she wasn’t svelte, you would hardly have used words like “beast” or “elephant” to describe her. It is possible to be well groomed and certainly not repulsive at that weight.
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MushroomMan
Guest
Well I will ignore those who called me a bad husband and a jerk. I have worked hard to stay fit and attractive in every way that is reasonable and i expect my wife to do the same. I would not ask her to get plastic surgery or anything but now she will need it if she ever slims down. I do want her to be healthy this is just ridiculous though. No man wants to take his wife shopping at the special obese lady store because se can’t wear normal clothes just like no wife wants to buy from the Big and Fat mens boutique for her big fat husband!
The thing is a lot of you havesaid she must hate being fat and get depressed about it. I do not think this is true at all because she makes not even tiny efforts to change. She wont even switch to diet cokes or go with me on a walk trust me I have tried that! She says shes happy and I should learn to be to. She wants sex with me! She buys lingerie from the special store and last Vday she planned a striptease for me. I was embarassed for her because it was like a joke with her being so huge. What man finds that sexy. I told her “honey, it would be sexier if you’d lose some weight and just stand there naked versus trying to do this.” I know, rude. But what would you do if your wife did a striptease for you but all you could see were rolls, dimples and chub - a barrel where her nice waist used to be and two watermellons for a bosom? Come on I can only be pushed so far.
I do care about my wifes health and have offered her to go to a counselor at church or a professional to see what can we do. She says she does not need that. I would literally do anything for this woman to see her take some pride in her appearance but its like she doesnt care. She is a member of a “fat acceptance” website and says shes not necessarily unhealthy because of her “CURVES!” Beyonce has curves! My wife is more the size of a Rosanne Bar.
I did not mean my wife was a beast Im sorry I said that I am just frustrated because I wish she would just try. Even just for me. If she was thinner and told me she wised I would cover up the grays that are starting to show in my hair I would do it in a heartbeat.
Thanks for your help. Very fristrated.
The thing is a lot of you havesaid she must hate being fat and get depressed about it. I do not think this is true at all because she makes not even tiny efforts to change. She wont even switch to diet cokes or go with me on a walk trust me I have tried that! She says shes happy and I should learn to be to. She wants sex with me! She buys lingerie from the special store and last Vday she planned a striptease for me. I was embarassed for her because it was like a joke with her being so huge. What man finds that sexy. I told her “honey, it would be sexier if you’d lose some weight and just stand there naked versus trying to do this.” I know, rude. But what would you do if your wife did a striptease for you but all you could see were rolls, dimples and chub - a barrel where her nice waist used to be and two watermellons for a bosom? Come on I can only be pushed so far.
I do care about my wifes health and have offered her to go to a counselor at church or a professional to see what can we do. She says she does not need that. I would literally do anything for this woman to see her take some pride in her appearance but its like she doesnt care. She is a member of a “fat acceptance” website and says shes not necessarily unhealthy because of her “CURVES!” Beyonce has curves! My wife is more the size of a Rosanne Bar.
I did not mean my wife was a beast Im sorry I said that I am just frustrated because I wish she would just try. Even just for me. If she was thinner and told me she wised I would cover up the grays that are starting to show in my hair I would do it in a heartbeat.
Thanks for your help. Very fristrated.
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yellowbird
Guest
If SHE doesn’t want to change, in my opinion you have two choices:
- Look beyond her exterior at the woman you married and ask God to help you love her as He loves her - unconditionally. Be faithful to the vows you made to her when she was 21 and spend eternity in heaven.
- Divorce her because the weight she gained repulses you which is a WONDERFUL teaching tool for your children, find a thinner woman who turns you on and spend eternity in hell.
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Eufrosnia
Guest
Too much information. Seriously keep some of this stuff private between you and your wife. They don’t belong in a forum post.
That being said, you desire the wrong thing. You want her to take pride in her looks. Maybe she doesn’t want that anymore. Maybe all she needs is to be healthy and have a good husband who cares about the person rather than the BODY.
Anyway, be patient and try the exercising together and dieting together thing.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
Put down that popcorn and step away from it!
No one needs 3 large tubs of popcorn!!!
Signed, The Food Nazi.
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