Wife says she'll divorce me if I become Catholic

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Cyril_Of_Canada said:
That isn’t enough.
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It’s enough from that meeting. A good first step.

The priest you are talking with should be able to help from here.

It seems like your wife has already made a number of changes for you, and each one coming with some negative effects. Her fears are thus understandable and may be less specific to Catholicism and more a general concern with more major change. You need to be gentle, patient, and perhaps even slow. Sometimes the conversion process is very slow, due to various circumstances. This priest will be able to advise you, especially once he has talked with your wife.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
…I need some tracts on these things and topics they brought up.
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Why? Surely you’re not intending to engage with the pastors in a debating contest to establish which is the “truer” faith, or to change their beliefs? That would be a serious mistake, guaranteed to raise tensions and achieve no good at all.

Now if the issue is that your wife is holding onto some erroneous beliefs about Catholicism which are causing her great anxiety, that is a different matter, and that can be addressed by providing her with answers, or contact with a priest who is capable of communicating with her effectively.

Or you could even pose her concerns here (if they are specific enough to be answered).
 
Rau said:
Why? Surely you’re not intending to engage with the pastors in a debating contest to establish which is the “truer” faith, or to change their beliefs? That would be a serious mistake, guaranteed to raise tensions and achieve no good at all.

Now if the issue is that your wife is holding onto some erroneous beliefs about Catholicism which are causing her great anxiety, that is a different matter, and that can be addressed by providing her with answers, or contact with a priest who is capable of communicating with her effectively.

Or you could even pose her concerns here (if they are specific enough to be answered).
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Someone mentioned in this thread I could share with them what I’ve been reading and let actual defenders of the faith, defend.

I’m already in talks with a priest; We just need to arrange the time for him to visit our home.
 
Parish Office called back. They said the priest is unable to come to our home, and if we are to meet him, we need to set up the appointment to visit his office. Still trying to get something going with that. My wife may not like the idea of him being unable to visit us.

I’ve been helping my wife practice her driving so she can drive, which would help out with
our situation. My parents informed me that they soon may sell their home and may have to be out of the house by July and would need a place to stay sometimes. I’m not sure how that would play into all this, especially with the possibility(but not at the moment) of us selling our home and moving back into the city, possibly into something smaller.

I will, Lord willing, make another attempt to go to mass this upcoming sunday again and hopefully my wife will get used to me going to it.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Parish Office called back. They said the priest is unable to come to our home, and if we are to meet him, we need to set up the appointment to visit his office. Still trying to get something going with that. My wife may not like the idea of him being unable to visit us.

I’ve been helping my wife practice her driving so she can drive, which would help out with
our situation. My parents informed me that they soon may sell their home and may have to be out of the house by July and would need a place to stay sometimes. I’m not sure how that would play into all this, especially with the possibility(but not at the moment) of us selling our home and moving back into the city, possibly into something smaller.

I will, Lord willing, make another attempt to go to mass this upcoming sunday again and hopefully my wife will get used to me going to it.
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I obviously don’t know the full extent of your circumstances, but I think I smell a rat. I don’t think the problem is fundamentally your conversion. As you state, there are other problems in the marriage. It almost sounds to me as if your wife might be looking for a reason NOT to stay in your marriage. Is Retrouvaille an option?

As far as your parents, it is not your job to ensure they have somewhere to stay. If the relationship with them is stressful it will not help your marriage if they stay with you. That is THEIR responsibility as grown adults.
 
No, it isn’t my job they have somewhere to say; However, I’d like to be loving towards my parents and be hospitable. Rau and Underacloud are very spot on in their discernment concerning my wife and my situation.

Parish office got back to me and informed me that Father John is passing on meeting with my wife and I to the other priest. He feels he isn’t as knowledgable as the other priest to address my wife’s misunderstandings and concerns.

I’ve been going over my recording of the conversation the other day. I feel it would
be very useful and helpful if I submitted an audio copy and/or transcipt to the priest before we meet so he has some insight into what had been brought up by the pastors.
 
I can’t speak to the specifics of your family dynamics, but I would suggest in general letting mum and dad stay while you already have serious strains in your marriage sounds like a recipe for disaster.
 
Hello everyone. Just updating people that I met with a priest today.
Things with my wife and I have taken a dramatic change for the better thanks to getting to the root of some of our problems and working them out together. We both started counseling as well, which has helped. She also received her permanent residence lately, which took approximately one year instead of the expected +2 years to get it.

The question remains though whether she can accept and respect my choice to convert to Catholicism, so I’m still in this ongoing process of trying to do that. I’ll post later, but need to go for now.
 
I’m also just about finished writing down the audio recording of my talk with those two pastors back in March, so I plan to post it sometime soon for greater scrutiny and hindsight and reflection. They sent my wife and I an e-mail saying this recently:

“… We don’t know if you think it would help to have another chat some time, or perhaps you would like to just concentrate on what the counselor has been giving you?
We just want you to know that we are there for you and want to help in any way possible.”
 
My wife just sent this e-mail to the two pastors:

"Thank you so much, (Pastor) and (Pastor)
After some long talks, god united me and Cyril again.
I can only think this is done by God, because you two and (Woman) group were praying for us.

That was very unfortunate that lot’s of things overlapped and led myself to lose self esteem.
It was very difficult to settle in a new circumstance in (City) in 2014.
Cyril and I misunderstood each other’s expectation because of lack of conversation.

I regret how I chose my job and how we handle the finances .
I should have never chosen jobs which makes me feel unhappy.
As a result, I was so irritated to have to come home almost midnight afterwork three times aweek,
or having have to take transit over one hour.
Eventually, I started to blame Cyril to put me in that situation.

I still need to learn how Christian handle those financial issues between couples
or another marital problems.

Listening to brothers and sister’s testimony at the church have been so helpful,
as well as retreat of (Woman)'s group.
I might take online courses after our son becomes three or five.

Please keep me informing about how I can settle in (city) and be a good wife as a
Christian.

I feel so blessed by having someone like you.

Best Regards,
(wife)"

Please keep praying for us. Prayers are helping. Do you guys think this would be a good time to mention to her you’ve all been praying for us or to mention there were catholics praying for us too? Or should I keep it all under the radar for now just as the priest advised me to do for the time being, earlier today?
 
Greetings 🙂

If I were you I would listen to the priest. He is there with you and knows you. We aren’t, and don’t.

I would also caution against publicly posting a transcript of a private conversation between you and two pastors for the whole world to see, particularly if you don’t have the explicit consent of all directly involved parties to do so. What goes on the Internet is out there forever. I’m not sure what you seek in asking strangers to scrutinize and reflect on this discussion :confused:

Does your wife know you’ve publicly posted the text of an email she sent to those two pastors? :eek:

I’m sorry if this comes off as harsh - it’s not meant to be. I’m just concerned. Praying for you 🙂
 
You guys are right. I’m sorry. That’s one reason why I censored the names out of anything specific, so it would be more anonymous. I’ll stop posting in this thread and as this alias. Thank you all for your help. God bless.

I just wanted to share the positive things that has happened lately because a lot of people here have been praying for my wife and I. I really liked the advice and guidance I received here too.

Thanks for the help.
 
Didn’t mean to scare you off. I’m happy that things have improved for you and your wife. I’m sure we all are. We’ll keep praying for you and your family. Please continue to work with your priest and trust in the advice he gives you.

God bless!
 
UpUpAndAway said:
Didn’t mean to scare you off. I’m happy that things have improved for you and your wife. I’m sure we all are. We’ll keep praying for you and your family. Please continue to work with your priest and trust in the advice he gives you.

God bless!
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Thanks. I appreciate it a lot. The e-mail message I posted had also
been sent to my inbox due to being addressed in the letter along with the pastors.
I just felt so much joy and wanted to share with you guys. As you may have read, in my earlier posts, things were quite down for me. I had been thinking that somewhere, out there, there must be others like myself who face similar situations in their lives as they seek to convert to catholicism, and so my story could be some kind of inspiration.
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Thanks. I appreciate it a lot. The e-mail message I posted had also
been sent to my inbox due to being addressed in the letter along with the pastors.
I just felt so much joy and wanted to share with you guys. As you may have read, in my earlier posts, things were quite down for me. I had been thinking that somewhere, out there, there must be others like myself who face similar situations in their lives as they seek to convert to catholicism, and so my story could be some kind of inspiration.
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I completely understand what you’re saying, and I rejoice with you for these positive events. I’m just saying that it’s possible to share these developments without diving into the minutiae of them. In fact, doing so might be counterproductive. YMMV, but if I send an email to my priest and copy The Husband on it, then either of them turns around and posts the message on the Internet - even in protected form - without consulting with me first, I would be none too pleased. :ehh:

In reviewing this thread, I can see you have indeed been through some terrible trials. Again, I’m happy you’ve seen improvement in your situation. 👍

Continued prayers for you and your family. Please keep us posted on how things go. God bless!
 
Cyril_Of_Canada said:
Hello everyone. Just updating people that I met with a priest today.
Things with my wife and I have taken a dramatic change for the better thanks to getting to the root of some of our problems and working them out together. We both started counseling as well, which has helped. She also received her permanent residence lately, which took approximately one year instead of the expected +2 years to get it.

The question remains though whether she can accept and respect my choice to convert to Catholicism, so I’m still in this ongoing process of trying to do that. I’ll post later, but need to go for now.
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I am glad to hear that things have gotten better. That is wonderful news.

The Lord has a wonderful way of pushing us in the right directions. As I began my own journey to the Catholic Church, some of my own life difficulties suddenly resolved themselves (with little effort on my part beyond prayer). I took it as a sign that God was pleased with what I was doing [considering the Catholic Church] and was trying to remove impediments and distractions that might get in the way.

My wife, who entered the Catholic Church at the same time I did, also felt a ‘strange pull’ to the Church as the process began (she was more ‘skeptical’ of Catholicism than I was, initially). Homilies ‘just happened’ to be on topics that really spoke to her or addressed difficulties and worries that she had at the time…and it happened for weeks in a row…things like that.

Of course I can’t promise that you will have the same experience. But God can do things we never expect possible, especially if we open ourselves to him and seek to do his will.

My suggestion is to keep working on your marriage, and keep praying for your wife, and keep praying for guidance [for both of you]. And hopefully, as the marriage gets stronger, there will be more acceptance of your possible conversion, and maybe even a willingness on her part to learn more about the faith. Even if she does not go as far as to convert with you, or even to fully accept/endorse it, hopefully she will be willing to learn, understand, and respect your call.

I will continue to keep you in my prayers. God bless!
 
Hi Cyril,

Glad to hear things are better!

I believe the issue with both our wives with our Catholicism is fear and misunderstandings. I think fear, anyway in my case, that she thinks it would harm the unity of our marriage. Misunderstandings as for the most part is what about EVERY non-Catholic Christian’s view is towards Catholicism. If it were accurate, they would probably be Catholic!

I admire you for your consistency and perseverance.

Thanks for sharing all this. Know at least one person out there can relate!

HA
 
hereagain said:
Hi Cyril,

Glad to hear things are better!

I believe the issue with both our wives with our Catholicism is fear and misunderstandings. I think fear, anyway in my case, that she thinks it would harm the unity of our marriage. Misunderstandings as for the most part is what about EVERY non-Catholic Christian’s view is towards Catholicism. If it were accurate, they would probably be Catholic!

I admire you for your consistency and perseverance.

Thanks for sharing all this. Know at least one person out there can relate!

HA
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Hi Hearagain.
My wife and I keep having one issue after another. We saw a counsellor together last night that ended terribly between the counsellor and I. The counsellor and I appologized to one another. By the end of the night, my wife brought up again how even the priest that we both saw advised me to forget about everything catholic for three months and that the two pastors from the protestant church had instructed me to stop pursuing anything catholic for one year. Both the priest and the two pastors had advised me to focus on my relationship and loving my wife. The priest did say I could still go to mass and privately keep learning about catholicism, but my wife disagreed with me and said that I was
praying in catholic positions such as making the sign of the cross every time I prayed and reading catholic material and catholic bibles.

“You can’t even stop as the priest and the others asked you to. Not even for three months like the priest said; It’s not even for one year! Not even for three months. And then the pastors said you could focus on catholic stuff again.”

I think at this point I’m just going to leave my situation up to God. It’s in his hands now and I’ll keep praying. Just pray the Lord’s prayer unceasingly as I wait for the three months to pass.
I told her fine, I’ll forget about everything catholic now, but it’s hard. I feel like I can’t stop focusing on it and taking it all in.

I put all my catholic materials away and will be stopping listening to Catholic Answers Radio and even using this forum for the time being. Until the allotted time passes. I just need to wait until RCIA classes start now, keep praying and waiting on God as I trust him with my situation. So, I’ll be taking a break from the forums until then. I just don’t have a desire to partake in the protestant eucharest anymore or attend their services or learn any religious doctrine or gospel they have to teach. But for the sake of my wife and because of the advice of the priest and the two pastors(Protestant pastors and Catholic priest), I’ll still be going and doing everything with my current christian community as usual, although it pains me to do so inside knowing the truths about the catholic faith.

Thanks for all the help, advice, and praying for me…
 
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