Wife Stopped Practicing the Catholic Faith

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Ok just to clarify, I have been attending therapy sessions with my wife for the last 6+ months. We go together and luckily it’s provided by the military. It’s secular but nonetheless very helpful and enriching and has brought us so close together. I have really connected to the emotional brokenness that she often feels and it’s amazing. I did not address the entire depression issue at the beginning because I did not want the entire focus to be on what type of depression she is dealing with, etc., otherwise we’re going to go down an entirely different rabbit hole. Depression and what she can and cannot do is a conversation that happens with professional help and not a forum because it’s pretty complex. With that being said our mutual therapist (who is not even Christian) does not think it’s unreasonable for someone in my wife’s situation to at least attend church with the family for one hour a week, even if it’s only to support her husband trying to teach her kids the faith. I think what I’m asking is very minimal. But rather than taking it out on her and making her feel guilty, I am trying to find a productive way to deal with this challenge that really tears me inside. I just feel like I’m in this alone. I know in the end it will make me stronger but I’m looking for resources to get me through the next few weeks! If you’re here to “interpret” my intentions without knowing me or the situation, that’s really not what I’m looking for. I’ll still read what you have to say though. Thanks!
 
C’mon who the heck to you think I am? You make me sound like I’m some cruel and controlling or clueless bafoon. I’m just looking for books and resources, not someone to interpret my intentions. My wife’s depression is an issue we have been addressing through professional therapy, not an anonymous Catholic forum. Nevertheless I am just here asking for help and resources. If you’re here to judge me thanks but no thanks!
 
Thanks! Also hoping it’s a phase! As one of my friends said “she may come back to God on her own terms and it could be stronger.” At the same time I have to accept the fact that she may never but either way I am confident that I will continue to love her even more regardless! I do also know that the Lord will use this to help me grow stronger! That’s just who he is!
 
Thanks for the tips! You are absolutely correct that she knows it all. Matter of fact she used to teach me a lot about the Catholic faith and shared the latest books she’s read. But now it’s all about finding the right balance. It’s always about finding the right practicals that work. I have yet to come across a manual for a Catholic guy in my situation…lol
 
oh so sorry… I thought I was responding to Legend who was suggesting I was clueless about my wife’s depression 🙂 I am new to this forum. Please forgive me. I don’t even know how to respond to Legend…lol I guess she would be right that I’m clueless about forums…
 
“armyairforcenavy said:
C’mon who the heck to you think I am? You make me sound like I’m some cruel and controlling or clueless bafoon. I’m just looking for books and resources, not someone to interpret my intentions. My wife’s depression is an issue we have been addressing through professional therapy, not an anonymous Catholic forum. I am just here asking for help and resources. If you’re here to judge me thanks but no thanks!
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OP,
I just re-read your original post, and, to put it bluntly, it sounds as if you’re reading off your wife’s resume. As if she had applied for the position of your ’ devout, Catholic wife’. It does sound as if you were being a bit cold and dismissive.

But, now that you’ve shared the fact that you’ve been seeing a therapist, together, for three to six months, proves it isn’t so. I usually look for things in an original post that may lead to an understanding as to what’s coming.

No advice for now…just continued prayer for the both of you, and your kids. If you still don’t understand how I reached my former conclusion, just read your own your original post.

God bless! And keep up the good work!!!
 
Thanks! Yes it’s impossible to provide every single detail.
If I didn’t specify she was practicing Catholic prior to marriage than I would have been questioned about why I married her in the first place If I said she’s depressed and on meds in the original post someone would have said “so are a lot of other women in the pews…” then I would have gotten so many questions about that and what we’re doing
Can’t win…lol. As my therapist told me I need to seek spiritual resources. If I take better care of myself I take care of her and family.
God Bless and thanks for tips and encouragement!
 
I’ve been going through the same thing with my husband for the last few years, and it is really hard, I won’t lie. However, I am in a much better place now than I used to be. I handled it very poorly for a while and said and did some things that probably only made it worse, unintentionally. Sometimes I think the more we try to help fix things, the worse we make them. So I had to spend a lot of time learning some tough lessons in getting out of the way and giving it over to Jesus.

As far as advice goes, I would suggest getting a Green Scapular, having it blessed, and then hiding it in something she carries with her often, or a place she spends some time (I hid one for my husband under his side of the mattress). Make sure to say the scapular’s prayer every day for her; the Green Scapular has effected many conversions, and I believe it will work for our own spouses, although perhaps taking many years.

Another thing that has benefited me greatly is speaking about the situation with some holy priests I know. Their counsel and insights have really helped me change my thinking and way of approach to the situation-- in effect, taking the focus off of me and my feelings of hurt and betrayal (not an easy thing to do, I know), and learning to pray and sacrifice for my husband on a consistent basis. I try to serve him in his situation where he’s at, letting God handle the spiritual side of things.

Your wife is on a journey, and it may be that she needs to take this detour and travel the long way home, but don’t lose hope. My own father stopped going to Mass for many years while I was growing up, and veered so far off the path that I was very worried about where his soul would end up. But my mom prayed for him every night and didn’t push, and my father came back to the Church and received the sacraments shortly before he died in 2009. All things are possible with God! I will keep you and your wife in my prayers.
 
Best wishes to you and your husband. I will let a Catholic handle this question, but mightn’t this particular use of the green scapular be considered superstitious, rather on par with burying St. Joseph statues to make a house sell?
 
The prayers that accompany the scapular or the statue are more important. To just put the scapular under the mattress would mean nothing without the prayers.
 
No, because the Green Scapular was given to us by Our Lady in an apparition specifically for the purpose of conversion. Now, you can pray for someone’s conversion without the use of the Green Scapular; there’s no rule that says anyone has to use it, any more than anyone has to pray the rosary daily. However, just like with the rosary, there are great graces available for those who choose to make use of it as a sacramental.

And unlike the other scapulars, the Green Scapular is unusual in that isn’t associated with a particular religious habit, so it doesn’t have to be worn for it to be efficacious, nor do you have to be enrolled in it. Wearing it, of course, is highly encouraged, but if the other person isn’t open to accepting it, then hiding it somewhere in their room and praying the scapular prayers for them is permitted.
 
Thanks! Because this is fairly new for my wife I really am trying to avoid making mistakes that could push her further from the faith. While I am tempted to focus on how hard it will be to lead my three children spiritually without her support, it’s even more important for me to love her through the own pain and hurt that she experiences as well. I know this part to be true. This I guess is where it does get delicate. (I have lots of little questions like when I’m out of town on military duty and my wife won’t take the kids to Mass, do I ask friends to take my kids to Mass? Is that just going to upset her more? Thanks for the encouragement and Green Scapular idea. Meeting with a priest today hopefully…
 
I don’t think any of us can predict how your wife would react to that request. I would speak about it to your priest. He may have some insight or ideas that we lack. Rest assured, though, if your wife refuses to take your children while you are on duty and unable to do so yourself, then there is no sin on their part since they are unable to get there themselves. My own children have had to miss Mass on occasion when I am too ill to attend, because my husband won’t take them. It’s upsetting, but Jesus knows the situation, and I leave it in His hands the best that I can.
 
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Hello OP I am so sorry to hear you are going through such a trial but you are clearly a loving and faithful husband. I have a friend who is a convert to the faith like me. She was very devout for many years and then totally abandoned her faith, lived with a man with no faith for many years etc. Well after a very long time (at least a decade) she came back to the faith and now is very devout again. In fact she runs the RCIA group in her parish with a deacon and has for many years now. She often is preparing large groups of people. She is also taking further studies to be able to teach people their faith at a deeper level once she takes early retirement from the civil service.

She has told me one of the things that helped her return was the unconditional love she received from Catholic friends. Although she stayed away from the church her friends never abandoned or rejected her and always made her welcome no matter what choices she was making.

You are enduring a severe cross. My advice would be focus on loving your wife and building your marriage. Don’t talk about the faith, show her you love her for herself not because she is a good Catholic. If you aren’t doing it already have a regular date night when you enjoy each others company and have fun. Can you get sitters in and join her in some of her interests such as working out? I’m sure you know that exercise is as effective as antidepressants so it is great that you are supporting her in caring for her health. She sounds like she is suffering a health crisis and I would drop all expectations but just focus on creating a loving trusting marriage as you are able together.

Faith has to always be about free will and there is no time in Christ. Your vocation is to love your wife and build a strong family, maybe she will never return to the faith and I think for your own peace of mind you should let go of that expectation. Maybe she will eventually see God using her marriage to heal her and love her, maybe not.

Unfortunately in marriage it can change and not be what we signed up for but our vocation is to live our vows and love our spouse. Make sure you continue to get support for yourself such as a spiritual director and a small faith group.

You are a holy and sacred man by honoring your wife and giving her complete freedom.
 
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