Wife wants a divorce

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Is there a reason you don’t have one bank account where your salary and her salary all go in the same account? I find it hard to imagine “owing” money to my spouse for “my share” of the rent or utilities.
 
wait one red hot second! yall split the bills? what ever happened to whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine when it comes to marriage? I cant imagine IInsureU telling me “OK babe hers your bills for the month, try and pay them on time ok?” you should be sharing the househole expenses not splitting them. This may have been the problem from the start, its not exactly unifying when everything is split down the middle.
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micatholic:
She is able to support herself. She has a six figure salary. However, I work on commission and have significant made significant sums in past years… Not this year. We agreed to split all of the household expenses of which I could not afford this year. Several pending deals but none closed. I have been honest with her lately. However, in the past, I got defensive and said some mean things which I apologized for, I told her I would reimburse her for my share of expenses this year. I was not dishonest but not forthcoming. I admitted my mistakes and have not done it since. The child is not mine. He is hers from a previous relationship. We dated for 4 years and have been married for 11 months so I have helped raise the child.
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micatholic:
She is able to support herself. She has a six figure salary. However, I work on commission and have significant made significant sums in past years… Not this year. We agreed to split all of the household expenses of which I could not afford this year. Several pending deals but none closed. I have been honest with her** lately**. :ehh:

However, in the past, I got defensive and said some mean things which I apologized for, I told her I would reimburse her for my share of expenses this year. I was not dishonest but not forthcoming.

I admitted my mistakes and have not done it since. The child is not mine. He is hers from a previous relationship. We dated for 4 years and have been married for 11 months so I have helped raise the child.
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Look, omission of information when otherwise it would have been shared and you knew the other party relied upon such information is deception…which is dishonesty. So, let’s get that guilt back on your shoulders where it belongs. You can’t brush it under the rug that easily.

Still sounds to me like a little marriage counseling should do well to help you two really communicate what is going on. Find a really good therapist, Catholic preferably, because you want someone who will fight for the marriage rather than give you two the ok to split. Something like this, with a good therapist, can be resolved within months - if you two are honest, don’t hold anything back, and recognize you’re paying for every minute, so why waste any of it by beating around the bush and hiding things. Gotta get everything onto the table so you two can sort it out for yourselves.

There’s something definitely amiss when finances supercede love and committment in a relationship. Your wife needs to explore why she is prioritizing things the way she is - to the extent that she’s willing to walk away from the marriage because of a one year blip.

I don’t understand why any one would insist upon 50/50 bill paying when there’s one household to maintain…gosh, marriage is for the long haul, she’s making lots now, but who’s to say the time won’t come when you’re bringing in the 6 figures and she’s out of work??? Or the time may come when you both are unable to meet financial obligations. Marriages cannot be based upon good times only…

So counseling will help your wife communicate what her real issues are (being manifested through this insitance over finances) and you will have help understanding why those issues matter to her, and how your behaviors can help resolve them for her.
 
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TarAshly:
wait one red hot second! yall split the bills? what ever happened to whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine when it comes to marriage? I cant imagine IInsureU telling me “OK babe hers your bills for the month, try and pay them on time ok?” you should be sharing the househole expenses not splitting them. This may have been the problem from the start, its not exactly unifying when everything is split down the middle.
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I agree with this. I see a few problems that need to be remedied.

The money coming into your household needs to be “OUR” money not "your"money and "my"money. This will always be a problem unless the attitude changes here. Put all your money together, have a savings account and a checking account. It doesnt’ matter which income goes where. Figure out the budget and place all necessary expenses plus a few extra hundred into checking and the rest in savings or agreed upon investments. It sounds here like you are both putting finances in the center of your marriage rather than Jesus Christ.

Even when your wife forgives your lack of honesty, it might take her awhile to trust you again. Just be patient and understand that it is the natural consequence of your mistake. The greatest virtues, honesty being one, are often hard earned which is why they are called virtues. I suspect you knew what her reaction would be and were avoiding disappointing her. Honesty is important in marriage, you must be able to trust one another.

I was also a little concerned that you said the child is “HERS” rather than the child is “my stepson” Perhaps, eventually you can call him your son. I have several friends who consider their stepchildren through previous relationships, “their children” biology isn’t what makes a good parent, but love. Your family needs to become ONE with Christ as the center.

What newlyweds dont’ know, is that the first year is the toughest. It is a year of adjustment, learning to accept and work with your spouses flaws. If Jesus is the center of the family everyone will view Him as their** perfect** LOVE and their family members in the proper place. You are in this together and God isn’t finished with any of you yet. Jesus is the center of the family, the Rock, and you are all the pebbles, being polished and pressured into precious jewels. If a man or woman looks to their spouse to be perfect they will always be disappointed, whereas if Jesus is the center they will never be disappointed, but working in love to help their spouse along in life, to see them through the eyes of Jesus and to strive to love them with a Christ-like love.

It will take some time and patience, but if you work at it, your family can get to this place with Jesus’s perfect love as the center.

My husband and I are in teh 10 year of marriage after dating 5 yrs. We have three young children and I honestly believe that it is the moments of financial struggle that forced us to work together, to learn to be patient and to find joy in the midst of stress.
 
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micatholic:
Thanks for all the replies. Economics and truth. My wife feels I have not been truthful with her about economics and feel that I cannot provide for her and son. I had a bad year in my business.
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We are business owners in Michigan, too. The economy here is awful. We’ve had one of our worst years in the last 15. Perhaps she is just panicking. I will pray for the healing of your marriage.
 
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Peace-bwu:
I was also a little concerned that you said the child is “HERS” rather than the child is “my stepson”
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In his defense, it may be because I asked specifically if it was hers or his.
 
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YinYangMom:
In his defense, it may be because I asked specifically if it was hers or his.
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Oh yeah, I noticed that in the thread, but it made me wonder if there needed to be some changes here. Hopefully this family will become a close knit family of three, rather than the wife and her son on one side, ready to divorce, and the husband on the other.
I could tell that he was answering a question, but it seems to be part of the issue. I thought it was a good question. 🙂
 
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micatholic:
Thanks for all the replies. Economics and truth. My wife feels I have not been truthful with her about economics and feel that I cannot provide for her and son. I had a bad year in my business.
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Why does it take two six-figure salaries to support a family of three? How does it take ONE six-figure salary to do that? :confused:
 
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Peace-bwu:
Oh yeah, I noticed that in the thread, but it made me wonder if there needed to be some changes here. Hopefully this family will become a close knit family of three, rather than the wife and her son on one side, ready to divorce, and the husband on the other.
I could tell that he was answering a question, but it seems to be part of the issue. I thought it was a good question. 🙂
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Stepson would have done the trick, so, yeah, it was a good question.
Good insight on your part, too. 😉
 
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CatholicSam:
Why does it take two six-figure salaries to support a family of three? How does it take ONE six-figure salary to do that? :confused:
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Good point. We are a family of five supported by one income of much less, a USAF Tech Sgt.s pay… and very happy! Perhaps money and materialism are playing a part in this struggle as well.
 
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melbourne_guy:
yes jesus said you can divorce only if one commits adultery. which is fair enough.
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No, He didn’t.

The answer to the statement, “I want a divorce” is “No.” That’s the easy part. Everything else is difficult.

– Mark L. Chance.
 
I responded “hers” simply to the direct question. I think of him as “ours” and behave accordingly from making lunches to going to cub scouts. My wife grew up very poor. She now has a high visibility job and is paid accordingly. I helped negotiate the contract to get her that salary. On her own, she would be making much less. In our combined income, we would be considered very affluent. However, as I sat in the home I owned prior to our marriage, I realize it is just bricks and some dirt without the family in it. We have another home we bought to relocate for her job and we haven’t been able to sell the first one yet which has strained us. I pay the mortgage there. However, it is in my name since we figured we’d just sell it anyway.
 
I am so sorry you are going through difficult times in such a new marriage. I cannot imagine the pain you and your wife are both going through right now, and the heartache you both must be feeling. I don’t know the entire situation and I am not a marriage counselor or a therapist. I would, however, suggest that if you are both Catholics and were married in the Holy Mother Church there are remedies open to you during this time that I hope you look into before it is too late.

I would also recommend that you, yourself, begin a daily regimen of prayer. Dedicate yourself to prayer and begin to ask for help of all the angels and saints to let you truly turn your will and your life over to the care of Our Lord, Jesus Christ. Let Him help you. Trust in Him.

Go to your priest, make a full and thorough confession and ask for guidance and help.

My prayers are with you.
 
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micatholic:
My wife grew up very poor.
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Boy, is this a common reaction from your wife then. She’s overly concerned about money now that she has some because of her experiences. Counseling is needed, definitely, to help her put money in the proper perspective. It will make a world of a difference in your marriage to have her gain this perspective and to have you better appreciate where she’s coming from on this so you can respond appropriately.
 
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Princess_Abby:
Is there a reason you don’t have one bank account where your salary and her salary all go in the same account? I find it hard to imagine “owing” money to my spouse for “my share” of the rent or utilities.
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I agree. This is more like a business relationship, not a marriage covenant.
 
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micatholic:
She is able to support herself. She has a six figure salary. However, I work on commission and have significant made significant sums in past years… Not this year. We agreed to split all of the household expenses of which I could not afford this year. Several pending deals but none closed. I have been honest with her lately. However, in the past, I got defensive and said some mean things which I apologized for, I told her I would reimburse her for my share of expenses this year. I was not dishonest but not forthcoming. I admitted my mistakes and have not done it since. The child is not mine. He is hers from a previous relationship. We dated for 4 years and have been married for 11 months so I have helped raise the child.
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If she has a six figure salary why would she even need a husband to bring in more money?! You should be able to retire…unless you two have a have dozen kids to support.
 
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melbourne_guy:
no offence but i think your wife is going to burn in hell. Divorce should only be inforced if one spouse is committing adultery, but you can not force her to stay with you so my advice would be to let her arrange the whole divorce and tell her that you do not want to take part in it, but your going to co-operate because you legally have to. then get a new catholic wife 🙂 that way im sure god will only punish your ex wife for the sin of divorce.
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What kind of advice is this?? Divorce does not equal “burn in hell”. If that is the case, then hell is going to be pretty crowded.
And what makes you so sure that God will only punish his wife for the sin of divorce?
No offense, sir, but your thinking is a bit skewed.
~ Kathy ~
 
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Katie1723:
What kind of advice is this?? Divorce does not equal “burn in hell”. If that is the case, then hell is going to be pretty crowded.
And what makes you so sure that God will only punish his wife for the sin of divorce?
No offense, sir, but your thinking is a bit skewed.
Code: 
                   ~ Kathy ~
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I don’t think anyone can say who is or isn’t going to Hell (with maybe the exception of the so-called “reformers”), but without a doubt divorce is an extremely grave sin. The Church doesn’t even allow divorcees to receive Holy Communion. And Jesus Christ did say that if we don’t eat His flesh and drink His blood we will have no life within us.
 
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JSmitty2005:
The Church doesn’t even allow divorcees to receive Holy Communion.
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Actually you are mistaken…a divorcee can recieve communion as long as they do not remarry (without annulment) or enter into another relationship (dating etc.) as this adultry. Also if you are divorced, single and have an annulment you CAN recieve Communion.
 
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Karin:
Actually you are mistaken…a divorcee can recieve communion as long as they do not remarry (without annulment) or enter into another relationship (dating etc.) as this adultry. Also if you are divorced, single and have an annulment you CAN recieve Communion.
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Do you mean the person who initiates divorce or the person who is the recipient. In my case, I really can’t do anything to stop her from going to court and obtaining a divorce.
 
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