Wife won't have sex

  • Thread starter Thread starter Boston
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I just had a look at Boston’s old posts.

Don’t take this as me piling on, but have you considered that you may have problems with impulsivity? If I were you, I would do a psych eval (with special attention to ADHD and bipolar) and if there turns out to be a problem, I would 1) follow doctor’s orders for treatment 2) do marriage counseling with your wife and 3) listen very carefully to what your wife tells you and think very carefully before going against her recommendations. If you have impaired judgment and your wife does not, she could be a life saver.

I’m not being mean. Your pattern of behavior is very familiar to me–high energy, poorly thought out choices, divorce, etc.
 
Xantippe said:
TheWarriorMonk said:

“Sex twice a month for young, recently married couples is generally not normal.”

Well, they are very likely not traditional newlyweds–it’s very likely they have a lot more on their plates. Boston says he’s young, but if this is his third attempt at marriage, he can’t be all that young. It’s even possible that this is a blended family, that his wife has a stressful job, that there is some sort of complicated family or financial situation. Any of those possible factors could be contributing to their relationship problems.
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We can only make assumptions. I’m not referring to the OP in particular when I say this, but people make bad decisions in life, and that can include choice of spouse. Some people seem to be attracted to people they are incompatible with, or simply to people with characteristics that are not necessarily helpful to establish a healthy relationship. Or there can be hidden problems with either party that manifest after they get into a “comfortable” relationship.

Regardless, it takes both spouses to solve a marital problem, not one. Since one party does not seem willing to participate, counseling is necessary to get them to openly discuss the issues.
 
Before the marriage, did they talk about all the topics focusing on the marital act??

The right to the body, the right on the body, the right of the body (the conjugal sexual debt, the conjugal sexual right, the conjugal sexual obligation, the conjugal sexual duty, the conjugal sexual privileges), the mutual and reciprocal donation of bodies (the mutual and reciprocal donation of nudities for making one flesh, the conjugal sexual cooperation in the human fashion for making one flesh), the mutual and reciprocal submission concerning the conjugal sexuality, the sexual equality and the sexual equity of each spouse about the marital act (alterity, complementarity and differences), the total lack of superiority and of inferiority between spouses about the marital act ………. are the rules of marriage, in respecting the natural moral order of the marital act, because the marriage is a sexed and sexual institution and a sexed and sexual contract.

The donation of persons (body and soul) means an union of beings in the materiality and also in the immateriality. The notion of the marital debt is still existing, even if today it is seen as old fashioned, and is very fought by the radical feminism.

The marriage is a sexed and sexual contract, it is also a sexed and sexual agreement: the sexual vows are one of hard cores of marriage. By principle, it is the practice of the marital act, and by exception, it is the non-practice of marital act.

In entering into the marriage, each member of couple gave its agreement with all that. Does she know this rule?

She needs to talk to him and he needs to talk to her. They needs to talk with a catholic ethicist, with a catholic priest, with catholic specialists of marriage and of the marital act.
 
Try to be intimate in other ways. Maybe she needs more support from you right now to help her cope with stress, depression, lack of interest, etc. Go see a priest together and learn correct ways to express love with each other, it does not always need to be sex. I agree with some others, your sex life comes off as more important than your wife. If you want to see change in your relationship, you need to make changes in yourself, pray for yourself and your wife and your relationship will in improve.
 
Boston,

I would just ask yourself…what would you do if for some reason sex wasn’t possible through no fault of your wife’s. Suppose, hypothetically, there was a medical reason that she had to abstain from sex indefinitely or she would die? Do you love your wife enough to stay with her and be good to her even without the possibility of sex?

Hopefully the answer is yes. If it is, then I think the two of you can proceed to lovingly work this out together.

If the answer is no, then I think there are bigger issues that, with all due respect, have more to do with you than with her.

Prayers for both of you.
 
Here’s a possibility: Boston’s wife may find sex physically painful or otherwise unpleasant. Also, if he has mentioned what an amazing sex life he had with these other women, that may be squicking her out.

There are so many possibilities for what’s wrong here. Definitely do marriage counseling.
 
Boston has not posted since Nov 6. The posts he has written provide too little information about the discussions he has had with his wife to solicit much in the way of targeted advice. A few of the stronger posts (some pro him, some anti him) on this thread strike me as extraordinarily speculative in light of the paucity of information available.

If you’re still there Boston, do you wish to contribute further information?
 
she sounds tired. is she in a high stress job? have her quit her job, then.
 
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