It’s coming up on 3 years since my only serious attempt at suicide. I wasn’t supposed to have lived, but somehow I made it. Of course, I wasn’t of the Catholic faith at the time, and had I been maybe things would have been different. But, I am bipolar, and should be on medication for the rest of my life. At the time, my ex-husband had talked me into getting off of it, because he didn’t believe in it. And then subsequent issues made me leave him. I won’t go into the whole story here, but I was in another state, and had gone to the hospital there several times, telling them that I felt suicidal and I knew the only way to stop myself was to go there and get help. They repeatedly turned me away, saying that if I was seeking help, I couldn’t be seriously suicidal. Well, I was. And it was not something I could control. I needed medication, but had no insurance, because my ex took me off of his the day I left. Without medication, I did not have the capacity to fight this off. I tried. Let me tell you, I tried. But, one day, the worst thing I could have imagined happened, and that was it. I drove to a secluded spot and took about 120 pills of varying types.
Somehow, about the time I should have lost consciousness for the last time, I realized that my thinking was wrong. My kids needed me, to lose their mother this way would scar them, and a “bad mother” (as I thought of myself at the time) was better than no mother.
Side note: I was not a bad mother, in fact I had been a very good mother, and still am. But, my thinking was distorted because I had my ex telling me I was.
So, the my next memory, a vague one, was stumbling into a fire station that I now know was about 10 miles away (I drove in that state!

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I don’t believe that, had I died in that condition, even if I hadn’t changed my mind, that it was with my own full consent. I do believe that had I known God in the way that I do now, that I would have known where to go for help. Perhaps I would never have stopped taking medication. But those are all what-if’s, and have no real bearing.
To anyone wondering about a loved one who may have committed suicide - put your faith in God, who knows their heart. For them to be with God in heaven right now is not an impossible idea.
To anyone contemplating suicide right now - it does get better. NO MATTER WHAT is happening, it will get better. I promise. You won’t always hurt like this, and there’s only one thing you need to do. Trust in God. If you truly can do that, the rest will follow. If you cannot, then reach out to someone who cares, be it family, friends, or even a stranger on forums somewhere. God loves you and wants to help.