Wives, obey your husbands - please explain

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I will say this, moon…from a woman’s perspective…

Maybe don’t ‘ask’ the question…are you interested, with words…so much. I for one, never liked when my husband asked…‘so, can we…?’ because it made it sound like…on the same level as playing tennis, golf, …hey do you wanna go play golf honey?’ ha Doesn’t really cause the romance spickets to turn on.

Better yet–maybe draw her a nice bath…after the kids are asleep…rent a movie…make a bowl of popcorn, ask her to join you…tell her she’s beautiful…

Oh, this doesn’t all need to be done in the same night. 😃 Just giving suggestions.

Asking…‘so, are you interested in…?’ I mean, just from a female perspective…I never preferred to be asked. Probably why she has the reaction she does…it isn’t you personally, she just don’t know how to say…'stop asking me ‘like that.’

I finally had to tell my husband…‘honey, please don’t ask like that anymore…’ And I told him how to change things up…how to better talk ‘my love language’ and then now we’re in sync with that.

Just offering food for thoughts. But, talk to you wife about your feelings, in general…if she doesn’t know, then she can’t change. :o
 
whatevergirl said:
aw, moon…
Well…does she know you feel this way?
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Yes. I have said this many times. I just live with it now. I felt like I was nagging.

That said, I think most guys sex drive is a LOT stronger than most ladies. I once asked her what she thought a normal amount of sex was. She said once a week maybe twice.

I tend be interested a LOT more than that, but I have to try and respect her wishes. I try to keep busy now so I don’t think about it. Sometimes I think I am a border collie with too much energy.

It’s also not easy for me to discern when she is in the mood. She usually leaves it up to me to figure it out. I guess since I am bad at that I ask a lot. I secretly wish there was some way to increase her libedo.

I know this sounds stupid, but I am usually more complaint to her demands after we make love.
 
moon1234 said:
Yes. I have said this many times. I just live with it now. I felt like I was nagging.

That said, I think most guys sex drive is a LOT stronger than most ladies. I once asked her what she thought a normal amount of sex was. She said once a week maybe twice.

I tend be interested a LOT more than that, but I have to try and respect her wishes. I try to keep busy now so I don’t think about it. Sometimes I think I am a border collie with too much energy.

It’s also not easy for me to discern when she is in the mood. She usually leaves it up to me to figure it out. I guess since I am bad at that I ask a lot. I secretly wish there was some way to increase her libedo.

I know this sounds stupid, but I am usually more complaint to her demands after we make love.
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Ok, I see.

You know, to really know a woman’s ‘cycle,’ there’s this thread on here about NFP…:whistle:

Oh, wait you know about that thread. lol 😃 I couldn’t resist, moon.

It’s not for spacing births only…it*** really helps ***women and men get on the same page, physically, by tracking a woman’s cycle. Just sayin’…you might want to try it for this purpose.

PS–Your wife’s ‘demands?’ Maybe they are requests…and you interpret them as demands? :ehh:
 
whatevergirl said:
Ok, I see.

You know, to really know a woman’s ‘cycle,’ there’s this thread on here about NFP…:whistle:

Oh, wait you know about that thread. lol 😃 I couldn’t resist, moon.

It’s not for spacing births only…it*** really helps ***women and men get on the same page, physically, by tracking a woman’s cycle. Just sayin’…you might want to try it for this purpose.

PS–Your wife’s ‘demands?’ Maybe they are requests…and you interpret them as demands? :ehh:
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Sorry, bad choice of words. Requests.
 
Ok.

Well, while sex is physical, it starts in our brains, more so for women, than men. Once you tap into that with your wife, you and she will be more compatible, as it relates to ‘timeframe.’

I will say, that it appears anyways from your posts, that you are resentful of your wife not affirming you, etc…and she seems to counter back with some things that appear negative. Once you resolve some of those underlying issues, even if they are infrequent and minor, you might tap into her love language easier. Don’t sweep your feelings under the rug…you matter…she matters.

Also…was she very complimentary when dating? How is her relationship with her parents? Do her parents thank each other? Sometimes, when we don’t see things growing up, it’s hard to adopt them when we’re adults.
 
whatevergirl said:
Ok.

Well, while sex is physical, it starts in our brains, more so for women, than men. Once you tap into that with your wife, you and she will be more compatible, as it relates to ‘timeframe.’

I will say, that it appears anyways from your posts, that you are resentful of your wife not affirming you, etc…and she seems to counter back with some things that appear negative. Once you resolve some of those underlying issues, even if they are infrequent and minor, you might tap into her love language easier. Don’t sweep your feelings under the rug…you matter…she matters.

Also…was she very complimentary when dating? How is her relationship with her parents? Do her parents thank each other? Sometimes, when we don’t see things growing up, it’s hard to adopt them when we’re adults.
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Her home life growing up was…bad. He father is an alcoholic and her mother, well didn’t care. My wife pretty much raised he two youngest siblengs as Mom was usually half in the tax with Dad. My wife left home at age 16 and lived with friends.

I will say though that she was a lot more engaging of me when we were dating. Over the years it seems she has pulled back some. I suppose some of it could be from home life growing up, but my wife is so very different from her parents and her siblings. Her head is screwed on correctly and theirs are well…

Maybe I am being petty. I often wonder about that. She usually says “I am just very tired.” Then asks if I ever feel that way. I usually never do, especially when it comes to sex. I try to just listen and acknowledge. Not quite sure where to go from there.

I try to help when I am home and not at work. Not quite sure where to go from here. We normally have very different “intrest” schedules. I am NOT a morning person. She literally pours cold water on me some days to wake me up. I am a night person. Always have been since I was a little boy. She is a morning person and is tanked by 8pm most nights.

That is probably part of the problem.
 
moon1234 said:
Not true. My wife promised to love, honor and obey during our vows. Were were married at a Traditional Latin Mass. The words were there in the vows we read. My wife chose to keep them as they were.
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Here is a link to the TLM Mass, no “obey” in the vows:

fisheaters.com/holymatrimony.html

The Rite of Marriage
The bride and groom stand before the priest, just outside the sanctuary. The groom stands on the Joseph/Epistle side of the church (the right from the point of view of the congregation), and the bride stands on the Mary/Gospel side. The priest then asks the following question of the groom:
N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful wife, according to the rite of our holy Mother the Church? . R. I willThen the priest asks the bride:
N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful husband, according to the rite of our holy Mother the Church? R. I will.Having obtained their mutual consent, the priest asks the man and the woman join their right hands. Then they pledge themselves each to the other as follows, repeating the words after the priest. The man begins:
I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.The woman follows:
I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.The priest then says:
I join you together in marriage, in the Name of the Father, + and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.Ego conjugo vos in matrimonium, in nomine Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
 
kage_ar said:
Here is a link to the TLM Mass, no “obey” in the vows:

fisheaters.com/holymatrimony.html

The Rite of Marriage
The bride and groom stand before the priest, just outside the sanctuary. The groom stands on the Joseph/Epistle side of the church (the right from the point of view of the congregation), and the bride stands on the Mary/Gospel side. The priest then asks the following question of the groom:
N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful wife, according to the rite of our holy Mother the Church? . R. I willThen the priest asks the bride:
N., wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful husband, according to the rite of our holy Mother the Church? R. I will.Having obtained their mutual consent, the priest asks the man and the woman join their right hands. Then they pledge themselves each to the other as follows, repeating the words after the priest. The man begins:
I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.The woman follows:
I, N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.The priest then says:
I join you together in marriage, in the Name of the Father, + and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.Ego conjugo vos in matrimonium, in nomine Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.
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All I know is that in the sheet we were handed the word obey was there. I don’t want to concentrate too much on this as feminists will always read obey as “make a slave to”
 
moon1234 said:
All I know is that in the sheet we were handed the word obey was there. I don’t want to concentrate too much on this as feminists will always read obey as “make a slave to”
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Simply do not want those observing to think that “obey” is part of the official Catholic marriage liturgy.
 
whatevergirl said:
Ok, I see.

You know, to really know a woman’s ‘cycle,’ there’s this thread on here about NFP…:whistle:

Oh, wait you know about that thread. lol 😃 I couldn’t resist, moon.

It’s not for spacing births only…it*** really helps ***women and men get on the same page, physically, by tracking a woman’s cycle. Just sayin’…you might want to try it for this purpose.

PS–Your wife’s ‘demands?’ Maybe they are requests…and you interpret them as demands? :ehh:
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You know, you might be on to something here 🙂 Low libido, possibly low fertility based on other threads. Charting could very well help pin point any possible hormonal issue causing problems 🙂

moon-

You ever read or heard about the 5 love languages? Just form reading between the lines it looks you may not exactly be fulfilling each others emotional needs to feel loved. It sounds like you need words of affirmation to feel loved. She probably just doesn’t understand exactly how important it is to you because she requires something different to feel loved.
 
moon1234 said:
All I know is that in the sheet we were handed the word obey was there. I don’t want to concentrate too much on this as feminists will always read obey as “make a slave to”
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When I was googling for Catholic wedding vows a few months ago I found at least 10 different versions. And as another poster already mentioned, marital obedience is part of the vows in at least one of the Eastern rites. So it seems there is no standard set of Catholic wedding vows.
 
ac_claire said:
When I was googling for Catholic wedding vows a few months ago I found at least 10 different versions. And as another poster already mentioned, marital obedience is part of the vows in at least one of the Eastern rites. So it seems there is no standard set of Catholic wedding vows.
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Every Rite has a standard wedding liturgy. That does not mean that people do not ad-lib and play fast and loose with them. Go ask your Priest to see the Lectionary.
 
GraceDK said:
Cool… but tell me, isnt this ideal… I mean… sure you all may sit here and say your husband loves you like Christ. But in practical reality men are often selfish and immature, childish, unwise and simply odd… so there it is that the difficulty arises.
How to be obedient to a man who is not like Christ?
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👍:clapping::signofcross:
 
Dear friends in Christ,

Marriage is a team sport!😃

Just as there are numerous kinds of Catholics, so too there are numerous levels and arrangements in marriage.

Anyone who’s been married more than 30 day’s knows what happens if “the husband” does not “obey his wife.”😉

For the recored I have always cooked, cleaned, changed diapers (yes even those) all because I choose to.

Now that I’m retired and my bride of 41 years still works I do all the cleaning and cooking.
She still does the shopping!:hmmm::rotfl:

Folks marriage is what WE MAKE IT! The bigger the role God has in ones marriage the more happiness one finds. Try not to take yourself too seriously.

When it gets tough, and it does and it will, remember that is precisely the way God designed the program.

Love and prayers,
 
buffalo said:
Just wondering - did anyone read this?

THE AUTHORITY OF THE HUSBAND ACCORDING TO THE MAGISTERIUM

“WIVES, BE SUBJECT TO YOUR HUSBANDS”:
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The article you link is just that, an article. It is the opinion of a Priest. He makes reference to both Scripture, writings of the Popes (documents that have been linked directly earlier in this thread) as well as personal opinions of various Catholic and non-Catholic writers and theologians.

It is a good article, the title is a teeny bit misleading as this is not a Magisterial document in and of itself.
 
kage_ar said:
The article you link is just that, an article. It is the opinion of a Priest. He makes reference to both Scripture, writings of the Popes (documents that have been linked directly earlier in this thread) as well as personal opinions of various Catholic and non-Catholic writers and theologians.

It is a good article, the title is a teeny bit misleading as this is not a Magisterial document in and of itself.
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What was its main point?
 
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