Women, how do you judge your own modesty?

[Iheartcoffee]

First of all, never be ashamed of what God has given to you. It seems like a lot of Christian circles tend to instinctively think that the modest girls are the ones that make themselves look kind of boyish. Wrong! If you have been given a very feminine figure it’s not wrong to acknowledge that it exists. I have a larger cup size than generally expected for my band size. It’s hard to find a bra that fits well. I also have a small waist and a derriere that doesn’t often match up with the jeans designed for small waists! I’m petite and thin but I’ve got some curves. I find it best to just do a lot of moving and bending in the dressing room. “Wear this but not that” is kind of pointless advice without knowing actual measurements and seeing a particular item in person.

Being a beautiful woman is not a sin. Some women have beautiful eyes, others have beautiful figures. Notice how some Christians treat the woman with beautiful eyes vs. the woman with a beautiful figure. Both women could be wearing perfectly acceptable attire. People will fawn all over the woman with beautiful eyes and tell the curvy girl to put on something shapeless! No one ever tells a woman with beautiful eyes to cover those things up with some sunglasses! Since we’re already assuming both women are dressed perfectly well, if a man wants to have lustful thoughts he can do that just fine after being attracted to a woman’s eyes or anywhere else on a woman’s body.

I like the long-standing quote of “Your clothes should be tight enough to show you are a woman, but loose enough to show you are a lady”. That is going to take many different forms for the many different women out there. Look in the mirror. Do you look like a woman? Good. Now, do you also look like a LADY? Great. You really can’t go wrong with some of the more classic styles out there. The great thing is that a lot of classic styles are easily found in consignment and thrift stores because the higher end brands tend to focus on those things. I love Ann Taylor, Banana Republic, etc. They seem to utilize some older but timeless styles. You can’t go wrong with the classy cuts and styles that have worked for countless women for generations!

Also, I highly recommend wearing good undergarments! It’s amazing what they can do for your back (if you have a large bust) and for your clothes. Clothes fit better and can be less prone to being stretched in the wrong areas. You may find styles that you never knew you could wear before, all because everything is staying put. It’s worth the cost to wear things that fit. Don’t be afraid to try a few different stores to get a few different fittings. The older lady at one department store who one would assume has been doing this forever fitted me for a bra that I couldn’t even breathe in! Then, a young girl in a trendier undergarment store helped me to find just the right size. It never hurts to go a few places and get a consensus before you make what is truly an investment in your wardrobe.

I think it is just as wrong to reject the body God gave you as it is to “promote” it.

 

[DarkLight]

I’m actually smaller than your average petite small when it comes to clothing, which is a lot of the issue. My size just doesn’t exist outside of generally expensive specialty stores (you try finding size 00 pants for cheap), and certainly doesn’t show up at second-hand stores. Or if it does…well there’s nothing like finding that the only stuff in your size is decorated with hello kitty or pink lace or other such things that look cute on little girls and utterly ridiculous on adult women!

 

[EnglishTeacher]

And I think this is part of the problem for me. I’ve been struggling to learn what constitutes healthy selfishness. ** I don’t want to aid anyone in sinning, yet it seems the only way not to be a temptation to at least some man is to sequester myself alone. It’s an issue for me in a lot of areas. ** The way we grew up “testimony” was a big thing, to where it seemed you could do very little, because you should avoid anything at all someone might judge you badly for.

This is a mentality that you need to toss right out the window. You’re not aiding anyone in sinning, just because you have a nice figure. Period.

Although modesty is a virtue, I really believe that over-emphasizing modesty is an unhealthy thing. When people become obsessed with modesty, this over-emphasis has the exact opposite of the desired result: People become obsessed with their bodies. Women in these types of cultures become paranoid about whether they are covered up enough and whether they are being a “stumbling block” to men, and some of them go around judging other women on their clothing choices. Men in these cultures tend to blame women for their own issues with lust, or pastors in some of these denominations preach long sermons about the evils of shorts or bathing suits or even pants in general. So basically everyone ends up thinking about modesty or the lack thereof all the time-- which ironically is not the goal of modesty.

I think it’s best just to have a laid-back approach: Just choose pretty clothes that you like, that don’t show cleavage (or very little, anyway), and that hit around the knee (or whatever length you are comfortable with), and don’t think any more about it. Clothes shopping should be fun, not agonizing. I realize that may be easier said than done, when you come from a background where modesty was constantly drilled into you (and I do sympathize, having spent time among modesty-obsessed churches in my past), but you just need to work on not over-thinking it–for the sake of your own mental/emotional health, if nothing else.

 

[amrin]

But it seems that in a long skirt and blouse I still come across as more of a sex object than another women may be in a minidress. If we can’t go by this standard, what do we go by?

Seems we dress more or less the same. I wear skirts below the knee, a blouse with either no cleavage or if it has some i will wear something below it. Most of my clothes are loose. I believe the standard you should go by is If Christ appeared to you, would you be embarrassed of the clothing you were wearing?

Also, don’t forget that some men will always turn to see a pretty woman even if she is dressed with a trash bag

 

[TheLastUnicorn]

Please, I’d rather keep this thread mostly to women. I suspect I’m not the only one who looks at clothing and has a hard time answering the question “is this modest?” It seems like I get labelled as “slutty” or “distracting” or “tempting” no matter what I wear, especially with a body that many refuse to believe is my natural shape (no dieting or implants or padding). I just have the wrong sort of figure to be seen as a good modest woman.

I was taught to ask what would tempt a man, and to look at whether or not I was treated more or less sexually as the judge. But it seems that in a long skirt and blouse I still come across as more of a sex object than another women may be in a minidress. If we can’t go by this standard, what do we go by?

I figure I’m pretty modest because I don’t get lascivious attention from guys. But maybe if I were way hotter, I would. I tend to think if I’m covered to the knee, to the elbows and not showing cleavage, I’m being pretty modest. Probably cover more than is necessary, but what is considered modest varies so much from culture to culture, it is tough to feel 100% certain. If you dress modestly as best you can, I wouldn’t worry too much. Really attractive women get lots of attention no matter what they wear.