Working and living with two gay men; advice?

  • Thread starter Thread starter A_Really_Big_Cat
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
A

A_Really_Big_Cat

Guest
I just got back from an interview for an internship and during it I discovered the employers are two gay men in a relationship. The internship would involve me staying in their house and I don’t really know how to deal with this info. I feel bad because I feel slightly unnerved by the idea of working with them even though they seem nice; I guess I just feel like they might be hostile to my faith.
 
I wouldn’t have any objection to working for their company, but I can easily imagine that staying in their house might be a bit difficult …
 
Without knowing or understanding why you would have to stay in their house, it’s going to be your call. They won’t try to recruit you, and most likely they won’t be into PDA in front of you (would you be comfortable living with a married man/woman?) Chances are they will be respectful of your faith because they already understand the importance of acceptance. Guess what I’m saying is that same-sex couples don’t have sex on their minds 24/7.
 
Does your internship have anything to do with religion? Because if not I don’t see why your faith would be a topic to discuss at all.
 
Try to be meek and humble and they might be more hesitant to say something bad to you.
 
I would not have a problem working for a gay employer, or for two gay employers, as long as my work wasn’t related to their gayness.

However, I would have a big problem with an internship where I was going to live in my employer’s house, whether the employer was gay, straight, or asexual. Unless this is an internship as a house servant, like a butler or personal assistant or something, there is absolutely no reason any employee should be living in their boss’ house. It’s a rather alarming lack of personal boundaries, to me.
 
Last edited:
I think I would feel uncomfortable living in anyone’s house, especially an employer’s house, but I take it you’re a lot younger than I am. Is there no way around the living arrangement? Insofar as working with them is concerned, that should be a professional relationship, so I doubt you have to worry about it. Your faith should not even come up as a topic of discussion except perhaps in passing.
 
Because it’s fairly far away (an hour drive). I wouldn’t have to live in the house, but they offer it up-front as a matter of convenience. The work starts fairly early in the day as well.

However you and others have brought up good points about the idea of living with an employer being pretty out-of-the-ordinary and concerning. I’ll give it some more thought.
 
I was in a line of work in which there are traditionally many gay men. I never had a problem with them, some of them were wonderful coworkers and I am still close to few of them after several years. Living in the same house with coworkers/managers may be source of a lot of issues, even more so if you don’t share the same values and life style. Any chance you could keep the job but find a different solution for your living accomodations?
 
Last edited:
A_Really_Big_Cat said:
I feel bad because I feel slightly unnerved by the idea of working with them even though they seem nice; I guess I just feel like they might be hostile to my faith.
Click to expand...
I’d ask them if they would have a problem with my faith before I commit to working with them, especially if I’m going to be living with them.

However, if it’s such a good opportunity that you would consider relocating (& living with them) & starting early in the morning, may be gut check time.

As far as the elephant in the room, is there a reason Catholics & two gay men in a relationship shouldn’t be able to work together? Are you going to be hanging crucifixes all over the place? Do you bring your 3’ statue of our Blessed Mother to work with you? Do you pray the Liturgy of the Hours devoutly & think they may not afford the time?
 
This situation would be odd in any case…living in an employer’s house, whether they’re gay, straight, or whatever. I’ve never heard of this before.
 
They offered to let you live with them because of an hour long commute?
That’s just weird.
Would you have your own shelf in the refrigerator?
No way, man.
Setting aside the gay situation, it’s just weird.
 
Agree with others. Do not stay in the home of a boss, one you don’t even know well. That’s asking for trouble from the get-go. Work is about maintaining a necessary amount of professional distance, for your own sake.
 
I don’t find the situation odd, with regards to an employer offering to take in someone who works for them on a temporary basis. I work in an industry where we have people who move across the country to take short-term contracts with our organization. It is a non-profit, and those who accept work or internships are altruistic and kind-hearted people. It isn’t unusual for someone at the organization to offer them a room in their house for their first month or so in town while they find housing and settle themselves.

If the concern is what goes on between closed doors in this gay couples bedroom, then I would say you are worrying about somethig above your paygrade. Would you worry about what a heterosexual couple does in their bedroom?

If you are Catholic, however, I can see where this may be an uncomfortable situation for you. Perhaps it is best to just decline the offer and find an alternative lodging arrangement.

I think it was very nice of them to offer. I just wanted to point out that this isn’t as odd a situation as some who post here have indicated. It can work, and quite nicely. Of course, there is also the potential for it to be a disaster if boundaries aren’t respected in both directions.
 
Last edited:
I would be apprehensive of this because of the living situation, whether they were gay or not. I don’t know of many people who ask interns to live with them…it sets off my creep-o-meter a little…

That said, it’s not sinful at all but could be awkward, especially if they are your supervisors. IMHO it’s against better judgment. Unless this is an internship you find incredibly valuable, I’d give it a maybe and take it if something better doesn’t come along.
 
Last edited:
Apples and oranges. For nannies/au pairs/caregivers the place of work often overlaps with the place where they live because the children/patient live in the home and they have to care for them for an extended time and odd hours. The situation described in the original post is different, the poster is not the caregiver of the employer. I see it more like a temporary offer to help relocating in an area with expensive/low availability living accommodations. I see it as a nice offer but not very practical on the long term. What happens if they have a disagreement at home or at the workplace? Is the poster paying rent? Plus, honestly, who wants to have contact literally 24/7 with a coworker or supervisor?
 
Last edited:
I strongly recommend you get away from the job asap. For many ss male “arrangements”, their meaning of fidelity is radically different from the Christian fidelity called for in marriage, according to some studies I have read. This may be a “grooming” of you, step one.

Look elsewhere.
 
One of the main concerns with employers offering someone living space in their home is that the employer may be planning, or even expecting, some personal interaction beyond what is required for the job. For jobs where the person might normally “live in”, such as nanny or au pair, there have been a huge number of situations of either sexual involvement, or encroachment on the person’s personal life and personal time (such as forcing them to work extremely long hours or monitoring their contact with outside world).

Again this is a concern whether the employer is gay or straight or whatever.

I’m guessing one reason an “altruistic non-profit” might get away with this is that not only do the people coming to work for a non-profit have high idealism and little money, but also a non-profit is not a great target for a lawsuit if anything happens; they are non-profit so don’t have deep pockets. You can bet that if a large corporation was inviting new employees to stay in the manager’s home for a couple months internship, lawsuits would happen.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top