Would Gaining Weight Affect Your Feelings?

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funnyyetsavvy

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So…

I’ve been under a lot of stress at work lately and not working out at all…

I started thinking…If you were dating/married, would it affect your attraction to that person romantically if they gained weight? Would you mention it? Do you think it would impact your physical relationship (for the marrieds of course)? Or would you just be able to love them as God’s child whatever way they are?
 
It may not affect your love for your spouse, but it certainly can affect attraction if someone has gained a significant amount of weight and/or becomes out of shape. I think we owe it to our spouses to maintain–not a perfect bikini figure–but certainly a healthy weight and good fitness as much as possible allowing for occasions such as pregnancy, illness, injury, that can limit or impact fitness.
 
I had several negative feelings about one bf who was soft in the belly (though extremely skinny by today’s standards – things have certainly changed):
He expects me to touch that soft tissue. He doesn’t have more respect for me than that. (Young! Young! Young!)
He looks like a girl. It’s disturbing.:o
What will my friends say? (Young…:o )
If he cared how I feel he wouldn’t jeopardize his health like that. (But it was OK for us to smoke and do other bad things, I guess. Ah, hindsight…)
Wouldn’t it be cool if we were skinny together?
I have no idea what someone with the maturity to be married would think of a little weight.
 
funnyyetsavvy said:
So…

I’ve been under a lot of stress at work lately and not working out at all…

I started thinking…If you were dating/married, would it affect your attraction to that person romantically if they gained weight? Would you mention it? Do you think it would impact your physical relationship (for the marrieds of course)? Or would you just be able to love them as God’s child whatever way they are?
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Of course!!! a few extra kgs here and there is of course gonna happen…but yeah, if my wife (or I got way out of shape) then it would affect the attraction levels… by the same token, if I was in absolute tip top shape without a gram of exta fat…then I am sure my wife wouldn’t complain…🙂
 
thomfra said:
by the same token, if I was in absolute tip top shape without a gram of exta fat…then I am sure my wife wouldn’t complain…🙂
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**
She might not complain, but it could** make her feel more self conscious…especially post-pregnancy or other times when she is not feeling at her most fit.

And I agree with everyone here that it can and does affect the physical attraction…but the amount of weight/fitness that it would take to cause that varies by individual couple.

I think attitude is also really important. If you see that your spouse is concerned with their weight or being unfit and they are sincerely trying be better but are struggling, that has less of an effect overall (on physical attraction) than seeing your spouse let themselves go and not care.
 
Feanaro_s_Wife said:
**
She might not complain, but it could** make her feel more self conscious…especially post-pregnancy or other times when she is not feeling at her most fit.
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So that’s why so many new fathers seem to get a little podgy. It’s sympathy eating…heheh:D
 
I’m surprised so many said this. I honestly don’t care. My hubby (ok, and me too) have definitely gained weight since we got together 15 years ago, and it doesn’t bother me in the least that he has a beer belly. I think it’s kind of cute. 😛 And he has told me that he knows I’ve had kids since then, and understands that that changes a woman’s body, and he doesn’t mind either.

I mean, it’s his mind and soul I fell in love with, not his body. I had to give up that fantasy long ago when he started losing his hair! That was a lot more traumatic for me than his belly–he had hair half way down his back when we met, and I’ve always been attracted to long haired guys. If I can get used to, and even like, him bald (yes, he shaves his head now), then a little extra weight is certainly no big deal!
 
Teakafrog said:
I’m surprised so many said this. I honestly don’t care. My hubby (ok, and me too) have definitely gained weight since we got together 15 years ago, and it doesn’t bother me in the least that he has a beer belly. I think it’s kind of cute. 😛 And he has told me that he knows I’ve had kids since then, and understands that that changes a woman’s body, and he doesn’t mind either.
**
I don’t think anyone is talking about minor changes or a bit of weight gain…that is normal. But weight CAN affect physical attraction…just like hair for you:p**
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I think more than the physical attraction… it is worrying about their health… and I know that when I gain weight I am not happy with myself and I don’t feel good about myself which of course affects my attitude about everything.

Stupid example here… dd and I went shopping. I looked terrible in everything I tried on… I got all depressed and we went home. Dh didn’t know why I was so down and offered to take me out to my favorite restaurant… bad move! I nearly bit his head off about how I couldn’t possibly eat all that fattening food… and to add insult to injury, I told him he didn’t need it either… I felt even worse after that!

In truth, it wasn’t about his weight at all… but mine. But I also worry because his mother has some pretty severe problems with blood pressure and water retention and I can see him getting himself all worked up about things and I worry about his blood pressure.
 
Island_Oak said:
It may not affect your love for your spouse, but it certainly can affect attraction if someone has gained a significant amount of weight and/or becomes out of shape. I think we owe it to our spouses to maintain–not a perfect bikini figure–but certainly a healthy weight and good fitness as much as possible allowing for occasions such as pregnancy, illness, injury, that can limit or impact fitness.
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Completely agree.👍
 
As a wife, I’m not turned off by my husband, although it is evident he needs to lose about 50 lbs to be healthy. I could lose about 20!I am just as attracted to him as I always was, which is a lot. I am worried about his health, though. He is short of breath and lethargic. He’s being tested for heart troubles.

Maybe men are more sensitive to weight gain of their wives, I think. Perhaps some husbands are comparing their wives way too much with what they are viewing.

~Danni
*Walking wounded from illicit images
 
My DH has gained 60lbs since we met and has gone from being a reasonable weight to quite overweight. Honestly, I do find myself slightly less attracted to him physically than I was back then. And I worry about his health since he now has high blood pressure. But I don’t love him any less because of it!! I love my DH because he is caring and giving and sacrificing and sweet and wonderful not because of his hot bod :p.
I have mentioned it to him from a health standpoint. He also smokes and I love him so much I want him to be around when we’re old and grey! But I would never tell him that I think he’s fat and unattractive :eek: (anyways, he’s not. He’s a very very good looking guy and if he did lose that weight I’d have to follow him around to fend off the ladies :p)
 
Love is not about physical attractiveness! It helps get things going in the beginning, but I don’t see how you could not want to be with the one you love forever b/c she is overweight after being skinny when you were younger…are you going to stop finding her attractive when she starts getting wrinkles too? Are you going to ask her to get a boob job when her breasts begin to sag and hang?

Incredible so many on this board can be so Catholic Rigorist, but when it comes to physical looks, you will tell them to shape up.

Incredible. Where’s the love?
 
**I think it goes without saying that a caring, loving spouse would be MORE concerned with their overweight spouse’s health… BUT that doesn’t mean that it can’t ALSO affect physical attraction.

And just because it may affect physical attraction doesn’t mean the couple’s sex life would go down the tubes (in a loving marriage). But it may end certain compliments like "you are so hot/cut/muscular/shapely… whatever. The couple would just adapt unless it really became an issue of repulsion. Not being as attracted to your spouse is not the same as actually being repulsed.**
 
While gaining weight might have an effect on attractiveness, there is much more to one’s attractiveness than a number on a scale.

That being said, let me turn the question around . . . ask your husband this question: “Would you rather I lose 10 pounds or have my naked body lying next to yours?” I don’t know your husband, but I can guarantee what his answer would be.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Any weight gain you might have will have much more of an effect in your eyes than his.
 
yeah it makes me crabby, disheartened and out of breath.

would it affect my love for spouse or child? not likely unless I was locked in the most superficial level of love based on physical attraction and fulfillment of my own emotional needs. I might express concern about the health of a spouse based on weight gain, eating habits or anything else that posed a threat, but it would certainly not diminish my love.
 
I’m not saying there’s no grain of truth to what some people are saying, but I will tell everyone why this is hurting me very badly. 😦

I am someone who has had weight issues and binge eating problems most of my life. I have been up to 40-50 pounds overweight recently. I lost 50 pounds and have gained 40 of them back.

I have a large frame and an extremely easy tendency to gain weight and start looking fat within a rather short time period. It has to do with an unusually large appetite and slow metabolism. I have been like this most of my life. I have fought to lose weight and have succeeded now and then - but it feels like murder to starve in order to be 175 pounds or something (I’m 5 feet 10).

I know for certain that if I were to have a child I would definitely become fat. The weight would become extremely difficult to go down. My body is such that it gets fat so easily because I have a huge appetite. And then what if I became pregnant again while I was still fat? Good grief.

It makes me wonder what kind of husband is going to put up with this.

Sorry but this topic gets to me (wish there was a crying icon here).

Ok there is one :crying: :crying: :crying:
 
OK, I’m going to answer this one --I’m the wife, using my husband’s profile.
We’ve been married 27 years, 8 kids (plus one in Heaven).
Recent conversation:
me: You’re so handsome. You just get better looking.
him: (chuckling) Your eyesight is going.
BTW he has a physical job and is in excellent shape. But neither one of us looks the way we did in our 20s, when we got married! I’m at least 20 pounds heavier.
 
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