Would you charge your kids rent?

[angell1]

i mean adult children who still live at home

would you let them live at home if they wanted to?

if they did, would you charge them anything? why or why not?

i know there’s no right or wrong answer, just curious of different perspectives. i realize this may also be quite cultural sometimes based on reactions I’ve gotten from other people

 

[Kaninchen]

I think it might rather depend on what they earned and whether they were saving to buy a home, things like that?

 

[1ke]

I think it depends on the circumstances at the time, and the child in question. While you are correct there is no right and wrong, there also isn’t a single answer, even for one family. The answer today may be different 5 years from now.

 

[pianistclare]

No.
It’s a cultural thing for us.
Hispanics don’t believe in having their daughters away.
My daughters have plenty of privacy, come and go without a lot of grilling on our part, and also chip in for bills when I ask, and do housework, their own laundry etc.
It works for us.

 

[PaulfromIowa]

There are many factors here. Many adult children live at home simply for economic reasons. However, this can also have serious moral issues. Is the child overly dependent on the parents and afraid to become an adult? Are the parents overly dependent on the adult child?

 

[joeybaggz]

There are many factors here. Many adult children live at home simply for economic reasons. However, this can also have serious moral issues. Is the child overly dependent on the parents and afraid to become an adult? Are the parents overly dependent on the adult child?

A very valid question Paul raises, and one that has to be answered.

 

[AdamP88]

i mean adult children who still live at home

would you let them live at home if they wanted to?

if they did, would you charge them anything? why or why not?

i know there’s no right or wrong answer, just curious of different perspectives. i realize this may also be quite cultural sometimes based on reactions I’ve gotten from other people

Yes I would. I payed a bit into the house when I still lived with my parents. I’d be flexible about it but there’s nothing wrong with giving some contribution to the bills etc.

 

[Edmundus1581]

If they are studying full time and not receiving government assistance, then no. If they are receiving government assistance (which is available in Australia after age 25), then at least a token amount.

If they are working, then always. The amount depends on their income. Ideally, it is close to what they actually cost, with some concession. If they are not earning much then I charge at least a token amount - say $5 /week.

If they are not studying or working, then there will be no charge until they start getting unemployment benefits, but as soon as they do I’ll expect some payment of board. I also expect them to use their free time for extra house chores - eg. gardening, as a helpful contribution in lieu of money.

That’s the theory, but I’ve found it difficult to put into practice. Some children are co-operative and think these expectations reasonable, others not. Their payments are always late, the chores not done, etc. In their late teens and early twenties they seem to be constantly out to have a “good time” with their friends, and spend what money they have on clothes, gadgets, etc. It’s been a bit easier to get co-operation once they reach 25.

I think it might rather depend on what they earned and whether they were saving to buy a home, things like that?

Indeed. If we had an explicit agreement that the board payments were reduced to enable them to save, then I would do that (but still expect at least some token payment).

 

[TK421]

No need to wait until they’re an adult. Little Johnny needs to learn at an early age that life isn’t free. I recommend age 4 but definitely no later than 6. He’s gotta put his back into it.

 

[egretps]

As an young adult going to university, I paid nothing.
As a young adult working numerous part-time jobs and then my first full-time job, I paid nothing.
I wish my parents would have asked me to contribute. I did offer. More than once.
The arrangement did get used against me eventually. (Another story. My dad’s family kept the girls home until they married, that was something he wanted for me.)

My grandmother charged her kids 1/3 of their income. For instance she put my mom through nursing school, and when my mom worked full time and lived at home she gave her mom 1/3 of her check. (My mom was still resentful years later. Which might be why she insisted she didn’t want me to pay her any rent money.) Grannie needed the money, because my grandfather became very ill and unable to work. Grannie was also caring for her elderly father in law.

When my uncle was enlisted in the military, Grannie asked that he send her some money every month. He did and she saved some of it without him aware. When he wrote her he met a girl he wanted to marry and he came home, she presented him with a bank account with enough money to buy his girl a ring. I remember he cried when he saw how much was saved. So she did her best for everyone, and needed help from all of her kids although not all of them were willing to help.

A girlfriend of mine lost child support when each of her numerous children became 18. When each of them got their first full time job she charged them very little, like $25 per week to offset the use of the water heater and some food. They weren’t always willing to pay that. She struggled but kept them with her until they decided to move out.

I suppose my husband and I will allow our children to live at home, but depending on their income when they are finally ‘adult’ may determine if we charge them anything.

 

[Catholic1954]

i mean adult children who still live at home

would you let them live at home if they wanted to?

if they did, would you charge them anything? why or why not?

i know there’s no right or wrong answer, just curious of different perspectives. i realize this may also be quite cultural sometimes based on reactions I’ve gotten from other people

We never did. My daughter lived with us, off and on, until her marriage at age 33 and we never charged her a penny. It was important to us that she knew she could come home any time, regardless of circumstances.

 

[Anglewannabe]

My parents had the attitude ‘we take care of our daughter’. As sweet as this sounds, I can see the harm it has done. It did not allow me the opportunity to learn how to be independent while it was easy.

Let me explain. My parents did not need the money. So if when I was young, the average appartment cost let’s say $400/month and I was earning $500/month, I would not be able to make ends meet. But since my parents did not need the money, they could have charged me $200/month room and board. It would have been easy for me to accomplish and I would have learnt some life lessons while there was the security if an emergency happened, they could forgive the rent some month

Instead, I got thrown into the world with all the adult responsibilities with no experience. I wish it would have been different.

And personally, I feel for girls brought up in homes they can’t leave until they are married. It either encourages marrying the wrong person, or leaves a woman in a pretty scary situation if her parents die suddenly

Angie

 

[CradleJourney]

I think it depends on the circumstances at the time, and the child in question. While you are correct there is no right and wrong, there also isn’t a single answer, even for one family. The answer today may be different 5 years from now.

This.

Right now and so far in the past - no. As in no we wouldn’t charge them rent because no, they cannot live with us. (Small house, one bathroom, many kids). They lose room privileges after Christmas break of their freshman year. Remainder of college, they can come home for breaks and we’ll happily make space though they don’t get their private room back (it’s been inherited by next oldest child). After college graduation they get a few months - if needed - to stay while arranging other living accommodations (so far, not needed - one already had an apartment with a roommate by junior year, one got her own place in another city while attending grad school, then stayed with future in-laws between graduation and wedding when she moved in with her new hubby )

But that’s been the oldest ones. Now that there are no new babies coming up and everyone has their own bedroom, we’ll probably be more lenient with these youngest three - but still it’s our philosophy that once they are adult, they need to GO adult. We always provide food, laundry supplies, and bathroom usage to any of our children no matter what. Living space … well that may be a tent in the backyard if it comes to that

Main thought behind it all is that adults get to (have to) make their own decisions - from when to wake up, to what they eat for dinner. And with a small house, everyone here always knows (and is effected by) everything everyone else does - so it’d be hard to create a true parent /adult offspring relationship while in the same home (for us at least). Plus, eventually, we’d really like some privacy - LOL!

Note - this is all talked about, discussed, and communicated with them throughout their growing up years - both the what and the why - and no one’s felt “kicked out” at all. We work very, very hard to make sure they have the background, education and opportunity (should they choose to make use of them) to go successfully “adult”. It’s our family culture if you will.

 

[angell1]

There are many factors here. Many adult children live at home simply for economic reasons. However, this can also have serious moral issues. Is the child overly dependent on the parents and afraid to become an adult? Are the parents overly dependent on the adult child?

I fail to see the moral problems, I am not sure what kinds of examples you have in mind

I know plenty of my peers who have moved out and really can’t take care of themselves. they are not mature or responsible in any way.

on the flip side, I also know individuals who do live with their parents but can manage their own affairs just fine. they simply enjoy being with their families or want to help out their parents, or maybe for economic reasons as well but they help out around the house

 

[angell1]

My parents had the attitude ‘we take care of our daughter’. As sweet as this sounds, I can see the harm it has done. It did not allow me the opportunity to learn how to be independent while it was easy.

Let me explain. My parents did not need the money. So if when I was young, the average appartment cost let’s say $400/month and I was earning $500/month, I would not be able to make ends meet. But since my parents did not need the money, they could have charged me $200/month room and board. It would have been easy for me to accomplish and I would have learnt some life lessons while there was the security if an emergency happened, they could forgive the rent some month

Instead, I got thrown into the world with all the adult responsibilities with no experience. I wish it would have been different.

And personally, I feel for girls brought up in homes they can’t leave until they are married. It either encourages marrying the wrong person, or leaves a woman in a pretty scary situation if her parents die suddenly

Angie

I think it makes a difference if you are expected to help out around the house or not. at least from what I’ve observed.

everyone can fork over some money and expect everything else to be done for them, it’s not that hard

 

[Xantippe]

i mean adult children who still live at home

would you let them live at home if they wanted to?

if they did, would you charge them anything? why or why not?

i know there’s no right or wrong answer, just curious of different perspectives. i realize this may also be quite cultural sometimes based on reactions I’ve gotten from other people

I haven’t read through the thread (so, sorry!), but at least in our particular position, I would be OK with single adult children living at home with us as long as they are working and/or studying, reasonably helpful around the house, pleasant to be around, and saving for their futures.

This is a way out for us, but I have considered a mandatory $100-200 savings plan for college years, with increases as they graduate and start making real money. I realize that there are college majors where it would be difficult to pull that off, but I think it would be pretty spectacular to graduate from college debt-free and with growing savings. I’d like to increase the savings plan $100 a month every year.

Of course, this is all very speculative, but even just a few years of savings would make it much easier to get married and start a family.

 

[Anglewannabe]

I think it makes a difference if you are expected to help out around the house or not. at least from what I’ve observed.

everyone can fork over some money and expect everything else to be done for them, it’s not that hard

Personally, I don’t think it is always easy for a teenager to be responsible enough to hold down a part time job

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Obviously it depends on the situation and the son or daughter.

Most situations I can think of I would not charge rent. However if I did, I would probably take that rent, save it, and give it to them at a later date.

 

[mommy_k]

When dh and I got married, my inlaws made a inlaws suite in thier basement and we paid them rent. We had our own kitchen, bath bedroom and living room… We were young and saving for a house so we paid a very small rent…

So if our kids want the same, married or single…then yes…but I not for living in a bedroom.

 

[heidi_storage]

No need to wait until they’re an adult. Little Johnny needs to learn at an early age that life isn’t free. I recommend age 4 but definitely no later than 6. He’s gotta put his back into it.

Do you mean that 4-year-olds should pay rent? That seems unreasonable, as we parents have a duty to provide for our minor children. If you mean chores, then heck, they should be helping out earlier than 4 (provided they are able to do so, of course). Even a toddler can help carry things, pick up, wipe up, and maybe fold washcloths.