Would you still pay for your daughter's wedding

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OP isn’t Catholic…I’ll assume in the hypothetical the daughter isn’t either.

Is it a sin in the Anglican church to marry outside of it and have a civil wedding (honest question)? If not, then by that accord it would be helping her out of sin.

For me, I don’t have any daughters so I’ve never thought about paying for the wedding. Having said that, in this hypothetical, yes…yes I would.
 
Irishmom2 said:
I never heard of the groom’s parent’s paying for the honeymoon. 🤔
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Agreed. I’ve only heard of the groom being expected to pay for the honeymoon. Though, I think I’ve seen it on TV once or twice where the groom’s parents paid for the honeymoon (but in those movies, they were filthy rich)

I’ve only heard of the groom’s parents expected to pay for the rehearsal dinner, sometimes the flowers, and sometimes offering to help with the wedding (eps if the groom’s parents were better off financially).

But I’ve never heard of an expectation for the groom’s parents to pay for the honeymoon.
 
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JohnStrachan said:
Even if they choose a civil marriage?
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I would be very clear with them.

I would either say something like:
  • “we will only pay for your wedding if you are married in the Church”
    or
  • "we will pay upto $X if you are married in the Church, but we are only going to give you $X - 50% or $X - 75% if you marry outside the Church.
 
TheLittleLady said:
Read the parable of the prodigal. Father ran to welcome him and gave him a huge feast.
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Once the son realized the error of his ways and changed course! And he didn’t ask for much – just to be a servant. He begged to be allowed to be a servant.
 
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Let them have a wedding in the style in which they usually entertain, as Miss Manners says. More sensible.
 
His father was “keeping tabs” on the son. “While he was still a long way off” Father ran to meet him. Dad did not sit at the kitchen table making his son come in and apologize.
 
TheLittleLady said:
His father was “keeping tabs” on the son. “While he was still a long way off” Father ran to meet him. Dad did not sit at the kitchen table making his son come in and apologize.
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Kid still changed course first. Dad didn’t approach him while the kid was living a sinful lifestyle.
 
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I’ve not seen the Church rule to self isolate from sinners.

Best wishes.
 
TC3033 said:
Is it a sin in the Anglican church to marry outside of it and have a civil wedding (honest question)?
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I would assume not, as the current heir to the British throne, who will become Supreme Governor of the Church of England, married outside the Church of England.
 
Then they keep things simple and save money. I’m personally all for simple weddings. They can still be lovely and tasteful, and as a Catholic, I consider the sacrament itself more beautiful than any amount of dresses, limos, bells, or whistles.

But then, having worked for a spell in the ruthless and highly exploitative bridal industry, I suffer from a jaded cynicism that is coloring my bias.

It doesn’t sound like finances are the issue for the OP, however.
 
We need to have some charity, here. If they get married, they’re finally doing the right thing. Maybe if it’s outside of the Church, you might have valid grounds to not pay for it, but if they marry within the Church, you should be glad they are getting married, and not with-hold your share of the financial contribution.

It used to be customary for the bride’s family to pay for the wedding – that was expected as the regular custom. Maybe the groom’s family paid for the rehearsals or honeymoon – there used to be an accepted protocol regarding who customarily paid for what. Of course, things have changed in our modern times, and a lot of couples do pay for their own weddings.

If they marry outside of the Church, they should be on their own. If it’s a civil wedding, it won’t cost that much, anyway.

But, if they marry in the Church, your attitude needs to be one of gratitude. Only if the costs become excessive – more than you can afford – should you consider asking them to scale things back a bit, or contribute what you can and ask that the groom’s family pay for some of those extras, or ask the couple to chip in to cover those extra expenses beyond what you are able to pay.

But don’t cut them off just because they co-habitated prior to marrying. Instead, encourage and support their decision to marry, and help out as much as possible.
 
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Yes in these parts the grooms parents pay for honeymoon if you are keeping to a (small t )traditional wedding…where brides parents pay for reception.

Unless my family is just weird.
 
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I liked the way my uncle’s son and daughter handled this. Each one was cohabiting with their significant other. Parents didn’t approve but didn’t cut them off from the family either. They often got together for family gatherings
.
A few years later, each couple became pregnant. They decided separately that it was time to make things legal. The son called one day and asked if they could come over for dinner as they had an announcement to make. They announced both their marriage and their pregnancy. Not long thereafter, the daughter repeated pretty much the same scenario, announcing marriage and impending birth. Both got married at a courthouse. It sure saved a lot in wedding expenses.
 
Here’s a different wrinkle – what if groom is a dud and family disapproves?
I think that if a couple does Catholic premarital counseling, there’s at least a hope of weeding out a terrible dud (or a poor match).
I think that’s an element missing in this discussion. We can’t 100% assume that it’s the best thing for every cohabiting couple to get married. The Church doesn’t teach that either.
I realize the OP is not Catholic, but he’s the one who posted on a Catholic forum!
 
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phil19034 said:
I would either say something like:
  • “we will only pay for your wedding if you are married in the Church”
    or
  • "we will pay upto $X if you are married in the Church, but we are only going to give you $X - 50% or $X - 75% if you marry outside the Church.
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What is the purpose of that though? There are couples that will say they will marry in a Catholic Church just to get their wedding paid for, but it means nothing to to them and they never attend mass again.

So really, this isn’t about the money. It’s about parents not attending weddings of couples that don’t marry in church. If it were me, I would make it clear that I am disappointed in their choices, but I would still attend. It is not an approval of their choice, but an affirmation of my unconditional love, as @TheLittleLady tried to explain earlier.

We are all sinners. Do we refuse to associate with anyone that sins? We would be alone almost all the time if that were the case.
 
JohnStrachan said:
if she and her boyfriend shacked up before they got married? Not only is co-habitation a bad idea if you are interested in preserving a life-long marriage, but it’s contrary to the teaching of the church. It is the sin that keeps on giving as it is a public repudiation of God’s law.
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I would say no. If you make the choice to live like a married couple that has implications, one of which is that the man is responsible for the care of his wife, even if she is only his common-law wife. I would agree, I think that contributing to the wedding is not your responsibility should they decide to live together.
 
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