C
Calliope
Guest
My question is what do you hope to achieve by not paying for the wedding.
Are you sending some message to your daughter and other children, or is this about your faith and you are doing it because you feel that is what God would want you to do?
After you have an answer to that, you can share it with your daughter with your honest explanation of where you are coming from.
Has your daughter always been under the impression that you WOULD pay for the wedding if/when she married? Will this be a surprise?
When I married my great Aunt didn’t attend because I married a man of a different faith and she felt that it would be against her faith to attend. I didn’t hold it against her, that made perfect sense to me and I respected her decision. We remained on good terms. I understand the importance of a person following their faith.
My mother didn’t want me to marry because I was young and said that she wouldn’t try to stop me but neither would she pay for the wedding. I said that was fine, we would marry quietly without a reception. Ultimately she decided to pay because she wanted to save face with family and friends and not look like the bad guy. That was HER decision, I didn’t hold it against her, though it stung having to shop for a gown on my own.
It matters a lot why you make the decision you do and what explanation you give your daughter and the manner in which you present it.
These days it seems more common for both families and the couple to get together and hash out how to handle the plans, guest list and costs, rather than to go by the old tradition. Times have changed and I think in many cases expectations have changed as well.
Are you sending some message to your daughter and other children, or is this about your faith and you are doing it because you feel that is what God would want you to do?
After you have an answer to that, you can share it with your daughter with your honest explanation of where you are coming from.
Has your daughter always been under the impression that you WOULD pay for the wedding if/when she married? Will this be a surprise?
When I married my great Aunt didn’t attend because I married a man of a different faith and she felt that it would be against her faith to attend. I didn’t hold it against her, that made perfect sense to me and I respected her decision. We remained on good terms. I understand the importance of a person following their faith.
My mother didn’t want me to marry because I was young and said that she wouldn’t try to stop me but neither would she pay for the wedding. I said that was fine, we would marry quietly without a reception. Ultimately she decided to pay because she wanted to save face with family and friends and not look like the bad guy. That was HER decision, I didn’t hold it against her, though it stung having to shop for a gown on my own.
It matters a lot why you make the decision you do and what explanation you give your daughter and the manner in which you present it.
These days it seems more common for both families and the couple to get together and hash out how to handle the plans, guest list and costs, rather than to go by the old tradition. Times have changed and I think in many cases expectations have changed as well.