Young single Catholics

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chevalier said:
I have knack for talking about things-that-must-not-be-talked-about and I guess I’m different from most other guys. Well, most other people in general.
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That’s not a bad thing. Makes for intriguing conversation. 🙂
The thing with compromise is a different one, though. Nothing special here. It’s just better to keep baking and to maximise value (taking turns perhaps) than to make life equally miserable for both parties.
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Too true.
oldfashcathgirl said:
Where would you like to go to get to know a person?
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I’d have to add another vote to coffee shop or a walk. Although ideally I would have met this person at mass.
chevalier said:
In mature company a verbal statement of your attitude to somebody should override guesses from your behaviour.
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Where does this mature company gather? 😃
 
what I would look for in a person is first, that they are catholic, then do we get along very well, also very similar sense of values, honesty, and most importantly, if God wills that we be together. It doesn’t matter how great the guy unless God also wills that we be together and that comes through prayer and discerning together if that is what God wills.
 
chevalier said:
One more thing, perhaps, which I still remember from being that age, a young man when he’s really taken with you (e.g. a rapid and/or strong feeling rather than slow progress) may be inclined to move just about anything and everything in his agenda to make room for you. This can be obsessive but it can also mean he’s very much into you, or a person brought up somewhat traditionally and big on reverence for women (I guess I was all three).
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I’ll keep that in mind, thanks. 🙂
chevalier said:
Maybe you’re withdrawn, reserved? Or a little bit of shyness or anxiety? I wouldn’t worry about that too much though. In mature company a verbal statement of your attitude to somebody should override guesses from your behavior.
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Both, but I’m growing out of it little by little. I think I am a quiet person by nature, at least around strangers, but I would like to be able to talk if I have something to contribute.
chevalier said:
It’s natural to be somewhat lacking in confidence when you’re new to something. You gain some confidence with time or by just doing what you need to do despite not being confident (this confidence despite lack of confidence is probably the best or most useful kind). Self-esteem is sometimes a problem, as in if there are some problems in that regard, there’s going to be a problem with confidence too.
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Thank you for the encouragement. :o I don’t think my self esteem is very bad, I just really don’t like disagreeing with people and am afraid of being disliked sometimes.
chevalier said:
But you’ve got your education to deal with first, so I wouldn’t worry excessively about that. 🙂 I wish I’d spent less time and focus on girls, not more.
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Thank you, I think I will try to do that. There will probably be lots of time later, right? 🙂 I need to apply myself a bit more anyway. I am one to the kids who sets the curve on tests and then gets and A- instead of an A because she didn’t do the homework. 😊 So I have lots to work on! 😃
 
Greg_N said:
See, I disagree. I was the kind of child who had to be “broke down” (for lack of a better phrase). That being said, my younger siblings exhibited behavior the complete opposite of my own; which leads me to understand this whole “rearing” children thing is completely relative to the child’s behavior. If a child has Asperger’s, you’re obviously going to have to treat him/her differently than you would a child without it.
As long as the parent/s maintain a balance/fairness between how they discipline their children, everything should be in order.

And I know this is a little off topic but:

😉
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I don’t believe any child has to be broken down, some kids may need extra guidance. You will not be a child under your parents all your life so after they have broken you down and destroyed an important trait that you may need in your adulthood instead of directing and crafting it then they have down you a disservice. There is nothing wrong with a willful child, however an untrained willful child is completely different from a child who has been thought how to properly directly their willful personality. That properly trained willful child will grow into an adult that cannot be cowered, an adult who will stand firm behind their beliefs, a tenacious adult who will reach for their goals. An adult who will not give up easily.

Each child’s personality is different so a parent will have to adjust their discipline style per child but stubbornness and willfulness and all those other “bad” personalities that people think need to be broken in children actually need to be better directed and channeled.
 
oldfashcathgirl said:
I like coffee shops but I also like group events.
I like coffee shops if I have known the person enough in a group setting, most guys I meet have been at a bible study or social event that I usually go to and so I have been watching (sounds creeper but it’s not) them for some time before I approach them in a “romantic” manner. That’s how I weed out the ones who are not within my “list”. No, I don’t just watch people but I listen to their conversations ask questions and get to know them as friends…
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Ha.

“I’ve been watching you for a while now. Would you like to go and get some coffee?”
 
oldfashcathgirl said:
It is definitely different!! I don’t follow people home, look into their cars, or show up at their jobs…
🙂
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I understood that he was referring to the “I’ve been watching you for a while now” part. I’d try to phrase that differently so as not to alarm someone one is trying it attract.
 
Bruised_Reed said:
I understood that he was referring to the “I’ve been watching you for a while now” part. I’d try to phrase that differently so as not to alarm someone one is trying it attract.
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Well hopefully I don’t use anything close to that phrase…
By the time people know me they know I’m am very forward, sarcastic and “chill”. They won’t think I’m crazy even if it did come out of my mouth because they’ve probably heard worse from me! LOL
and if any guy is alarmed by me he probably won’t last very long … just saying!
 
oldfashcathgirl said:
Well hopefully I don’t use anything close to that phrase…
By the time people know me they know I’m am very forward, sarcastic and “chill”. They won’t think I’m crazy even if it did come out of my mouth because they’ve probably heard worse from me! LOL
and if any guy is alarmed by me he probably won’t last very long … just saying!
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Weird stuff can come out when we’re nervous…just saying. 🙂 I suppose it’s a good idea to cut people some slack here. Someone tripping over their tongue can be a complement, I think.
 
trinichiqn said:
I don’t believe any child has to be broken down, some kids may need extra guidance. You will not be a child under your parents all your life so after they have broken you down and destroyed an important trait that you may need in your adulthood instead of directing and crafting it then they have down you a disservice. There is nothing wrong with a willful child, however an untrained willful child is completely different from a child who has been thought how to properly directly their willful personality. That properly trained willful child will grow into an adult that cannot be cowered, an adult who will stand firm behind their beliefs, a tenacious adult who will reach for their goals. An adult who will not give up easily.

Each child’s personality is different so a parent will have to adjust their discipline style per child but stubbornness and willfulness and all those other “bad” personalities that people think need to be broken in children actually need to be better directed and channeled.
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You mention “stubbornness and willfulness”.

On stubbornness, I agree with you, no child should be “broken down” for mere stubbornness, but “willfulness” is very ambiguous. When a child is willfully doing the wrong thing, purely out of contempt, it can reach a tipping point where that child must be dealt with accordingly, I believe – ‘broken down’. Life is not all beer and skittles… some kids (maybe even most) are fantastic, and their behavior/personality (as you pointed out) needs to/can be “channeled”, but I’m telling you as someone who understands the mind of a megalomaniac (lol) when you’re dealing with an egotistical sociopath it’s a whole different ball-game - you need to break that kid down! Hard. “Channeling” his “willful nature” is impossible if he/she willfully disobeys, and as they grow older, the error will manifest itself until it’s almost impossible to correct > take a look at the psychological state of hardened criminals (such pathological behavior begins from a young age and roots itself into adulthood, [trying to correct the behavior at that point is often useless]), Proverbs 13:24 says “spare the rod spoil the child”; straight up and down it is what it is. Of course, no parent should ever allow such firm discipline to become over-bearing to the point where they find it vengeful or satisfying – that’s simply too far, and if it reaches such a point it needs to be toned down, just remember the world is not perfect and there are some twisted little minds out there. peace
 
Greg_N said:
You mention “stubbornness and willfulness”.

On stubbornness, I agree with you, no child should be “broken down” for mere stubbornness, but “willfulness” is very ambiguous. When a child is willfully doing the wrong thing, purely out of contempt, it can reach a tipping point where that child must be dealt with accordingly, I believe – ‘broken down’. Life is not all beer and skittles… some kids (maybe even most) are fantastic, and their behavior/personality (as you pointed out) needs to/can be “channeled”, but I’m telling you as someone who understands the mind of a megalomaniac (lol) when you’re dealing with an egotistical sociopath it’s a whole different ball-game - you need to break that kid down! Hard. “Channeling” his “willful nature” is impossible if he/she willfully disobeys, and as they grow older, the error will manifest itself until it’s almost impossible to correct > take a look at the psychological state of hardened criminals (such pathological behavior begins from a young age and roots itself into adulthood, [trying to correct the behavior at that point is often useless]), Proverbs 13:24 says “spare the rod spoil the child”; straight up and down it is what it is. Of course, no parent should ever allow such firm discipline to become over-bearing to the point where they find it vengeful or satisfying – that’s simply too far, and if it reaches such a point it needs to be toned down, just remember the world is not perfect and there are some twisted little minds out there. peace
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The willful aka strong-willed child does take an extra dose of patience and creativity on the parent’s part but can be channeled. You have to learn to speak that child’s language, it is not about bending to the will of the child but allowing the child to blossom and grow while learning obedience and discipline. Many people balk and see this as asking the child’s permission but if you do this right (which I am not saying is easy) your child will recognize your authority and learn to obey but the parent can’t hold on saying “x” worked with Joey and John should be no different. John is not Joey, he needs a different approach.
 
trinichiqn said:
The willful aka strong-willed child does take an extra dose of patience and creativity on the parent’s part but can be channeled. You have to learn to speak that child’s language, it is not about bending to the will of the child but allowing the child to blossom and grow while learning obedience and discipline. Many people balk and see this as asking the child’s permission but if you do this right (which I am not saying is easy) your child will recognize your authority and learn to obey but the parent can’t hold on saying “x” worked with Joey and John should be no different. John is not Joey, he needs a different approach.
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I never disagreed with approaching each child differently; I explicitly stressed that “breaking down” was only to be done in extreme cases. That being said, you’re probably right… I love kids more than anything, I just like to put an emphasis on sternness which in my opinion is too often overlooked in contemporary society (my part of the woods anyway). I see too many young people making the wrong decisions in life because their parents play the role of “cool friend” rather than parent. I’m def intrigued by this whole “Channeling” thing though, it’s got some real sci-fi vibes about it I rekon I could probably get used to it. may the force be with you
 
oldfashcathgirl said:
It is definitely different!! I don’t follow people home, look into their cars, or show up at their jobs…
🙂
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You’re female, you’re immune to restraining orders. 😉
joshvanrad said:
Don’t sweat it, man. It’s not like your breaking any federal laws.
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Commerce clause, man! What if the car had been purchased or refuelled in a different state, hah! That gives Congress all the jurisdiction it wants.
 
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