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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
Nothing has changed: you still NEED to see a gyno AND a therapist. Badly. Our advice won’t change on that.
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SJG1759
Guest
I agree. A truly loving, caring husband would tell his wife to get herself to a doctor if there was anything at all wrong with her. Mine does this very thing, and God love him for it - without him I would’t go to the doctor until I was in need of Last Rites!
I agree with this too! Every time I go to WebMD to look up my symptoms, I walk away from the computer thinking I have cancer… then I go to a real MD and she tells me I have the sniffles.
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EasterJoy
Guest
A certain fellow was once on a long car trip, far from home. To his dismay, his car got a flat out in the middle of nowhere, many miles from any town. He went to fix it, and to his greater dismay, her realized that his jack was broken. Thinking back, however, he brightened somewhat to remember that he had passed what looked like a farm not very far back on the road. He decided to go there to ask for help.
As he walked back toward this farm, however, he began to worry about what he would do if no one at the farm would help him. After all, why should they help him? He was obviously not from anywhere around there, he had a foreign accent, and he looked terrible after pushing himself to drive too many miles that day. Worse than that, he had a foreign-made car, too, and he knew he was in the middle of a huge Ford-Chevy Made-In-America part of the country. The farther he walked, the more pessimistic he got about his chances of getting help from this local yokel who was probably his only hope.
The farmer and his wife were one of the nicest pair of people for miles around. They lived so far out, however, that even though their house was just off of a main road they rarely had any company come to call. On that account, of course they were surprised to hear the doorbell ring. The farmer got up from his chair and went to the front door with interest to see who might be there.
Imagine his surprise when he opened the door, looked out, and saw a very angry stranger already stomping away from his porch in a huff!
*"Go ahead and BE that way! See if I care!"the strange man shouted as he stormed off. "You can KEEP your d&^Nd jack!"
You just got married and you can’t have sex. You don’t know why, but you do know where to find help, if such help is to be had. Look around until you find a gynecologist whom you can talk to about your problem, and don’t decide that you can’t be helped or that fixing the problem will be awful and embarrassing until you’ve actually talked to a doctor, OK? If you explain your situation, I’ll bet you don’t have to even undress until you’ve had a chance to talk to the doctor about your concerns. In the meantime, resolve not to suffer through the things in your imagination that haven’t yet come to pass. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.
As the Lord repeatedly says everywhere in the Bible: Be Not Afraid!
As they say at Nike…*Just Do It! *
You can do this!!
OK?
OK!
As he walked back toward this farm, however, he began to worry about what he would do if no one at the farm would help him. After all, why should they help him? He was obviously not from anywhere around there, he had a foreign accent, and he looked terrible after pushing himself to drive too many miles that day. Worse than that, he had a foreign-made car, too, and he knew he was in the middle of a huge Ford-Chevy Made-In-America part of the country. The farther he walked, the more pessimistic he got about his chances of getting help from this local yokel who was probably his only hope.
The farmer and his wife were one of the nicest pair of people for miles around. They lived so far out, however, that even though their house was just off of a main road they rarely had any company come to call. On that account, of course they were surprised to hear the doorbell ring. The farmer got up from his chair and went to the front door with interest to see who might be there.
Imagine his surprise when he opened the door, looked out, and saw a very angry stranger already stomping away from his porch in a huff!
*"Go ahead and BE that way! See if I care!"the strange man shouted as he stormed off. "You can KEEP your d&^Nd jack!"
You just got married and you can’t have sex. You don’t know why, but you do know where to find help, if such help is to be had. Look around until you find a gynecologist whom you can talk to about your problem, and don’t decide that you can’t be helped or that fixing the problem will be awful and embarrassing until you’ve actually talked to a doctor, OK? If you explain your situation, I’ll bet you don’t have to even undress until you’ve had a chance to talk to the doctor about your concerns. In the meantime, resolve not to suffer through the things in your imagination that haven’t yet come to pass. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.
As the Lord repeatedly says everywhere in the Bible: Be Not Afraid!
As they say at Nike…*Just Do It! *
You can do this!!
OK?
OK!
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ChildofGod2091
Guest
I think I forgot to mention things.
I’m only 20.
I’ve been married for 4 months…
No past sexual abuse…or any abuse as far as I know…and I’m not really one to block out traumatic memories
I’d probably see a gyno before I see a psychologist again. I no offense to any psychologists out there, but I hate psychologists…they seem to want to dig into a painful past I don’t have. Maybe my grandfather hates me for no apparent reason…I can’t seem to have sex no matter how hard I try and I’ve met my fair share of selfish people that…for lack of a better phrase…screwed me over because all they cared about was themselves…but I pretty much consider myself normal…and over it. Plus the last thing I want is to be told to do yoga or go on medication again…
Also…can people stop assuming I’m about to die because I’ve never seen a gyno? If you need to know…my periods are normal…my whole cycle is normal…I don’t have any awkward discharge that shouldn’t be there…and up until now…I haven’t been sexually active or in need of birth control.
Is it perhaps possible that maybe…just maybe…and even a Catholic woman from a medical and professional standpoint I’m still uncomfortable with letting a complete stranger examine me “down there”?
And just because my husband isn’t comfortable it doesn’t mean he’s stopping me. It’s one thing to go see a gyno because you think you have a possibly fatal condition…but another thing to see one because you’re “dysfunctional” with absolutely no cause.
I like how people told me not to diagnose myself on the internet…did I? No. I never once claimed I had it…and rather…it was on my other post people told me to look it up!
I’m never going to win with you guys. Maybe if someone actually tried walking a mile in my shoes for a change.
I’m only 20.
I’ve been married for 4 months…
No past sexual abuse…or any abuse as far as I know…and I’m not really one to block out traumatic memories
I’d probably see a gyno before I see a psychologist again. I no offense to any psychologists out there, but I hate psychologists…they seem to want to dig into a painful past I don’t have. Maybe my grandfather hates me for no apparent reason…I can’t seem to have sex no matter how hard I try and I’ve met my fair share of selfish people that…for lack of a better phrase…screwed me over because all they cared about was themselves…but I pretty much consider myself normal…and over it. Plus the last thing I want is to be told to do yoga or go on medication again…
Also…can people stop assuming I’m about to die because I’ve never seen a gyno? If you need to know…my periods are normal…my whole cycle is normal…I don’t have any awkward discharge that shouldn’t be there…and up until now…I haven’t been sexually active or in need of birth control.
Is it perhaps possible that maybe…just maybe…and even a Catholic woman from a medical and professional standpoint I’m still uncomfortable with letting a complete stranger examine me “down there”?
And just because my husband isn’t comfortable it doesn’t mean he’s stopping me. It’s one thing to go see a gyno because you think you have a possibly fatal condition…but another thing to see one because you’re “dysfunctional” with absolutely no cause.
I like how people told me not to diagnose myself on the internet…did I? No. I never once claimed I had it…and rather…it was on my other post people told me to look it up!
I’m never going to win with you guys. Maybe if someone actually tried walking a mile in my shoes for a change.
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domandcarols
Guest
I understand how you feel. This would be my girlfriends reaction if we were married and this happened. I would also not be comfortable with a doctor examining her like that.
You need to talk to your priest and ask for his advice. I’m so sorry people are making you feel bad about this, they are just trying to help. I will pray for you. God bless you.
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VeritasLuxMea
Guest
I am 99.9% certain that you have severe emotional and mental issues that must be addressed with counseling, lest you face the long-term consequences (possible divorce/annulment, continued bouts of extreme anxiety, etc.)
I am 99.9% certain that you have medical problems that must be addressed related to the sexual organs, lest you face the consequences (lifetime of sexless marriage or divorce/annulment, turning against your vows, possible medical complications unrelated to sexuality.)
I am 99.9% certain that you will not be satisfied with anyone else’s answers here, because you do not want to be.
But the choice remains clear: get help or do not and persist in suffering. That’s it. It won’t change no matter how much you wish it would.
It’s time to start getting comfortable with it if you intend to marry and you want to take your vows seriously.
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DeniseNY
Guest
But you really don’t know it’s with “no cause”.
I’m not sure what kind of advice you are looking for. You seem to resist every piece of thoughtful advice that you’ve been given. What are looking for people to tell you? What is it you want to hear?
And maybe I should start a new topic for this question, but I don’t see what being Catholic has to do with being hesitant to go to the gyno. There is absolutey nothing sexual or dirty about it. I just don’t get that.
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Catholic90
Guest
You would not “be comfortable” with your girlfriend getting a routine gyno exam? That is sad. If you want her to be healthy, you better get comfortable with it.I understand how you feel. This would be my girlfriends reaction if we were married and this happened. I would also not be comfortable with a doctor examining her like that.
Once a woman gets pregnant and as she labors and delivers, there is a whole lot of examining going on for the baby’s and moms health.
If one is not comfortable with a basic gyno exam, one is not ready for the responsibility of being married.
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Debora123
Guest
Honestly, what do you want us to tell you??
Whether uncomfortable or not, you still need to see a gyno, and a therapist, and a priest. That’s just all there is to it. Take the advice, or leave it.
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FrenchGwen
Guest
Honestly, I CAN see how you’d feel like this.I understand how you feel. This would be my girlfriends reaction if we were married and this happened. I would also not be comfortable with a doctor examining her like that.
And as a girl, a young fiancée, and a newlywed, I hated going to the gyn, and made sure I always went to a female one.
Yet, two things
- I’ll quote my father, who chuckled when me and my sisters went
at the idea of our mom seeing a male gyn (she was pregnant with number 6 or 7) and asked him how HE could ever be ok with that: “you know, as a man you just have so many fantasies of how things go in a gyn office; when you’ve accompanied your wife there once and seen for yourself how it goes, you just lose every illusion and problem you may have with it” - Personally speaking, since wanting to have a baby, I’ve switched to another Gyn, and the only NFP-educated one I could find happened to be a male one. It finally appears that we have difficulties falling pregnant, so we’ve started some exams; last month I realized that for these exams I had had 3 men “fiddling down there” in 3 days. What did I think of it ? Nothing. When it’s about your health, you just see your body in another light. And what is most important : keep in mind that this is EXACTLY what those gyns do: they see your body only from a healthcare point of view, their look on it has NOTHING to do with the way one looks at oneself or one’s spouse
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Musician
Guest
OP, everyone has done their best to help here. The advice is good because most of us are much older p) and have been through the various phases of life.
Get yourself to a gynecologist and figure out what is wrong. Your marriage deserves a good, physical, unitive relationship. It’s that simple. We can’t have children otherwise.
Believe me, when you get pregnant, there’s going to be a lot of fiddling around “down there”, so you need to get used to the idea.
You also need to grow up, because your replies are pretty rude to people you ASKED advice from.
p) and have been through the various phases of life.Get yourself to a gynecologist and figure out what is wrong. Your marriage deserves a good, physical, unitive relationship. It’s that simple. We can’t have children otherwise.
Believe me, when you get pregnant, there’s going to be a lot of fiddling around “down there”, so you need to get used to the idea.
You also need to grow up, because your replies are pretty rude to people you ASKED advice from.
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Debora123
Guest
I think the OP knows all this.
OP, I think you know all this as it has been said to you repeatedly on the last thread. And forgive me if I’m wrong but I’m starting to think that maybe you don’t even WANT to have sex with your husband, and are holding on to any excuse not to?
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Catholic90
Guest
I had this same thought…I think the OP knows all this.
OP, I think you know all this as it has been said to you repeatedly on the last thread. And forgive me if I’m wrong but I’m starting to think that maybe you don’t even WANT to have sex with your husband, and are holding on to any excuse not to?
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Irish_Girl_68
Guest
ChildofGod: I don’t know how you feel about having sex with your husband; that’s for you to discern. I do agree that you’re certainly making a lot of excuses: You’re 20, you’re a newlywed, you don’t like gynos…the reality is this: You are a married woman. You willingly entered the sacrament of Holy Matrimony. You have an obligation before your spouse and God to correct what appears to be a clear impediment to a valid, sacramental union. All other issues aside, that should be your top priority. People have given you advice. You will either take it or you won’t. Whatever you do, I hope you have the maturity and wisdom to realize this problem is not likely to resolve itself without some intervention and frankly, some work on your part. God Bless.I think the OP knows all this.
OP, I think you know all this as it has been said to you repeatedly on the last thread. And forgive me if I’m wrong but I’m starting to think that maybe you don’t even WANT to have sex with your husband, and are holding on to any excuse not to?
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KostyaJMJ
Guest
Remember that the Church teaches that impotence which is permanent and antecedent to marriage is an obstacle to entering a valid marriage.
How long before “no, not right now” simply turns into “no, not ever”? At one point you will have to fish or get out of the boat, and it is better if you make that decision sooner rather than later.
How long before “no, not right now” simply turns into “no, not ever”? At one point you will have to fish or get out of the boat, and it is better if you make that decision sooner rather than later.
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SummerSmiles
Guest
The thing is, the OP has come here because obviously something *is *amiss. Sex is so painful for her that she hasn’t even been able to consummate her marriage yet. That’s definitely not the response of a healthy female body.
Yes, I agree the OP must make her own decision and stick by it. But she came here for advice. This is the second thread that she’s started regarding the subject, and both times she’s appeared unwilling to take the advice given to her.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
This is true. I assisted an OB-GYN for a while, when I was in the room, he would call me over to look at this or that condition, he thought I would be interested, as he was, in the disease process. I was, but it was funny how matter of fact he was.
Edited to add: He was ADORED by his patients.
Also: He moved to a new office and started doing abortions, at which point, I quit.
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joshvanrad
Guest
Ok OP,
So tons of people have given you heart-felt logical ideas and opinions throughout the duration of your two threads, and YOU are not receptive to any of it.
So what do YOU want US to tell you? What do you want from us? What do you want us to do for you?
God bless,
Joshua
So tons of people have given you heart-felt logical ideas and opinions throughout the duration of your two threads, and YOU are not receptive to any of it.
So what do YOU want US to tell you? What do you want from us? What do you want us to do for you?
God bless,
Joshua
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chemoangel
Guest
I know exactly how you feel and I will be the first to say how painful some of the tests/treatments are. I am probably the only patient on the exam table that jumps around and says “Ouch, Sorry. Ouch Sorry, Ouch Sorry.” I can’t stay still during a pap or pelvic exam, and knowing this my doctor now only sends me for abdominal ultrasounds, instead of trans-vaginal ones. I live with a medical condition called “Hidradenitis Supperativa” A big fancy word for wounds that never heal. These are located in my “private areas” as well as groin and buttocks…and yes, I am sick and tired of being poked and prodded and then told there is nothing they can do for me! My gynecologist is a male and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. He is very kind, understanding, and a good listener. If it weren’t for those instruments…well that’s not his fault. I went to a woman gynecologist, and I didn’t like her…in fact she had long nails…not a good idea. I went to my first appointment when I was 30…I hated it then, and I hate it now…But what are you going to do? Oh, the joys of being a woman…haha.
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TheRealJuliane
Guest
I can tell you a couple of things I did to reduce the DREAD I felt about GYN exams.
I used to make my annual exam on or very near my birthday. Easy to remember. My GYN doc is wonderful and takes her time with everyone, so there is sometimes a lot of wait time once they bring you back into the exam room. Sitting there in a paper gown, which she used for a while, freezing to death, is not my idea of fun. So I brought my own warm robe and slippers with me in a large shopping bag. I was nice and cozy when she finally made it in, and it made her laugh too. To me, it’s a no-brainer - I’m too old to be uncomfortable if there’s something I can do about it. I guess I’d like a spa treatment before and after if she offered it…get my nails done while she’s looking up there…
Once it’s all over, I either go shopping or go out to lunch.
NO ONE enjoys GYN exams, it’s like getting your teeth cleaned. It just feels better when it’s over.
Also, always get the first appointment in the morning or the first after lunch. That way, the doctor is not already running behind by the time you get there. (Allowing for the inevitable cancellation of appointments when babies decide to come during office hours.)
I used to make my annual exam on or very near my birthday. Easy to remember. My GYN doc is wonderful and takes her time with everyone, so there is sometimes a lot of wait time once they bring you back into the exam room. Sitting there in a paper gown, which she used for a while, freezing to death, is not my idea of fun. So I brought my own warm robe and slippers with me in a large shopping bag. I was nice and cozy when she finally made it in, and it made her laugh too. To me, it’s a no-brainer - I’m too old to be uncomfortable if there’s something I can do about it. I guess I’d like a spa treatment before and after if she offered it…get my nails done while she’s looking up there…
Once it’s all over, I either go shopping or go out to lunch.
NO ONE enjoys GYN exams, it’s like getting your teeth cleaned. It just feels better when it’s over.
Also, always get the first appointment in the morning or the first after lunch. That way, the doctor is not already running behind by the time you get there. (Allowing for the inevitable cancellation of appointments when babies decide to come during office hours.)
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