16 Yr old daughter is sexually active

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Keep in mind I have only shared just a piece of the whole dynamic. Be sure to know that I have been advised many times to bail out. I wont. If being there for them in the house is only of partial value, IMHO its better than the alternatives. So yeah if that means my happiness is at the bottom of the list,so be it. Keep in mind I am just putting my responsibilities and vows first. Call it martyrdom if you like. Trust me, once they are grown something is going to have to give. I wont be a martyr forever.
 
That’s a heck of a leap to make when OP has said nothing to indicate that his daughter is an atheist. She may very well be, but as of now such a statement is premature. I had PLENTY of friends in high school who were having sex and doing drugs who still had their faith. They may not have made it as important in their lives as it should have been, and may have disregarded many of the rules of their faith, but that is a far cry from not believing at all.
 
Well she pretty much is athiest all but in name. Doesnt give a hoot about God or getting to Church…
 
(haven’t read every post.)

Your wife and you really need to get on the same page, as a priority.

Maybe convince your wife that “experience the world” is better delayed till they head off to college or turn 18. Till that time your role is to teach them good habits and keep them safe, while they are surviving puberty.
 
SacredHeartBassist said:
i think if i were a parent she wouldn’t have a phone, a job, a car, and would be drug tested every week. and she’d have to go to therapy and i’d probably make her switch schools too. she needs to be completely removed from that environment.
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Only this is probably the worst thing OP could do. Teenagers will often meet such moves with total defiance. My parents tried to take a similar route when I told them I was an atheist. You know what it did? Nothing.

When they took my phone I went out and got my own. When they took my car I started sneaking out and having my friends pick me up at the end of the street. When they tried to take it to the next extreme and wanted to send me to live with my grandmother 300+ miles away, I ran away and moved to the other end of the continental US and didn’t have any contact with them for over a month. Teenagers will find a way around whatever resistance you put up, and will oftentimes wind up in even worse situations than before because now they’re taking even more dangerous steps than before to get around your “safeguards”.

The best thing OP can do is spend more time with his daughter. Plan family outings to state parks, go hiking, go to movies, whatever you can think of to keep her busy. Don’t necessarily cut her off from the world, but give her so many things to do that she has little time for anything else. Cutting her off from her friends and school is probably the worse thing he can do.

And switching schools would probably have next to no effect. Drugs are a problem at any school you go to, whether it’s private or public in nature. For sure continuing to treat a 16 year old (who thinks of themself as an adult) like a child is a recipe for disaster. Even if their actions are those of a child, they don’t think of themselves as a child anymore, and any attempt to make them feel like one is just going to enrage them further.
 
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Atheism has a very specific definition. Namely that one doesn’t believe in any sort of higher power. Anything short of a total lack of belief is not atheism. It’s hypocrisy at best, apostasy at worst, but certainly not atheism.

EDIT: there are several Protestant non-denominational sects that take no issue with gay marriage, suicide, drug use, or sex outside of marriage. In my opinion these beliefs come about mainly as a result of the sola fide heresy.

Warped theology does not an atheist make
 
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Well i guess we have beaten this horse to death.
Lot of good suggestions. Thanks for the advice and prayers. Tonight we start working on this.
 
Indeed. She could kill herself or another with a car. Cars are not rights, especially for irresponsible teenagers.
 
SacredHeartBassist said:
pushing psychiatric drugs on a teen that is already abusing them isn’t the answer. all it takes is her saying she can’t focus and she can get speed too
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You can see a psychiatrist without getting medications…you can see a psychologist without getting medications from a provider…

Suggesting psychiatric assistance isn’t pushing drugs on someone. It’s suggesting the assistance of a trained mental health physician, as that’s what a shrink is.
 
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It’s possible I am being a little overkill here, but this is how I would handle such a situation:
  1. Immediately schedule an appointment with a provider to check for any STIs.
  2. DD loses her phone, computer, and car.
  3. DD is promptly pulled out of school and enrolled in distance education. Depending on where you work (I would be able to do this; some people might not) I would be telling her she is going to come to work with me EVERY day and bring her schoolwork with her. If her program involves online learning, I would be printing out her work myself, she can complete it in written form, and I will scan it and submit for her OR she types it up in front of me OR I do not give her the work Wifi password so she can type it up herself but will not have access to the Internet. I will be submitting it for her to ensure that she isn’t going online. If it’s not an option to take her to work, maybe see if you can find a senior or someone who doesn’t work (and doesn’t have young kids at home) who would be able to sit with her to make sure she does her work.
  4. She would promptly lose her bedroom. Yes, you heard me correctly. If she is sneaking out at night, she needs to be monitored at night. She will be sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor of MY bedroom so that I can hear her if she leaves.
  5. She would be required to complete a set number of community services hours per week. They must be supervised, either by myself or another adult.
  6. Counselling is MANDATORY. Family counselling and individual counselling. I, also, would be looking for a counsellor she feels comfortable to speak to.
 
Pup7 said:
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SacredHeartBassist:
pushing psychiatric drugs on a teen that is already abusing them isn’t the answer. all it takes is her saying she can’t focus and she can get speed too
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You can see a psychiatrist without getting medications…you can see a psychologist without getting medications from a provider…

Suggesting psychiatric assistance isn’t pushing drugs on someone. It’s suggesting the assistance of a trained mental health physician, as that’s what a shrink is.
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What you say is true, but most psychiatrists nowadays are medication managers for psychotropic medications. Not very many of them do talk therapy anymore, usually referring patients to a psychologist for that. Also, most appointments with psychiatrists are about as short as one would expect from most other doctors, about 15-20 minutes although someone would get a longer appointment on the first consultation.
 
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Suggesting psychiatric evaluation isn’t the same as pushing drugs, regardless, and for someone to suggest that isn’t fair to the providers.

For all we know, she might need medications. Legitimately prescribed medications.
 
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Benzos can be very dangerous substances, trust me. I don’t want to make this into a comparison contest, because all drugs can be dangerous, but the addictive nature and withdrawal nightmares that are possible from benzos are more significant than than probably any you will see from LSD. (Not promoting LSD obviously, just trying to illustrate that the dangers of benzos are usually downplayed.)
 
hmikell7 said:
That’s a heck of a leap to make when OP has said nothing to indicate that his daughter is an atheist. She may very well be, but as of now such a statement is premature. I had PLENTY of friends in high school who were having sex and doing drugs who still had their faith. They may not have made it as important in their lives as it should have been, and may have disregarded many of the rules of their faith, but that is a far cry from not believing at all.
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So which is worse, an atheist who doesn’t do drugs and have sex and follows the “rules” or a believer who blatantly goes against the rules of their faith, but then claims to have faith?
 
Obviously it is worse to disregard what you claim to believe, but that wasn’t the discussion being had. Besides that, there are plenty of Protestant sects that take no issue with sex outside of marriage, gay-marriage, and drug use. This apostasy mainly comes about as a result of the sola fide heresy, but again, this wasn’t about whether it is worse to believe and disregard or not to believe at all.
 
hmikell7 said:
Obviously it is worse to disregard what you claim to believe, but that wasn’t the discussion being had. Besides that, there are plenty of Protestant sects that take no issue with sex outside of marriage, gay-marriage, and drug use. This apostasy mainly comes about as a result of the sola fide heresy, but again, this wasn’t about whether it is worse to believe and disregard or not to believe at all.
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It was a side question from me, I appreciate that you gave it an answer.
 
Wish you all the very best OP. I know that God will help you and your family.

Be strong. You seem like a good caring father and in love with God.
 
Ah. Well to expand on this then I think even an atheist who does drugs and has sex would be a far cry better than a believer who does the same things. At least the atheist makes no claim to religious morality, and is living in violation of none of their own beliefs, whereas the believer is in violation of those same beliefs they claim to possess.
 
hmikell7 said:
Ah. Well to expand on this then I think even an atheist who does drugs and has sex would be a far cry better than a believer who does the same things. At least the atheist makes no claim to religious morality, and is living in violation of none of their own beliefs, whereas the believer is in violation of those same beliefs they claim to possess.
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I agree with you from the standpoint of hypocrisy. From a moral angle, I have no issue with sex, as long as it is consensual and both parties understand the “risks.” Drugs is a deeper discussion, but I do not think they are immoral in all cases.
 
Friend.

It is your RESPONSIBILITY as Father, and Husband, to authoritively say to your wife:

That you are not going to sit by and let your daughter become a pregnant drug addict, single mom at the age of 16.

It is entirely within your rights as Father, and Husband, to say to your wife and 16 year old, That she is no longer allowed to work and earn her own money, (as she is using the financial freedom to take drugs and drive herself to places you are not happy with), school is her focus now (even if it means you yourself have to do extra work shifts to make up financially for yourself), Your daughter should have no mobile phone, no access to a car, and a curfew, she is not allowed to go off without letting you know exactly where she is going, if she is late or lies of where she went: then she is grounded.

It is within your rights as father, and within the legal law for you to have rights to guide your children. After the age of 18 once she has a job, she is free to do as she pleases unfortunately, but as a child you are her Dad and are responsible for her, and can make decisions for HER OWN GOOD. That is what parents do for their children. Parents have to say ‘no’ to their kids or everything is a ‘free for all.’

You should not let your spouse cause your children to freely have the option of drugs etc…
 
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