16 Yr old daughter is sexually active

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Guanophore, you quoted me in such a snippet that makes me look like I WOULD do that. Fake news! 🤣
 
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Consequences? For the kid nothing. Thete is the rest of the stody but i feel uncomfortable about publicly discussing this in public.
 
I was a 16-year old girl not too long ago. These are my recommendations:
  1. A gyno exam isn’t a bad idea, but your family doctor needs to be the one to have that conversation with her. “It’s good for women your age to make a habit of getting checked out regularly” is logic that a highschooler can respond to when it’s coming from a doctor. If a father tries to force it, it’ll feel insanely creepy.
  2. Do one-on-one activities with her. See what sportsy stuff she’s into (i.e. biking, rock-climbing, swimming). Ask her to pick a movie for the two of you to see. Take her out for dinner. Be interested in what she has to say, and not just what she’s doing.
  3. Make her go to counseling, but let her have private sessions if that’s what she wants. Don’t worry about her talking smack about you and your wife: counselors are trained to sort teenage hyperbole from genuine issues. If she doesn’t like a particular counselor, get a different one.
 
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Anybody really steeped in Dr. Ray Guarendi that could pull up some resources? I feel like he has so many solutions to parenting problems, but I never know where to even start with all his materials.
 
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I know that much of the problems we have today in society and the world, is the result of too many families not living their faith anymore
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That is a problem here too. I was once a catholic in name only type. I have done a 180 over a long period. We moved recently the parish i love and spirutually grown with is now 25 min away. Was a lector, taught ccd involved with mens club. Also in my. Hometown so i knew a lot of parishoners. I still go. Wife and kids go to a more local parish–when they go—As it is closer. Saddens me.

I feel my faith now is stuck in ecclesiastes.
 
Have you any close friends in the men’s group? Maybe they can help?
 
Also (for the love of all that’s good) don’t moralize the situation! Don’t force her to go to adoration, don’t make it about religion, etc. That’s how you turn a person off of faith for good. If you want, leave books around the house, and maybe she’ll pick them up.
 
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What do u mean dont moralize? Seems to lack of morals is part of the problem
 
They are sympathetic to be sure but what can they do other than pray?..
Remember one remark…u just want to take the kids to church to show them off☹
 
Some basic info, are you and your wife practicing Catholics? ETA, I see that you are.

Not once in 133 posts have I seen you say that you love your daughter or your wife.

Do you fast for your wife? http://www.e5men.org/

Do you show your daughter that you love her and that you would die for her? When was the last time you took your daughter out to a nice dinner? Same goes for your wife?

Suicide is a very, very serious thing. Get in counseling, just you, by yourself. Some good, solid, spiritual direction.
 
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I am practicing. Wife converted. Dont want to sound judgmental but her practice of the faith seems based more on covenience than conviction. Never goes confession but always communion. Never goes on holy days. Doesnt care kids dont go to confession. But insist they get confirmed and first communion. Boggles the mind actually.
 
You are commanded by God to help your family get to heaven. To lay down your life for your family.

For heaven’s sake, if they want to go to the nearby parish, go with them. Don’t have this spiritual haughtiness of “my old parish was better than this one” poison you. Mass should be something that makes you a better dad and husband. Make it “Mass and dinner/brunch out at our favorite place” or “Dad makes his world famous waffles after Mass every Sunday”.

Be light, be love, be so filled with joy that it spills over.

Suicide is caused by despair. People who are despairing do not feel loved, cherished, they have no hope.
 
Umm i didnt post 133 times. Of course i love my daughter. Why the heck would i be agonizing over this if i didnt? I have asked her to go out a few times. No interest.
Wife i just dont know anymore. There certainly isnt any eros love going around thats for sure. Buts its until death do u part. For Better or worse. My happiness is irrelevant.
 
Tbrightson said:
My happiness is irrelevant.
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As it was for Christ when He laid down His life for the Church, there was no “happiness”. There was joy, joy is the love that comes even when our feelings are hurt.

You sound as if you are mad at your wife over marital relations:
Tbrightson said:
There certainly isnt any eros love going around thats for sure
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Do not let that fester and poison your marriage so deeply that your daughter is the casualty.

You can change how you love your family. You can bring joy.

Heck, when was the last time you did anything fun with them?
 
Tbrightson said:
Umm i didnt post 133 times. Of course i love my daughter. Why the heck would i be agonizing over this if i didnt? I have asked her to go out a few times. No interest.
Wife i just dont know anymore. There certainly isnt any eros love going around thats for sure. Buts its until death do u part. For Better or worse. My happiness is irrelevant.
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That last line indicates to me that you’ve got a bit of a martyr complex. You’re venting pretty intensely about your wife, and then following it up with this complacent “the things I do for love” attitude. It kinda sounds like you’re fishing for compliments.
 
You’ve gotten lots of good suggestions already. All I will add is, the good news is you’ve got time! Once, they’re 18 you lose all power and can only use influence. Take care of this now. Don’t wait another day. Be prepared to take away the car and put the kabosh on the job. Jobs are great for teens, but your kid needs to get the rest of her life under control first. Also, you’d be amazed how many kids are exposed to drugs at work. Yuo need to get on the same page as your wife. If she doesn’t want to listen to you, maybe get the help of a professional or advocate that she will listen to. If worst comes to worst, you may have to sue for custody. Undermining the discipline plan and ignoring toxic behavior is not an option here. Your daughter’s brain is still developing. Exposure to hard drugs at this time is extremely toxic and could effect her brain for the rest of her life.
 
Took the youngest to her first ballgame Friday. Trip to the shore next month.
 
I am prescribed Klonopin. I have anxiety issues and panic attacks. Same order of drugs as Xanax. If she gets them prescribed it is for a reason however if shes taking them recreationally then there is a problem of course.
As for the sexually active part, I have no comment. When I was 16 I was myself. I fell away from God. Ten years later I have made peace with God and I am considering the priesthood. Sometimes we will make mistakes in life, especially in our youth. Tread carefully though my friend , as many times trying to hard to “help” can push them away and make them rebel even more. Even though your intentions are all loving and admirable. Think back to when you are a teenager, how did you think? You need to try to get in that mindset again to understand. When you are a teenager your hormones are all over the place, you want individuality , freedom , respect. It’s a time for making mistakes in my opinion and learning about ourselves.
I will pray for you that you make the right decisions.
 
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