16 Yr old daughter is sexually active

[Roseeurekacross]

Regardless of the level of faith of this girl, suicide attempts are to be treated with great seriousness. And this child needs professional help until completely mentally well again.

 

[Roseeurekacross]

Should say she did try suicide few years back by taking ambien…was as she claimed becasue of a poisonious friendship at school. She seemed quite embarresed by it; With that in her background I am treading cautiously

You and your wife need to step up and get this child, your child, the help she needs for her suicidal urges.

Rather then focussing on discipline at this point.

 

[blackforest]

She’s at high risk of suicide. I wouldn’t monkey around with this. I would act immediately by assembling a good recovery and rehab team.

Punitive measures like weekly drug tests don’t stop addiction. Only professional treatment can do that.

 

[blackforest]

Actually, getting a new therapist can help.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

i don’t think she’s addicted. i think she’s experimenting.

 

[blackforest]

The dad is better qualified to make that assessment.

Even then, Xanax is one of the most - if not the most - addictive benzodiazepine medications. This isn’t something to mess around with.

 

[Cruciferi]

Does the person want help? It’s incredibly difficult if not impossible to help someone with no insight into their illness.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

i used to mess around with it. unless you’re taking them daily, which i doubt she is because she’s buying them recreationally and they’re pricey, i doubt she’s addicted.

 

[blackforest]

But just really p-eed off at my wife…I saw this coming from a mile away…there were troubling signs…but no discipline…but what I thought in regards to parenting/discipline meant nothing…Wondered if I was best to just separate so that when they are with me they followed my rules.

My other strong suggestion for you would be to get some marital counseling with your wife. Family dynamics don’t occur in a vacuum, and we have a special obligation as Catholics, to keep our marriages strong. Even if you’re not Catholic, separation will only make matters worse for her.

 

[blackforest]

That’s what counselors are for.

She’s been suicidal and is trying drugs. She needs help.

What alternative would you suggest?

 

[blackforest]

Well there went the need for the weekly drug test, right?

Again, I’m just saying that scientifically speaking, they’re very addictive. I wouldn’t be so dismissive about that possibility.

 

[guanophore]

The divide is cavernous. As far as I can tell I am only the biweekly ATM.
…

Check with your insurance, find out what family therapy services are covered, contact an approved provider, make an appointment for both of you, and talk about your concerns to your daughter in front of the therapist.

We have tried counseling…she wont talk.

That is ok, you can talk to her, and share your concerns with her.

You can try a new counselor - find one that knows Motivational Interviewing.

I think the divide between my wife and myself has contributed to the problem quite frankly.

Of course, and you can talk to her about that - or tell the therapist while she is listening. The truth is that talking about adolescents about themselves while pretending they are not in the room is a very effective way to get them to talk.

They can’t stand to be left out of it!

No, not a psychiatrist, a psychologist.

Neither, a family therapist.

My knee jerk reaction is to yes,curtail her usage of car, etc…but then I think about her self harming…its like blackmail without saying.

Yes, but set limits - it is the loving thing to do. If she rebels with self harm, then you deal with that. You can’t let her hold you hostage with it. If she gets a disease, gets raped, something else horrible, or God forbid dies , you will at least know you did your utmost to prevent it.

Could you persuade your daughter to consider drug counselling? That could be a starting point

Yes, a family therapist with specialty in drug abuse is best, or a drug abuse counselor for adolescents if not. Find out who does the Motivational Interviewing.

Well, first there has to be a diagnosis.

Not necessarily. Many family problems never rise to the level of meeting diagnostic criteria.

Clearly, if she overdosed and was treated previously, she was already diagnosed.

Psychiatrist – A medical doctor with special training in the diagnosis and treatment of mental and emotional illnesses. A psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but they often do not counsel patients.

Child and Adolescent psychiatrists can also precribe medication; however, they may not provide psychotherapy.

This is why it is best to seek the family therapist, and let that person recommend medication, if necessary.

or hell, have her arrested. it’ll scare her enough

For what?

The legal system is not conducive to solving family problems, and scare tactics have been proven to be contraindicated. It is love that covers the multitude of sins!

 

[Cruciferi]

She’s been suicidal and is not trying drugs.

She is trying drugs. She’s self medicating. The OP has stated that she isn’t, so far, interested in talking.

Unless the parents are united, very little will be accomplished. I have seen suicidal people admitted through the ER and put on suicide watch. In extreme cases I have seen Involuntary Treatment.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

The legal system is not conducive to solving family problems, and scare tactics have been proven to be contraindicated. It is love that covers the multitude of sins!

some of us believe in tough love as a wake up call. it helped me

 

[guanophore]

I suggest counseling for you and your wife

Yes if she is willing to go, the goal would be co-parenting cooperatively, instead of being out of sync with each other. You both love your daughter, and it is best for daughter to work together.

If it wasnt for what the suicide issue, I would do that.

Work out a plan with the family therapist. You can design a safety plan.

Your method sounds counter productive at best and like a prison at the worst.

Actually, a door is a privilege. Privacy is afforded to those who earn it.

And if she doesn’t want help or is descending into psychosis, what then? When people are belligerent and unreasonable you have few options. Talking can’t hurt but I think this situation has gone beyond that.

It would be much better for her to end up in the hospital for medical treatment than to land in the corrections system.

I think the gyn exam is a bit extreme unless you think she may have contracted an STI.

It is a good opportunity for the medical provider to talk to her about potential consequences of her behavior (privately). She may be more inclined to express concerns if they are confidential.

She talks about this around her folks at age 16?

No, I think she told her sister, and sister told dad because she was worried.

some of us believe in tough love as a wake up call. it helped me

It should be the last resort. A legal record has consequences into the future that other kinds of treatment and intervention do not.

 

[Ignatius64869]

It is a good opportunity for the medical provider to talk to her about potential consequences of her behavior (privately). She may be more inclined to express concerns if they are confidential.

Tis_Bearself:

Very good point. My only concern would be if the daughter interpreted the exam as somewhat invasive and almost as a punishment for her sexual activity. I do agree that it would be a good time for her doctor to discuss the possible consequences of her behavior and for the daughter to disclose any possible concerns. And aside for that, I think your post is spot-on!

 

[INeedHelp]

You need to have patience with it. God isn’t going to just solve every single problem for you and make you happy. Coming to adoration is of the most serious thing you can do. Even when you bring an unfaithful person, that is the best quality time she will ever get with her Lord if she acknowledges it or not. There is no doctor or professional that can do that for you.

 

[INeedHelp]

There is no salvation other than our Lord Jesus Christ. The more you procrastinate on getting closer to God is the more you will be open to evil to attack you.

 

[guanophore]

Very good point. My only concern would be if the daughter interpreted the exam as somewhat invasive and almost as a punishment for her sexual activity.

No provider would conduct a physical exam on a 16 year old without her consent. If all they do is talk, it is better than nothing.

 

[INeedHelp]

I have had past experience is what i can tell you. I don’t know everything but and can tell you a bit.