Not only do women have a right to deny their husbands if things aren’t perfect, women have a right to deny their husbands if things ***are ***perfect. For any reason, or for none at all. Doing it whenever hubby wants it is not a requirement.I realize the conventional wisdom says that if things aren’t perfect, then women have the right to deny their husbands. I simply disagree with that.
In individual instances that is true, but wives do have a duty in general to provide for the sexual needs of their husbands (and vice versa). Refusing the marital debt is a sin.Not only do women have a right to deny their husbands if things aren’t perfect, women have a right to deny their husbands if things ***are ***perfect. For any reason, or for none at all. Doing it whenever hubby wants it is not a requirement.
Where is Fairwinds to admonish you not to give medical advice?i understand you want us to provide help on the psychological side of your problem but it can’t be separated from the physical problem.You need to be re-examined by a gyaenacologist.You seem to have primary dyspareunia and i find it hard to believe that doctors say you have no problem when u obviously present with primary dyspareunia…
That wasn’t her question or even her comment and going into marital rights isn’t what she was asking.In individual instances that is true, but wives do have a duty in general to provide for the sexual needs of their husbands (and vice versa). Refusing the marital debt is a sin.
Even tho I am new and learning the Catholic faith, I agree with you here. We do have a duty to our husbands and that is called self-donation. And it is the husband’s privilege to receive that from their wives.In individual instances that is true, but wives do have a duty in general to provide for the sexual needs of their husbands (and vice versa). Refusing the marital debt is a sin.
I wasn’t talking to the OP.That wasn’t her question or even her comment and going into marital rights isn’t what she was asking.
If it’s because her vagina’s not working and it hurts her to have sex, I will actively and unapologetically encourage my wife to sin then.In individual instances that is true, but wives do have a duty in general to provide for the sexual needs of their husbands (and vice versa). Refusing the marital debt is a sin.
That is not what we’re talking about here. You made a claim that is unrelated to the original post; namely that the wife can refuse to have sex at any time and for any reason or no reason. That is true in individual instances but not as a habit.If it’s because her vagina’s not working and it hurts her to have sex, I will actively and unapologetically encourage my wife to sin then.
Agreed; one partner can’t just up and go celibate on the other after taking the vows of the vocation of marriage. That would be turning it into something that isn’t a marriage. But if my wife ceased wanting to or being able to do it with me completely, and professional help was of no avail, I’d understand and I certainly wouldn’t bring up “marital debt” or demand that she be with me out of a sense of obligation.That is not what we’re talking about here. You made a claim that is unrelated to the original post; namely that the wife can refuse to have sex at any time and for any reason or no reason. That is true in individual instances but not as a habit.
No. No, no, no. OP, again, please do not listen to this. Just because you’ve been told you everything looks fine does not mean you need to just live with the pain. There are any number of conditions that can cause it and the book I recommended will give you a start in trying to identify whether you might be experiencing one of them, as well as suggestions on how to find a doctor who will take you seriously. The more you force yourself to endure the pain, the worse it will get. Let your husband know that you are trying to figure this out, and even read the book with him if he is willing, but do not try to make it through burning, searing pain because this poster told you that you should.I didn’t say to lay there and think of England - I said to jump in and get excited and act like she’s having a blast, and have a glass or two of wine f it helps. Her obgyn has said there are no medical issues. Sometimes pushing through something difficult and “faking it till you make it” can work. It’s not always complicated. You can’t just cut your husband off because sex is uncomfortable - if there is a medical diagnosis, get it and treat it. If you need some wine, drink it. If you need psychological counseling, seek it. I have been in situations where sex hurt (postpartum, third degree tear) and where the very idea of it was akin to getting a root canal because sex caused a bladder infection half the time. Guess what? None of that was going to change because I wasn’t having any sex. Not only would the problem persist, but my husband would have become understandably frustrated and hurt. I could lay there wincing and huffing or like a dead fish, and ruin the sex for both of us, or I could act like it was amazing and make my husband happy and maybe get some enjoyment myself.
Fair enough. I was just cautioning against taking that line of reasoning too far.Agreed; one partner can’t just up and go celibate on the other after taking the vows of the vocation of marriage. That would be turning it into something that isn’t a marriage. But if my wife ceased wanting to or being able to do it with me completely, and professional help was of no avail, I’d understand and I certainly wouldn’t bring up “marital debt” or demand that she be with me out of a sense of obligation.
Well if she was married to you, I’m sure she would be thankful you did go the annulment route.Be very thankful with prayer for your husbands patience I would have gone the annulment route 3 years and 6 mos ago if it were me in your husbands position.
I’m sure he’ll see it differently once he learns what love is.Well if she was married to you, I’m sure she would be thankful you did go the annulment route.
Hopefully you aren’t married, you obviously have no idea what it means to be a husband. Please, if you ever decide to get married, wait until you actually understand what God is asking of you, and what Gods plan is for marriage.
Otherwise you will do more damage.
I am so thankful for all of the helpful advice that has been given so far, and especially grateful for the encouragement and prayers! But this piece really jumped out at me. I did have a terrible fall in my youth that caused damage to my tailbone, and have chronic sensitivity on my back (extreme pain to minor touch in the lower back). But it is centralized to my back only–it never occurred to me that it could be related. The thought never once even passed through my mind. The back pain is rarely a problem for me, I just can’t have the kids climb on me the way they climb on their dad, and I can’t have lower back massage. But I am incredibly eager to learn more about this and to bring it up with my doctor. Thank you!Damage to the pudendal nerve (a fall that damaged your tailbone area could be a cause) is another possibility.