A single woman's rant

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I had very bad cramps each month and got on the pill. It killed my sex drive entirely. I prayed that my sex drive would go away and it just so happened I was prescribed the pill for my cramps. The pill made me gain weight, it slowed my immune system and caused me irregular periods and acne when I got off of it. Not to mention studies show that men are less attracted to women on the pill because they release less pheromones or maybe none at all. Let me just say, I hate the pill. It ruined many things for me and even if your sex drive is gone it does not rid you of your desire for companionship.

I would never take the pill again. But I know that since I have been off of it my sex drive has increased so much that I feel it is a problem. It also makes me want to find a husband sooner and it makes it hard to think straight sometimes. I also share your feelings and it makes me dislike this about myself sometimes. I know what your going through. I will pray for you.
I don’t want to go on the Pill persay. What I really want is one of those pills in The Giver. Did everyone read that book? In the book, Jonas lives in a utopian society. At the age of 11, he reports to his parents that he had a sexual dream. His mother gives him pills to take, and the feelings instantly leave him.
 
Yeah, so far nobody has, from my POV, refuted the orignal poster’s point. She said that the sex drive, except when married, led only to sin unless completely repressed, which led to Hell. Now a bunch of people wrote about how “Nothing God makes is a bad thing!”. Well of course not. But the sex drive is not bad when married. When not married, it is only a temptation, and a very powerful one I might add. Basically, Lucy is right. The only way to deal with this is to accept that by overcoming our suffering we come closer to Christ.
You bring up a good point. Most of the people who have posted on this thread saying that the sex drive is a good thing are married. I haven’t seen a ton of single people disagree with my assertions.

When you’re single, your sexuality is a gift. And the gift that it gives you is eternal damnation. Thanks but no thanks.

(Sees herself at the exchange counter in Heaven.)

Yes, for a gift, God gave me a sex drive. I’d like to exchange it for something a little more useful, say, a new cell phone? 😉
 
You bring up a good point. Most of the people who have posted on this thread saying that the sex drive is a good thing are married. I haven’t seen a ton of single people disagree with my assertions.

When you’re single, your sexuality is a gift. And the gift that it gives you is eternal damnation. Thanks but no thanks.

(Sees herself at the exchange counter in Heaven.)

Yes, for a gift, God gave me a sex drive. I’d like to exchange it for something a little more useful, say, a new cell phone? 😉
I’ve been thinking (dangerous I know). Having a high sex drive sucks when you are single. Maybe it is like a wrapped gift under a Christmas tree. When I was little, I would beg my mom to open JUST one. She said no. I would sulk, cry, throw a fit. I would stare at the presents under the tree for hours. But my mom wouldn’t budge: no presents till Christmas. And CountrySinger, don’t stare at me and go play. I would keep myself busy with little kid things, but I still really wanted the presents.
And on Christmas, I finally got to open them! And it was really special. Maybe I’m like a present, and it is not time yet. I might not make any sense at all.

I’m also giddy from a new relationship (go me!), so I’m feeling very Pollyanna-like.
 
I don’t want to go on the Pill persay. What I really want is one of those pills in The Giver. Did everyone read that book? In the book, Jonas lives in a utopian society. At the age of 11, he reports to his parents that he had a sexual dream. His mother gives him pills to take, and the feelings instantly leave him.
Yes, I read that book. The same society also euthanasised its own citizens, young and old, without remorse.

When this society sought to discard an integral part of their makeup and nature as humans, with the certainty that nothing was beyond their control, how much easier was it for them to deny the dignity and inherent value of human life?

As previously stated many times on these forums, our male-ness and female-ness are intrinsic and vital aspects of our human nature, which shape our roles in society. This is an inseparable aspect of being a sexual being, and discarding our sexual natures would have repercussions far beyond avoiding temptation.
 
It’s pure speculation, of course. But (if I can be so presumptous:o) if God was to ask me what I would change in human nature, I would change this. No one should want to have sex until they get married.

Actually, I think there would be a lot fewer divorces, since I think people would actually make better choices in marriage partners without being distracted and misled by their sex drives. Not to mention that Heaven would be a lot more crowded than it is right now. Wait, maybe that’s a bad thing. No, definitely not.
I think that if no one wanted or had the desire to have sex until being married, I think there would be a lot less marriages. If you had no strong urges/attraction towards the opposite gender, you wouldn’t pursue them as much. You would seek out companionship in friends and you would be satisfied/happy.

I have a really high sex drive and it makes being single tough at times. But I’ve managed to wait this long, so I’m sure I can continue to wait. It just can be frustrating. I wouldn’t change anything though.
 
I think that if no one wanted or had the desire to have sex until being married, I think there would be a lot less marriages. If you had no strong urges/attraction towards the opposite gender, you wouldn’t pursue them as much. You would seek out companionship in friends and you would be satisfied/happy.
I think you are exactly right. I’m a 30 year old single guy who has waited his whole life. It’s frustrating to wait, but I don’t regret my sexuality. Instead, it’s a strong motivation to pursue marriage. If you wait for the right reasons (purity of heart), it gives you more motivation to stay the course the longer you wait. Why throw it away after all this time?
 
Yes, I read that book. The same society also euthanasised its own citizens, young and old, without remorse.

When this society sought to discard an integral part of their makeup and nature as humans, with the certainty that nothing was beyond their control, how much easier was it for them to deny the dignity and inherent value of human life?

As previously stated many times on these forums, our male-ness and female-ness are intrinsic and vital aspects of our human nature, which shape our roles in society. This is an inseparable aspect of being a sexual being, and discarding our sexual natures would have repercussions far beyond avoiding temptation.
You seem to limit being male or female to simply wanting to have sex with someone of the opposite sex. If that was true, then gay men or lesbian women are not actually be male or female, and children would not actually be male or female.

I think that if we didn’t want to have sex with people of the opposite sex, we would still be male and female. After all, in heaven, no one will marry or be given in marriage, and yet we will still be male and female.

I don’t see how saying “I wish I didn’t want to have sex” is the same thing as me saying “I wish I wasn’t female.” Perhaps you or one of the posters can explain that to me.
 
I think that if no one wanted or had the desire to have sex until being married, I think there would be a lot less marriages. If you had no strong urges/attraction towards the opposite gender, you wouldn’t pursue them as much. You would seek out companionship in friends and you would be satisfied/happy.

I have a really high sex drive and it makes being single tough at times. But I’ve managed to wait this long, so I’m sure I can continue to wait. It just can be frustrating. I wouldn’t change anything though.
I was describing what humans could have been like before the Fall or if the Fall had never happened. I was speculating that, if humans had never fallen, we would want nothing more than to do the will of God. **That means that, if humans had never fallen, we would want to marry because it was God’s will for us, not because of our sex drives or an attraction to the opposite sex. ** So if man had never fallen, and we didn’t have sexual desires, then we would still want to marry. If anything, we’d want to marry for even better reasons!

I don’t deny that God uses our sexual desires to make sure that people marry and have children. God can bring good out of evil.
 
I’ve been thinking (dangerous I know). Having a high sex drive sucks when you are single. Maybe it is like a wrapped gift under a Christmas tree. When I was little, I would beg my mom to open JUST one. She said no. I would sulk, cry, throw a fit. I would stare at the presents under the tree for hours. But my mom wouldn’t budge: no presents till Christmas. And CountrySinger, don’t stare at me and go play. I would keep myself busy with little kid things, but I still really wanted the presents.
And on Christmas, I finally got to open them! And it was really special. Maybe I’m like a present, and it is not time yet. I might not make any sense at all.

I’m also giddy from a new relationship (go me!), so I’m feeling very Pollyanna-like.
Yay CountrySinger! I’m very happy for you!
 
And if you were not a Christian and you could really go at it… you would be happy and fulfilled?
It’s funny, when I was a teenager and not yet a personal believer I had my first sexual experience and it scarred me for good. I felt I lost my innocense and it tore me apart. It made me resent my body and hate to death the man that had taken advantage of my young naive mind. It took me years to get over it and the nausea it created when i had flash backs. This was not rape… no, it was sexual intimacy outside of marriage, and it made me feel sick to my soul.

Living the secular life with casual sex is for people who are somehow lost in the dark. The ones who really desire love, are not happy with just using and being used.
Sex is the highest, most exposing, display of romantic love. In the position of love making you are totally given over into the hands of a man… you need to be able to trust that he will take care of you, your body, your future and you child if such becomes relevant… How poor is the person who has given the highest utterance of love to any and every man or woman they met.

I think you know that is a fast fix in and off it self. Its like narcotics… nice pleasure, but only for a very short time. Then you are left with the bitter taste.
I don’t refrain from sex because I am Christian or because I am afraid of hell fire. I bear the longing because its directed at real love.
Sex does not excite me half as much as that love does. Love and sex belongs together. And by love I mean comitted, open to life, faithful romantic love. Some player cant turn me on in the right sense.
Also, I would be turned off at the prospect of being sexual with someone who didn’t desire me as his wife.

I say all this as a person in your own situation. I am very ripe for marriage and I am alone… I know no potential Christian guy at the moment.
I too have felt sexual longing… it goes to sleep over time. If you wake it up its a burning furnace in your flesh for a while but then it falls asleep again, so its not a tyrant any more.

Peace be with you. Be strong.
Don’t worry. I’m not planning on giving up anytime soon. I just think that, if I didn’t want to have sex, I’d be a much happier single, a better person, and a much better Catholic.
 
Btw, I posted this in another thread. Do you know what happens to single people when you tell them that their sexuality is a gift, and that sex within marriage is beautiful or holy or whatever? They feel even more deprived than they already do. They then feel more lonely, stressed out, and are then more likely to succomb to sexual sin. And guess what? After they sin, they feel even worse about themselves, and about sex.
 
I think you are exactly right. I’m a 30 year old single guy who has waited his whole life. It’s frustrating to wait, but I don’t regret my sexuality. Instead, it’s a strong motivation to pursue marriage. If you wait for the right reasons (purity of heart), it gives you more motivation to stay the course the longer you wait. Why throw it away after all this time?
I’m not going to throw it all away, despite what my new and slightly crazy co-worker is scheming. But, unlike you, I do regret my sex drive. Not my sexuality; I have no problem with being female. But I was a female long before I wanted to have sex, and if I woke up tomorrow and found that I didn’t want to have sex, I would still be female.
 
Okay, I have a rant of my own . . .

Posts like this are not helpful! Our OP is struggling with her singleness, just like every Catholic who has ever been single. She needs coddling, she needs sympathy, not a lecture.

If she came on here every day making a similar post, and went on and on about it, then perhaps it’s time for a lecture like this. But this is not called for.

Okay, I’m going back to reading the thread now . . .
I appreciate the sympathy, but I didn’t get the sense that Liberanosamalo was lecturing me or simply being mean. Of course, when I originally posted this rant, I was very upset. So upset, in fact, I had to wait a few days before I could read the responses. I was really expecting to get chewed out for it. But most people here, including Liberanosamalo were really nice and supportive. I was surprised. I was even more surprised how many people had the exact same thoughts that I do.
 
Ok, this is the last thing I’m going to post on this for now. I think at the heart of this is a certain amount of pride. In the film version of Anne of Green Gables (never read the book), when the woman who adopts Anne asks her why she never prayers. Anne replied, “Someone once told me that God made my hair red on purpose and I never cared for him since.” I’ve been feeling that way lately about my sex drive; a sense of outrage, resentment, and pain that God made me feel this way on purpose. But, God is God. He can make me any way He wants. I don’t have to like it; I just have to accept it.

*Fiat voluntas tuo. *
 
Ok, this is the last thing I’m going to post on this for now. I think at the heart of this is a certain amount of pride. In the film version of Anne of Green Gables (never read the book), when the woman who adopts Anne asks her why she never prayers. Anne replied, “Someone once told me that God made my hair red on purpose and I never cared for him since.” I’ve been feeling that way lately about my sex drive; a sense of outrage, resentment, and pain that God made me feel this way on purpose. But, God is God. He can make me any way He wants. I don’t have to like it; I just have to accept it.

*Fiat voluntas tuo. *
The funny thing is something happened early today (I don’t even remember what) that made me think of Anne of Green Gables.
 
The funny thing is something happened early today (I don’t even remember what) that made me think of Anne of Green Gables.
LOL. That’s funny.

Seriously though, that quote summs up my attitude about this very easily. It’s very difficult for me to believe that God would make me feel this way on purpose. But, like I said before, I guess I have to accept it. But I don’t have to like it. 😉
 
You seem to limit being male or female to simply wanting to have sex with someone of the opposite sex. If that was true, then gay men or lesbian women are not actually be male or female, and children would not actually be male or female.

I think that if we didn’t want to have sex with people of the opposite sex, we would still be male and female. After all, in heaven, no one will marry or be given in marriage, and yet we will still be male and female.
There is definitely more to being male or female than wanting to have sex, but I feel that our normal sexual desires are irreversibly linked to the other male or female characteristics. Note that, from a biological perspective, traits that are distinctly “male” or “female” generally exist to promote reproduction in some way, either by encouraging people to have children, bonding between fathers and mothers, arriving at an appropriate division of labor between fathers and mothers, or by making it easier for men and women to locate healthy mates.

If we could invent a pill that eliminates sex drive (as you mentioned in our post), I think it would mess up our existing conceptions of “male” and “female” as a side-effect, leaving us unable to function as we are supposed to. After all, the roles and traits of men and women are all reproduction-related, and if we lose all desire to reproduce, could we predict what would happen?
 
Firstly, i feel i must apologize in attempting to enter this discussion. I have only posted a couple of threads but if it be of any interest, would like to share some of my past, having been a Catholic from the time i was conceived, receiving all the sacraments,attending Catholic schools,not having sex before our nuptial wedding, marrying my first serious boyfriend. I was well into my 20s. He was my best friend and though there was sexual attraction, it wasn’t until **after **we were married that i realized that my desire for him as a sexual partner-my husband-was lacking. What i had felt was a virtue before our marriage now became a nightmare. There was avoidance, tears:we were both virgins and being young, my husband couldn’t understand. We had wanted many children, everybody knew…but I was living a lie. I left after 5 years, feeling I was…defective.It became ‘my problem’.
The divorce was heart-breaking, there was much counselling and i was so in fear of God’s wrath, knowing that if i applied and failed in receiving a Declaration of Nullity, I would be a single woman for the rest of my life. I will try to be brief-i am sorry.
I broke my (ex)husband’s heart when I became pregnant within a short time of our divorce. To say that the coming together with the father of my child was anything but all that I had thought conjugal love would have been was an understatement…We now have a beautiful son who is loved and wants to become a Franciscan priest.
Briefly the de-facto relationship faltered. I couldn’t marry-I was Catholic. For 12 years i cycled through relationships, each ending when i said that I needed a declaration of nullity.Waiting wasn’t the issue-I was too afraid. I began the process three times. Each man I genuinely loved, wanted children with etc
Two years ago a priest i met in reconciliation ‘went’ me and became my spiritual director. **He was ‘straight up’, terrified me. **I sought an annulment and was granted one over a year ago now. I went to Buddhist meditation but somehow God led me back to the Blessed Sacrament.
I am now a single mother, and spend every Saturday night with our Lord in atonement, in petition to others making moral choices as i pray in gratitude and praise for Him who came after me like the lost sheep. There are tears-without fail-when I am with Him.I feel flooded by His mercy,attend daily mass, reconciliation at least once a week, read the office…
**My urges are there special one-who began a thread I am most grateful for.**Every fiancé i continue to love deeply in my heart. I pray that one day they may come to adore Him.They know whom I share every Saturday night with.
I apologize for my long story. When it is the fertile time of month? I just pray for the strength to not surrender to my passions and the memories. I know God loves me- He made me and like Mary M I love Him with all my heart-even more for all the many sins He has forgiven me.There are rules that also save us from pain…but each of those ‘sins’ i committed was within a climate of love-the best i had understood at the time.Please forgive if this is ramble to many.I just believe I have to defend the notion of love, mercy and forgiveness though rather than accept rules that-at the time-made no sense and were not love-making or life-giving. These are just my intimate thoughts and i do not wish to offend or judge anyone on this thread for the moral choices they have made.
In Christ-a sister.
 
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