Adultery 2

[Mayita30]

I understand the priest not telling you tell all your sins to your wife. The important thing is that you have repented… Have you asked yourself what penance you must do for the sins you have committed to your wife? Are you going to treat her with love and respect now?

 

[Xantippe]

I don’t think you can be that sure that either you or your lady friend is disease-free, not without having done the appropriate medical stuff to check. As to your lady friend’s words–she’s an adulteress. Why would you trust her word as to her prior conduct?

If you and your wife have a normal marital relationship, you’re going to have a heck of a time avoiding relations with her until you have a clean bill of health. It takes 3-6 months to get a positive result for HIV.

sfaf.org/hiv-info/basics/how-long-after-a-possible-exposure-should-i-be-tested-for-hiv.html

In the meantime, if you have a normal relationship with your wife, she’s going to wonder why you’re cold-shouldering her for 3-6 months. And even if you have a sexless marriage, it’s going to delay a resumption of normal life by 3-6 months.

Likewise, with avoiding interactions with the best friend if your families normally spend a lot of time together. You’re going to be engaging in a lot of weird behavior to avoid this woman, and I don’t get the feeling that you’ve explained the situation properly to your priests, as how can you avoid a woman who is so much part of your life without explaining to your wife what is going on?

You know your wife best, but I can easily imagine that the sort of elaborate tap-dancing that you’re going to wind up doing is going to cause her as much unease and distress as would happen if you just told her. You do not sound like a guy that is able to keep this secret. She’s going to know that something is wrong, but she won’t know what and it may drive her CRAZY.

 

[ajecphotos]

I understand the priest not telling you tell all your sins to your wife. The important thing is that you have repented… Have you asked yourself what penance you must do for the sins you have committed to your wife? Are you going to treat her with love and respect now?

Good question. I have answered that question in another post but we are starting again so out with the old and in with the new. Me! I have always loved her and respected her but obviously not enough and very badly!! I aim to put that all right with Gods guidance and a lot of effort on my behalf.

 

[ajecphotos]

I don’t think you can be that sure that either you or your lady friend is disease-free, not without having done the appropriate medical stuff to check. As to your lady friend’s words–she’s an adulteress. Why would you trust her word as to her prior conduct?

**Again, i know her and i know myself. You dont know either of us! We are both disease free. As for knowing her ‘prior conduct’ the wife and i have known her for many many years. **

If you and your wife have a normal marital relationship, you’re going to have a heck of a time avoiding relations with her until you have a clean bill of health. It takes 3-6 months to get a positive result for HIV.

**As stated, i am free of any STDs as is my very ex mistress. This is 100% Guaranteed. Dont ask me how. It is and thats all that matters.
**
sfaf.org/hiv-info/basics/how-long-after-a-possible-exposure-should-i-be-tested-for-hiv.html

In the meantime, if you have a normal relationship with your wife, she’s going to wonder why you’re cold-shouldering her for 3-6 months. And even if you have a sexless marriage, it’s going to delay a resumption of normal life by 3-6 months.

**You dont know my wife or what happens in our life. You are guessing as to what happens behind our closed doors! **

Likewise, with avoiding interactions with the best friend if your families normally spend a lot of time together. You’re going to be engaging in a lot of weird behavior to avoid this woman, and I don’t get the feeling that you’ve explained the situation properly to your priests, as how can you avoid a woman who is so much part of your life without explaining to your wife what is going on?

Again, someone who has not read my previous posts properly. Go back and take a look and you will find the answer to that

You know your wife best, but I can easily imagine that the sort of elaborate tap-dancing that you’re going to wind up doing is going to cause her as much unease and distress as would happen if you just told her. You do not sound like a guy that is able to keep this secret. She’s going to know that something is wrong, but she won’t know what and it may drive her CRAZY.

**Again, you dont know me or my wife!! You are guessing. No tap dancing needed! **

 

[Xantippe]

So, it’s going to be easy to avoid your wife’s best friend.

???

How?

As to the HIV thing, either you and your wife have a normal marital life or you don’t.

1. If you have a normal marital life, you would have to mysteriously abstain for 3-6 months in order to be quite sure you were clear of HIV, which would probably hurt your wife’s feelings a lot.
2. If you don’t have a normal marital life, the 3-6 month wait would nonetheless delay a resumption of normal marital life, which could also hurt your wife’s feelings if she wanted you to court her.

I’m not doing any guessing at all. That’s just logic.

And no, I don’t know that you can be quite sure that an adulteress is disease-free. She’s an adulteress, for goodness sake. Assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised if you’re clean.

 

[ajecphotos]

So, it’s going to be easy to avoid your wife’s best friend.

???

How?

Read my other posts. The answer is there. Not going to write it all again!!

As to the HIV thing, either you and your wife have a normal marital life or you don’t.

1. If you have a normal marital life, you would have to mysteriously abstain for 3-6 months in order to be quite sure you were clear of HIV, which would probably hurt your wife’s feelings a lot.
2. If you don’t have a normal marital life, the 3-6 month wait would nonetheless delay a resumption of normal marital life, which could also hurt your wife’s feelings if she wanted you to court her.

I’m not doing any guessing at all. That’s just logic.

Logic but you dont know me and you dont know my wife!! You also dont know my Very Ex Mistress!!! STDs are not a factor! I am not going to explain or give you any details. Now please, leave that rest! Thank You

And no, I don’t know that you can be quite sure that an adulteress is disease-free. She’s an adulteress, for goodness sake. Assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised if you’re clean.

**Blimey, why can’t you stop going on about STDs!! It is not a factor in our lives!!! Being an adulteress or an adulterer does not mean one has STDs etc!!! It is not relevant in this case!!!

Now please, enough! **

 

[LongingSoul]

Originally Posted by Xantippe View Post
So, it’s going to be easy to avoid your wife’s best friend.

???

How?

Read my other posts. The answer is there. Not going to write it all again!!

As to the HIV thing, either you and your wife have a normal marital life or you don’t.

1. If you have a normal marital life, you would have to mysteriously abstain for 3-6 months in order to be quite sure you were clear of HIV, which would probably hurt your wife’s feelings a lot.
2. If you don’t have a normal marital life, the 3-6 month wait would nonetheless delay a resumption of normal marital life, which could also hurt your wife’s feelings if she wanted you to court her.

I’m not doing any guessing at all. That’s just logic.

Logic but you dont know me and you dont know my wife!! You also dont know my Very Ex Mistress!!! STDs are not a factor! I am not going to explain or give you any details. Now please, leave that rest! Thank You

And no, I don’t know that you can be quite sure that an adulteress is disease-free. She’s an adulteress, for goodness sake. Assume the worst and be pleasantly surprised if you’re clean.

**Blimey, why can’t you stop going on about STDs!! It is not a factor in our lives!!! Being an adulteress or an adulterer does not mean one has STDs etc!!! It is not relevant in this case!!!

Now please, enough!**

I’m guessing that as you’ve said in other threads that you think condoms are great and you essentially don’t believe the Church teaching against contraception… that you and you wifes bestie were using condoms for protection?

Your rejection of the Church teaching on contraception may preclude you from being an EHMC regardless of your adultery.

 

[Irishmom2]

We really need to believe what the OP says about being clean because he says it’s the truth. He would never lie. Nor would his mistress.

And now that she is his ex, I am sure she has every reason to keep their secret too, because they are both so honest to their spouses. Of course they would be honest to one another then, wouldn’t they?

I don’t know how the OP is so sure his ex won’t tell his wife one day out of spite. After all, the OP says they are not as friendly anymore. rolleyes: Hmmm, I wonder when that happened?)

If I were the OP, I would be living in fear.

 

[Irishmom2]

Your rejection of the Church teaching on contraception may preclude you from being an EHMC regardless of your adultery.

Well, even if that were true, I doubt he told the 4 priests all that. So, like the adultery, no one else knows or will ever know, so no cause for worry!!!

 

[pianistclare]

I said i didn’t attend Divine Mercy Sunday, which is the full celebration of the chaplet etc.

I went to vigil mass last night (Saturday) At this mass the Divine Mercy is not celebrated.

Given your situation, and your tendency to explain everything via exclamation points !!!
of ALL the days to miss going to church. Divine MERCY Sunday. This devotion would have brought you some peace, I would have thought you would seek it.
I would have thought this would have been THE DAY to go.
Go figure.
I hope you’re right about this. And I hope your wife doesn’t miss her one friend too much.

 

[pianistclare]

ajecphotos:
Why are you fighting this?
It’s your doing.
It’s your life.
People want you to get checked.
Why wouldn’t you?
Why do you care what people online think?
You asked 4 different priests. WHY? Why did you have to go tell this sordid story all over the place? TO FOUR priests and everyone online, yet you stalwartly believe that the Mrs. won’t find out. No one will ever tell her. You and this women that is her best friend can keep a straight face. You must believe your wife to be incredibly gullible. Women know. They just do. You had an affair under her roof. You’re been together 30 years? And you’re more worried about giving out communion than repairing your marriage?
None of this makes sense.
Are you for real? I just don’t see a lot of rational thinking here. Sorry, But I just don’t.
And, you have a twin sister in the exact same scenario.

 

[EasterJoy]

I see what you are saying. I can say that my wife would never ask me as she would never ever expect me to have cheated on her! It came as a great shock to me when i committed that great sin i can tell you that! No, she would never ask me that question. She has had no reason in our 30+ years together to ask it.

What the priests were saying is that i shouldnt tell her. Of course, if she did ask me that would be a different matter. Obviously the priests weren’t telling me to lie!

Since of course your wife thinks she knows what you “would never do,” don’t be so sure that you know what your wife “will never do.” Do you not know that the sinner is often the last to know how weak he or she is?

*“O, wad some Power the giftie gie us
To see oursels as others see us!
It wad frae monie a blunder free us,
An’ foolish notion.” *–Robert Burns

 

[Mayita30]

Good question. I have answered that question in another post but we are starting again so out with the old and in with the new. Me! I have always loved her and respected her but obviously not enough and very badly!! I aim to put that all right with Gods guidance and a lot of effort on my behalf.

great that you have repented and started out with your wife!! You have to pray more with your wife…

So…Have you cut contact with the of other person?? I mean ZERO contact not even a HI…???.. This person is not your wife’s friend by the way. With friends like that who needs enemies

 

[FrenzyJen]

I’m surprised that no one has mentioned this, but as far as STDs, if their marriage was hurting enough for *her *to have an affair, how can you be sure that her husband hadn’t as well?

My heart is aching for your wife. Please tell her.

Would you rather be spared the pain of a diagnosis of a disease that will kill you, or find out, fight it, and get better? This will be a cancer to your marriage if it remains hidden.

 

[CallMeDad]

OP,

You have removed any doubt that you are not a man with your blithe defiance of womanly intuition.

You start by saying that your relationship has been poor for some time. Generally, and I don’t know your case, this means one or both partners are treating each other poorly. But now that you have a secret to protect, you declare that you will begin to treat your wife royally and - for the coup de grace- you insist that your wife will be utterly unable to sense that something is wrong, way wrong, once this abrupt change occurs. Count me among the doubtful on that score.

And what about your sister that confided her deepest darkest infidelities to you in all sorts of gory detail? If you are that close to her, do you believe that she too utterly lacks insight into what you are putting behind your own veil of mystery?

Do what you want, but for me the twelve apostles themselves could not convince me to leave my wife out of my life like you are doing. I have screwed up, fessed up and moved on. Nothing like adultery mind you, but not my proudest moments either. Maybe your wife will surprise you.

 

[pianistclare]

I’m surprised that no one has mentioned this, but as far as STDs, if their marriage was hurting enough for *her *to have an affair, how can you be sure that her husband hadn’t as well?

My heart is aching for your wife. Please tell her.

Would you rather be spared the pain of a diagnosis of a disease that will kill you, or find out, fight it, and get better? This will be a cancer to your marriage if it remains hidden.

Good point. Unless they all carry around condoms 24-7.
But that’s no guarantee either.

 

[Xantippe]

We really need to believe what the OP says about being clean because he says it’s the truth. He would never lie. Nor would his mistress.

And now that she is his ex, I am sure she has every reason to keep their secret too, because they are both so honest to their spouses. Of course they would be honest to one another then, wouldn’t they?

I don’t know how the OP is so sure his ex won’t tell his wife one day out of spite. After all, the OP says they are not as friendly anymore. rolleyes: Hmmm, I wonder when that happened?)

If I were the OP, I would be living in fear.

Yep.

If he tells his wife, he gets to control the time and manner of the information being shared and he can put his best foot forward in terms of expressing guilt and repentance.

If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. The information could come out today, it could come out next week, it could come out a year from now, it could come out 10 years from now. It’s a regular sword of Damocles.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles

Mistresses are notoriously fond of breaking the news to wives. Happens all the time.

 

[Xantippe]

I’m surprised that no one has mentioned this, but as far as STDs, if their marriage was hurting enough for *her *to have an affair, how can you be sure that her husband hadn’t as well?

That is an excellent point.

 

[Xantippe]

OP,

You have removed any doubt that you are not a man with your blithe defiance of womanly intuition.

You start by saying that your relationship has been poor for some time. Generally, and I don’t know your case, this means one or both partners are treating each other poorly. But now that you have a secret to protect, you declare that you will begin to treat your wife royally and - for the coup de grace- you insist that your wife will be utterly unable to sense that something is wrong, way wrong, once this abrupt change occurs. Count me among the doubtful on that score.

Yep.

Anybody that has lived with you 30 years knows your whole bag of tricks and will immediately notice a change in behavior and start wondering what’s behind it, unless she’s totally out of it.

I don’t think you’re hiding this as well as you think you’re hiding it.

For one thing, if you’ve been using condoms, that leaves a heck of a trail of evidence.

 

[ajecphotos]

I’m guessing that as you’ve said in other threads that you think condoms are great and you essentially don’t believe the Church teaching against contraception… that you and you wifes bestie were using condoms for protection?

Your rejection of the Church teaching on contraception may preclude you from being an EHMC regardless of your adultery.

Yes, that is right. I have said that but doesn’t mean i follow that. My views on the matter are under review as i want to remain a true Catholic and it is not right that i should have expressed those views without more thought.

Nothing wrong in questioning certain things in the faith. Doesn’t mean that i have elected to go and sin by going physically against what is taught! Those ‘were’ my views. To actually go ahead and use condoms would be a sin of which i am not prepared to do!