Adultery 2

[ajecphotos]

We really need to believe what the OP says about being clean because he says it’s the truth. He would never lie. Nor would his mistress.

And now that she is his ex, I am sure she has every reason to keep their secret too, because they are both so honest to their spouses. Of course they would be honest to one another then, wouldn’t they?

I don’t know how the OP is so sure his ex won’t tell his wife one day out of spite. After all, the OP says they are not as friendly anymore. rolleyes: Hmmm, I wonder when that happened?)

If I were the OP, I would be living in fear.

Well, when you have lived with someone for 30+ years you get to know them very well. My wife would never ever dream i would betray her! That is my guilt though to live with. Knowing that i did betray her!!

I now that ‘my ex’ will never ever say anything. She would have absolutely nothing to gain and she is very far from being spiteful etc. We have both 100% agreed to leave what happened in the past. Nothing to gain for either us to ‘spill the beans’.

Wife and Ex are still friends but not as close as they used to be. They have drifted apart as people do. Nothing to do with what went on. Just life in general.

 

[ajecphotos]

Well, even if that were true, I doubt he told the 4 priests all that. So, like the adultery, no one else knows or will ever know, so no cause for worry!!!

What you want to believe is totally up to you! I know what i have done and who i have talked to etc. I am happy that i have confessed to God and gained absolution and that i can now start again with my wife. I have been given a 2nd chance and am thankful to God for guiding me to the priests

 

[ajecphotos]

Given your situation, and your tendency to explain everything via exclamation points !!!
of ALL the days to miss going to church. Divine MERCY Sunday. This devotion would have brought you some peace, I would have thought you would seek it.
I would have thought this would have been THE DAY to go.
Go figure.
I hope you’re right about this. And I hope your wife doesn’t miss her one friend too much.

Well!!!

I couldn’t attend sunday mass! Gods Mercy is there ‘any’ day of the week! God lives in us and his mercy is without time. Yes, it would have be good to attend but i couldn’t. Sorry if that upset you but i know that Gods mercy has been shown on me through my confessors that i saw last week.

God bless you

 

[ajecphotos]

Why are you fighting this?
It’s your doing.
It’s your life.
People want you to get checked.
Why wouldn’t you?

I am not fighting it at all. I feel so much at peace! I dont need anything checked except my brain for cheating on my wife in the first place!! I know for a fact i am healthy as is my ex. No need for explanations.

Why do you care what people online think?

Why write in a forum? Why are you writing a post in my thread? Why not? We are human and it does help to get things off of ones chest! It can help to write about these things even if the replies are not helpful or hurtful etc

You asked 4 different priests. WHY? Why did you have to go tell this sordid story all over the place? TO FOUR priests and everyone online,

**You know, sometimes things dont sink in straight away. Sometimes we need to tell a story quite a few times before we find peace. I am so grateful that i have such caring confessors. Plus, if you read earlier posts some people said that the priest/s were wrong!! Its like having a 2nd opinion when a qualified doctor tells you you have a serious illness!! Sometimes you just to seek out 2nd or 3rd opinions!!

As for telling everyone online, look at facebook and twitter. People talk about everything on those!! Why? Remember, i am not ‘forcing’ YOU to read my thread!!
**

yet you stalwartly believe that the Mrs. won’t find out. No one will ever tell her. You and this women that is her best friend can keep a straight face. You must believe your wife to be incredibly gullible. Women know. They just do. You had an affair under her roof. You’re been together 30 years? And you’re more worried about giving out communion than repairing your marriage?

**You dont know my wife. Not everyone is the same. My marriage has started anew! We both love each other and have decided to make a fresh start as the marriage was slipping away from us and had been for many years. God has guided me back to my wife!

I do care so much about her and being an EMHC. I am so grateful that we both want to be together forever and make a fresh start. I am so grateful to continue as an EMHC with Gods blessing!! I am a very lucky man.

Thanks you so much for caring about me and my family.**

None of this makes sense.
Are you for real? I just don’t see a lot of rational thinking here. Sorry, But I just don’t.
And, you have a twin sister in the exact same scenario.


It may look that way but i am at peace about it all. It is so wonderful to know i have been forgiven by God and that me and the wife are on a new road together! This has brought us back together! As for my twin sister it is amazing that she did the same!! Yes!! Sad thing there though is that she is getting divorced!

God Bless you

 

[ajecphotos]

Since of course your wife thinks she knows what you “would never do,” don’t be so sure that you know what your wife “will never do.” Do you not know that the sinner is often the last to know how weak he or she is?

I was very very weak but i found strength through my love of God and speaking to my confessors.

 

[ajecphotos]

great that you have repented and started out with your wife!! You have to pray more with your wife…

So…Have you cut contact with the of other person?? I mean ZERO contact not even a HI…???.. This person is not your wife’s friend by the way. With friends like that who needs enemies

Yes, i have not been touch. As i said before the wife and her have drifted apart.

 

[ajecphotos]

I’m surprised that no one has mentioned this, but as far as STDs, if their marriage was hurting enough for *her *to have an affair, how can you be sure that her husband hadn’t as well?

Well, her and her husband had a non physical relationship going back at least 10 years!!! It was impossible for them to have ‘sex’.

My heart is aching for your wife. Please tell her.

I think that people who say that just love gossip and hardship for others. My heart aches for my wife too. It aches of love for her knowing that i betrayed her so much!! Godly advice has been sought and i will follow that advice! Thanks you

Would you rather be spared the pain of a diagnosis of a disease that will kill you, or find out, fight it, and get better? This will be a cancer to your marriage if it remains hidden.

No disease in me or the Ex! Fact!

 

[ajecphotos]

OP,

You have removed any doubt that you are not a man with your blithe defiance of womanly intuition.

You start by saying that your relationship has been poor for some time. Generally, and I don’t know your case, this means one or both partners are treating each other poorly. But now that you have a secret to protect, you declare that you will begin to treat your wife royally and - for the coup de grace- you insist that your wife will be utterly unable to sense that something is wrong, way wrong, once this abrupt change occurs. Count me among the doubtful on that score.

Again, i know my wife! You dont!

And what about your sister that confided her deepest darkest infidelities to you in all sorts of gory detail? If you are that close to her, do you believe that she too utterly lacks insight into what you are putting behind your own veil of mystery?

She knows everything. You would be surprised what siblings tell each other! She has been a rock for me and me for her!

Do what you want, but for me the twelve apostles themselves could not convince me to leave my wife out of my life like you are doing. I have screwed up, fessed up and moved on. Nothing like adultery mind you, but not my proudest moments either. Maybe your wife will surprise you.

God has spoken to me in confession. I will carry out Gods instructions. 4 priest have independently told me what to do, what God wants me to do! That is the very best advice anyone can get!

 

[ajecphotos]

Good point. Unless they all carry around condoms 24-7.
But that’s no guarantee either.

Well, for the 100th time, STDs are a non factor in the relationship! Fact!

 

[ajecphotos]

Yep.

If he tells his wife, he gets to control the time and manner of the information being shared and he can put his best foot forward in terms of expressing guilt and repentance.

If he doesn’t, he doesn’t. The information could come out today, it could come out next week, it could come out a year from now, it could come out 10 years from now. It’s a regular sword of Damocles.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Damocles

Mistresses are notoriously fond of breaking the news to wives. Happens all the time.

Yes, that can happen. Thing is i will follow Gods advice given to me in the confessional. I trust in God. If God wants my wife to know then so be it. I will let him guide me

 

[ajecphotos]

That is an excellent point.

I have answered this just recently. They have been unable to have sex for approx 10 years or so!

 

[ajecphotos]

Yep.

Anybody that has lived with you 30 years knows your whole bag of tricks and will immediately notice a change in behavior and start wondering what’s behind it, unless she’s totally out of it.

I don’t think you’re hiding this as well as you think you’re hiding it.

For one thing, if you’ve been using condoms, that leaves a heck of a trail of evidence.

I have always been the same person. This affair has been a very big shock to me!!! Outwardly i have not shown anything. Inwardly i have been hurting and disgusted with myself. But, now i am at peace because of God and my confessors advice and Absolution from God!

No need to worry about hiding anything! I sinned, i cheated, i have been absolved, the wife an i have started again! We are back to being ‘in love’. We want to be together forever!! Like i said earlier, sometimes in life, something really bad has to happen before one wakes up from a living nightmare of which was happening to me! Thank God for his guidance and mercy!!

 

[ajecphotos]

Anyway, thank you people for your genuine concerns for me and the wife. Its nice to know that the Catholic faith has such caring people. I also thank God for this wonderful forum that allows people to share problems and see the true love and mercy of God!!

 

[Xantippe]

I have always been the same person. This affair has been a very big shock to me!!! Outwardly i have not shown anything. Inwardly i have been hurting and disgusted with myself. But, now i am at peace because of God and my confessors advice and Absolution from God!

No need to worry about hiding anything! I sinned, i cheated, i have been absolved, the wife an i have started again! We are back to being ‘in love’. We want to be together forever!! Like i said earlier, sometimes in life, something really bad has to happen before one wakes up from a living nightmare of which was happening to me! Thank God for his guidance and mercy!!

Could you be having some sort of mental health breakdown?

The emotional tone of your postings sounds a little bipolar to me, but it might be something else (like maybe a brain tumor).

Talk to a doctor, explain the gory details of your situation, and do whatever testing is necessary.

On reflection, a lapse into totally uncharacteristic behavior can be typical of a brain tumor.

Good luck!

 

[Irishmom2]

I cannot understand why the OP sounds so chipper and happy. He is “shocked” that he had an affair, as if he is an outsider watching someone else. He is delusional if he thinks his wife has not felt or will not feel the effect of his infidelity. He is not as good at lying, keeping a secret or LOVING HIS WIFE or daughter as he seems to think. He believes that everything is peachy keen because he went to confession. Yes, forgiven by God. But his life is still a mess that needs cleaning. Unfortunately, he denies anything is wrong.

OP, get off the internet. Use the time you spend here to repair your marriage, not to argue with us about whether your wife will ever find out from your mistress, or why you believe you are clean, or any of the other defensive arguments you like to engage in. Stop talking about how much you love God and his church and show Him and your wife, not us. Talk is cheap.

 

[Sophie_Lawrence]

I came across your prayer request for your wife’s lump.

I’m glad she is cancer free.

Maybe in this thread you should have revealed that you cheated on her the same day that you posted her test results showed she was cancer free.

Maybe, perhaps, you might require some “help” that we really can’t give you here.

I know the fear of having a cancer scare.

I can’t imagine that stress combined with the stress of one’s husband cheating on her, with her best friend in the guest room.

I’ll keep her in my prayers.

 

[Maine52]

Well, for the 100th time, STDs are a non factor in the relationship! Fact!

Why can’t you just get checked?

 

[ajecphotos]

Could you be having some sort of mental health breakdown?

The emotional tone of your postings sounds a little bipolar to me, but it might be something else (like maybe a brain tumor).

**I think that those comments are very bad indeed!! How can you say that? That is a disgusting thing to say!!! **

Talk to a doctor, explain the gory details of your situation, and do whatever testing is necessary.

On reflection, a lapse into totally uncharacteristic behavior can be typical of a brain tumor.

Good luck!

**You are very sad indeed. How can you think of me as having a brain tumour!! That is so evil!!!
**

 

[ajecphotos]

I cannot understand why the OP sounds so chipper and happy. He is “shocked” that he had an affair, as if he is an outsider watching someone else. He is delusional if he thinks his wife has not felt or will not feel the effect of his infidelity. He is not as good at lying, keeping a secret or LOVING HIS WIFE or daughter as he seems to think. He believes that everything is peachy keen because he went to confession. Yes, forgiven by God. But his life is still a mess that needs cleaning. Unfortunately, he denies anything is wrong.

**I am so happy now because i have had absolution from God!! He has made me see the error of my ways! By getting me away from such terrible sin such as adultery! Wouldn’t you be happy if God had helped you? I am so happy that the wife and I are so in love once more! A fresh start in life for us both. Wouldn’t that make you happy?

I dont deny anything! My life WAS a mess! I have been cleansed by God! I have seen the badness i was going through. I have come out of that badness. My wife is extremely happy now. Why should i change that for her? If God wants me to tell her everything then i will but i have been told by God, through my confessors to say nothing. **

OP, get off the internet. Use the time you spend here to repair your marriage, not to argue with us about whether your wife will ever find out from your mistress, or why you believe you are clean, or any of the other defensive arguments you like to engage in. Stop talking about how much you love God and his church and show Him and your wife, not us. Talk is cheap.

**I am not arguing with anyone!! I am the one that has accepted everything. I am the one that is at peace now. I am showing God and have been since i went to confession.

Its seems to me that you are the one who is very upset and angry! I am not. I have found peace because of my faith. Whats wrong with that? You dont have to post in this thread! I am only replying because you have posted!!**

 

[ajecphotos]

I came across your prayer request for your wife’s lump.

I’m glad she is cancer free.

Maybe in this thread you should have revealed that you cheated on her the same day that you posted her test results showed she was cancer free.

Maybe, perhaps, you might require some “help” that we really can’t give you here.

I know the fear of having a cancer scare.

I can’t imagine that stress combined with the stress of one’s husband cheating on her, with her best friend in the guest room.

I’ll keep her in my prayers.

That is very true, i did cheat on her that day!! I was so full of emotions! I was in turmoil etc. So mixed up in my feelings. Like i said before, sometimes it takes one to reach a point of absolute no return to realise what has gone wrong. For me, it was that day! Many emotions all bombarding my senses at the same time!

But, on the following morning it was as if the curtains of my mind had been opened and i saw the light! I realised that i needed to see my priest straight away. I suddenly realised what i had been doing for the last few months. It dawned on me!!

Thanks to God my wife had the all clear. I prayed to God so much for her. I now realise that i needed healing too. I was in a bad place and i thank God i came to my senses and sought spiritual guidance and was healed by God!