Annulment is a Painful Process

[rcwitness]

From a pastoral perspective, I would say “let’s not put the cart before the horse.” It’s a difficult enough situation for those in this scenario; it’s uncharitable to ask them to let their imaginations run wild with unfounded possibilities.

Unfounded?

I do disagree with this. Its a very reasonable question. Especially considering the position of the poster about not going to Mass.

The intentions are not consistant with being faithful to what the Church Teaches.

 

[Gorgias]

Unfounded?

Yes. The OP has submitted her paperwork. She’s given her testimony which attempts to demonstrate that the marriage was not valid. Let’s not ask her to sit, cowering, imagining all the ways that things might turn out unfavorably for her, ok?

 

[rcwitness]

It has nothing to do with what is favorable to the OP.

It has to do with whether someone is genuine in the faith.

Will they only be faithful if things are favorable to them?

 

[TheLittleLady]

And this is why we should use precise language.

“Annulment” is a civil matter.

What happens in the Church is that she has a Tribunal who will review an attempt at marriage to determine if a valid marriage took place during the wedding. If something was lacking from the consent, from the form, etc. then the Tribunal will issue a decree that says that attempt at marriage was null, invalid.

Each case is first reviewed to see if there is reason to investigate, those where reason is found proceed to the Tribunal. Those cases that appear to have no grounds will be turned down. It sounds as if the OP’s case has been accepted by the Tribunal, so, that means the case passed the initial investigation. This means that, while not guaranteed, they passed the “pre-screening”.

It is so sad that the Church’s teachings on the permanence of marriage was not explained all of those years ago.

Stay strong, know that nothing happens that God does not permit. Surrender this matter to Him and trust in His Church.

 

[TheOldColonel]

I suggest scheduling a private meeting with your pastor. Let him know how painful this is. He may not be able to change your situation, but he can offer you spiritual support during this difficult time. You might ask him if you could come forward in the Communion line, not for communion, but for a blessing each Sunday. We do this in my parish for those not recieving.

Check with your case assistant frequently to see how your cases are going. Also, call the tribunal for an update about every other month. After the annulments are done, you will not even have to get married in the church since you were both non-Catholic and married before you converted. Your marriage will be presumed sacramental by the Catholic Church the moment the annulments are complete.

Keep in mind, if the previous marriages were indeed invalid, then you current marriage has always been sacramental. The tribunal does not make that happen through any “magic”, it merely offers you its judicial opinion on what is actually the case regarding all attempts at marriage.

 

[rcwitness]

I imagine the fact that they are 40 yrs married alone would grant them a hearing by the tribunal.

I would like to know the reason given that the marriage was believed to be invalid.

 

[Peebo]

TheOldColonel1m
I suggest scheduling a private meeting with your pastor. Let him know how painful this is. He may not be able to change your situation, but he can offer you spiritual support during this difficult time. You might ask him if you could come forward in the Communion line, not for communion, but for a blessing each Sunday. We do this in my parish for those not recieving.

Check with your case assistant frequently to see how your cases are going. Also, call the tribunal for an update about every other month. After the annulments are done, you will not even have to get married in the church since you were both non-Catholic and married before you converted. Your marriage will be presumed sacramental by tye Catholic Church the moment the annulments are complete. Keep in mind, if the previous marriages were indeed invalid, then you current MARRAGE has always been sacramental. The tribunal does not make that happen through any “magic”, it merely offers you its judicial opinion on what is actually the case regarding all attempts at marriage.

Good advice…your priest will be closer to you than anonymous posters giving their opinions on what you should and shouldn’t do…you’re hurting enough now without those questions…my wife went through the annulment process year before last…it was painful for her also…and not everyone handles the process the same…TALK TO YOU PRIEST…and good luck

 

[rcwitness]

Doesnt someone who filed for an annulment need the pastor’s support already?

I would assume this pastor has already been spoken to.

This was the only question in the OP’s post:
Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven?

Not sure anyone else has answered this…

 

[Talitha712]

Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven.

Absolutely, He welcomes you to church. Absolutely, His arms are wide open.

However, there is more than just confessing required, because marriage is continual. It doesn’t have have an on and off switch. That’s why we have a process, to see whether your first marriages were valid. If they are judged to be, then you’re still married to your first spouses and simply confessing won’t make that go away. As long as you and your second spouse live romantically, the sin is ongoing (note: you need full knowledge for a sin to be mortal, which it sounds like you didn’t have before).

People have noticed us staying in our seat these past few months, and it causes us to feel chastised for trying to do right.

I’m sorry, I know that must be so humiliating. But what they think isn’t important, doing the right thing is. If anyone approaches you about it, remind them that there are more important ways they could be occupying their time at Mass, and especially in the precious moments before Communion, than watching what everyone else is doing.

This whole ordeal has been very painful.

I know, I’m so sorry.

I understand the reasoning, but it scares a great many away.

The Church loves souls. They wouldn’t do something that scares people away if it wasn’t necessary.

After all, the Eucharist is the focal point of the mass

Yes. It should also be the focal point of your lives.
It sounds like you and your husband have a beautiful, deeply loving relationship. Has it occurred to you that the most loving thing you can do for each other is guard each other’s souls by choosing abstaining from physical love rather than Communion?

 

[Tulitas]

Hmmm. I’ve worked in a parish for 25 years. I’ve seen plenty denied.

 

[Tulitas]

I always wonder why the people in any parish believe the blessing in the communion line is any different than the blessing everyone receives at the conclusion of Mass.
Blessings in the communion line have done more to keep people from seeking full communion with the CHURCH than anything else. Want to know why RCIA classes are empty? If dad can just get up with the hole family and feel like he is just like everybody else, there is not imperative to convert. Why should he? In his mind, he’s just like everyone else, Fully participating. I know many parishes allow it, out of “charity”, but it’s not a good idea.
Anyone can get a blessing form a priest anytime, and we do at the conclusion of Mass. Equally, and properly.
Just my 2 cents.

As far as the OP’s original question…
Remember Christ what Christ told the woman at the well.
John 4:5-42

 

[TheOldColonel]

I disagree with your analysis that communion line blessings are keeping people from full communion.

In my experience, RCIA classes are empty when there is not proper promotion and publicity of the program in the parish. Also, I’ve seen this when the program is not really a priority in the parish. It either gets tacked onto an existing pastoral minister’s job description (such as the DRE) or just put in the hands of poorly trained volunteers. The result is a program no one really wants or wants to attend.

You might consider explaining your scriptural reference to me. Otherwise, the reference remains cryptic and I’m left to wonder why it was posted or how it relates to this thread.

 

[Spyridon]

At this point, however, we are considering not attending mass until we have been approved. After all, the Eucharist is the focal point of the mass. People have noticed us staying in our seat these past few months, and it causes us to feel chastised for trying to do right. Would not Christ open his arms and welcome us no matter, with our only need to confess it to Him and be forgiven. This whole ordeal has been very painful.

This would be an very bad move to make.

Mass attendance is obligatory, reception of Communion is not.

Think of this period as a period of time where the virtues of humility and obedience are being perfected in your soul.

 

[Phemie]

rcwitness:

So according to this, the chances of the first marriage being a valid Sacrament (assuming they were Bapized Christian) are likely.

No!

There are too many variables to allow us to make that assumption!

People tend to think that nullity proceedings are cut-and-dry! They’re not – there are lots of considerations that go into any single case!

Marriage enjoys the presumption of validity, period, unless it’s the marriage of a Catholic outside the Church with no dispensation (or an Orthodox who didn’t follow the rules of his/her Church). So yes, we presume the first marriage was valid.

That may prove not to be the case once the Tribunal has examined it, but for now, yes, we presume it is valid.

 

[rcwitness]

Thats true.

I didnt say it was sin. But not having a Sacrament marriage has consequences.

Is a valid Christian/non-Christian marriage no different than a Sacrament?

 

[pnewton]

I suggest scheduling a private meeting with your pastor. Let him know how painful this is. He may not be able to change your situation, but he can offer you spiritual support during this difficult time.

This is the best advice, the one that Pope Francis proposed. For all the flap about Amoris Laetitia, the point was that priest need to accompany those in difficult situations.

always wonder why the people in any parish believe the blessing in the communion line is any different than the blessing everyone receives at the conclusion of Mass.

I think in the first post here, we see the pastoral reasons for such a blessing.

 

[pnewton]

I found this:
Annulments in America: keeping bad news in context

80% of all presented.

 

[7_Sorrows]

I’m sorry that you are going through this.

The good news is, while it is still a difficult process, good Pope Francis’ reforms of the annulment process have simplified it significantly. Thes welcome changes make the process much less bureaucratic and distant.

I hope your request comes to a speedy resolution.

Congratulations on your loving marriage of 40 years.

Why do you think it is less bureaucratic and distant? I found it still very bureaucratic and distant. The only reform was it didn’t cost anything. It still took 23 months.

 

[rcwitness]

I tried asking before, can someone be accepted by the tribunal without speaking to their pastor and having his support?

 

[Tulitas]

RCIA Coordinator here.
Your experience doesn’t bear witness to any of the parishes I’ve belonged to or worked in.

It pertains because you suggested going up for a blessing, which we are not really supposed to be encouraging.

Unsubscribing.