About 6 months after reception into the Church I started on that daily mass regimen, along with regular adoration, regular confession, the Little Office, Rosary daily, got involved with two church groups, volunteered on occasion down at a local food pantry. I did everything I could think of to live a good Catholic life and embraced everyone else’s recommendations as well. But instead of becoming nicer, happier, more even-keeled spiritually, feeling closer to God etc., I became miserable, and very angry, and don’t feel like a can get a moment’s peace with the Lord in the context of the Catholic Church.
The only time I feel close is during the quiet moments throughout the day when I just talk to Him, or when I hear certain music, or see certain pictures, or go for a morning walk, or stand in the middle of the yard for 5 minutes while I wait for the dog to do what she has to do while the sun shines and the birds chirp, or, conversely, when it’s a gray, rainy day and I sit down to read some Keats while the rain beats against the window pane.
Those are the times I feel near to the Lord, and none of them have a darn thing to do with attending mass or half of the other things the Church asks me to do. So my heart is one place, but my head is planted firmly in the RCC. It’s a contradiction I wasn’t planning on.