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Xantippe
Guest
The OP has a somewhat difficult relationship with his mom.
He should not be planning on living under her roof with a wife and kids.
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He should not be planning on living under her roof with a wife and kids.
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starshiptrooper
Guest
There are 3.5 billion women out there. Stop worrying about this one. You seem way too invested and that means you come across as needy. Chicks hate needy. Lift some weights, and get out of your mom’s house. Your confidence will improve.
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
You are NOT at a place in your friendship with her where it is appropriate to make major life changes for her.Alright. I think I can CONFIDENTLY say God is calling me to marriage now.
God made today’s Newman Club discussion on the part of the Bible that says “Your body is a temple”. We got on the topic of cigarettes and I heard her say she doesn’t like vaping. Later, when I was driving to play the accordion at work, I feel God inspired my thoughts to tell me to quit vaping cold turkey for her and if I experience any withdrawal symptoms to offer them up as a prayer.
I love vaping, but I’d rather have her. I would have never stopped vaping, because I love it, but I like her more.
And yet again I chickened out and didn’t ask her out this week. I had about 3 chances but I blew it.
Quit vaping because it’s unhealthy or because you believe it is good for you body. But NOT and I repeat NOT for the sake of a girl you can’t even speak to.
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Rau
Guest
But bank balance may wilt.
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pianistclare
Guest
Mel, I really hope that you don’t make all your decisions like this. You seem to act on a whim most of the time.
Tomorrow, you will come up with something else.
SLOW DOWN.
Take a breath.
Pray, get out more, meet all kinds of people, stop “deciding this~deciding that”.
IN other words, live your young life and see where God takes you.
You don’t have to decide TODAY or TONIGHT.
You have to have so much more education that you need for ANY of the things you have declared you are going to do. You need to be much more in shape to be a cop. You need to have at least a Bachelors degree for some of the other things. Some seminaries will not even allow you to enter them until you at least 5 years a Catholic.
just wait and see. Be a good person. Be friendly. Study hard.
Tomorrow, you will come up with something else.
SLOW DOWN.
Take a breath.
Pray, get out more, meet all kinds of people, stop “deciding this~deciding that”.
IN other words, live your young life and see where God takes you.
You don’t have to decide TODAY or TONIGHT.
You have to have so much more education that you need for ANY of the things you have declared you are going to do. You need to be much more in shape to be a cop. You need to have at least a Bachelors degree for some of the other things. Some seminaries will not even allow you to enter them until you at least 5 years a Catholic.
just wait and see. Be a good person. Be friendly. Study hard.
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Lea101
Guest
Very cute, honestly.
I don’t know if vaping is sinful or harmful or whatever (I don’t care about it enough to check), but are you going to stop whatever she asks you to?
If it’s bad for you, then stop? But don’t do it for a girl. Please. We girls get lectured all day long about changing yourself for a guy but I don’t think guys hear it enough. If she says she hates the color blue on you, would you stop wearing it? If she hates your friends, would you stop hanging out with them?
This is why I mentioned focusing on your personal growth first. You seem like a sweet guy and I hope you don’t lose that no matter what you go through, but do not change yourself for someone, especially someone you aren’t with
I don’t know if vaping is sinful or harmful or whatever (I don’t care about it enough to check), but are you going to stop whatever she asks you to?
If it’s bad for you, then stop? But don’t do it for a girl. Please. We girls get lectured all day long about changing yourself for a guy but I don’t think guys hear it enough. If she says she hates the color blue on you, would you stop wearing it? If she hates your friends, would you stop hanging out with them?
This is why I mentioned focusing on your personal growth first. You seem like a sweet guy and I hope you don’t lose that no matter what you go through, but do not change yourself for someone, especially someone you aren’t with
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starshiptrooper
Guest
You can get a gym membership for $10 a month. I bet vaping is more expensive than that!
As for getting out of mom’s basement, the military is an option. A roommate is an option. Getting an apprenticeship in a trade is an option that pays decently right out of the gate. Drive for Amazon Flex or Uber to pick some extra cash.
As for getting out of mom’s basement, the military is an option. A roommate is an option. Getting an apprenticeship in a trade is an option that pays decently right out of the gate. Drive for Amazon Flex or Uber to pick some extra cash.
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Joe_5859
Guest
Sometimes it takes a few tries to work up the nerve. You’ll get there. 
:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
:grinning_face_with_smiling_eyes:
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F_Marturana
Guest
Do people your age still call on the phone? Ask for her number and call her. Have a couple of long phone calls, then go out on a date.
Or text her first, and then call.
Phone conversations are a good way to get to know her.
Or text her first, and then call.
Phone conversations are a good way to get to know her.
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F_Marturana
Guest
The op is only 20. He’s in the north east which is very expensive in regards to housing costs. 20 year olds mostly still live home if they aren’t away at school.
I for one think a date with this young lady is a good idea.
I for one think a date with this young lady is a good idea.
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JetteZ
Guest
While he was single my husband quit smoking for me. He didn’t know me but he felt called that to be a good and proper candidate for a husband he shouldn’t be a smoker.
Which was good as I find it very difficult to be around smoke or even the leftover aroma.
That shouldn’t be interpreted that smokers are bad husbands; they are bad husbands for me.
So, perhaps this is the OPs call. It doesn’t mean “she’s the one” it’s just the call he can hear to man up.
Which was good as I find it very difficult to be around smoke or even the leftover aroma.
That shouldn’t be interpreted that smokers are bad husbands; they are bad husbands for me.
So, perhaps this is the OPs call. It doesn’t mean “she’s the one” it’s just the call he can hear to man up.
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Joe_5859
Guest
Right. I can think of several guys whose conversion story starts with following a pretty girl to Church. 
God uses what he can to get us in the door sometimes, or to make necessary changes in our lives. I wouldn’t give the OP too hard a time over it. Certainly, he shouldn’t go up to her with a weird look in his eye and in a creepy voice say, “Look what I am doing. And it’s all for you.” But if she is inspiring him to live a healthier life, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
God uses what he can to get us in the door sometimes, or to make necessary changes in our lives. I wouldn’t give the OP too hard a time over it. Certainly, he shouldn’t go up to her with a weird look in his eye and in a creepy voice say, “Look what I am doing. And it’s all for you.” But if she is inspiring him to live a healthier life, that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
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JetteZ
Guest
I totally followed a cute boy to RCIA. 
One of the most beautiful and holy aspects of being a spouse is lifting each other up. I’ll check the bathroom mirror to see if I am respectful to be seen by the world; my spouse is the mirror to how my soul is looking.
One of the most beautiful and holy aspects of being a spouse is lifting each other up. I’ll check the bathroom mirror to see if I am respectful to be seen by the world; my spouse is the mirror to how my soul is looking.
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Xantippe
Guest
For an awkward guy, I think activities where you can talk are probably safer. I can imagine some really awkward phone conversations that don’t go anywhere, even if they have a lot in common.
On the other hand, if you visit a street fair, botanical garden, farmer’s market, zoo or museum exhibit together, you can walk around, talking when you have something to say, and it not being awkward when you don’t.
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Xantippe
Guest
Husband and I recently had a date to a STEM fair.
Obviously, we’ve been dating a long time, so the challenge as middle-aged people is finding something not boring/fattening, but here’s what we did:
–walked around free STEM fair downtown (we were investigating local resources for our kids), occasionally talking to exhibitors
–had a little extra time before lunch, so walked around a scenic part of downtown
–went over to the nearby food trucks, checked out each of them, decided on Cambodian truck (never had it before), discovered that 3 stars out of 5 for Cambodian is HOT (but good)
Husband says he had a good time. I did too (aside from when I was trying husband’s lunch and my face started to melt). (NB: food sharing is a marital/quasi-marital privilege.)
Total expense: $18 (we could have kept it down lower but we weren’t trying).
Edited to add: Physical activity, time outdoors in the pleasant weather (when appropriate), novelty, and great food all contribute to a good date
Obviously, we’ve been dating a long time, so the challenge as middle-aged people is finding something not boring/fattening, but here’s what we did:
–walked around free STEM fair downtown (we were investigating local resources for our kids), occasionally talking to exhibitors
–had a little extra time before lunch, so walked around a scenic part of downtown
–went over to the nearby food trucks, checked out each of them, decided on Cambodian truck (never had it before), discovered that 3 stars out of 5 for Cambodian is HOT (but good)
Husband says he had a good time. I did too (aside from when I was trying husband’s lunch and my face started to melt). (NB: food sharing is a marital/quasi-marital privilege.)
Total expense: $18 (we could have kept it down lower but we weren’t trying).
Edited to add: Physical activity, time outdoors in the pleasant weather (when appropriate), novelty, and great food all contribute to a good date
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Theo520
Guest
Spend some time with her, ask her to a concert or a meal. Just let it develop slowly as you get to know her beyond a crush.
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Melodeonist
Guest
Well this complicates things… I added her on Facebook and she accepted last week. She invited me to a “Traditional Catholic” group there. I didn’t know what it was, but I figured it was a group for Catholics who take their faith seriously. I read the groups description yesterday and found that it was a sedevacantist group, so I left it ASAP.
Now I don’t know for sure if she is a sedevacantist. Should I even bother asking her out and trying to see if she is even an actual Catholic, or should I look elsewhere?
Now I don’t know for sure if she is a sedevacantist. Should I even bother asking her out and trying to see if she is even an actual Catholic, or should I look elsewhere?
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Xanthippe_Voorhees
Guest
Open your mouth.
Speak to this woman.
Judging based on facebook is more than a bit silly.
Speak to this woman.
Judging based on facebook is more than a bit silly.
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dconklin
Guest
Darn… For a second I thought/hoped you were talking about my daughter. She is very involved with her Newman Center though she is not a musician. She would love for a nice Catholic boy to spend more attention/time with her.
Ask her if she would like to share lunch sometime. Nothing fancy or formal. School cafeteria is fine.
Good luck and God bless!
PS- I’ll be visiting my daughter at school this weekend and I will be preparing a meal for the Newman Center’s tailgate party before the football game this weekend.
Ask her if she would like to share lunch sometime. Nothing fancy or formal. School cafeteria is fine.
Good luck and God bless!
PS- I’ll be visiting my daughter at school this weekend and I will be preparing a meal for the Newman Center’s tailgate party before the football game this weekend.
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pianistclare
Guest
Keep looking Mel. Focus on school and work. Everything will work out.
Learn NOW that you cannot plan your life and expect success every time.
What’s that wise saying again? “We make plans, and God laughs?”
Pray for God’s will, no matter what it is, and everything will work out very well.
She likely thought YOU were old school because you dress old school. You’re a nice looking chap. Get some current clothing that blends in more. Regular jeans, regular tees, polos, skip the wide ties. That stuff is trendy, and good for groups that already dig it. Most young girls wouldn’t like it I don’t think, and I have 2 daughters in their 20’s. They’re just not into that, and wouldn’t give you a chance. Not saying that is RIGHT…of course. You have to be yourself. But you’ve already pidgeon-holed yourself.
Just my 2 cents. I’ll sit back now and wait for people to blast me, LOL
Learn NOW that you cannot plan your life and expect success every time.
What’s that wise saying again? “We make plans, and God laughs?”
Pray for God’s will, no matter what it is, and everything will work out very well.
She likely thought YOU were old school because you dress old school. You’re a nice looking chap. Get some current clothing that blends in more. Regular jeans, regular tees, polos, skip the wide ties. That stuff is trendy, and good for groups that already dig it. Most young girls wouldn’t like it I don’t think, and I have 2 daughters in their 20’s. They’re just not into that, and wouldn’t give you a chance. Not saying that is RIGHT…of course. You have to be yourself. But you’ve already pidgeon-holed yourself.
Just my 2 cents. I’ll sit back now and wait for people to blast me, LOL
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