Asking a Catholic Girl Out

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Melodeonist said:
I’d prefer asking her out in person. I just rarely get the chance to do so. If I asked her out in the middle of the meeting with many others there I might make her feel uncomfortable. I’d feel like a creep asking her to step outside for a second, but it seems I don’t really have another option. 🤔
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At the next meeting — just keep an eye for when she is ready to leave. Catch her out the door — and just say something like – wanted to ask you before left --if you are free ( at such a time) to go (?) with me.
 
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Melodeonist said:
I’d prefer asking her out in person. I just rarely get the chance to do so. If I asked her out in the middle of the meeting with many others there I might make her feel uncomfortable. I’d feel like a creep asking her to step outside for a second, but it seems I don’t really have another option. 🤔
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You can always try before the meeting, or make a serious effort to ask her afterwards without second-guessing yourself about it being too late. You are right, I wouldn’t ask her during the meeting. At the end of the day though man, you just have to ask her. Dragging this out for weeks is no bueno.
 
And don’t make this so huge. God does not have a designated time for you to ask out this girl. He leaves the choice of a girlfriend up to you.
 
That’s the thing. She’s often arrives after I do, meaning others already are in the room. I can only ask her after the meeting on Monday as our Thursday meeting I have to leave early.

I could try hanging out outside the room on Thursday though, as I have run into her in the past doing that.

I don’t want to drag this out for weeks. I missed several opportunities. A big problem that might exist is schedule conflicts too, as she is the president of the student government.
 
Melodeonist said:
That’s the thing. She’s often arrives after I do, meaning others already are in the room. I can only ask her after the meeting on Monday as our Thursday meeting I have to leave early.

I could try hanging out outside the room on Thursday though, as I have run into her in the past doing that.

I don’t want to drag this out for weeks. I missed several opportunities. A big problem that might exist is schedule conflicts too, as she is the president of the student government.
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Mel, I think you have your answer.

You are both too busy for a relationship right now. If you can’t even make time to invite her out–if she dosn’t have time to hold a brief conversation–you might want to consider that now is NOT a good time for the both of you.

You hate and are struggling with your classes (based on a post about your needing your mom to help tutor you). You need to work with career services. You have a job, and a volunteer gig. I’m hoping that you at least do your own laundry and are a good help at home…

…remember what I said? You can have 3. Your options are Work, School, Friendships, Relationships. You need genuine Catholic friends before an exclusive relationship. You need to straighten out your career path before working on your romantic one. You need to make sure you are not neglecting work/volunteer.

It’s great you have this crush, but the timing really seems awful. You might need to let it go for a time and return to it when you have your life a bit more together and when she, perhaps, is not the president being pulled in a million different directions.
 
Melodeonist said:
I wonder if asking her on a date over Facebook is an option as I get very few chances to ask her out. The mandolin day was God’s will, as was last week. I’m still kicking myself for not asking her out today.
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Every time you are within 3 ft of a phone, you have the chance to ask her out.
Think of something casual to do and call her to chat a bit.
 
True. I just would need to ask her for her phone # then. That’s probably the best way to go about doing this.

@Xanthippe, I’m afraid I’m confused. I don’t need my mother to tutor me. I do all my homework by myself. For a while I had my dad help me with computer classes as he works in the field, but this semester I have been doing essentially everything by myself. I’m sure me and the girl could find a time to get together. I’d just need to work mornings, or ask her out on weekends after I get out of work at 9pm.
 
Melodeonist said:
True. I just would need to ask her for her phone # then. That’s probably the best way to go about doing this.

@Xanthippe, I’m afraid I’m confused. I don’t need my mother to tutor me. I do all my homework by myself. For a while I had my dad help me with computer classes as he works in the field, but this semester I have been doing essentially everything by myself. I’m sure me and the girl could find a time to get together. I’d just need to work mornings, or ask her out on weekends after I get out of work at 9pm.
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You mentioned that she was helping you with your Accounting class and another class a few weeks ago.

A girl is not an accessory to be squeezed into a schedule.
 
I’ve been waking up 4:30-5:30 every day lately to get all my homework done ASAP so I have the maximum free time later. Thus, once God allows me to successfully ask her out I’ll have time to do stuff with her.

Of course she isn’t an “accessory”. She’s a human being created in the image of God.
 
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If you are ending work at 9pm…giving your “rural” setting we’ll say home, bathed in in bed by 10, and then up at 4:30, that’s just over 6 hours sleep. Not healthy and not sustainable.

You’re carving a schedule into what really studies have shown is not getting enough sleep.

Having not had a relationship before–having not had a good friend before–I think you don’t quite understand what “having time to do stuff” really means. I also don’t think that your “making time” is being very fair to her…she sounds incredibly busy. Student body president has got to take up a few hours at minimum. She has classes, she has the Newman Club. She also has a commute (you did say it was mostly a commuter school, correct). And then she’s also active in several ministries at her church?

I think you need to take a deep breath. Maybe she does like you, but I think you need to see that perhaps it’s not your hesitancy that’s slowing the asking her out part. You’re both incredibly busy. Adding the pressure of a new relationship would likely end badly for both of you. If you want to do more things with her, why not join student council or even just sit in on their open meetings? Or perhaps organize an even at the Newman center after asking her when she’s most likely available. But she really dosn’t seem available for a 1:1 relationship at the moment, and given your schedule, neither do you.
 
My father does 4:30-10pm Monday through Friday for years. If he can do it, I can do it. 🤷‍♂️
 
I’ve often survived with 6 hours sleep a night for months. An adult human only needs so much sleep. And if you eat well it can balance out.
 
True, but you forgot something: God provides us with what we need. Energy from food is pointless when we can get energy from God.
 
It’s one date though that he hasn’t gone on yet.

Maybe they’ll hit it off. But maybe they realize they are better suited as friends.

I had a very close friend for years after we went on a date that didn’t go well.
 
Melodeonist said:
True, but you forgot something: God provides us with what we need. Energy from food is pointless when we can get energy from God.
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That is a silly form of providentialism.

We are to be good stewards of what God has given to us, that includes caring for our bodies. Eat right, exercise and get regular sleep.

The human brain and body is developing and growing in young men until around age 25. Proper sleep is vital. For someone your age, that is between 7 and 9 hours each night. You don’t get a “do over” at this development, care for your body now. Sleep deficit is as bad or worse than being impaired by alcohol.

Fully grown adults need less sleep. You are not your dad.
 
Look, this might not be helpful advice, but here’s what my opinion is.

If I were a girl, and someone who I like is approaching me, then later we dated and get to a deeper relationship, I would be freaked out and totally disapointed that he actually shared the whole process on an internet forum. Sure she may not find out, but think about how unromantic this is of you.

If you fail making a move, then don’t be dissapointed in yourself. Or maybe you can’t find some alone time with her, then wait for another time or come even earlier next time. Because if you force things it will not end well. Love can’t be forced.

And as you said, God will provide you with a chance if He truly wants you to be with her. So don’t worry about it too much. Or if you do, tell it to people you trust who are mutual friends/know her, not a bunch of strangers in an internet forum.
 
AAT said:
If I were a girl, and someone who I like is approaching me, then later we dated and get to a deeper relationship, I would be freaked out and totally disapointed that he actually shared the whole process on an internet forum. Sure she may not find out, but think about how unromantic this is of you.
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Maybe, maybe not.

My future husband got a lot of coaching from older online female friends, especially early on. He got a lot of good pointers. It was good advice (BUY A COMB!) and I didn’t resent the coaching when I found out about it.
 
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Eating and sleeping well will make you less nervous and improve your judgment and decision-making process, which will help you socially and in many other ways. For example, if you are well-rested, you’re likely to be a lot better at avoiding fights with your mom.

Don’t do anything unusual about food or sleep without getting a green light from a confessor.

Edited to add: I would suggest reading up on the effects of sleep deprivation. Here are some possible bad effects:


–weight gain
–weakened immune system
–trouble thinking and concentrating
–mood changes
–heart disease
–high blood pressure
–accidents
–risk for diabetes
–low sex drive (maybe not such an issue now, but eventually may be)
–poor balance

“A review of 16 studies found that sleeping for less than 6 to 8 hours a night increases the risk of early death by about 12 percent.”

“During sleep, pathways form between nerve cells (neurons) in your brain that help you remember new information you’ve learned. Sleep deprivation leaves your brain exhausted, so it can’t perform its duties as well. You may also find it more difficult to concentrate or learn new things. The signals your body sends may also come at a delay, decreasing your coordination skills and increasing your risks for accidents.”

“Sleep deprivation also negatively affects your mental abilities and emotional state. You may feel more impatient or prone to mood swings. It can also compromise decision-making processes and creativity.”

" Other psychological risks include:
impulsive behavior
depression
paranoia
suicidal thoughts
You may also end up experiencing microsleep in the day. During these episodes, you’ll fall asleep for a few seconds or minutes without realizing it."

It goes on and on.
 
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I think what everyone is trying to say, don’t make a federal case out of it.
You have not been on any dates, you really don’t know what to expect, how you yourself will act, and which way the conversations will go.
Just ask her. Would you like to go for a cup of coffee?
Right now?
Sure, why not! (smiling)
Well, I can’t right now…
Ok, how about later in the week? Can you set aside an hour or so just to chat?
Ask for a definite time----See what she says.
if she is evasive, move on.

Rinse, repeat, With other nice girls you meet. And you will meet other nice girls.
Give it a chance.
You’ve got a lot of schooling ahead of you, career choices, opportunities in that regard to watch for…It’s not like there’s a deadline.
 
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