Asking a Catholic Girl Out

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It depends on the person as well. I wouldn’t have said I was “dating” unless I was in an exclusive relationship that could potentially end up in marriage.

I think people still socialise in the manner you describe. I am just one of those people who never had “female friends”. I have my wife, and my sisters, but my “best friends” other than that are all guys.
 
It must be a U.S. thing. I taught in Catholic school for 10 years, and kids as little as 4th grade would tell everyone they were “going out” together.
Where? To the playground?
🤣
 
Well, if you’re still around 18-19 your brain is still developing(until your early 20s). Studies have found out that teens need a lot more sleep than we expected (more than 8 hours) because of their brain development. I would imagine that need doesn’t magically disappear until you hit the legal age! The whole 8 hours for children and 6 for adults is bull for most reputable psychologists.

Energy from food and energy from God can coexist. God shakes his head at people who don’t take care of themselves (when they’re in a position to)! As someone who has starved herself for years, God’s energy did not prevent my joints from wearing out, my hair from falling out in clumps and my digestion system to be all messed up, so what it’s the truth? 🙂
 
Since the two of you have something in common, ask her out to coffee or dinner and get to know each other. Just start talking. No pressure. Just see if the two of you enjoy your time together. Forget about the sleep issue because no one in their right mind would “party all night.” And if the two of you agree to meet again, just let it follow its course. Friendship and earning trust is part of any relationship. And I found out being honest (no, not all at once) works. My girlfriend and I were both well-groomed and dressed well, but did not need to dress expensive. Or have expensive dates. If you’re attracted to her, ask her out.
 
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pianistclare said:
People went out with a number of persons and were not labeled as loose back in the day. It was simply socialization. Which is precisely why I believe young people have such a hard time.
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Very good point. That’s why I am not super keen on the necessity of making it unambiguously clear that the OP is asking her on a “date” and using that exact word. I think a lot of people nowadays interpret that as “he’s asking me to be his girlfriend.” When I was in college, I would go out to coffee, or to hang out playing video games, or even go to dinner and a movie with girls and never called it a “date”. And many of those never went further than simply spending some time getting to know some girls. But then there were girls I did “date” and those relationships went in different directions and entailed exclusivity.
 
Joe_5859 said:
Very good point. That’s why I am not super keen on the necessity of making it unambiguously clear that the OP is asking her on a “date” and using that exact word. I think a lot of people nowadays interpret that as “he’s asking me to be his girlfriend.” When I was in college, I would go out to coffee, or to hang out playing video games, or even go to dinner and a movie with girls and never called it a “date”. And many of those never went further than simply spending some time getting to know some girls. But then there were girls I did “date” and those relationships went in different directions and entailed exclusivity.
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It’s tricky–on the one hand, everything you say is true, but on the other hand, you don’t want to invite somebody out for a totally platonic cup of coffee. Worst case scenario, you accidentally wind up with a couple more people invited on your “date,” if it wasn’t clear that’s what it was. Tough call.
 
Xantippe said:
It’s tricky–on the one hand, everything you say is true, but on the other hand, you don’t want to invite somebody out for a totally platonic cup of coffee. Worst case scenario, you accidentally wind up with a couple more people invited on your “date,” if it wasn’t clear that’s what it was. Tough call.
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Yes, that is a good point, too. It is tricky.

Any updates @Melodeonist? 😁
 
I went to the college’s Halloween party today. As she is the SGA president, she was present. I came in a costume I had cobbled together, and lo and behold, I was one of a few winners of the costume contest. As winner, I had to go up to her and tell her my name for the record. As We know each other I just took my gas mask off and immediately she recognized me. After that though, we didn’t talk much. I had assumed she was busy with leading the stuff so I didn’t want to bother her. In hindsight I was being a coward. I had the chance to talk to her several times, but I didn’t. I just feel so nervous around her as I like her. I probably had the perfect chance to ask her out, but I totally blew it and chickened out. I hope I get another chance to ask her out.

On the other hand, I think she may like me too. I’m not sure, but there have been some Newman Club meetings she missed, but came at the very end. Last week she came and sat right next to me and I showed her some medals I got from my grandma.

I feel I failed miserably today at the party. I guess I felt left out as most of the people there were dancing (not the Catholic girl, but she is a pretty good dancer as I’ve seen her dance before) and I don’t know how to dance because I’ve never danced, nor do I know anyone to dance with.

The more I get to talk to her the more I see we have in common. We both take our faith very seriously. We both play music. We both love coffee. I’m sure there’s even more that I haven’t found out yet. I think God has made us cross paths for a reason.
 
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Melodeonist said:
I probably had the perfect chance to ask her out, but I totally blew it and chickened out. I hope I get another chance to ask her out.

On the other hand, I think she may like me too. I’m not sure, but there have been some Newman Club meetings she missed, but came at the very end. Last week she came and sat right next to me and I showed her some medals I got from my grandma.

I feel I failed miserably today at the party. I guess I felt left out as most of the people there were dancing (not the Catholic girl, but she is a pretty good dancer as I’ve seen her dance before) and I don’t know how to dance because I’ve never danced, nor do I know anyone to dance with.
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It does sound like she had a lot going on during the party, so it might have genuinely been a bad time to ask.

I think learning to dance would be a good use of your free time. It’s a natural extension of your existing interests, it’s decent exercise, and it would have given you a chance to pair off with her for a few minutes.
 
Last week, as well as today, God gave me some really good opportunities to ask her out. However, each and every time I chickened out and said nothing about asking her out.

Today I had a really good chance to ask her out, but I was filled with fear/dread and didn’t. I get so disappointed in myself for failing myself. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of at this point. I really want to ask her out, but this feeling of dread sweeps over me like that feeling you get at the doctors office. It’s as if I feel I’m not old enough to date, but I want to. 🤔

At least we get to talk. She’s a very kind and devout young woman. As she’s very busy, I often only get to talk to her in length on Facebook, although I prefer conversing with people in person. I feel that I have grown in faith through meeting her as her piety is inspiring.

Please pray for me so I may gain the courage to ask her out! Please ask the Lord to banish this dread from my heart! Thanks! 👍
 
Melodeonist said:
However, each and every time I chickened out and said nothing about asking her out.

Today I had a really good chance to ask her out, but I was filled with fear/dread and didn’t. I get so disappointed in myself for failing myself. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of at this point. I really want to ask her out, but this feeling of dread sweeps over me like that feeling you get at the doctors office. It’s as if I feel I’m not old enough to date, but I want to.
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Mel, let me tell you a story. Once upon a time a few years ago when I was in college, I had a class where I sat next to this cute girl. And whenever we had small group discussion it was always me, her, and a friend of mine. Just the 3 of us. Well I had an end of year formal event to attend and needed a date. I decided to ask the cute girl from class to the event because she was cute and she at least laughed at my jokes in the group discussions. So one day after class, with sweaty hands and weak knees, I asked her if she wanted to go with me. No lead in, no nothin, just turned to her and said “I’ve got a formal dinner I have to go to in a few weeks, you want to come as my date?” Boom. Out in the open. And surprisingly she said yes. Talk about a load off. I felt 10ft tall! Of course she said yes, I’m a boss. Anyways, fast forward to the following week, she was acing odd but I gave her the details (time, place, dress, etc) for the event after class anyways; then she lowered the boom. She got really red in the face and said she could no longer go because some other guy whom she liked asked her to “officially date” after I had asked her to the event, and since she was now “officially dating” this guy, she could no longer in good conscience go to the event (it was a dinner and dance) with me. I told her no worries, I understood. And you know what happened? We continued to sit next to each other in class and continued to do small group discussions with just me, her, and my friend, and we all got along fine. I even managed to get a late date to the event through a friend. You know what I learned? Rejection really isn’t as big of a deal as we build it up to be.

Long story short, it sounds like you are torturing yourself every meeting over the perfect moment to ask this girl on a date, and the perfect words to use. You are already assuming the worst. She’ll say no, she’ll think I’m weird, she’ll end what relationship we already have, I will make the group awkward, etc etc. You just need to commit, and ask. Whatever the answer, you will feel a million times better. You already think she’s gonna say no and are expecting it. So if she says yes you just won the lottery! Just say to yourself, “today I am asking this girl out for a bowling match”. Then follow through. You can even stumble over yourself and say, “Heydoyouwannagobowlingwithmenextthursday?” Bite the bullet. You will come out fine on the other end. And if she says no, its only gonna be weird if you make it weird.

Remember, she already left the invitation open for you to ask her out at another time. Take it. You got this.
 
Melodeonist said:
Last week, as well as today, God gave me some really good opportunities to ask her out. However, each and every time I chickened out and said nothing about asking her out.

Today I had a really good chance to ask her out, but I was filled with fear/dread and didn’t. I get so disappointed in myself for failing myself. I don’t even know what I’m afraid of at this point. I really want to ask her out, but this feeling of dread sweeps over me like that feeling you get at the doctors office. It’s as if I feel I’m not old enough to date, but I want to. 🤔

At least we get to talk. She’s a very kind and devout young woman. As she’s very busy, I often only get to talk to her in length on Facebook, although I prefer conversing with people in person. I feel that I have grown in faith through meeting her as her piety is inspiring.

Please pray for me so I may gain the courage to ask her out! Please ask the Lord to banish this dread from my heart! Thanks! 👍
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Mel…have you ever heard the term “pee or get off the pot?”

Just ask.

Or just decide to be friends.

Make a decisison and stick to it.

You are doing yourself no good to constantly be dramatizing every interaction with her.
 
I can relate to that. I recall working up the nerve to ask a girl to Homecoming in high school. I did it by passing a note (:roll_eyes:) but even that took all my nerve. In the end, she said no because she was going to another school’s Homecoming with a guy there and didn’t feel right taking a different guy to our Homecoming (she ended up not going at all). Even though it didn’t end as I’d hoped, it was very freeing to realize that I asked and did not drop dead of embarrassment. Everything was okay. The rest of the school year went on just fine.

I totally understand the whole cycle of nerves, chickening out, beating myself up, rinse, repeat. But once you ask, in hindsight it turns out to be far less of a big deal than you make it out to be. That’s how it always worked for me.
 
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Earlier today I was reflecting on why I’m so scared around her, and I just realized why I’m full of dread: I feel if she rejects I’ll never meet another devout Catholic young woman with many similar interests again. At least that seems the most logical explanation for the fear. 🤔

This fear is stupid. I need to just do it.

Do you think it’s a good idea to try to attend events she would be present at? After all, as she is the Student Government President she probably attends most big events. Or would that be creepy? I really don’t want to creep her out.
 
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Melodeonist said:
I feel if she rejects I’ll never meet another devout Catholic young woman with many similar interests again.
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If you don’t ask her you’re going to lose a devout young Catholic woman with many similar interests. If she is interested she will eventually assume that you no longer are, or never were.

Easier said than done I know 😀.
Melodeonist said:
Do you think it’s a good idea to try to attend events she would be present at?
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I think that it probably would come across as a bit creepy and you are getting the chances to ask her now. You just need to pluck up the courage.
 
Yeah, if she likes you, it barely matters how you ask.

If she doesn’t like you, it doesn’t matter at all.
 
Melodeonist said:
Earlier today I was reflecting on why I’m so scared around her, and I just realized why I’m full of dread: I feel if she rejects I’ll never meet another devout Catholic young woman with many similar interests again. At least that seems the most logical explanation for the fear. 🤔

This fear is stupid. I need to just do it.

Do you think it’s a good idea to try to attend events she would be present at? After all, as she is the Student Government President she probably attends most big events. Or would that be creepy? I really don’t want to creep her out.
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This really is not the last devout Catholic woman on earth who shares some of your interests.

What’s creepy is shadowing somebody without asking them out, or continuing to shadow them after they say no.
 
Honestly, I just need to tie myself to a chair with VR glasses on and watch this video over and over for hours. 😜

 
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