Asking a Catholic Girl Out

  • Thread starter Thread starter Melodeonist
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I’m actually not as anxious as I probably seem on here. I am pretty bad at expressing myself online as I find it far easier to say stuff in person.

Don’t get me wrong though, during my days of homeschooling I became very, very anxious, reclusive, and highly superstitious. I think this was because I was around my very anxious mother 24/7 and I rarely left the house. However, once I started going to church, RCIA, college, etc. I became myself again. I went back to being very extroverted and I don’t really worry too much anymore. I really only worry when I’m alone because I don’t like being alone.

I may come off as scrupulous on here, but I asked my SD about this and he didn’t think I seemed overly scrupulous. However, we’ve only done one session so far.
 
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I think this is a bit extreme. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of casual dating. But I don’t think a guy has to be ready to support a family before he even considers dating.

My experience was such that, at his age, I spent a lot of time putting way too much pressure and assigning way too much significance to dating that it was, frankly, pretty paralyzing. So I may just be overly sensitive because of that experience. I just don’t want @Melodeonist to feel overwhelmed at the thought of going bowling with this girl. (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) He doesn’t have to have his whole life mapped out in great detail with a nest egg already tucked away before taking the first step.
 
Joe_5859 said:
I think this is a bit extreme. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of casual dating. But I don’t think a guy has to be ready to support a family before he even considers dating.

My experience was such that, at his age, I spent a lot of time putting way too much pressure and assigning way too much significance to dating that it was, frankly, pretty paralyzing. So I may just be overly sensitive because of that experience. I just don’t want @Melodeonist to feel overwhelmed at the thought of going bowling with this girl. (Please Note: This uploaded content is no longer available.) He doesn’t have to have his whole life mapped out in great detail with a nest egg already tucked away before taking the first step.
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No, I’m not speaking of a simple nest egg, but a realistic idea of how one is going to support themselves and (what might be multiple) others. Melodist has many good qualities but he had created many threads in which he talks about his future–and at best he’s in a major he hates…at worst…he speaks of careers he hasn’t researched at all.

I know MANY good Catholic families that wed before good jobs were secure. But they did so with the understanding of what career they were getting into.

I also think that living alone–or with non-family roommates is an important part of maturity, with the caveat of a young man or woman who is paying to support their household of origin.
 
OF course I live in the South. That’s why I said it. :roll_eyes:

And if you read my ENTIRE post, I spoke pretty favorably about the program, not the people who tend to enroll their kids in it.
 
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I think this is a bit extreme. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of casual dating. But I don’t think a guy has to be ready to support a family before he even considers dating.

My experience was such that, at his age, I spent a lot of time putting way too much pressure and assigning way too much significance to dating that it was, frankly, pretty paralyzing. So I may just be overly sensitive because of that experience. I just don’t want @Melodeonist to feel overwhelmed at the thought of going bowling with this girl. 005_embarassed He doesn’t have to have his whole life mapped out in great detail with a nest egg already tucked away before taking the first step.
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I agree completely.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
dating means that you are fully prepared to take on the joyful burden of a family. This means you are able to support yourself physically and emotionally. It also means that you are able to take on finacally supporting your wife and children during times when your wife cannot work.
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That’s not how I saw it. A family can’t materialise while dating. Some folks just like to enjoy each other’s company and judge where the experience leads. There may come a point where what you describe is the reality.
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
As a woman, I’m asking you. Do not put a woman through this. Do not seek a woman until you are sure you do not have a religious vocation at the very least, and when you’re more sure of how you could support a family.
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It does not follow that the 18/19 yo young women he might go out with is husband hunting at that moment either.
 
Xanthippe_Voorhees said:
dating means that you are fully prepared to take on the joyful burden of a family. This means you are able to support yourself physically and emotionally. It also means that you are able to take on finacally supporting your wife and children during times when your wife cannot work.
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90% of the people I know would have never married if that were the case, heck, I STILL would not be married am I am nearing double nickels.

Getting married when you are young, living in a small apartment or sharing a house, struggling and celebrating the small things as you grow together builds strong marriages.

This idea that one must have at least 100 grand in a 401K, 3/2 2 car garage home and a $10,000 engagement ring before you marry let alone begin dating just might add to the despair felt by so many young people today!
 
Who said that last part? I didn’t see that!
TheLittleLady said:
This idea that one must have at least 100 grand in a 401K, 3/2 2 car garage home and a $10,000 engagement ring before you marry let alone begin dating just might add to the despair felt by so many young people today!
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Don’t know if this is helpful but you’re 20. Don’t panic and try soo hard to get a girlfriend. If you like a girl, go for it. If it doesn’t work out, take a deeeeeep breath. Life still goes on. I’m almost the same age as you (well, 19) and honestly, I don’t really feel now is the age to actively look (on websites). If the girl you like rejects you, which I hope not, it’s okay, focus on your personal growth for a while.

I used to be so bummed out because guys don’t like me in that way, but then I realize that a relationship now would just waste my time. Try to be the best man you can be. Honestly, as a girl, that is what I would want my future spouse to be doing now. Don’t feel like you need to be in a relationship now
 
Right! I know plenty of good Catholic women who have not gone on dates well into their 20’s.
Still, others who had a steady boyfriend all along.
It’s different for everyone.
The point is, be selective, and stop trying to PLAN everything.
You’ve got to finish school, maybe enroll in a 4-year college, develop social skills, get out and about! This is a free and wonderful time in your life, not to mention developing a good prayer life.

There’s no rush.
 
TheLittleLady said:
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Xanthippe_Voorhees:
dating means that you are fully prepared to take on the joyful burden of a family. This means you are able to support yourself physically and emotionally. It also means that you are able to take on finacally supporting your wife and children during times when your wife cannot work.
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90% of the people I know would have never married if that were the case, heck, I STILL would not be married am I am nearing double nickels.

Getting married when you are young, living in a small apartment or sharing a house, struggling and celebrating the small things as you grow together builds strong marriages.

This idea that one must have at least 100 grand in a 401K, 3/2 2 car garage home and a $10,000 engagement ring before you marry let alone begin dating just might add to the despair felt by so many young people today!
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🤨

Come now?

Supporting yourself has nothing to do with being wealthy. You’re inserting words and agenda that I did not describe. Supporting yourself means that you are not dependant on your parents for food, clothing, and shelter.

A good number of people I know in real life, and from blogs, married young before they had truly viable careers. But they married only after they could support themselves, and not rely on parents (or government) for their basic needs.

Providing for yourself means just that. Roof over your head and food in your tummy that you provide. It can be below poverty line. I have no issue with that. But I do take issue with both male and female people who have no “real” income or idea of how they can support themselves trying to discern a vocation which is highly reliant on supporting themselves.

Again, note I am not assigning a dollar value. I don’t care if it’s a couple on a McDonald’s salary sharing a 500sqft studio apartment. It’s the self-support that I care about. (and, as I noted, if one is to live in their parents home–which is perfectly fine–they should be doing so at a level that they are supporting their parents, not the other way around).
 
Here is some advice from the renowned poet, John Michael Montgomery:

When I was fourteen I was fallin’ fast, for a blue-eyed girl in my homeroom class.
Tryin to find the courage to ask her out , was like tryin’ to get oil from a water spout.
What she would’ve said, I can’t say. I never did ask then she moved away.
I learned something from my blue-eyed girl: sink or swim, you gotta give it a whirl.
 
…Life’s a dance you learn as you go. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow.
 
This is your opinion, the Church herself sets no such standard for entering a valid marriage.

There is nothing morally wrong with living in an extended family group, in fact, that is how most of humans have lived since the dawn of time.
 
TheLittleLady said:
This is your opinion, the Church herself sets no such standard for entering a valid marriage.

There is nothing morally wrong with living in an extended family group, in fact, that is how most of humans have lived since the dawn of time.
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Again, you’re twisting my words.

There is nothing wrong with being in an extended family unit. But if you are going to act as an adult and enter into marriage, you must be an adult and not a child dependant on parents for their needs.

Maturity is a requirement of marriage. Being able to hold a job is a pretty key part of that.
 
Alright. I think I can CONFIDENTLY say God is calling me to marriage now.

God made today’s Newman Club discussion on the part of the Bible that says “Your body is a temple”. We got on the topic of cigarettes and I heard her say she doesn’t like vaping. Later, when I was driving to play the accordion at work, I feel God inspired my thoughts to tell me to quit vaping cold turkey for her and if I experience any withdrawal symptoms to offer them up as a prayer.

I love vaping, but I’d rather have her. I would have never stopped vaping, because I love it, but I like her more.

And yet again I chickened out and didn’t ask her out this week. I had about 3 chances but I blew it. 😭
 
TheLittleLady said:
This idea that one must have at least 100 grand in a 401K, 3/2 2 car garage home and a $10,000 engagement ring before you marry let alone begin dating just might add to the despair felt by so many young people today!
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I don’t think that’s what Xanthippe Voorhees said.

The OP is living with his parents right now, so just having a full time job with health insurance and an apartment of his own would be a major step forward.
 
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