I agree with this. It sounds like the couple should have had the good sense to go to the cry room while the baby was creating a disturbance, but they were probably pretty overwhelmed with whatever was going on. To call them out in public like that is highly insensitive and embarrassing and could have the result of driving them from the church permanently. If such things must be addressed, they should have been approached privately and sensitively.
They were meeting anyway- this just came up and they wanted to talk about it and gather everyone’s thoughts. I’m just looking for something to say that won’t be hurtful to anyone.
I like your words, I may use them.
OK, let me explain why what you said got to me. I’ll admit I am a really sensitive person. I am trying very hard to work on that, but in the meantime, patience please
Privately? How, exactly, was the priest supposed to “privately” call out the couple with a child causing a disturbance in the middle of the homily?
Well, not in our parish. We have all kinds of instructional homilies. I’m always grateful when the priests do this, because it’s important for us all to know the facts and be aware of what kind of behavior we should practice.
If the priest was rude, and mind you, none of us was there, that is a small issue compared to any sort of lay council that thinks they have a part in dealing with this. If I was the priest, I think I would do away with the parish council and make sure the finance council discussed only for areas of finance. This gossip is unbecoming Christians.
Same here. It is hard to make the case for the homily being of lesser importance since without catechesis the laity will not understand the rest of Mass. I know some may see themselves as having arrived an no longer in need of the homily, but we all need this instruction, whether we know it or not.
Thank you for explaining yourself. I appreciate you taking the time to do that. Just to be clear I would most definitely be embarrassed if a priest called me out, I’m strong willed not invincible : ) But it would cause me to pause and reflect and my reaction would be a humble one. Now when people give me scornful looks or loud sighs that doesn’t bother me, because some people are just grouches and that’s their problem not mine. That is what I was trying to convey, not so much that I am a better person for it, but that the grouches are not worth allowing myself to be hurt over. As far as the priests actions I am giving him the complete benefit of the doubt in this story, because I wasn’t there. It had to be serious enough that he felt the need to speak up. I doubt he wanted to do that all. Maybe I am not as sensitive because our priest is pretty harsh and does not mince words and I’ve gotten use to it. I find him very refreshing and I respect his candor. Not many priest “keep it real”, but I wonder if he has scared some people away too, I think sometimes we forget the church should be evangelizing.OK, let me explain why what you said got to me. I’ll admit I am a really sensitive person. I am trying very hard to work on that, but in the meantime, patience please
Specifically, you said, “Perhaps I’m just stronger willed and I don’t let other people get to me.” An incredibly sensitive person, like the kind who may be so humiliated by a priest doing this that they would never return to that church again (and I admitted in my first post on this thread that I would be such a person), may read this and think that you are saying that sensitivity means weak will, or that it is their fault that they would be embarrassed/ashamed. I think anybody would be embarrassed in that position.
At the end of the post, you said, “I’m not going to stop going to church over it lol that’s silly.” I don’t think it is silly, at all. I may not stop going to Mass ever, but I would stop going there. I certainly can say I would have a hard time trusting a priest who calls people out like that - even if it shouldn’t be his “job” to feel the need to do so.
Perhaps I am being oversensitive. But dismissing concerns of sensitive people is not likely to make us suddenly “get over” our sensitivity. If anything, it’s going to make it worse. Your tone (hard to read over the Internet, I know) suggests dismissiveness to someone like me. I’ve had to get over a lot of embarrassing things as a parent. I try to accommodate others but I don’t always succeed to the extent that I should or they would like. It is hard. If a priest did this to me, I would be so embarrassed I would never, ever return. I do think priests need to be sensitive to that, which is why there needs to be some kind of protocol in place for dealing with disruptive people that avoids public shaming, because the disruption is usually not intended (and if you’re me juggling the tantrum-ing two year old, I’m already mortified enough at it is. My “I don’t care” face is for my two year old, not for the rest of the congregation.)
I never said that the priest should have called out the couple in the middle of the homily.
Handling the situation privately would preclude that situation entirely. It could have been handled by ushers. The priest could have put up with the disturbance and approached the couple privately afterwards. He could have started a campaign to educate families about his own personal level of tolerance for distraction by making announcements before church and perhaps putting notices in the bulletin. I know of a priest who put a short letter in the bulletin after a particularly distracting Sunday Mass. He acknowledged the difficulties that parents have in dealing with children, made it clear that children were always welcome in the church, encouraged others to be generous and loving in their response to children who were present, but laid out some very clear guidelines to parents as to when they should remove their children. It was clearly a response to a particular incident, but was treated as a teaching moment for the entire parish.I totally agree with the need for bigger and more accommodating cry rooms. Especially considering how much the church encourages children. You would think this is a no brainer. I personally like to see children in mass even the fidgety and noisy ones, all of them. They belong in mass. Again the issue is how disruptive is too disruptive. Aside from that I admire parents that sit with their littles ones in mass I know that is no easy feat. The easier thing would be to stay home or off in the cry room and never take take the time to teach their children about the mass at a young and impressionable age. Kids are paying attention even when you they don’t act like it they are taking the mass in.
This, absolutely.
I understand the priest having the right to excuse the couple without congregation questioning him but the BOLDED is what bothers me. Did he really take the Lord’s name in vain like that from the altar? He may have been being pious with the phrase, but it sounds like given that there was immediate debate from the congregation that this one not the case.
