Baby Crying during Mass Homily

[pensmama87]

Sometimes it takes a while to get out, frankly. My husband and I like to sit at the end of a pew so we can take a crying kiddo out quickly if we need to, but you’d be surprised how many people glare at us when they motion for us to scoot over and instead we get out of the pew so they can sit further in the pew. A few people have been really nasty (and they may also have a legitimate reason to sit at the end, such as illness, but IMO that doesn’t excuse nastiness), and of course when we capitulate that’s the day a total meltdown occurs and the same mean person is completely irritated and unhelpful about allowing us to get out, thus prolonging the whole ordeal.

Oh, and one time I left with a crying baby and came back to see that latecomers took our spots…and our coats, etc. were unreachable. So now I have to pack up our stuff, too in case we return and have to find a new spot…that also adds time.

IMO the way to handle this is to have an usher quietly approach the family and offer to help them to the cry room so little Johnny can settle down. This needs to be done courteously and without a tone of disapproval. More than likely the exhausted parent is going to be grateful for the help, and while they might still be embarrassed it’s certainly less than the humiliation of hearing the priest go on and on from the pulpit when everyone else can hear it.

I’m a sincere practicing Catholic and if this happened to me, I would have been crying in addition to my children as we left, and I would have never come back. That is not the kind of message you want to send to young families.

 

[HoneyBea]

The purpose of the cry room is for the crying babies. Not using the cry room and not bringing the crying baby to the cry room after the priest reminding them is actually very rude on the couple’s part. They brought the embarrassment to themselves, not the priest.

The priest is Persona Christi in Mass. I am amazed a group of women in your parish will “discuss” this matter. Who do they think they are??? Where is the respect to the Persona Christi???

Priest can be really annoyed when such things happen. I have seen different priests from different churches showing their objection from the pulpit. Usually they give a long look toward the direction of the disturbance. Some will stop the homily and wait, to give an obvious hint. Your priest explicitly gave the message asking them to go to the cry room, and there is nothing wrong. Today’s problem is too many people think they have more authority than the priest.

There should not be any “discussion” on this matter in your meeting. It appears to be gossiping, judgemental, knowing better, arrogant and proud. Do you think such inappropriate “discussion” will please the Lord?

Preach!

I still can’t get over the disrespect towards this priest.

 

[robwar]

The fact that the family actually remained in the pew after they were fully aware of the disruption their child was causing (and also had likely received glares from the surrounding people) is the problem. Not the priest.

Further, the fact they they did not move until commanded to THREE times is the second layer of the problem

In addition, the fact that the parish council is actually convening to discuss about this priest is absolutely out of line. This parish’s reaction to this event is misguided and inappropriate.

Multiple times I’ve seen priests, from the pulpit, ask parents to remove their children, and never have I seen such a ridiculous reaction from the parish.

You weren’t there and how do you know if the parent’s were aware or not. It is enough of a struggle for parents of young children to bring them to Mass. After all they are baptized members of the body of Christ and children do belong to Mass. The parish counsel is probably involved because there obviously is a big uproar over the whole thing and to jump start people posting their own opinions on it on their own social media are probably trying to direct the conversation. Since this priest is new and from India, there might be cultural issues here at play. A previous parish, we had a priest from India who publicly took on the principal at Mass. When discussing this incidence with the next priest, he shared that priests no matter how annoyed or upset they are with someone should never call out publicly to correct someone even if it would be in the priest’s right to do so. This came from a priest who is the director of our seminary. He said it will always come back on the priest and being mean and nasty. He shared with me in our conversation that this is what he instructs all of his seminarians. The priest could have easily talked to the parents after Mass but not during Mass, it’s really rather sad but I think he stepped into it and the parish counsel is probably involved because there now is a big uproar.

 

[Hieronymi]

Here is a link to an article I read in September. I rather agree with it.

“Children don’t Belong in a Cry Room and Neither do You” Click here

 

[HoneyBea]

Sometimes it takes a while to get out, frankly. My husband and I like to sit at the end of a pew so we can take a crying kiddo out quickly if we need to, but you’d be surprised how many people glare at us when they motion for us to scoot over and instead we get out of the pew so they can sit further in the pew. A few people have been really nasty (and they may also have a legitimate reason to sit at the end, such as illness, but IMO that doesn’t excuse nastiness), and of course when we capitulate that’s the day a total meltdown occurs and the same mean person is completely irritated and unhelpful about allowing us to get out, thus prolonging the whole ordeal.

Oh, and one time I left with a crying baby and came back to see that latecomers took our spots…and our coats, etc. were unreachable. So now I have to pack up our stuff, too in case we return and have to find a new spot…that also adds time.

IMO the way to handle this is to have an usher quietly approach the family and offer to help them to the cry room so little Johnny can settle down. This needs to be done courteously and without a tone of disapproval. More than likely the exhausted parent is going to be grateful for the help, and while they might still be embarrassed it’s certainly less than the humiliation of hearing the priest go on and on from the pulpit when everyone else can hear it.

I’m a sincere practicing Catholic and if this happened to me, I would have been crying in addition to my children as we left, and I would have never come back. That is not the kind of message you want to send to young families.

I agree with the usher suggestion. I was thinking the same thing. Rude stares and intolerant people are one thing. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. I think most people are tolerant of noisy babies but the long enduring crying etc. is another thing. I’ve seen some pretty rude parents who have no respect for others. Most people can usually tell the difference between those and the parents who are being considerate the best they can.

 

[HoneyBea]

Also, I think it’s obvious we don’t know the other version of this story and if the parents were aware or not aware. My comments are based in the OP account. We could create a million what if scenarios I suppose.

 

[Paddy_Walker]

least said, soonest mended.

…and parents with wild, noisy children can always take turns minding the child at home while the other parent is at mass.

 

[robwar]

There are lots and lots of threads on CAF about poor catechesis of Catholics. In fact, I would say that more often than not, when there is a problem in the Church (e.g., Catholics who believe that contraception is acceptable), then usually the conclusion of the majority of the posters on the thread is that “Catholics are poorly catechized.”

What we have to come to terms with is that for most Catholics, their sole exposure to any kind of teaching is during the Mass.

They don’t read Catholics books or periodicals (including the Bible or Catechism), they don’t watch Catholic TV or listen to Catholic radio, and they don’t attend parish studies, missions, or socials. And they never have discussions about Catholicism with Catholic friends or acquaintances.

They go to Mass, and that’s it.

Hey, at least they go to Mass! That’s good!

What that means is that they have approximately 10 minutes during the priest’s homily to “get catechized.”

Now if the priest is teaching about something very general, e.g., “love one another,” well…everyone knows that, even non-Christians. So not to worry.

But…what if a priests decides to really get hard-hittin’, and use his homily to teach about one of those topics that has been poorly-taught to most Catholics, e.g., gay marriage, or abortion, or contraception? Or perhaps he decides to teach about reverence during the Mass, and explain how people should not receive Holy Communion if they have committed mortal sin, but must go to Reconciliation first. Or that we should make a gesture of reverence before receiving Holy Communion. Or that we shouldn’t wear clothing that reveals our sexual parts or advertises questionable businesses or practices; e.g., those “Big Johnson” t-shirts.

I frankly don’t blame the priest for asking someone to please stop making a noise. People criticize the priest because the people aren’t catechized, and then when he tries to catechize them, they allow a noise to stop people from getting catechized. And then they criticize him again because people aren’t catechized.

So here’s my take. If you’re OK with crying babies at Mass, then never, ever complain again that Catholics aren’t catechized. How can they get catechized if they can’t hear?!

Unless of course, you’re OK with power point projections, iPad apps, and other visual teaching aids during the Mass. Frankly, I think visual media is a great way to teach, and it would help take care of the crying baby problem. I think the Catholic Church ought to use every “weapon” in the arsenal to make sure their people get catechized about important issues.

Cat, 90% of the homilies are inspirational not instructional. I’ve spoken with those who teach at seminaries and this is what priests are taught as a guide to do. I think if someone’s young child or baby begins to cry at Mass, 90% of the time, one of the embarrassed parents usually runs out with them. Now why these people didn’t do that, no one knows, too embarrassed, sat up front to close, in the middle of the isle etc. But, the priest coming from another country and maybe not always understanding Americans really should not have called and embarrassed the parents further. Maybe that sort of thing is more common in India but not so much in USA. It’s not about his right as a priest, its about being more prudent and I would wager that these people won’t be back and another family leaves the Church.

 

[Mrs_Sally]

Sometimes it takes a while to get out, frankly. My husband and I like to sit at the end of a pew so we can take a crying kiddo out quickly if we need to, but you’d be surprised how many people glare at us when they motion for us to scoot over and instead we get out of the pew so they can sit further in the pew. A few people have been really nasty (and they may also have a legitimate reason to sit at the end, such as illness, but IMO that doesn’t excuse nastiness), and of course when we capitulate that’s the day a total meltdown occurs and the same mean person is completely irritated and unhelpful about allowing us to get out, thus prolonging the whole ordeal.

Oh, and one time I left with a crying baby and came back to see that latecomers took our spots…and our coats, etc. were unreachable. So now I have to pack up our stuff, too in case we return and have to find a new spot…that also adds time.

IMO the way to handle this is to have an usher quietly approach the family and offer to help them to the cry room so little Johnny can settle down. This needs to be done courteously and without a tone of disapproval. More than likely the exhausted parent is going to be grateful for the help, and while they might still be embarrassed it’s certainly less than the humiliation of hearing the priest go on and on from the pulpit when everyone else can hear it.

I’m a sincere practicing Catholic and if this happened to me, I would have been crying in addition to my children as we left, and I would have never come back. That is not the kind of message you want to send to young families.

+1 This is absolutely true. A little love and patience goes a long way.

If the OP’s parish council really discusses this in their meeting, the suggestion to have an usher come to help collect coats and diaper bags (and help get the cranky people out of the way) is what they should discuss.

 

[robwar]

I agree with the usher suggestion. I was thinking the same thing. Rude stares and intolerant people are one thing. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. I think most people are tolerant of noisy babies but the long enduring crying etc. is another thing. I’ve seen some pretty rude parents who have no respect for others. Most people can usually tell the difference between those and the parents who are being considerate the best they can.

When my oldest was very young, he wasn’t very easy to bring to Church. We always sat in the back with ability for easy access. A church we were visiting had a number of sections so we decided to sit in one that was basically very empty. We were already sitting down waiting for Mass when an elderly couple decided to sit directly right behind us. Our son was wiggled and this old man told us even though we choose the spot do to emptiness that we shouldn’t have brought him to Mass and we had no right to be there. It was totally upsetting and we never went back to that particular Catholic Church again. Likewise he upset the few others around us as well. One can still do the right thing in choosing where to sit at Church with young children and still there is a bunch of old goats that think Mass is about them. If the old goat didn’t think children should be at Mass, then why did he choose to sit behind a family with a toddler. Until you have been on the receiving end of this sort of nastiness or ever struggled with an active young child in Church, I think you should rethink some your ideas.

 

[Orogeny]

it’s really rather sad but I think he stepped into it and the parish counsel is probably involved because there now is a big uproar.

The parish council is an advisory group, not a governing body. They have no power to step in or do anything other than to let the pastor know what the parish reaction is. IF the pastor asks for (name removed by moderator)ut, then (name removed by moderator)ut should be given. Otherwise they are barking at the moon.

Peace

Tim

 

[HoneyBea]

I have been on the receiving end and I have struggled with an active youth during mass as well as received the stares etc. and I still think the same.
Perhaps I’m just stronger willed and I don’t let other people get to me. Like I said it’s all subjective. Many parents are completely unaware and disrespectful and my comments are directed at that. Perhaps, yours was not the case as many other parents but that’s not what I’m referring to. Patience and tolerance is just as important as respect. I happen to think that a priest asking a family to step outside is not disrespectful. Embarrassing yes but it happens. I’m not going to stop going to church over it lol that’s silly.

 

[Orogeny]

I’m someone who is very tolerant towards crying babies at Mass. I wasn’t there so I don’t know how bad it was, but if it was truly loud enough to prevent the homily from being heard, the parents should have taken it upon themselves to remove the crying child(ren). My wife and I raised two boys, so I know that it isn’t always easy bringing children to Mass, but I believe that children absolutely belong at Mass. And yes, I did have to take my sons out of Mass occasionally.

Many years ago, I was serving as an usher at Mass. The priest saying Mass was an older priest who had not been at the parish for very long. During the readings, a young boy (I would guess maybe 3-4 years old) began playing in one of the aisles. That evolved from sitting in the aisle to walking up and down the aisle, singing and laughing, all the time looking at mom to see what she would do. She kept calling him back, but he ignored her. Finally, during the reading of the Gospel, the little boy, still looking at mom and still singing and laughing, walked up onto the altar. Father stopped reading the Gospel and asked that the parent of the child please come and remove him from the altar. Mom did nothing. The second time Father wasn’t quite as nice and that time mom got up, retrieved the boy and left the church. I don’t know if she ever returned, but I never saw her again.

The uproar against the priest was amazing. How dare he embarrass a parishioner like that! Father wasn’t too phased as he had been a priest for a long time and didn’t have any issues with the way he handled the incident.

I tell that story, because I wonder what those on this thread who condemn the actions of the priest in the OP would think about the situation I described.

Peace

Tim

 

[pensmama87]

I have been on the receiving end and I have struggled with an active youth during mass as well as received the stares etc. and I still think the same.
Perhaps I’m just stronger willed and I don’t let other people get to me. Like I said it’s all subjective. Many parents are completely unaware and disrespectful and my comments are directed at that. Perhaps, yours was not the case as many other parents but that’s not what I’m referring to. Patience and tolerance is just as important as respect. I happen to think that a priest asking a family to step outside is not disrespectful. Embarrassing yes but it happens. I’m not going to stop going to church over it lol that’s silly.

I don’t think it’s kind to suggest that those who are sensitive to being shamed are not as strong willed as you or are just worrying about “silly” things.

Can priests have a bad day? Yes, of course. But what the priest did should in no way be “protocol” for handling disruptive people. Ushers should handle disruption among attendees, whether the disruption is intentional or not, so the priest can celebrate the Mass.

 

[dshix]

I don’t think it’s kind to suggest that those who are sensitive to being shamed are not as strong willed as you or are just worrying about “silly” things.

Can priests have a bad day? Yes, of course. But what the priest did should in no way be “protocol” for handling disruptive people. Ushers should handle disruption among attendees, whether the disruption is intentional or not, so the priest can celebrate the Mass.

Again, it is none of your business to reprimand the priest for this. The couple was in the wrong. Could the priest have handled it better, perhaps? Maybe. That doesn’t mean you or any other layperson has any right to say something to him about it.

 

[HoneyBea]

I don’t think it’s kind to suggest that those who are sensitive to being shamed are not as strong willed as you or are just worrying about “silly” things.

Can priests have a bad day? Yes, of course. But what the priest did should in no way be “protocol” for handling disruptive people. Ushers should handle disruption among attendees, whether the disruption is intentional or not, so the priest can celebrate the Mass.

I don’t think it’s kind to suggest that I should re think my opinion based on assumptions. I clearly stated it was all subjective and that many people experience different things. I am strong willed and other peoples opinions don’t bother me -I was explaining my personal experience since the op suggested that I had none. Or is explaining my perspective unkind?

 

[pensmama87]

Again, it is none of your business to reprimand the priest for this. The couple was in the wrong. Could the priest have handled it better, perhaps? Maybe. That doesn’t mean you or any other layperson has any right to say something to him about it.

Perhaps I am reprimanding ushers who were neglecting their duties. Or the person responsible for training ushers in their duties. I honestly can’t see why this should ever be something the priest should handle. He’s already got enough to do at Mass.

 

[dshix]

Perhaps I am reprimanding ushers who were neglecting their duties. Or the person responsible for training ushers in their duties. I honestly can’t see why this should ever be something the priest should handle. He’s already got enough to do at Mass.

That’s true. Perhaps usher training is the solution.

 

[InLight247]

When the parents who are lack of common sense, and lack of respect to the Holy Mass, are unaware of the disturbance their baby creates, the priest’s message to remind them using the cry room is a proper teaching at the right moment.

If the ignorant parents are humble, or, at least being reasonable, they will use the moment of truth to learn their proper conduct for the future.

Those who want to find fault with the priest are haughty and doing the ignorant parents a disservice . It is very disheartening to see people being so disrespectful to the priest and to our Lord.

 

[HoneyBea]

To think this could have been a non issue for this parish had they been more proactive and used the incident in a positive way to better train the ushers to handle these situations with gentle love and care towards parents and their children instead of attacking the priest. It’s a shame really. I will be praying for this parish and I hope good comes out of this for all.