Baby shower for unwed mother

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alleykat71172

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My daughter is unwed and pregnant. My niece, her cousin, has always been very close with her and is planning a surprise baby shower for her. I’m just wondering if this is a common thing. When I was younger and my friends and I were having children I can’t recall hearing of, much less being invited to a baby shower for an unwed mother. I’m personally embarrassed my daughter is single and pregnant, I dont see why it would be flaunted.
 
Because we want the mother to keep the baby and not kill it.

You are celebrating the child, not the mother’s sin. Children need many things…shaming the mother is not among them.

If you can’t be nice, stay away.
 
This is a celebration of the miracle of life. Regardless of the circumstances under which it began, care must be provided. Your daughter needs you now more than ever, to help with raising this child.
 
I can understand your mixed feelings on the matter. Your niece is trying to do something nice for your daughter. If she plans to parent the baby then she will need supplies.

I understand that you are embarrassed about your daughter’s situation. I hope you will work on that. You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about— your daughter made a mistake and is now taking responsibility for it.

I get it. I do. My sister was pregnant and unwed at 19 living at home and going to college. My mom and stepdad were very active at the parish. My sister was a reader at mass. So yes, some level of embarrassment. But life goes on. My sister went to confession and life moved on. She still read at mass. My parents still performed their functions.

It’s not a permanent black mark against you or your family. I hope you can stop being embarrassed and start adjusting to the idea of being a grandparent.

Let your niece throw the party, be gracious, hold your head up. You’ve got nothing to be ashamed of. And if you can’t find any joy or charity in this situation, then stay away from the shower.
 
I think being open to life, means…being open to life. This is a life coming into your own family. Going to the baby shower sounds like an excellent step in being open.

Our pro-life pregnancy and young mom center has basically, a monthly baby shower. Young moms come in every month and are gifted items for their babies from before they are born, sometimes through the preschool years. For years I gifted cloth diapers, which were adorable and practical, and provided an economic way for mothers to provide for their babies. A nun helped me, and made hundreds of baby wipes. More pious women of the Catholic church make booties and quilts. We celebrate these lives every. single. month.

On a secular level, in the workplace, pretty much every mom I’ve every worked with has received some sort of shower, married or not.

You daughter will have plenty of other opportunities, as she faces the challenge of being a single mama, to contemplate God’s plan for marriage and the raising of children vs the reality of her situation. There is no reason to “help” with this. I have talked to many people about how the shame their parents gave to their ill timed pregnancy at a young age stayed with them all their lives, deeply ingraining of shame that stayed with them and effected their relationships with their parents forever. God will hold your daughter accountable, and provides forgiveness and redemption. All you have to do is love your daughter and new grandbaby at this point.

Congrats on your new grandchild.
 
Maybe you could sign her up at Catholic Match as a shower present. 😀
 
Yes, baby showers for unwed mothers are a thing now.
No, there is nothing immoral about it because the baby (who is innocent) still needs “stuff”.
I empathize with you for feeling embarrassed because you tried to guide your daughter to make smart choices. And having sex outside of mattiage is not a smart choice.
However, she kept the baby, when she could have had an abortion and nobody would ever know. So she gets kudos for that.
You clearly love your daughter and want to shepherd her through this.
But enjoy the shower and be at peace.

:pray:t2::pray:t2::pray:t2:
 
Your daughter’s sin was the act of intercourse-the baby, although a result of sin, is NOT a sin unto himself!

If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to, but it would probably mean a lot to her if you attended. Either way, it’s not anytihng for you to be embarrassed about. I’m glad your niece is celebrating the life of this baby!
 
Congratulations on becoming a grandma soon.
You will need to deal with your embarrassment before the birth of your grandchild.
I am sure the minute you set eyes on this new life God created, love will flood your heart and baptisms will be planned.

We cannot be embarrassed by one of God’s creations. And it’s a great opportunity to turn your daughter back to God.
 
I’m just going to come out and say it…what an uncharitable attitude you have, Mom. Of course this isn’t an ideal situation, but how is having a baby shower and folks providing necessities “flaunting” anything? Arguably, your daughter and her unborn child need a shower MORE than the child being born to a married couple. I’m sorry you’re embarrassed but put your own wounded pride aside and get over it - for both your daughter and your grandchild’s sakes.
 
Agreed. This baby needs both items and celebration of his/her birth, and mama needs encouragement.
 
A baby shower is a celebration of sorts. You have done everything right, waited, married, financially responsible etc. Your big coming out party to the mom’s club. So I get why you have the frustrated feelings. They are justified. Those who try to vilify you here probably haven’t been close to a situation like this.

All that is to say, let your niece throw the party, show up, and take the free stuff, otherwise you will be buying it!
 
I imagine the OP has similar feelings as the OP in this thread
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Do we attend or send gifts for upcoming invalid weddings? Family Life
Why does everyone think they owe an explanation of why they can’t or won’t go? Not everyone I know goes to everything they are invited to, and no one makes a big issue of it.
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hoping4more said:
Ok, and? I simply said the mother is in a similar situation. Displeasure of a social function that is celebration for someone.

Phhhhaalleeasse. Everyone of you know this is a party for the mom and this grandmother to be is not happy about her situation. Lay off of her.
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No, it’s not a “similar situation” at all. Not nearly.

The mother has the right to her feelings, but she needs to step back if they are impacting her grandchild. She has a right to grieve what could of been, what she wanted for her daughter, but the reality is that there’s a baby on the way.

A baby that needs things.

Are you pro-life? Because forcing an unwed mother to make a choice to give up her child so it can be clothed is a horrible message.
 
Cecilia_Dympna said:
My baby shower was all essential items for my baby. Apart from a bunch of (beautiful) flowers for me, it was all for my baby.
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Yep. And even if you had gotten something for yourself (like clothing) it’s usually baby related–like a nursing top.

I would think in the OP’s case it could also be a situation for her daughter where she could see the people who will support her. The people who will say “I am pro-life” and watch the baby so she can go to class or get to work.

I have a couple friends who are single moms not by choice. One was married and had her husband leave her. When her daughter was young and too little to be left alone I would often help watch her. I was her only emergency contact and there were times when I left work to care for her child because she could not.

While a child should have a mother and father, a child also has a right to their natural parents if at all possible. I say this as someone who is adopted and who has other adopted family members. Adoption is difficult for everyone involved…even if I wish I could of been adopted into my family as an infant. Supporting moms (and quite frankly, dads) is a much better solution.
 
OP, I agree with you. “Yay baby shower!” is a celebration, and I think it’s okay not to want to celebrate pregnancy apart from marriage. Stuff for the baby can be given in other contexts.

Would the posters accusing you of lack of charity say the same about the shower for the woman on another thread, who was having a baby with a married man? Because the same arguments apply–At least she’s not killing her baby! The innocent baby needs stuff! But the thought of this shower (held by the adulterous husband’s sister, in a church facility) made me nauseated.

The OP’s daughter is not in a similar situation, of course. (Right, OP?) Nevertheless, I don’t think it’s unkind of her to be embarrassed that her daughter conceived a baby with someone outside of marriage.
 
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