Birth Control

[kdragonfly]

Well, I don’t know that I would nominate myself for mother of the year. I try to be a good mother, though. And we have six children, from 12 years down to 7 months. Our large family is an extremely happy one. I won’t say we planned all our children. (Only #3 was actually planned.) But I wouldn’t exchange them for anything!

Oh, my husband and I are converts from Protestantism, too. Difficult as it can sometimes be to trust, it was the Church’s teachings on birth control which, being in line with the historic teachings of Christianity from the beginning, first drew me to look more deeply into the Church. We all know how that ends up! The next thing you know, my husband and I are Catholic, and then our number children doubles!

Wow that is a big family! I’m glad things have worked out so well with your family. A lot of people mentioned having unplanned kids on here, but it really seems like your faith in God has helped you through everything.

 

[kdragonfly]

It doesn’t have to be that way. You will have nine months to fall in love with you child before you hold her/him. Just because you have a temper doesn’t mean you will be angry at your baby. Take anger management classes if you need to. But boy, when you first hold the precious baby that you helped create, you can’t help but fall in love. Now losing my temper with my teenage boys that is a different story

Teenagers wouldn’t be teenagers if they weren’t trying your temper just a tad!

My sister-in-law just had a baby, and wow, that baby is absolutely precious. I want to keep her even though she’s not mine!

 

[catharina]

Wow that is a big family! I’m glad things have worked out so well with your family. A lot of people mentioned having unplanned kids on here, but it really seems like your faith in God has helped you through everything.

The joke in my mother’s generation of women:
“Oh, congratulations! Another rhythm baby?”

Thes women had lived through LOTS!
Born into WWI,
waiting for husbands/brothers,
to survive WWII.
Another rhythm baby? OK,

 

[Sillara]

Wow that is a big family! I’m glad things have worked out so well with your family. A lot of people mentioned having unplanned kids on here, but it really seems like your faith in God has helped you through everything.

Thank you for the kind words! And as for the children being unplanned, well, yes, they were. But they weren’t exactly surprises. You see, we were, umm, having sex. So we figured that babies might result. And they did. A lot.

Anyway, that might be something to consider. There are more categories for babies than “unplanned” and “planned”, particularly if the “unplanned” is used as a euphemism for “unwanted”.

 

[kdragonfly]

Thank you for the kind words! And as for the children being unplanned, well, yes, they were. But they weren’t exactly surprises. You see, we were, umm, having sex. So we figured that babies might result. And they did. A lot.

Anyway, that might be something to consider. There are more categories for babies than “unplanned” and “planned”, particularly if the “unplanned” is used as a euphemism for “unwanted”.

I was an “unplanned” baby myself but definitely not “unwanted” by my mom (dad was a different story!) So except for the abortion comment, my mom was a pretty cool chick.

 

[heart4home]

There are more categories for babies than “unplanned” and “planned”, particularly if the “unplanned” is used as a euphemism for “unwanted”.

Exactly!! We have an even larger family then yours, by about 50%…lol. There have been some times during our marriage where we have actively prayed and put in extra effort…lol in the hopes that God would bless us with a child in a particular month and there have been other times where we were open to God’s will whatever that may be, but not necessarily planning which days to have relations etc., especially during times when I was still breastfeeding etc.

 

[agapewolf]

Everyone else here has been awesome in terms of trying to help me and answer my questions, while you basically told me to shut up. I lived half my childhood as a Jehovah’s Witness where I wasn’t allowed to question anything, and I’m certainly not going to let you tell me that I can’t speak.

Have a nice evening!

No, I didn’t tell you to shut up or not speak either. You are detracting.

I’m cautioning you to be careful before saying such extreme radical statements without having read anything or knowing anything about the subject.

 

[kdragonfly]

No, I didn’t tell you to shut up or not speak either. You are detracting.

I’m cautioning you to be careful before saying such extreme radical statements without having read anything or knowing anything about the subject.

It seems as if we have both misunderstood each other, so why don’t we drop it.

 

[twoangels]

And that is why I don’t want to have children before I’m ready. I could see with my firecracker temper, I would just scream and scream at a baby if they wouldn’t be quiet. I only see bad parents, so it seems like a fruitless pursuit.

I’m so sorry that your parents told you what they did. I think its also sad that its given you a total lack of confidence in your own ability to be a good mother. Its important not to let our passions be the complete ruler of our lives in how we treat people. This is important in marriage regardless if you have children or not, for we also need to be careful about what we say to our spouses and that we don’t just spit out whatever hurtful thing we might want to say.

What I can say though is that being planned doesn’t mean at all that your parents will treat you right. A friend of mine at work unforunately regrets ever becoming a parent. Every young couple she meets she advises not to have children. She’s always complaining about her children and will talk about how dreadfully she wanted to have children. She’s like “there couldn’t have been a more wanted child than my son.” But now they’re teens that are completely out of control. She talks about disciplining them, but she seems to think that discipline is lecturing, scolding and venting her emotions to them.

That’s not to say she’s entirely a bad person. She is a Christian and we’ve had many good conversations. She’s not Catholic though and knows nothing about the virtues. Many of her decisions are emotion based and she can get pretty emotional. I mean she had children because she felt a desire for them. Now she lacks that desire and passion. This is why cultivating virtue and self discipline in our hearts is so important. If we want to learn to love as Christ loves, we need humility, temperence, fortitude, patience, etc. And I think that overall to help us practice these virtues we truly must rely on God’s grace. He is our rock and strength. He is who we ought to turn to when we feel overwhelmed with our lives, stressed out and ready to mistreat other people. I cannot tell you how often taking a time out to pray a rosary or to pray the liturgy of the hours has completely changed my disposition and approach to people who’ve upset me. It helps my husband and I treat each other better and while growing up I’ve seen my parents go from anger, break for prayer and directly after prayer find it in their hearts to do the most loving actions and to let the little things go.

 

[catharina]

I’m so sorry that your parents told you what they did. I think its also sad that its given you a total lack of confidence in your own ability to be a good mother. Its important not to let our passions be the complete ruler of our lives in how we treat people. This is important in marriage regardless if you have children or not, for we also need to be careful about what we say to our spouses and that we don’t just spit out whatever hurtful thing we might want to say.

What I can say though is that being planned doesn’t mean at all that your parents will treat you right. A friend of mine at work unforunately regrets ever becoming a parent. Every young couple she meets she advises not to have children. She’s always complaining about her children and will talk about how dreadfully she wanted to have children. She’s like “there couldn’t have been a more wanted child than my son.” But now they’re teens that are completely out of control. She talks about disciplining them, but she seems to think that discipline is lecturing, scolding and venting her emotions to them.

That’s not to say she’s entirely a bad person. She is a Christian and we’ve had many good conversations. She’s not Catholic though and knows nothing about the virtues. Many of her decisions are emotion based and she can get pretty emotional. I mean she had children because she felt a desire for them. Now she lacks that desire and passion. This is why cultivating virtue and self discipline in our hearts is so important. If we want to learn to love as Christ loves, we need humility, temperence, fortitude, patience, etc. And I think that overall to help us practice these virtues we truly must rely on God’s grace. He is our rock and strength. He is who we ought to turn to when we feel overwhelmed with our lives, stressed out and ready to mistreat other people. I cannot tell you how often taking a time out to pray a rosary or to pray the liturgy of the hours has completely changed my disposition and approach to people who’ve upset me. It helps my husband and I treat each other better and while growing up I’ve seen my parents go from anger, break for prayer and directly after prayer find it in their hearts to do the most loving actions and to let the little things go.

Wow - great advice. Yes, gaining emotional maturity, learning new emotional responsees (not an automatic “I just blow up”) is a huge key to a peaceful, stable life. That’s for married, unmarried, with children, without children - for all, it’s essential.

 

[armywife]

Congrats on your 6th!! Big families are great!

So, after studying the why’s of the teaching…are you honestly on board with the reasoning (like you referenced above) and follow the teachings b/c you honestly believe they make sense. Or do you just accept the teaching b/c you are bound to obedience?

After having our first I went on the pill for about eight months. I felt awful physically and mentally. I just knew it was wrong, so I went off. That was ignorance with obedience. Then I studied the why’s and came to understand what the Church is saying.

I should also say our kids were all conceived knowing I could become pregnant, except one ( I was breastfeeding and the next one just happened:shrug. My husband has been deployed four times, so when the opportunity to be intimate comes once every six months, we were willing to accept a child if it came.

 

[OSUbride0708]

I just wanted to add, that I think a lot of the times it seems like people using NFP have big families because NFP has failed, and most of the time that is not the case. Every month, a couple has to weigh their desire to have sex during the time the woman usually wants it most (fertile time) against their desire to avoid pregnancy. If they truly do not have a serious or grave reason, guess which one is going to win out?

So, maybe don’t assume that just because a couple uses NFP and has a big family that NFP is “failing” them.

So far in our marriage, I have only used NFP to conceive.

 

[Rolypoly]

If you all don’t mind a guy crashing the party, I just wanted to step in and say that there is a tremendous amount of love in this thread and it is very humbling to witness. While reading these comments I just think about how evil the culture of death is and has been but at the same time how the Lord can bring so much good out of a terrible thing. I hope you don’t mind my intrusion. God bless you all

 

[CountrySinger]

I just wanted to add, that I think a lot of the times it seems like people using NFP have big families because NFP has failed, and most of the time that is not the case. Every month, a couple has to weigh their desire to have sex during the time the woman usually wants it most (fertile time) against their desire to avoid pregnancy. If they truly do not have a serious or grave reason, guess which one is going to win out?

So, maybe don’t assume that just because a couple uses NFP and has a big family that NFP is “failing” them.

So far in our marriage, I have only used NFP to conceive.

But my NFP teachers are like “it is 99% at preventing pregnancy” all while having two kids in less than three years. No one could blame me if I seem confused and lied to.

When they said that their first child was born 9 months after they were married, my fiance and I were like “what the heck!” I was glad it was virtual class, so they couldn’t see my eye roll (it was about that time that I felt like NFP is a load of bull). If I have two kids in three years, there will be heck to pay. If God really knows what is best, He will make sure I’m infertile. It is best for everyone involved. I would be a terrible mother.

 

[Charlotte1776]

But my NFP teachers are like “it is 99% at preventing pregnancy” all while having two kids in less than three years. No one could blame me if I seem confused and lied to.

My husband and I are going to practice NFP after our baby is born, but we still want to make sure there are no more than 2 years between any of our children. Our parents spaced us and our sibling close and we loved growing up having a relationship with our siblings rather than the distant, fragile bond we often see between sibling with larger age gaps.

Many people WANT to have closely spaced children, so you can’t assume that NFP failed based on age gaps.

 

[happymommy]

But my NFP teachers are like “it is 99% at preventing pregnancy” all while having two kids in less than three years. No one could blame me if I seem confused and lied to.

When they said that their first child was born 9 months after they were married, my fiance and I were like “what the heck!” I was glad it was virtual class, so they couldn’t see my eye roll (it was about that time that I felt like NFP is a load of bull). If I have two kids in three years, there will be heck to pay. If God really knows what is best, He will make sure I’m infertile. It is best for everyone involved. I would be a terrible mother.

You’ve never heard of a honeymoon baby? I believe there are at least two ladies on CAF pregnant right now with them! Just because you learn, or teach NFP, that doesn’t means that you HAVE to space your kids 2.5 years apart. It is 99% at preventing pregnancy, IF that’s what you want to do. Have you asked them IF that is what they are trying to do? If not, then you are spreading false info. not only about NFP, but you teachers as well. Something you should stop doing.

 

[Jennifer_J]

But my NFP teachers are like “it is 99% at preventing pregnancy” all while having two kids in less than three years. No one could blame me if I seem confused and lied to.

When they said that their first child was born 9 months after they were married, my fiance and I were like “what the heck!” I was glad it was virtual class, so they couldn’t see my eye roll (it was about that time that I felt like NFP is a load of bull). If I have two kids in three years, there will be heck to pay. If God really knows what is best, He will make sure I’m infertile. It is best for everyone involved. I would be a terrible mother.

Just because a couple is teaching NFP doesn’t mean they are actively using it. Perhaps they feel called to add to their family. As you can see, we have 6 children. We use NFP. None have been surprises, though. A few times we have knowinly fudged the rules and been gifted with a baby, though. It’s just a totally different mindset, when you abandon contraception and allow your body to work as God created it, when you realize the sacramental nature of the marital embrace.

Here’s my story. Dh and I are converts. When we went through RCIA and got to the part about contraception, I flinched–because I thought, how in the world will we be able to deal with having a ton of children…we want 2 and then maybe adopt or do foster care or something. But, I was grateful to not feel obligated to take the pill anymore, either, becasue it made me SO sick. God works in funny ways. We were obedient. We took the classes. Suddenly we were ready to start a family (we had been married several years). Each child we added opened our hearts to more, even through the financial difficulites and physical difficulites. Our middle girls are fairly closely spaced, but I’ve never felt horrified to have 2 or 3 in diapers, or to have so many young children. Some days were and are hard, but they are able to play with each other, have similar interests, support each other. I hope someday they are all great friends (right now they are in ‘sister’ mode)

NFP works for most women, if you follow the rules for abstaining. Whether you choose mucous only, sympto thermal, Marquette, temp only, whatever. If you have serious need to avoid more babies, then you HAVE to abstain by the rules. This is different than contraception, if you have serious need to not have babies, you put something on, take a pill, insert something, take a drug and then DON’T abstain–you have sex. Contraception has failure rates, too. Why does it make sense to put all your faith in laytex and chemicals and it doesn’t make sense to put your faith in the signs God has put into our own bodies? The Church is fine with controling births–thus abstinence is okay. What the Church is against is the misuse of sexuality and fertility.

 

[BrokenFortress]

You’ve never heard of a honeymoon baby? I believe there are at least two ladies on CAF pregnant right now with them! Just because you learn, or teach NFP, that doesn’t means that you HAVE to space your kids 2.5 years apart. It is 99% at preventing pregnancy, IF that’s what you want to do. Have you asked them IF that is what they are trying to do? If not, then you are spreading false info. not only about NFP, but you teachers as well. Something you should stop doing.

I’m one of those ladies. And I think you, CountrySinger, need to be careful with how you word things, it’s very insulting. I know NFP. I have full confidence in my ability of using it. I use STM method. I knew we could become pregnant on our honeymoon. NFP did not fail us. We decided to just go with it and if a baby resulted, well then great! You shouldn’t assume that just because someone has a baby 9 months after their wedding that they are upset with the result and didn’t plan on having that baby.

 

[catharina]

Just because a couple is teaching NFP doesn’t mean they are actively using it. Perhaps they feel called to add to their family. As you can see, we have 6 children. We use NFP. None have been surprises, though. A few times we have knowinly fudged the rules and been gifted with a baby, though. It’s just a totally different mindset, when you abandon contraception and allow your body to work as God created it, when you realize the sacramental nature of the marital embrace.

Here’s my story. Dh and I are converts. When we went through RCIA and got to the part about contraception, I flinched–because I thought, how in the world will we be able to deal with having a ton of children…we want 2 and then maybe adopt or do foster care or something. But, I was grateful to not feel obligated to take the pill anymore, either, becasue it made me SO sick. **God works in funny ways. We were obedient. We took the classes. Suddenly we were ready to start a family (we had been married several years). Each child we added opened our hearts to more, even through the financial difficulites and physical difficulites. **Our middle girls are fairly closely spaced, but I’ve never felt horrified to have 2 or 3 in diapers, or to have so many young children. Some days were and are hard, but they are able to play with each other, have similar interests, support each other. I hope someday they are all great friends (right now they are in ‘sister’ mode)

NFP works for most women, if you follow the rules for abstaining. Whether you choose mucous only, sympto thermal, Marquette, temp only, whatever. If you have serious need to avoid more babies, then you HAVE to abstain by the rules. This is different than contraception, if you have serious need to not have babies, you put something on, take a pill, insert something, take a drug and then DON’T abstain–you have sex. Contraception has failure rates, too. Why does it make sense to put all your faith in laytex and chemicals and it doesn’t make sense to put your faith in the signs God has put into our own bodies? The Church is fine with controling births–thus abstinence is okay. What the Church is against is the misuse of sexuality and fertility.

Thanks. Bolded above, excellent example:
we say YES to God, in obedience,
and GOD gives the grace for what follows.

 

[masondoggy]

the Church, instituted by Christ, and granted His authority, gives us the principles by which we are to apply our well formed consciences to the decision to co-create an immortal soul. Think of that! The Creator of the Universe, the trinitarian God, trusts us to prayerfully discern when to create life with Him! I have always found this an awesome and wonderful responsibility, gift, and freedom.

This is really a wonderful way of wording it! I seriously think you should put this quote in your sig.