Boys will be boys—and should be, to become true men

[Sarcelle]

I grew up with my cousins and they were mostly boys and mostly older.

I also liked playing battles with them and even had my own bow and arrow set, with real arrows.

 

[Sarcelle]

Sarcelle:

In my case when I played with a Barbie, I beheaded her. I was obsessed with the French Revolution at the time and was fascinated by the guillotine

I used batman action figures to behead my barbies! Best part is that most of my friends who actually played with dolls ended up doing weird stuff like thatinstead of innocent tea parties.

Yup

There’s more to being a girl than being dainty.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

Or any doll.

I watched a dad playing with his son and when the boy started playing with a baby doll, carrying it (correctly) like he was caring for a baby. The dad told him that boys don’t play with dolls. Later I asked the dad why it was a concern and the dad just reiterated that dolls were for girls. Then I pointed out his son was likely imitating the care a younger sibling was receiving and also what that dad did for him when he was a baby. Watching the light bulb go on after a moment was satisfying.

 

[Angel_Gabriel]

My son used to try to breastfeed his stuffed bear or one of my old cabbage patch babies. He must have been 3 or so…such a cute and funny memory lol! He started that when he saw me nurse his baby sister. But I agree, dolls can teach both boys and girls how to be a good parent (my son obviously didnt’ know that he could not have nursed a baby lol!)

 

[Ridgerunner]

One day my wife and I decided to give our adult children their childhood toys, figuring they might appreciate them.

We had bought them toys typical of both genders. My daughters trucks and cars were pristine, barely touched. My son’s were destroyed. What was left of them was worn to a frazzle; tires worn to near nothing, dented from many contrived wrecks.

My daughters’ dolls were in fairly good shape, depending on what they were. The “display” dolls were in good condition. The “take it to bed” dolls were threadbare and some were missing limbs.

My son had only one doll. Its face was ruined. He had put “Indian war paint” patterns on it with ink and marker. Otherwise, it was pristine. That’s why we never got him another one.

 

[LilyM]

One day my wife and I decided to give our adult children their childhood toys, figuring they might appreciate them.

We had bought them toys typical of both genders. My daughters trucks and cars were pristine, barely touched. My son’s were destroyed. What was left of them was worn to a frazzle; tires worn to near nothing, dented from many contrived wrecks.

My daughters’ dolls were in fairly good shape, depending on what they were. The “display” dolls were in good condition. The “take it to bed” dolls were threadbare and some were missing limbs.

My son had only one doll. Its face was ruined. He had put “Indian war paint” patterns on it with ink and marker. Otherwise, it was pristine. That’s why we never got him another one.

But that isn’t automatically a gender thing. I’m the youngest of five girls, no boys. Three of my older sisters would have been the ones with the pristine toys, myself and the middle sister were the wreckers.

 

[Bruised_Reed]

I wonder how much of it is modeling. Most of my toys were pristine because taking care of them was made a priority. My mom saved them for my younger cousins and her friend’s kids when they came to visit and now they show some wear and tear. Only my comfort objects were “well loved.” And my Barbie’s hair was a rat’s nest. Barbie hair is the worst.

 

[Pattylt]

I gave my son a doll when he was three and he loved it! It was a boy doll and had buttons and zippers and shoelaces that helped his fine motor skills. He at times treated it rough and at times tenderly. I’m glad he had it. His wife committed suicide when their daughter was eight so he had to be mom and dad to her.

He taught her to paint her finger nails and to snowboard. He taught her how to fix her hair and drive ATV’s. The only duty he put on me was explaining the use of pads and tampons when she was near menstruation time.

She is now 15 and can rough and tumble with the best of any boys but loves to do her hair and makeup. She can burp like a sailor and dance like a ballerina. She’s doing pretty good.

Instead of boys will be boys, how about children will be children!

 

[phil19034]

So, if a mother dies and the father has to fill the ‘traditional role’ of nurturer, what do you make of that?

Again, many of you guys are really making too much out of this and taking my words out of context. Of course the father would have to fill the role of “nurturer.” But that isn’t the same as a mother. Only women can bring life into the world.

I am NOT trying to have a discussion about male and female roles. I’m just saying that the “boys will be boys” phrase can apply to non-sinful situations.

That’s it.

 

[phil19034]

So if a boy starts playing with a Barbie, what’s going to be your response?

(Mind you, when I played with my cousins’ Barbies, it was usually to try to melt them.)

I’m sure someone is going to rip my head off for this… but when my son played with my daughter’s Barbies, I gently told him (without freaking out) and with a playful voice, “that’s for girls.” But he wasn’t really into playing with them anyway. He just wanted to throw them in the tub (they were mermaid Barbies). But, I never told him “you are not allowed to play with those.”

He sometimes also does like to play with my daughter’s Wonder Woman and toys associated with Wonder Woman, and that’s fine. But really, he’s too rough with her toys anyway and breaks them.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Peoples’ experiences vary, but in my family the differences between the boys and the girls are very clear. And it’s not exactly a matter of physical activity. My daughters, for instance, are better equestriennes than my son is an equestrian. They waded a creek up to their waists as sub-teens chasing cattle in January. I didn’t even know they did it. It was a challenge to them. One of my granddaughters plays college rugby.

It’s more the way they entertain themselves, particularly with peers. And the outrageous kinds (and dangerous) of acts. My brother and I used to play with gasoline and nearly blew ourselves up doing it. We made gunpowder and nearly blew ourselves up. Boys dive into hazard in ways that girls won’t and play at hazards when not actually engaging in them.

 

[phil19034]

I’m not so sure that I agree. Men may not be able to be mothers, but can you say that there are no effeminate men? Notwithstanding a supportive-vs.-judgmental cultural climate, do “manly men” ever take on and enjoy more feminine pursuits?

Good question. I really don’t know. I guess it depends on what you mean by more feminine pursuits?

If we are talking about nursing, teaching, cooking, cleaning, staying home with kids, getting an occasional massage, etc… sure.

If we are talking about having a career in cosmetology, becoming a manicurists, pedicurists, an estheticians, etc; or spending all free time at the spa, nail salon, or developing a real love of clothes shopping (as an activity in of itself)… I really have never met any who were not gay. (NOTE: I know not all gay men are effeminate - there are plenty of gay men who don’t like that stuff either)

Sure, there are some individual things that are stereotypically feminine things that guys like… I for one love a good romantic comedy and can even get hooked on sappy Hallmark Channel movies (which are surely not stereotypically masculine). I like to get deep tissue massage every once in a while, etc. But have no desire to get a manicure or pedicure (no matter how many times my wife asks).

The only thing I know is that a good husband & father should be willing to sacrifice everything (even his life if need be) to provide for and/or protect his wife and children. Sometimes, I really question how many metro-sexual, straight guys are really selfless enough to do that?

I don’t know… All I know is that I believe that “gender” is not just a social construct. I believe it is primarily genetic with environmental (aka social) influences. But what I do know? Things are not so black & white these days.

God Bless

 

[phil19034]

My brother and I used to play with gasoline and nearly blew ourselves up doing it. We made gunpowder and nearly blew ourselves up. Boys dive into hazard in ways that girls won’t and play at hazards when not actually engaging in them.

LOL… reminds me of the time I plugged in antenna wire into a power socket and then touched the other end to the wall. There was a loud explosion that threw me across the room! I just wanted to see what would happen. I had to be around 13.

 

[Ridgerunner]

Well, you did find out, at least.

 

[phil19034]

Forgive the nitpick. I’ll need to fact-check this, but one my friends is a Spanish journalist and said that the Royal Spanish Academy has changed this standard. This is Spain, and I’m sure the standard varies throughout Latin America and the Caribbean.

The Royal Spanish Academy has nothing to do with Spanish outside of the Spanish Crown. Spanish in Spain has been different from Spanish everywhere else for a very long time now.

 

[phil19034]

He taught her to paint her finger nails and to snowboard. He taught her how to fix her hair and drive ATV’s. The only duty he put on me was explaining the use of pads and tampons when she was near menstruation time.

sounds like you raised a good son who became a great father!

 

[twf]

I never considered massage therapy a particularly feminine pursuit. Is that how people generally see it? Both men and women get massages.

 

[LilyM]

I never considered massage therapy a particularly feminine pursuit. Is that how people generally see it? Both men and women get massages.

And give them, since a percentage of men would be more comfortable with a male massage therapist.

 

[phil19034]

I never considered massage therapy a particularly feminine pursuit. Is that how people generally see it? Both men and women get massages.

I think spa owners and managers do…

I read an article once online (it was a website like Cosmo) where they were interviewing Spa workers, owners, and managers.

They said the couples massage was invented to make men more comfortable with getting a massage.

 

[phil19034]

twf:

I never considered massage therapy a particularly feminine pursuit. Is that how people generally see it? Both men and women get massages.

And give them, since a percentage of men would be more comfortable with a male massage therapist.

Not me… I never want a male massage therapist.