Building a wall

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Jump4Joy

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What do you tell someone who is fearful of criticism, disagreements and the truth he doesn’t tell people his ailments? Instead of agreeing to disagree, he won’t talk to you for days. Why is he like this? If I suggest he’s immature and needs to grow up he builds another wall. Little tolerance for those who see the world differently than he does. Seeks external validation. He never seems to change his shortcomings, no matter how many times you tell him instead he complains you were too rough. People are going to become more rough and irritable after hearing the same things continuously.
 
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My suggestion, back off. As the old saw goes; “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” You are not responsible for another’s mental, emotional, or physical well being. If it is a close relative or member of your family, I might try a little harder, but in the end, he who you describe, has to make the first move after you have shown an interest or desire to help.
 
He is more upset that he never asked for my help. I want him to grow up. He considers it meddling in his life because I challenge him to be a better person. He is describing me as being pushy and controlling.
 
Why does that dynamic matter? It is prideful to dismiss an honest opinion just because it’s not given from the so called right person. It’s truth. Someone else will eventually tell him the same thing. Friends tell each other the truth regardless
 
Jump4Joy said:
Why does that dynamic matter?
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Because it might not be any of your business to breach the subject with him at all. It’s a very personal matter, and unsolicited advice is generally unwelcome unless it comes from an intimate source.
Jump4Joy said:
Friends tell each other the truth regardless
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Friends also know when to back off, or they don’t stay friends for long.
 
Instead of obsessing over his flaws and wasting time resenting anyone who dares to tell him the truth or holds a differing opinion, he should change. He quit seeing a shrink because his shrink told him he has irrational thoughts, unreasonable expectations, and deep need for validation. He’s been like this since junior high. Why can’t he move on and fix his faults?
 
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Ive been telling him he’s immature for the longest. He has unfriended me and hated me for being honest. Years laters other still see his immaturity. He always thought I was picking on him.
 
I think he is too sensitive, stubborn and immature. Shouldn’t every adult want to improve? If we disagree, he won’t talk to me for days. It is simple. If what I’m saying is wrong, then ignore it instead of becoming angry, if I’m right then accept the truth. Why get emotional?
As a humble mature adult, it may such someone is telling you the truth in the way you may not like or it may suck in general you have bad qualities, we should accept the truth about ourselves regardless of
 
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Jump4Joy said:
Ive been telling him he’s immature for the longest. He has unfriended me and hated me for being honest.
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Can’t say I blame him. It sounds like all you did was criticize him. That’s not being a friend.
 
But I’m right. He does need to learn we’re all entitled to our opinions and not take things do personally. Should I say nothing then?
 
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Jump4Joy said:
I think he is too sensitive, stubborn and immature. Shouldn’t every adult want to improve? If we disagree, he won’t talk to me for days. It
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The is a basic truth in salesmanship. It is, once a potential client says no, it is almost impossible to get that person to change his/her mind. Might it not be the same with this person? Might the better tactic to be, find what you can agree with, offer positive feedback where you honestly can, and try to turn the negatives into positives? And at the same time, set a boundary where you can’t cross. Meet him/her partway, offer support and understanding, but be clear that there are certain things you can’t agree on or condone. Best thing I can think of.
Good Luck.
 
He doesn’t want me at a involved in his issues because he doesn’t want my opinion. He had told me his life is none of my business and I’m acting like his mother.
 
Jump4Joy said:
He doesn’t want me at a involved in his issues because he doesn’t want my opinion. He had told me his life is none of my business and I’m acting like his mother.
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Then walk away. I know it can be hard with someone you love, but I don’t see any other positive alternative.

Edited to ask. How old is this person, and what sex are they?
 
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No, it is annoying dealing with someone who is stuck. Life goes on. He’ll never learn to tolerate the reality. He is male. In his 20s
 
Jump4Joy said:
He doesn’t want me at a involved in his issues because he doesn’t want my opinion. He had told me his life is none of my business and I’m acting like his mother.
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There you go. He told you what he wants: leave him alone, and stop acting like his mother. You have no right to keep expecting change or pushing him to grow. It’s very telling that you insist you are right. Why is it so important to you to be right all the time?
 
Jump4Joy said:
He doesn’t want me at a involved in his issues because he doesn’t want my opinion. He had told me his life is none of my business and I’m acting like his mother.
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Then the answer is simple. Butt out. It sounds like this friendship is over. You’re wasting your time. Find other things to do, and other people to be friends with, and move on.
 
You know, with what you have revealed, I get the idea this may be a young man you are romantically interested in. If so, someone with the personality deficiencies you describe would be a terrible partner. I couldn’t imagine being with someone who is so antagonistic to someone that cares about him. The above posters, myself included, have offered the best advice. Butt out and move on.
 
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