Called to the diaconate?

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Michael16 said:
Basically, that my days off are for my kids. Period. That my kids are my first priority above my future wife. And that my kids are above my Church. I feel the other way around.
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In other words, you already have a vocation – being a father. And you want to walk away from that commitment because you, you, you have decided something else is more important. I’ll pray for your children.
 
As Jesus said: Your will, not my own; be done. Now I’m angry at being a selfish fool.
 
I think you just need to take a step back. Enthusiasm is a gift, but you don’t have to pursue every possible thing that sounds interesting.

You might start by looking at your priorities, and first among them are your children. Then consider other priorities and goals. Figure out what you need to do and follow through. And a spiritual director can help you build your spiritual life and follow God’s will.
 
Okay. So, first things first then? Kids, fiancé and a good line of work to support them. Then undergo spiritual direction to determine if God means me for something more?
 
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Kids, declaration of nullity, then discern if you are called to marriage. Job is up to you – you’re not required to get a different job, it’s what you said you wanted. If that’s the direction you want to go, then research what you need and get started.
 
🤔 Good points. My job sucks though. I unload trucks at a Walmart and I surely can’t do that for twenty more years.
 
You are not a fool, you are so fresh and enthusiastic about having found God and come home. Pray, you will find your own level. As St Mother Theresa says,

We cannot all do great things, but we can do little things in a great way.
 
Thank you. I’ll take y’all’s suggestions and seek spiritual direction. I’m just so used to trying to find everything out on my own and then run with it. Being a husband and father, having a good career; is what I really wanted to do as a kid.

I’ll put my kids first and getting that decree of nullity; God willing. I love my fiancé dearly and I know that I want to marry her. I’m sure about that. Maybe just being a good layman is what God wants for me.

I’m sorry for being so mercurial lately. Thank you all for setting me straight.
 
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Michael16 said:
Okay. So, first things first then? Kids, fiancé and a good line of work to support them. Then undergo spiritual direction to determine if God means me for something more?
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If your church is anything like mine I’m sure they have more things that need to be done than they have people to do them.

God first. Kids. Work.

Go to Mass every week. Ask if there’s anything you can do. Door greeter. Usher… choir. RCIA, formation, parishioners needing errands run, handyman services, ride to the doctor.

Serve any way & every way you can. If there’s a calling to the Deaconate, someone will eventually ask you.
 
Michael16 said:
Really? I could be asked to serve?
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The Church needs men to serve as deacons, why is it surprising to you that someone might ask you to consider it if they see you have interest and aptitude?
 
I’m not used to the idea that people would ask me to do something. By nature, I’m used to thinking that others think lowly of my abilities.
 
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Michael first things first, have you started the process of annulment?

You need to have a tough talk with this woman you would like to marry about the possibility of not being granted an annulment and what that will mean for the future. How long have you known her and been engaged?
 
No, I haven’t. My parents believe the K-1 visa needs to be done as first priority. That, and I’m scared the annulment would not be granted. I feel ashamed that I haven’t done this yet.

I’ve been engaged since we met in person in September of 2018. We met online in December of 2017.

We haven’t had the tough talk. I’m afraid to. I feel stupid and cowardly for not having done the annulment yet and I’m in mortal sin. This bothers me greatly.

By the way; you mentioned seminary. Are you studying to be a priest?
 
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Just to give you a perspective about Diaconate discernement in the diocese I am studying in, if you are married and with family, your priorities fall in this order: Family, Employment, then Diaconate. We are told this often. Family is our first vocation. If we cannot be fruitful in our domestic church, it will be difficult to be fruitful in the universal Church.
 
Michael, I have not read the entire thread yet, but you said …
Michael16
…Basically, I have to be a saint in order to be ordained. But, it’s something I want to do. I just have to get my fiancé’s blessing and work hard on myself in order to make it. But, with God’s help; I can make it…
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First off, as others have said, you don’t have to be a saint. None of us who are discerning the call to the diaconate are saints. I know I don’t feel worthy to be called, and I’m sure if you ask any ordained deacon, he will tell you the same thing.

Secondly, Yes, you need to work hard, but more importantly, you must open your heart to God’s will. This is not something that you can just work hard at and it happens. You can’t “will” it to happen. It has to be God’s call, and you need to respond. What you need to do is listen and discern, with the help of others, if God is calling you. It’s a two way street, both you and the Church will discern.

One of the best things you can do, and I apologize if someone already mentioned this, but find a spiritual director and start talking with him. I in my diocese, when I was interested in discerning the diaconate, it was required that I get a spiritual director. Next thing, go talk with the Diaconate Formation Office. They are there to help you with this and to answer all of your questions.

I will pray for you. The one thing I realized in my aspirancy year was that the process of discernment and formation has nothing to do about me. It has everything to do with what our Loving Creator wants and if I have the courage to respond.

Blessings,

John
 
Thank you, Cajun and John. I’ve taken to praying Jesus that He helps me to quiet my mind so I can hear what God is saying to me. So far, so good.

One thing I learned from this is the enlightenment that God wants me to increase my personal sanctity. In reading Saint Benedict’s life, I’ve learned that the best way to combat the enemy is to basically ignore him, rest on my personal sanctity and continue in prayer and good works.

Does anything of this sound kosher?
 
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