- Did the OP ever mention anything about having sex with the 16-year-old? If there is no sexual activity, then there is no statutory rape.
- From a strictly Canon Law perspective, a 28-year-old marrying a 16-year-old old is not immoral; however, it depends on what civil law allows. What country and state do you live in? Is it legal for a 16-year-old to marry someone so much older? Does it require parental consent? Do you have parental consent if it is required?
Now, personally, I think it’s kind of odd that a 28-year-old, in this culture (I assume you’re American or at least ‘Western’ culturally), to want to marry a 16-year-old, but according to Canon Law, as long as there is no violation of civil law, then it is allowable.
Let’s not muddy this issue up with rancorous personal opinions.
Can we stick to the Canon Law and civil law matter?
Disclaimer: I am an American man, upper edge of mid 20s who had a slight ‘ethnic’ upbringing. In terms of women, courtship, let’s say I look up rather than down in age terms.
I think we sometimes forget that much of the world is not the United States nor do American laws and (new) customs apply by default. Sometimes I wonder if we on occasion fall into the trap of seeing the Church in national terms rather than the universal body of Christ. The treatment some American Catholics offer to Mexican Catholics is appalling and demonstrates a Protestantized spirit of jingoism.
Anyway, back to the topic…
The fact is that, for better or for worse, our identities are dramatically shaped by modern schooling and sociological legal expectations for our particular age. It is often unfair, but that is the post-modern culture we find ourselves in. And, we have to do our best to suffer a little in an unfair situation.
Most girls aged 16 in America are simply not capable of consenting to a natural marriage. Much of this is because of the social revolutions of the 60s and 70s. We are told that traditional courtship is disgusting and a sign of something terrible, that women should be ‘independent’ and out of the house, that marriage should be long delayed, etc. At the same time, we have become an extremely protective and soft society; this impedes mental maturity.
After several decades of this, an American 16 year old girl, on average, is simply not nearly as mature as a 16 year old girl perhaps as few as 60 years ago. As a result, the reason for heightened concern about a 28 year old man apparently dating or courting a 16 year old girl is founded in prudent judgment. The chances are that the relationship would be not just terribly uneven, but systemically lopsided to the point there is little availability for a mutual situation.
I don’t mean to sound as though I am beating up on American girls; American young men are also, on average, unfortunate victims of social engineers that is terribly un-Christian and they act in base ways as a result.
We as Catholic Christians know that we must apply our faith to every facet of our lives. We cannot ‘leave religion’ out of a discussion or problem because Catholicism is our core identity. And with that in mind, I think that this entire thread brings up a number of ways we all, myself included, need to better understand this.
It is probably uncharitable and selfish to deliberately seek a wife so much younger in age and likely maturity.
It is uncharitable to presume a person doing the above is a pedophile, as many 16 year old girls are physically ‘very adult.’
Deep prayer and meditation is needed to discern if we as Americans are occupying the cultural high-ground. Why is marriage under so much attack? Why are many Catholic (and non-Catholic) men seeking wives from Latin nations?
As his holiness Pope Benedict has said, there was a dramatic break from centuries of tradition in a matter of a few short years. This upheaval in the Church came at precisely the same time secular aspects of life changed radically (e.g., women entering the workforce en mass, liberalized laws, etc.).
And, with all that said, I tend to doubt that the poster is actually courting a 16 year old.
