Can I marry my 16 year old girlfriend?

[TheRiver]

Name calling will not help whatever argument you are trying to make. Us ‘‘retards’’ are just looking out for the welfare of young people. It is ridiculous to pretend that nothing bad happens when an older person first feels an attraction to an impresionable teenager.

I never said nothing bad can happen, I said it’s not immoral for an attraction to take place. Learn to read, then argue:

1. Read, read again
2. Argue
3. Read again before posting
4. Smile

Talking about older men and younger girls, how old was Joseph and how old was Mary?
Oh…shot down in flames there

 

[JaneGrey]

I never said nothing bad can happen, I said it’s not immoral for an attraction to take place. Learn to read, then argue:

1. Read, read again
2. Argue
3. Read again before posting
4. Smile

Talking about older men and younger girls, how old was Joseph and how old was Mary?
Oh…shot down in flames there

Why so defensive? I kindly suggest you re read your own post. You may not have explicitly stated that nothing bad can happen but you didnt need to. It did seem to me as though you were giving leery older men an excuse. If you read my much earlier post maybe you would realise why I react so strongly to this. Im not explaining myself again. In this day and age(yes i did say that) things are different and more dangerous. If Im wrong, why not tell me exactly where i was wrong? I dont like to misundestand people but you’d rather make personal criticisms.

Do not bring Joseph and Mary into this. No one knows for sure that they had sexual relations,even if they did they were special people selected by God for one another. Somehow I dont think this is most cases nowdays.

 

[TheRiver]

Why so defensive? I kindly suggest you re read your own post. You may not have explicitly stated that nothing bad can happen but you didnt need to. It did seem to me as though you were giving leery older men an excuse. If you read my much earlier post maybe you would realise why I react so strongly to this. Im not explaining myself again. In this day and age(yes i did say that) things are different and more dangerous. If Im wrong, why not tell me exactly where i was wrong? I dont like to misundestand people but you’d rather make personal criticisms.

Do not bring Joseph and Mary into this. No one knows for sure that they had sexual relations,even if they did they were special people selected by God for one another. Somehow I dont think this is most cases nowdays.

No, you read it. I didn’t state anything of the sort, you just read it and made ridiculous assumptions. Way to judge the guy too, leery older men

I don’t want you to explain it, it’s best if you were quiet, since you’re dancing all over the place. So Joseph and Mary were special eh, I guess if you’re selected by God, it’s OK to do such special things, very well said.

 

[cheese_sdc]

I’m 28. Would it be immoral for me to marry my 16 year old girlfriend?

A 28 year old would not be dating my 16 year old daughter. He’d be in jail for statutory rape, or in the hospital after I beat sense into him.

 

[pnewton]

Yes, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for this thread to go unchecked as long as it did, but I was asking a hypothetical question to gauge reaction to this type of situation.

It really was kind of obvious that it was either a hypothetical situation or a troll. The question really ignores the cultural reality that determines such norms. As the previous poster said, if such a one dated my daughter it would be dangerous. If we lived 2000 years ago, not so much so.

 

[cthulhubryan]

I’m 28. Would it be immoral for me to marry my 16 year old girlfriend?

At this point, yes. Tell her you love her and will ask her out again in 4 years. Then go down to the recruiters office and join the service on a 4 year ticket. When you get back in 4 years, call her up for a cup of coffee.

 

[HarmonyServant]

And this why I sometimes don’t appreciate the “cultural norms”. We live in a highly “sexed up” culture where some people in their twenties or thirties aren’t prepared for the responsibilities in a marriage. But some are. And yes, some teens are as well. :yup: I was. One of my friends was. And in my rural county, we were not the minority. Gotta love the Bible Belt.

 

[iluvmybabies]

WOW! I remember when I was just 17 and I got hooked up with this 35 year old man… It was stupid of me to do so, it didn’t even go past a second date, and the first date was to a movie a funny one at that so we didn’t even kiss!! LOL The second date was going to be to a restaurant but he couldn’t get a ride? After his divorce his wife and 2 kids, kept everything…He was healthy and very environment conscious he loved walking everywhere and that was cool, but to take someone out on a date and then say “my exwife wouldn’t give me my car for the day!” I was like OMG this is so ridiculous…How did we meet, I thought he was 23, looked around his early 20’s…In my cousins Karate class!!! He was very fit and didn’t look anything past 25 at all…I couldn’t believe at the 2nd date he told me hew as 35, divorced and with 2 kids! I was in shock and made sure that was done and over with immediately!!!

Right after I met my now exhusband… He was around my age, we were both hs sweethearts end of junior year, senior year, and well most of you know how that ended up!!!

I know that my grandparents were a huge age difference as well…I know my great grandparents were too…I think she was like 15 and he was like 26 or something like that…My great grandfather died when he was in his 80s and great grandmother didn’t die for another 20+ years after that…so yeah…

Also one of my exboyfriend’s parents were a 15 year age difference, she got pg with her first son at age 15, her hubby then bf was 30…And this was in this time period, lol, not in the 30’s or anything like that…This was well in the 70s and 80s…lol…and their family was ok with it! lol

But I have a daughter, and I know that when I found out that guy was 35 I freaked and was like I am sorry this isn’t going to go any further…I felt weird about it and I wasn’t too happy about the exfamily… Esp at that age I was in! I mean I know that if I would have met him now it wouldn’t be a problem but thank GOD I am engaged with a great man so I can’t complain at all…Back to my daughter, I would like her to date around her age even a little older you know 4-6 years older the most, but not no 10+, of course it will be her choice and I will have to respect her, but I would also hope she wouldn’t date 10+ year older men until she was over 19 at least!!! LOL

The law is the law…

 

[CuriousInIL]

One thing that I find very interesting in this thread is that the OP asked about marriage, and a number of posters responded in a way that related mostly to the assumption that the OP and his (fictional) girlfriend were having sex before marriage. Why is that, I wonder.

 

[cheese_sdc]

One thing that I find very interesting in this thread is that the OP asked about marriage, and a number of posters responded in a way that related mostly to the assumption that the OP and his (fictional) girlfriend were having sex before marriage. Why is that, I wonder.

Because one of the primary reasons for an older man to be sniffing around a 16 year old girl is because most (not all) 16 year olds (both male and female) can be easily manipulated into having sex.

At that age, it is still the parent’s responsibility to protect his child, by whatever means are available.

 

[joandarc2008]

Because one of the primary reasons for an older man to be sniffing around a 16 year old girl is because most (not all) 16 year olds (both male and female) can be easily manipulated into having sex.

At that age, it is still the parent’s responsibility to protect his child, by whatever means are available.

that’s why if I were to adopt anyone picking up my daughter would also see our sword collection. Makes less noise than a shotgun.

However, I find it interesting how many people post wihtout reading to the end of the thread - not you - just some of the posters.

 

[severus68]

I realise that the OP was asking a hypothetical question, so this is directed more to those on this thread who have more or less said that since most 16 year old girls appear to look physically like women, that it is not pedophilia or less wrong in some way.

When I was 15 I was sexually abused by a much older adult man. I know this means I will have an emotional response, but are my words going to be less valid because of it? I wont go into details but during the incident, the man sort of implied that what he was doing was ‘‘fun’’ and not so bad because ‘‘obviously’’ I was a physically a ‘‘woman’’. He knew I was developed because he touched me (sorry to be so graphic). There is no way that men or any human being can know that a 16 year old they are considering is physically a woman unless they have somehow implicitly examined her body/body shape. As far as i know, thinking lustful things or even considering something like this is immoral in Catholicism. My experience highlighted above was horrific despite my physical maturity. I think the same would apply to a 16 year old 200 years ago, when she would have been more mentally mature than I was.

Further, while we can say with certainty that most 16 year olds have breasts and so on, there is usually a difference in the face of a 16 year old and that of a 26 year old. The latter still looks quite young, therefore it is still at best weird for an older person to be lusting after a teenager. So again, I highly disagree that being physically capable of doing something makes it moral or acceptable to do so.

My heart goes out to you for what happend to you. Being physically mature does not mean being emotionally and mentally mature. Although the OP was setting out a hypothetical situation, it is wierd, wrong and immoral for a 28 year old adult to have a 16. year old as a girfriend.

 

[JaneGrey]

I didn’t state anything of the sort, you just read it and made ridiculous assumptions.

What exactly did you not state? What did I accuse you of saying? I was speaking generally in most of your post. I took issue with the tone of your first post, not anything you said specifically.

Way to judge the guy too, leery older men

I judged no one on this thread specifically. I was not the one who used the word ‘retard’. Im not apologising for criticising leery old (and not so old) men (and women) out there, who yes, do exist. Again why so defensive?

I don’t want you to explain it, it’s best if you were quiet, since you’re dancing all over the place. So Joseph and Mary were special eh, I guess if you’re selected by God, it’s OK to do such special things, very well said.

I come on this thread to have honest, serious conversations so i will just assume you genuinely misunderstand my posts. Im not dancing all over the place, in fact my views are very clear. Most people on this thread agree that Mary and Joseph’s society was an entirely different one to ours. I dont pretend to understand why God chose Mary when she was so young. If a 15 year old today claims her soulmate is a 35 year old she can wait 5 or 6 years. I never disagreed with you that it is not immoral to find oneself attracted to a teenager. No one can help that, but common sense would say it is wrong to act on it.

 

[JaneGrey]

My heart goes out to you for what happend to you. Being physically mature does not mean being emotionally and mentally mature. Although the OP was setting out a hypothetical situation, it is wierd, wrong and immoral for a 28 year old adult to have a 16. year old as a girfriend.

Thank you. I know the OP admitted this is hypothetical but i think it a very relevant topic.

 

[jasinski]

I’m 28. Would it be immoral for me to marry my 16 year old girlfriend?

How’s it like being judge by a load of catholics

It’s your life, don’t let others determine how you should lead it. Just saty within the laws of the land

 

[nntb]

i dont see it imoral to date someone with a 10 year diffrence. i guess the atraction to younger girls isnt just a small group of people thing ether.

i am sure some strong opinioned religious types would. but alot of the posts suprized me. i thought evory devote chatholic or whatever was super judgmental. i saw refrences to laws and actual level headed discussions… this thread changed my negitive view on religion just a bit.

 

[Altesse]

Technically it’s not immoral, it’s illegal. Cannon Law says a man must be 16 and a woman must be 14… but they are subject to the civil law - so in the US it would be considered illegal.

Not in all states.
The age of consent varies by state (the age of consent to have sex).
Some states it is as low as 12. MN it is 16.
You have to be 18 to marry without parental permission.
You can marry WITH parental permission at 16.

Check your state laws. If her parents permit it, no problem.
If her parents won’t permit it. Wait until she is 18.

My parents were 12 years apart.
My maternal grandparents were 12 years apart.

The age difference isn’t a big deal. It is the age you are now. The chances of a sucessful marriage will improve the more mature the parties involved are.
A 16 year old woman can be very mature and ready for marriage.

Make sure you take all the marriage preparation classes possible. And find a mature Catholic couple to mentor you during the preparation time.

Good Luck.

 

[tedfay]

I have not read all of the posts. However, consider the following.

The purpose of dating is to discern whether you are called to marriage with the person you are dating.

The key to realize is that the person you are dating must be eligible for marriage under the civil law (this reliance on civil law is also ecclesial law, as others have pointed out above). If not, then it is improper to date the person.

Depending on the state, under the civil law, you probabaly cannot marry this girl. Most states require a person to be 18 to marry. Some states MIGHT allow marriage of a teen girl, usually with parental consent. Investigate the law in your state.

If you ARE allowed to marry a 16 year old girl in your state, with parental consent, then you would have to obtain parental consent to date her. Without that consent, dating would be improper.

Marriage is for life. If you really are called to marry this person, then you can wait another two years.

However, people do ALOT of growing between ages 16 and 18, and much more still between 18 and 21. I can only recommend that you wait to date this person when she is legally an adult, and not to marry her until she is 21.

You might find that things are different between you and her between now and then. If they are not, and you are still called to marriage with her, then five years is not that big of a deal over the span of your life.

 

[kib]

For those of you who didn’t read the whole thread, the OP stated that this was a hypothetical question and is currently suspended.

 

[Havard]

For those of you who didn’t read the whole thread, the OP stated that this was a hypothetical question and is currently suspended.

It’s still a compelling issue to discuss though.

As to my experience, I’m 32 and my girlfriend is only 23. I don’t make a habit of dating young women, but I made an exception because of her maturity. She has been fully supporting herself since high school (5 years), which makes a big difference.