Can You Really Have Two Many Kids?

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No need to apologize, TIME. I don’t think there is anything wrong with the priorities you’ve set for your family. I was just offering my perspective about the things we value as a family. Happily, while the Church does say a couple needs just reasons for limiting family size, the scope of ‘just’ reasons is pretty broad. Heck, I don’t know how many kids we’ll ultimately have - based on my responses here it might seem like I plan on having a busload ;). It may very well be that 4 is all we can handle (financially, emotionally…whatever). OTOH, we might get nostalgic after the baby gets past toddlerhood and just go for it…it’s something we haven’t really decided.

BTW, seems we have something in common. I have 3 girls and another girl due soon. Aren’t they fun? 🙂
 
TweetyB, “BTW, seems we have something in common. I have 3 girls and another girl due soon.” Aren’t they fun?🙂 …Fun??? Just kidding:p. It is lots of fun, but it is not a Manly-Man household to say the least. I had all bothers, so going from that, to an all out Girly-Girl household, is quite a shock.:eek:, but I would not trade it for the world.

It has really been more taxing on my wife. Life was cute and precious before 7th grade, but boy, those high-school yrs. are tough for the Mom’s. Dad’s have to stand back and pray nobody gets hurt.😃 😃 But we can see things getting better with our college girl. If yours are not near 7th grade don’t sweat it, enjoy the great times because their are many.
 
TIME said:
TweetyB, “BTW, seems we have something in common. I have 3 girls and another girl due soon.” Aren’t they fun?🙂 …Fun??? Just kidding:p. It is lots of fun, but it is not a Manly-Man household to say the least. I had all bothers, so going from that, to an all out Girly-Girl household, is quite a shock.:eek:, but I would not trade it for the world.

It has really been more taxing on my wife. Life was cute and precious before 7th grade, but boy, those high-school yrs. are tough for the Mom’s. Dad’s have to stand back and pray nobody gets hurt.😃 😃 But we can see things getting better with our college girl. If yours are not near 7th grade don’t sweat it, enjoy the great times because their are many.
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My oldest is a 7th grader. She’s a good kid, but I do miss her ‘cute little girl’ days. Sigh…
 
I suffer from infertility, so to me, I would love the idea of even BEING ABLE to have this discussion. I work at my PCOS every day trying to be healthier and hopefully this will change things for me…however, I have to point out that there are MANY couples, including myself who simply cannot afford another child for the situation that they are in. DH and I carry over 50k in debt including student loans, credit cards, etc. and we would need to pay that off by 50% to even afford a daycare. the daycare in our area is extremely high, hitting about $200-$250 per week. we don’t even have 50 bucks left at the end of the week right now. so for ME, even if I was completely fertile right now, I would be responsible and put off filling my nest for a bit longer. One is a lot of work and a lot more money than we ever imagined. however, we do want to have at least one or two more in about 4 or 5 years. twk
 
I came from a third world country, my parents earned meager salary and raised 13 children. 2 of them died at the early age. My parents, God bless their soul, raised 7 lawyers and 4 doctors without compromising thier catholic faith in any form.

I remember my dad saying had he had only 2 children, he would have been a millionaire, he said he often doubted himself regarding raising all these children, but he never doubted the Lord.
 
You make the best decisions you can each day. Sure you try to plan for the future as best you can, but you can’t control it.
—KCT
 
teresa88 said:
I came from a third world country, my parents earned meager salary and raised 13 children. 2 of them died at the early age. My parents, God bless their soul, raised 7 lawyers and 4 doctors without compromising thier catholic faith in any form.

I remember my dad saying had he had only 2 children, he would have been a millionaire, he said he often doubted himself regarding raising all these children, but he never doubted the Lord.
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Amen.

I think it is up to each individual family to decide how many is “too many”, but even then it is still ultimately up to God. I think it is wrong to attempt to come up with a specific number of kids we’re allowed to have, and I think that in a culture of death such as ours in the western world, we have to be very careful how we treat people with larger families or with “too many” children (even children born out of wedlock… having sex is wrong (for the unmarried), giving birth to the child out of wedlock is oftentimes the best solution left to a person who has failed to exercise self-control in the area of sexuality) because we may end up accidentally sending the message that we would rather they had an abortion than have “too many” kids…

the thing is, we live in a world where the average person thinks that their responsibility to be able to provide for all of their children means that they should procure an abortion and thus avoid bringing a child into the family to feed and care for.

I am just trying to say that we need to be very careful what we say, because there may be a woman out there who one day asks you, “do you think I have too many children?” and she may not tell you this, but your answer could mean that she has or doesn’t have an abortion…

that’s why I tend to go with Blessed Mother Theresa’s quote, to be on the safe side… “saying there are too many children is like saying there are too many flowers”

Pax Christi,
Esther Rose
 
My husband and I raised a family of four – two sons and two daughters. Three of them are married, two have little children, and the other son is in a happy, mature, and well-established relationship. We strongly approve of all their relationships. So mission accomplished, pretty much!

As I look back on it, it really was a lot of work. It’s not just the physical care, cooking, and housework – I had to work part time, and then there were the doctor and dentist appointments, ballet classes, soccer, football, and providing cupcakes and/or Mexican salad to classes of 35! All of our kids attended Catholic elementary school, too, so there was the driving and pickup from school to contend with. Nevertheless, I would have gone on and had six if my husband had agreed – fortunately or unfortunately, he said four was plenty!

I think it’s a good idea to have smaller families these days for many reasons, but when I see a large family it warms my heart to this day.

Alisa
 
Being that we are currently expecting our 7th, I’m probably hyper-sensitive to this issue, but I’d like to add an analogy I read in a Protestant book condemning birth control–Birthing God’s Mighty Warriors, by Rachel Scott. She said to ask yourself this question. If you were to win $10 million in the lottery, would you tell the state, “Gee thanks, but I just want a thousand. You keep the rest.” Would you? Honestly? No! And you know why? Because we Americans BELIEVE money is a blessing. And when you truly believe something is a blessing, you truly want more of it. What a pity we don’t value children in the same way. Second, who do we believe creates life, ultimately? Is it God or what? Aren’t we only co-creators? If it’s God who ultimately creates life, can’t we trust that He will never send a child who isn’t meant to be here?
 
Well, I’m an accident and I’m glad Mom didn’t think I was “one too many” and abort me!

I have one brother and one sister and we love each other and get along…and our last parent is in decline in the nursing home…and I wish I had more siblings.

My parents were from large families but didn’t have large families; my sibs married only-children; so it’s the ever shrinking family. I wonder if it will ever hit the zero point in the future. Society is trending so anti-natal.

I don’t know about “too many” but there is also such a thing as too few. I am nulliparous (never had a pregnancy) and it is probably a contributing factor to the very aggressive breast cancer I have now. Having a child in young adult years, and breastfeeding, are very protective factors against breast cancer.

I don’t begrudge anyone welfare benefits. Mt 25. I don’t want anyone to starve. With our imploding demographics, any child born is a huge favor to the overall society beyond the costs of raising that child, whether that cost is paid 100% by the parents or partially/entirely by the state. (Speaking strictly from a demographic and economic standpoint.)
 
Sorry to respond again. There is a lot of discussion on here about being “responsible” and only doing what you can personally handle, afford, give attention to, and so on. Again, as Catholics, we are called to see children as a blessing. Let me rephrase that. We are called to see them as an ASSET, as opposed to a drain, or an expenditure, in time, money, emotion, etc., etc. Sound radical? Open the Bible and just try to find anyone rationalizing a small family with the words we use today. Yes, there are small families in the Bible, but you will see that these families always wished to be larger. These rationales we use today to limit our family size are cultural, not Biblical, and certainly not culturally Catholic. To anyone who believes having a child could ever possibly be irresponsible for a married couple, I would remind them that God creates life. I love Esther Rose’s words above, that God wills each individual into being. Want to call him irresponsible for sending 11, 12, 13, or more to any particular couple? Good luck.
 
barronfamily7 said:
Sorry to respond again. There is a lot of discussion on here about being “responsible” and only doing what you can personally handle, afford, give attention to, and so on. Again, as Catholics, we are called to see children as a blessing. Let me rephrase that. We are called to see them as an ASSET, as opposed to a drain, or an expenditure, in time, money, emotion, etc., etc. Sound radical? Open the Bible and just try to find anyone rationalizing a small family with the words we use today. Yes, there are small families in the Bible, but you will see that these families always wished to be larger. These rationales we use today to limit our family size are cultural, not Biblical, and certainly not culturally Catholic. To anyone who believes having a child could ever possibly be irresponsible for a married couple, I would remind them that God creates life. I love Esther Rose’s words above, that God wills each individual into being. Want to call him irresponsible for sending 11, 12, 13, or more to any particular couple? Good luck.
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Yes but the Church also requires that as parents we have to be able to provide the bare necessities for our children. If a couple can afford to provide the bare necessaties and have a large family, I think thats great.

The Church has never said one must have a large family in order to be truly Catholic.
 
Yes, but I think that’s where faith comes in. It’s funny to me that we worry about finances so much here in the richest nation in the world, and people in 3rd world countries are glad to have numerous kids. Again, it’s because they seem them as a blessing, an asset, a plus to the family. Nobody is guaranteed financial stability. A person could have all the money in the world and lose it all. We can’t live our life by it. We walk by faith and not by sight. Ok, I’m off my soapbox! God bless!
 
Barron, don’t forget a LOT of people on here don’t live in the US, and situations may be very different.

Personally, I know of 2 women where the family was so stretched to breaking point by continuous new additions to the family, that the husbands (sadly, in both cases it was the husband…) walked out. So, I think these men felt ‘enough is enough’ and left. Totally wrong in my opinion, but…I can’t help thinking ‘Ok, for some there is such a thing as too much’. I know my husband is starting to relax now I haven’t gotten pregnant in almost 3 years, and you know what? So do I! Really, we are religious and we love our 2 daughters, but…in all honesty: I never knew having children would change our lives so much, and would financially crush us the way it did. Only now are we starting to get back on our feet and it’s been a very long 5 years! So, for MY family there is such a thing as ‘enough’ and I wouldn’t want a very large family. For OTHER families, I’m sure situations are different and some people can have very large families without cracking under the pressure, look at the Duggars they seem to be doing great, and I admire them!

Anna x
 
This is my last post I promise. 🙂 Of course the Church allows people to use NFP for these extreme cases, although nobody is required to use it, and in the words of Kimberly Hahn, “Life is always and only a blessing,” even when there isn’t much–or maybe even not anything–to go around. I personally would be careful about blaming financial problems or divorces on “too many” children because once again, it is God who chooses to send life. I’m guessing this is a debate that won’t end here. We are all entitled to our own opinion. I give up. 🙂 Have a happy Thanksgiving and may the discussion prompt us all to take the matter up in prayer. God bless you!
 
From CCC:

1652 "By its very nature the institution of marriage and married love is ordered to the procreation and education of the offspring and it is in them that it finds its crowning glory."162

1653 The fruitfulness of conjugal love extends to the fruits of the moral, spiritual, and supernatural life that parents hand on to their children by education. Parents are the principal and first educators of their children.164 In this sense the fundamental task of marriage and family is to be at the service of life.165

I think the opinions and family strategies the Holy Spirit has guided us to, is well represented in this discussion.

BF7, if you have 7 that is most wonderful. How old is you eldest?
 
I have just written an argumentative/bordering on persuasive essay for our freshman writing class on this topic.

If I can get my teacher’s permission, I will post it on my blog and post a link to my blog here later on today or tomorrow if anyone is interested 🙂 .

Pax Christi,
Esther
 
barronfamily7 said:
This is my last post I promise. 🙂 Of course the Church allows people to use NFP for these extreme cases, although nobody is required to use it, and in the words of Kimberly Hahn, “Life is always and only a blessing,” even when there isn’t much–or maybe even not anything–to go around. I personally would be careful about blaming financial problems or divorces on “too many” children because once again, it is God who chooses to send life. I’m guessing this is a debate that won’t end here. We are all entitled to our own opinion. I give up. 🙂 Have a happy Thanksgiving and may the discussion prompt us all to take the matter up in prayer. God bless you!
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I really see where you are going here and I think I strongly agree with you…(Please don’t make this your last post! ;)) AND welcome to CA forums!

I agree. Generally speaking, the man who walks out on a family because of “too many additions” is just looking for an excuse to walk. Either children are viewed as a blessing or not. The ‘nots’ might view them as a trophy, a burden, an accessory, or a chance to live out a missed opportunity of their own.

I am one who has a smaller family because of health/financial issues. I think where both of us agree is that we are called to look at these issues independently from children, THEN look at how those issues apply to our family size. My children, while taxing on my health, are a reminder to take better care of myself just because I need to care for them. They also remind us every day to make sure our financial priorities are in order. Pretty talented kids who do all this reminding and help us so much…They’re only 1 toddler and 1 infant. 😃

My parents paid for our college. It was a big deal. Right now I can’t afford my kids’ college. That’s not a bad thing though, after all I have 15 years to save a little here and there. I don’t have to pay it all tomorrow.

With NFP our door is always open for anyone God wants to send. It just allows us to be a little more prepared.
 
Thanks Deb. 🙂 Wish I could reply just to you, but since I can’t, here are a few thoughts on college. First off, I am the only one in my family to pay for my own college, and I’m the only one with a degree. The others never finished, though the tuition was paid for. I have a friend who is one of 15, whose parents also could not pay for college. They ALL have degrees, some of them even multiple degrees. Second, we are called to raise saints, not geniuses. Nobody needs a degree to get to Heaven, and there are lot of great saints who don’t have one. And lastly, if it is God’s will our kids go to college, He’ll provide the means. There are a lot of good Catholic colleges out there who will work with you financially, not to mention the avalanche of scholarships, many of which are untapped. Ponder Matthew 6.25-34. In the words of Jesus Himself we are “warned” not to worry over these things. Put God first and let the rest go.
 
maria29 said:
Yes but the Church also*** requires*** that as parents we have to be able to provide the bare necessities for our children. If a couple can afford to provide the bare necessaties and have a large family, I think thats great.

The Church has never said one must have a large family in order to be truly Catholic.
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This whole issue of “must have” is nonsense. In the end, it doesn’t matter what we want, because God has the final say there. Even if a couple does want a large family, or even just one baby, it doesn’t mean that’s what they are going to get. Contrary to what we hear on tv, fertility is a blessing bestowed by God according to His plan, not ours. The most control we have in this area is the option of saying no to Him when He is ready to put His plan into action.
And no, the church has zero requirements for parents to provide for their children. The closest I can come to a requirement in this area, is the Church as a whole (as in the parishes and the individuals within it) are to clothe, feed, and aid the poor. That’s an act of mercy for ALL catholics.
**I’ve said numerous times, I find it interesting that Catholics are so ready to eradicate their opportunities for holiness in favor of physical comfort and financial security.🤷 **
We need to be careful what we say on this subject. According to most here, I should not have had at least 3 of my children and my parents should not have had me. Our vision is so very limited to ourselves and this moment. Thankfully, God is not limited. He saw a horrid couple of people who shouldn’t have had children and sent them one anyhow. Me. And somehow a Catholic wife and mother of 8 grew out of that mess. No one is more surprised than me. He saw two stupid teens (are there any other kind?) with nothing but love for each other. And He made that enough to get them through loss of jobs/health/babies and more, when most of society would say to just get a divorce. society sure the heck wouldn’t have said to have the 3 babies in 3 years we had back then, but those babies gave us a reason to hang in when nothing and no one else did. He saw an only child and had the unique thought that maybe he could use some more kids to play with - and gave them to him when most men think their playing days are past. My dh will never have a day of playing all alone in a silent house again. He says it keeps him young.
I don’t think anyone who used NFP is wrong for doing so.
But there is absolutely zero Church requirement to use it.
So don’t look at my family during bad times (Because everyone will have bad times!) and think, "There’s a family that has too many kids!"
**Just because a person’s vision is too limited to see a value in more kids, doesn’t mean God’s vision is limited. As for my house, we’re at a point where we have enough hindsight to let us feel comfortable trusting in His plan for us. Doesn’t mean we aren’t scared or don’t think we’ll have rough times. Just means that we have been through hell before and He got us through it then, so I have no reason to think He wouldn’t do so again if we have to make a repeat visit.😉 **
 
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